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PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 4:57 pm 
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Hey Anabel....thinking about ya darling. Hope your ok and just busy at work. Give me a shout when you get the time. I'm doing very well today myself just finishing up work.

Karen
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 10:10 pm 
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Hi All and Hi Karen,

Wow, I had a bad day! Nothing tragic or terrible, just not a good day and a lot of stress and a nasty run in with a person at work, that really got me down for a while - just normal bad day stuff, nothing awful. However, there is good news...

I used to take pills for days like this. Well, let's be honest, I took pills even on the good days - I hardnly needed an excuse. But days like today were those days where I felt so justified in it and would totally let myself go. Not anymore, so at least that is one good thing. I keep reminding myself that bad days happen, and it will pass and it isn't the end of the world and it is normal. A little over a year ago, I would roll with the punches, and then spent a year using the punches as an excuse to indulge in my addiction.

I have to confess I had a moment where i thought I would take more suboxone. Thankfully the moment passed, and particularly as this medication is not like the pills for me, it was easy to resist. In all the debate about suboxone, and I know it is super powerful and can be tricky to stop, I do think there is some value to having a period of time where I am "normal" but not dealing with possible withdrawal, not analysing how if I feel is connected to a drug or lack of drugs. It is like training wheels on a bike, I guess.

So, anyway, the bad day is over. Hurray! Glad of that! And though it was nasty, I won't have to deal with that again, so tomorrow should be ok.

I am still at my .75 mg and didn't increase it. But I think I won't taper down again for a few more days. I have been on this dose for about 2 days I think ( I really should keep better track, I guess)... I will give it another 3-4 days I think, and see how I feel...

Thanks for checking on me Karen - sorry I didn't reply sooner... as I said, a rotten day- will spare the world the details since it is too dull and stupid to want to share and is over now...

So, what to do... Ok, it is probably late enough to sleep... but think I will read for a while or something to take my mind off the bad day.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:57 am 
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Awwww, we all have days like that Anabel. I know I do for sure. One thing my friends that have been clean for years keep telling me is the fact that those that have been clean for years as they have, and those that have never abused drugs in their lives have those very same bad days too! Everyone has them, addict or not.

And those that have have never abused drugs just deal with it without having that crutch of a drug to help with. It's called LIFE, and it can suck at times that's for sure. I'm so happy you didn't take more sub, it wouldn't have done anything anyway most likely. And you would have felt even worse afterwards if you had taken more. You know that, your a smart girl.

I really believe coming here and posting about things like that really helps us. Getting out what you want to share in your "journal" here has to have some benefit to it. I go back and re-read my own thread from the beginning to see how far I've come. It's not that far yet, but there is a difference from when I get here to right now. The same is true for you too.

Yup, I believe you need to keep careful track of where your at dose wise. I personally want to know exatcly where I am at all times. I don't want to make any mistakes along the way. Maybe just write it down on your wall or pocket calendar like I do. Whatever way you do it just keep track of what dose your on, and how many days you have been on it.

Thanks for the update and hope you feel better today. A good nights rest does wonders in situations like the one you had yesterday. You know I'm here if you need me. Take care Anabel and I'll talk to you later.

Karen
xoxo


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 8:45 pm 
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Holy Smokes Anabel, I love your last post!! You resisted the urge to use and that's phenomenal!!!

You should print out your last post and glue it to your forehead cuz it is awesome!!

And, your last post helped me, too. I've been off Suboxone for a good while now, but I still need reminders like the ones you just provided, so Thank You!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:47 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Holy Smokes Anabel, I love your last post!! You resisted the urge to use and that's phenomenal!!!

You should print out your last post and glue it to your forehead cuz it is awesome!!

And, your last post helped me, too. I've been off Suboxone for a good while now, but I still need reminders like the ones you just provided, so Thank You!! :wink:


Thank you Romeo! You know, I actually felt pretty proud of my bad day experience too! I am glad you thought so as well! I remember having hard times in the past, before my addiction - and I remember I got through them... I will again. I think that is one of the things adiction takes from us that is SO hard to reclaim - our understanding that we are in fact in control, that we can roll with the punches and get through it and that it is NORMAL... life isn't a jolly good time 24/7, and that is just the nature of being a human being here in the world - and what makes life rewarding over time is being strong enough to get through the little knocks we have.. Drugs took that ability from me. And I am reclaiming it now. I feel like I am. You are so right. I should remember that bad day, there will be more. And I made it through it just tine and I will again.

So glad to hear you are free and clear of drugs now! It really gives me SO much hope every single time I hear about or discover someone who has got through it. Thanks for sharing that with me! It really does help to have some encouragement that this is a battle that I can win!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:51 pm 
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Hi Karen!

Yes, you summed it up perfectly. Although it was a lousy day, I am actually thinking of it as a good day now, because it reminded me of exactly what you said. It is normal to have rough times. I used to be able to handle it in my own- never even thought of turning to some substance to numb it away or to give me a "treat" for having dealt with it. Wow, it is amazing the things that addiction does to our thinking. Now that i am not chained to a bottle of pills I am realizing how profoundly it altered my whole approach to every little aspect of life. I am glad I got through that day in a "normal" way. I can do this. I did it my whole life, and I will again! I have to remember that when I feel down. It actually makes feeling down a kind of success in the end... I am getting back to my old self!

You are right too that I have to start getting better at keeping track of where I am with this medication. I am lax about that, but I think you are right that I need to track it a little better and keep a record of what dose I am on and for how long. I think that is the next step for me. For some reason I am not doing that - not keeping track of how long I have been on a particular dose, etc. Not entirely sure why - except I think I have to commit soon... I need to pick a date and move toward that date. Keeping track of my dose and making a real plan is the resolution I have to have .

It is amazing how helpful it is to come here and read what people say and to talk openly about it. Thank you SO much for your friendship in this! I look forward to it and it has really helped me! I have been drifting since I started suboxone - well, actually I have been drifting through my life since I became addicted. I think a lot of peopel experience the same, from things I have read. Addiction is so odd, and so isolating. I have friends and family I can talk to about everything but this. It make the addiction sort of unreal in some ways - like some separate secret thing that isn't a part of life. But in fact it became the biggest part of life, and still is in many ways. It is hard to face that without someone to talk to about it! SO thank you SO much for being here for me!

Just fed my stray cat. Going to try to capture him tomorrow and bring him into my house!!! I think I have to start doing fun stuff again - things that are plans for the future - like having a pet. My dog died 2 years ago, and I was considering getting another pet but then I fell into addiction and all long term fun stuff just stopped... So I am going to get a little friend tomorrow! Well, I hope I am. He is super sweet and tame and affectionate (though very skinny and needs a trip to the vet and a few weeks of regular feeding), but I have to convince him to get into the pet carrier. But even that I am able to consider a long term commitment to something like that is encouraging me, and I feel really happy about it... Wish me luck in my mission...

Will post again tomorrow and hope you are doing great!!


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 10:21 am 
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Hi Anabel,

I'm so happy to hear how well your doing. Also great to hear you have that "bad day" behind you now. Just continue to move forward one day at a time and everything will work out for you girl. Your doing so great and should be real proud of how your dealing with everything.

Sure hope you can get the kitty to have faith in you. That cat has no idea how good a friend you will be to him or her! You both need each other right now. I'm sure that cat will see that and be knocking on your door every day now wanting to come in. lol.

I'm doing my best to hang in there thru some symptoms right now. Not utterly horrible, but enough to make me set up and take notice. I'll get thru them I'm sure. Not gonna let a few symptoms derail me now that's for sure.

Hope you have a nice day today and I'll talk to you later. Be good to yourelf, your soooo worth it!

Karen
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 1:11 pm 
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HI Karen,

Decided to take a half day and wow did I sleep! Ha ha ha... Just woke up an hour ago! I should get in... But wanted to check here before I go, as it is always fun to hear from you...

WHat are the symptoms? Hmmm... what dose are you at? HAng in there Karen! Yes, don't let it derail you. I bet it will pass in a day, maybe less... Well, I hope so at least. I hope it isn't too bad. Stick with it though, maybe we will stop at the same time! That would be cool.

Tonight is kitty capture night. DId All kinds of research and am torn between the pilllow case method or the scruff holdng method. I wish I could just explain the situation to him. I have a few times but he doesn't get it and just looks bewilderd.

Ok, going to race in to work now to do a few hours in the office and will be back later. I hope hope hope you are feeeling better soon!!


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:26 pm 
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Hey there Anabel,

You are so stinkin sweet that's for sure! I'm so happy you blew off the half-day today. We need to do that once in a while. Wow, you got LOTS of sleep didn't you and I'm sure you needed it too. Sure hope you feel refreshed now.

LOL. Kitty capture night....HAHAHAHAHA. That had me laughing so hard! :D :D :D

I can just see you now running around trying to chase the cat down with a pillow case! And him running away for his dear life!!!! HAHAHAHA...your so funny girl!!! Sure hope you get your man tonight!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Too funny! Feels good to laugh so thank you for that one!!!

Maybe put a bowl of pure whiskey out and perhaps he would get good and drunk and fall over?? Then you wouldn't have to be chasing him all over the place with that pillow case??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Omg....I almost wet my pants laughing!!!

I actually took about an hour today and layed back down. I NEVER do that as I work from home as you know and feel I should be in my office at all times. But I really was feeling a bit down and tried to get rid of my nasty headache. I'm having some hot/cold type sweats, and some tummy issues. Didn't get much sleep last night either and I have been sleeping great lately too. The RLS kept me awake most of the night.

I hate complaining because I don't like negative stuff. I like to remain as positive as possible and happy all the time. But I want to be honest here and not give anyone the false impression I'm sliding through this taper with no problems. I'm sure these symptoms will pass tomorrow or soon enough. They sure won't stop me in my mission to get off this sub that's for sure!

Hope you have a nice evening at work. Give me a shout when you get the time. I always look forward to hearing from you too. Your doing awesome on your own taper! I believe your down to .75mg if I have it correct? Not much longer for you now. Yes, it would be great if we could finsih together, but your a ways ahead of me right now. We'll see what happens.

Got to run. Take care sweetie and I'll catch ya later. HAHA...I'm still laughing!!!

Karen
xoxo


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 11:10 pm 
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Maybe you two should get together and try capturing that cat as a team. If y'all do, PLEASE take a video of it, I have a feeling it would be some pretty funny shit.....a drunk cat wandering around the nieghborhood with two ladies chasing it down with a pillow case, priceless!!!

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2013 9:18 pm 
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Hello Anabel,

Just checking to see how you and the new kitty are doing? Hope your having a real nice weekend and the kitty is beginning to settle down.

Did you reduce your dose of sub yet? When you get a minute hop on here and give us an update please.

Take care girlie and I'll talk to you later!

Karen
xoxo

P.S. Very funny Romeo! Your a real hoot! LOL. :D


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 1:21 pm 
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Hey Anabel,

Can you please jump on here and let me know that your ok? I haven't heard from you in several days now and beginning to get worried. Please take a moment and let me know how your doing.

Karen
xoxo


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 7:26 pm 
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Hey Anabel,

I'm still trying to contact you girl. I really hope your doing ok and will come on and post. If something did happen you know you can come here and not get judged by anyone. I'm here for you no matter what the cause!

Please take a few minutes and let me know that your ok. I really do care about you!

Karen xoxo


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