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PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 7:31 pm 
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Basically I have been in subs 3 years on and off, relapsed once with my new dr. I am with now but about 4 months ago family told him I was using I went a little crazy on a Binger after dealing with alot of stress it just got to me and was on one for 3 weeks. He never pissed testes me though just had me fess up

Anyways I fucked up again this weekend and did h and fentanyl, thought my appt. Was friday but was Tuesday, so ran to cvs n got a pee test but failed for opiates. And out of the blue he pee tested me but my question is, we made my appt. He looked at the test 2 times never sais anything and I left.

He texted me later that nite which was weird but never said anything if I passed or failed.

What do I do!?!?!? I am terrified, I really do so amazing on subs then get sucked back in out of th3 blue, I don't wana live that life I've been homeless with nothing because of it and doing amazing now.

But does he know I failed and just wanting me to say it??? Do I call and admit to it or do I wait til my next appt.?? After my last little thing 4 months ago I am scared he will drop me from the program, and where I live he's my 2nd dr. I tried and they are literally the only 2 in my city... I really need some advice. He was so mad before , but I genuinely will go back to such a bad place I have bad chronic pain and won't get far if he kicks me out



I am so lost, I am not sure if he texted me hinting I should fess up, but also in praying there's a small chance I somehow passed his test even tho 30 min before I failed but my pee was much more diluted when I took it there.


Any advice I am going crazy I literally am making myself sick with th3 guilt


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PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2016 7:58 pm 
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Hi MissMe,

Yes, you need to fess up and come clean about your behavior. In order to have a slip while on Suboxone it takes a lot of thought and effort. Meaning, you can't just catch an opiate buzz while the Buprenorphine is in your system. You had to wait for it to leave your body along with taking large amounts of full agonist opiates to get high. It wasn't just a quick slip. It was quite intentional and you had full knowledge of the damage you were inflicting upon yourself.

It does not sound like someone who wants sobriety to me. Your doctor does not want to waste your spot on someone who doesn't comply with the program. Do you go to recovery meetings or see an addiction specialist or anything like that? The only way an addict can get and stay clean is to be brutally honest in all aspects of their life. So yes, that means telling your doctor the truth, with nothing left out. Just print this post of yours and hand it to him to read.

I'm not trying to beat you down, you just need to be realistic. Your actions have repercussions that are life and death decisions. You need to get serious about your recovery and call your doctor right away. The longer you wait the worse it will get.

Aside from me ripping you a new one, welcome to the forum! We truly want you to be clean and get your life back in order while being on Suboxone. All the support you need is right here. At least in the cyber world that is. But this site can also act as a recovery tool for you. Tell your doctor about us and how you're a member asking for help. Maybe he'll check us out and you'll be okay.

Call him.

rule

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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 10:22 am 
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Hey Miss Me welcome.

I definitely agree 100% with rule. This couldn't have been a slip because suboxone protects us from slips...at least getting high on the slip. I see that u realize all u have to lose by being kicked out of this program. We're addicts, so it's not unheard of to have a slip up, but this isn't ur first and it keeps happening so are u ready for recovery? I know u know what u have to lose by losing ur Dr, but u have to stop using. My Dr doesn't give second chances very often so ur lucky to have a dr that continued ur treatment cause I'm not sure mine would have. It's not worth all this worry and panic, hopefully this will help u realize u don't want to be in that life of bk and forth anymore.

My advice is to be honest. U already know that u obviously failed the drug test. Maybe he didn't say anything in hopes that u would admit it like last time. U have to show that ur following the rules and ready for this treatment. Sub doctors have a limit on patients they can treat, there's another person on ur doctor's list just waiting for someone to drop out. Now I'm not saying u have to call him up and down it that way, I don't know what to tell ya there.

Good luck and keep posting!

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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 1:27 pm 
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I understand I fucked up, but to both replies I genuinely didn't plan this relapse it just happened with a new friend who literally just busted it out in front of me...I battled with it for a few min and caved. Yes suboxone blocks it but you still feel the affects of something you just don't get that rush. It was a waste of time and I felt horrible right after and have been beating myself up about it since. The times before I relapsed with my dr. I wasn't ready to be clean and I went completely off for like 2 months until I went back into treatment. The last time I got out I've been serious beside the one other slip I had because I was being an idiot. I end up putting myself around the wrong people because I genuinely do not want 5hat life anymor4, there is no life there.

I basically have been making myself physically sick with th3 stress of it and just don't know how to tell my dr. The thought of not being on subs makes me want to have a mental breakdown because it seriously saved my life, I have chronic pain from rolling my car so i know if I get taken off I will just go looking fo4 relief and I love my life how it is now I can't go back:(.

I am just struggling what to even say , I am ggoing to go back to NA meetings I n33d some or 5hat support its hard not having anybody to relate to.
He is really nice for giving me the chances like he has but I wish I could convey how truly shitty I feel about it and that I don't want that life I want 5o stay clean


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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 1:33 pm 
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I understand MissMe. I don't want u to feel attacked, just want u to remember this panic to motivate u to help u not do this again. Stay away from ppl who use. Even if u didn't know this time, now u know this person u cannot be around anymore.

I think if ur genuinely sorry, the dr will see that ur serious about this. If it physically making urself sick, go talk to ur dr asap. Make urself feel at ease. Make an apt with him or show up. Tell ur dr how sorry u are and how this has made u realize what suboxone has saved u. Just try.

No judgements here, we're all addicts. Stay strong.

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PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2016 2:51 pm 
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jennjenn wrote:
I understand MissMe. I don't want u to feel attacked, just want u to remember this panic to motivate u to help u not do this again. Stay away from ppl who use. Even if u didn't know this time, now u know this person u cannot be around anymore.

I think if ur genuinely sorry, the dr will see that ur serious about this. If it physically making urself sick, go talk to ur dr asap. Make urself feel at ease. Make an apt with him or show up. Tell ur dr how sorry u are and how this has made u realize what suboxone has saved u. Just try.

No judgements here, we're all addicts. Stay strong.


Exactly right Jenn! Great post!

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 15, 2017 2:58 pm 
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MissMe wrote:
Basically I have been in subs 3 years on and off, relapsed once with my new dr. I am with now but about 4 months ago family told him I was using I went a little crazy on a Binger after dealing with alot of stress it just got to me and was on one for 3 weeks. He never pissed testes me though just had me fess up

Anyways I fucked up again this weekend and did h and fentanyl, thought my appt. Was friday but was Tuesday, so ran to cvs n got a pee test but failed for opiates. And out of the blue he pee tested me but my question is, we made my appt. He looked at the test 2 times never sais anything and I left.

He texted me later that nite which was weird but never said anything if I passed or failed.

What do I do!?!?!? I am terrified, I really do so amazing on subs then get sucked back in out of th3 blue, I don't wana live that life I've been homeless with nothing because of it and doing amazing now.

But does he know I failed and just wanting me to say it??? Do I call and admit to it or do I wait til my next appt.?? After my last little thing 4 months ago I am scared he will drop me from the program, and where I live he's my 2nd dr. I tried and they are literally the only 2 in my city... I really need some advice. He was so mad before , but I genuinely will go back to such a bad place I have bad chronic pain and won't get far if he kicks me out



I am so lost, I am not sure if he texted me hinting I should fess up, but also in praying there's a small chance I somehow passed his test even tho 30 min before I failed but my pee was much more diluted when I took it there.


Any advice I am going crazy I literally am making myself sick with th3 guilt


I've been in the same exact place. The first year with my doctor I fucked up a few time. But the subs 99% of the time were really helping me and I would have been crushed if I was kicked out of the program. I came clean and because of that, my doctor said, she felt I could stay in the program.

One visit I knew I was dirty. My doc came in and started, gcor, you tested positive for opiates, what's going on?
I SOBBED, told her the truth, and really did feel like the ultimate shit head. She, being the grandmother of a doctor she is, gave me a hug, then gave me a very stern talking to about my sobriety with a warning that if it happened again she would have no choice but to kick me out. She then upped my dose and gave me numbers of counselors. After that I've had no problems, I'm the star of the office now and haven't tested dirty in years. Sometimes it takes losing something truly good and positive in your life to realize the consequences of your actions. I was lucky that it was just a close call.

The bottom line is, you better get on your knees and confess honestly, and PRAY that your doctor gives you another chance. It might help if you got into therapy or group therapy to show that you're serious. If you're not willing to do that than you aren't ready for sobriety.
For the people giving you a hard time. Think back to when you first started on subs, did you never mess up even once? I know I did, what separates the addict from the recovering addict is how you choose to confront it.


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