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 Post subject: help! i need support
PostPosted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:18 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:24 am
Posts: 12
I'm a 35yr wife with 2 kids(11mo&4yr old). I've been using pills for 10 yrs. But, I'm now on subs.
I'll try to make this short. When I first started it was a romantic thing when my bc would have me over for a "Saturday night". He would make me a 3course meal. Have my pj laid out on the bed and just enjoyed the time together. Fast forward we got engaged then married. Life was great. But, we were using almost every night. I had a script dur to back issues. I was rx 240 10/325. Life started falling apart. I had my son in 08. We lost out house in Illinois. Husband was fired, by his father. Hubby got a jin Utah, so we moved in '10. Shortly .after moving er really depended on the dealers. Marriage was suffering. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter in '10. 5mo into my pregnancy my father died. I was is little girl. Pregnancy was hard. We would take 10-15 Norco at a time. Life sucked, I only gained 4 lbs while pregnant. I weighed 100lbs. After my daughter was born things got better. THEN one day before my sons birthday, I got hit with the worst blow. My hubby was having an affair with a coworker. The whole time I was pregnant. Yes, were still together. Trying to work through it. I feel like I have weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm a stay at home mom. I'm on disability for ms.
Subs saved my life as well as my husbands. I feel like I'm a great mom and wife. I just don't feel like anyone notices how much this raja out of me. I have sooo much on my plate, and I don't know what to do.
Sorry for the sob story. I just don't know how much more I can emotionally take.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:42 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1292
Location: oregon coast
Hi there,,,,,
sorry to hear your having such a hard time........
trying to change everything about your life, isnt an easy task...... I say that becuz, when "we" make using pills/drugs our whole life, and that gets taken away all of a sudden,
its almost like the death of your best friend....
At least that's how it felt for me!!!
I really can't say enough about counseling/addiction therapy and marriage counseling.
It took a few months for me to be "ready" to open up and talk with someone about everything I'd been thru.
but when I was ready, it was definitely the best thing ive done,
SINCE making the transition to suboxone.
other than that I would say any OTHER way to find support sounds like it would help you.
have you every tried an AA/NA meeting????
they work for some people, and sometimes they are NOT for aperson, but you never know, until you try.
If you live in a city, or close to a bigger sized city,
there maybe "smart" recovery meetings in your area. that is ALMOST like 12 step meetings, but
NOT based on 12 steps, if that makes any sense.

I believe there's no "free ticket" out of opiate addiction, and taking responsibility for your actions is not an easy thing to do. It's no surprise that you feel like you need more support.

Good luck to you,
and I hope things get better for you soon.

anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 11:29 am 
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Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:12 am
Posts: 565
Location: in front of my laptop
[font=Comic Sans MS]Hello BFG88. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this overwhelmed with everything. I can totally relate.
I don't have the marital issues that you have, because I am a single mother. But that is DEFINITELY a tough
row to hoe. I feel all alone sometimes, and like noone gets just how hard I try. Or just how much effort
I put into my son and mines lives. I LOVE this forum, and the last three days with him have been so hard, that
I haven't even READ anything on here, much less had time to reply.

You have got every right to feel the way that you do. You have so much on your plate, and I am sure it doesn't
help any that you moved so far away from everyone that you knew. I know that feeling also. I used to live in
Georgia, and am from Pennsylvania. It was very hard to live there knowing that everyone I loved and trusted was
so far away, and that I couldn't just "go visit mom", or "go hang out with friends".

I am glad to hear that you are working through your issues with your husband. I have been through that myself,
and I do know that it is such a hard thing to deal with. My mind used to get away from me. I'd just consume myself
with thinking about how, why, what, when, etc... And now that you two have decided to work through it, you
have to allow yourself to TRUST him again. That is the hardest thing. Then on top of all of this, you are on
disability and taking care of two children at home all day. I'll be the first person to tell you how much I admire
your strength. Do you have any idea what kind of person it takes to be able to do what you are doing???
A very strong minded, good hearted, and courageous woman! And that is exactly what you are.

I think that you need a time out for starters. Do you know someone who can take the kids for just one day,
for the whole day, and just have "me time"? You deserve it. Maye get a massage, or your hair done. Just something
to pamper yourself. Curl up with a good book maybe, if thats what you enjoy. I'm sure you get the idea. I think that
would be a good place to start.

Lastly, I cannot agree more strongly than I do with Amber about counseling and therapy. The marriage counseling, yes.
But I think that you need someone for YOU to talk to. Someone that you can just tell everything you think and feel.
There are a lot of feelings that you have going on right now, that you cannot talk to your husband about
continuously. You need an outlet for just yourself. I have a therapist. I don't see them right now. But when I get
overwhelmed, or something happens that causes a lot of emotional stress and turmoil, I go back again until I feel
better. I think you could get so much out of it.

Then there is this forum. This forum has been such a huge asset in my recovery. It is a place to come to where you
can get all the support you need, from people who actually "get it". I love being able to help someone out, and I
love knowing that if I need support, this place is here. You can count on us to be here for you. That is for sure.
I would consider the meetings too like Amber mentioned. Just see how ya like it. They aren't for everyone, but like
she said, ya never know.

I hope that you start feeling better soon. Feel free to vent as much as you need to. The greatest thing you can do
for yourself is what you did. You reached out for support. That takes courage. If there is anything that you need
to talk about in more detail, just let it out. Some of us have definitely been there. That's why we're all here! LOL!
I will keep you in my prayers, and feel free to PM me if you need to just talk. Take Care~[/font]

"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2012 12:36 pm 
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Joined: Wed Oct 03, 2012 11:24 am
Posts: 12
Amber and Goingstrong thank you for the replies, its what I needed. I am in therapy both drug and marriage. What makes the marriage thing hard is he's(hubby) still friends with her and there cubicles are close. He told me he would cut it off this week. I know they aren't romantically involved, but it hurts that he talks to her. Anyways, I'm looking for a new therapist, I don't really like the lady I see now.

I feel so much better not chasing pills. Subs work fairly well for my pain. I'd rather be in pain physically, than endure the emotional pain of active addiction. This forum has a warm welcoming feel to it and I'd like to stick around.

Goingstrong you mentioned "me" time. I need it, and I do have some people that would help. I just feel guilty. My son is four and has ADHD and autistic spectrum. He's a great kid but can be intense. I need to let that go.

I never mentioned that I take 8mg/3x a day. Plus a load of other meds. How hard would it be to go down to 16mg?

Thanks again!

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