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 Post subject: Day 3 and doing OK
PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 12:51 pm 
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Well, it's day 3, and so far, so good. I think a lot of my symptoms are "in my head" but I am still hot and cold, a little irritable (nothing I can't contain), but last night the first bit of insomnia started. Thankfully, the Xanax seems to be working. I went to bed about 11:30 and was able to stay in bed until 8:30am, not bad, although I probably got 6 hours of sleep during that time.

This morning, I still feel that lack of wellbeing feeling, but my husband has been here, supporting me, lifting my spirits all morning. I have color in my face and am ready to face the dreaded Thanksgiving get together.

Macboy- thanks for your encouragement. I have definately had enough of trading one addiction for another. It started with hydrocodone, went to Tramadol, and then to Suboxone. The trail needs to stop NOW. I am trying to be cautious with the Xanax, I DON'T want to go through w/d from that too! I actually hate how it makes me feel, I just don't function, so I'm not worried about addiction, just physical withdrawals from that crap.

Macboy- what is your story, are you done with Suboxone at this point? It sounds like you have some experience quitting.

Cam- congrats on the taper. Wow, I can't imagine where you would even start at that high of a dose for so long. I do admit, the depression is the part that scares me the most, it is so out of character for me to be down, I'm usually the perky, silly one trying to cheer everyone else up. I guess I just don't want anyone to know that something is "wrong" with me. I've hid this for so long.

Chaimeragiest- Unfortunately Tramadol withdrawal for me was excruitiating. My brain hurt, it was like electrical pain constantly telling me I couldn't do it. I was seeing double and was confused, it was not safe. I was considering taking it for the w/d from Subs, but I can't trust if that is just the addict in me talking and looking for a "pick me up".

Invisiblemovment- I will post the things I learned in therapy soon, hopefully I will have time tomorrow.

Well, Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I am thankfull that Suboxone withdrawal is not as bad as Tramadol or Hydrocodone withdrawal (at least not yet). I am ready to beat this think once and for all!!!


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 11:59 pm 
Everything you mentioned within the first 72 hours of not taking any sub is EXACTLY how i feel. I got low dose xanax to. (0.25) I don't care for em much either. I know what you mean about the tramadol w/d. I felt the brain sparks you are talking about to. I even felt like i was going to have a seizure multiple times when taking tramadol. But i think it is just my anxiety playing tricks on my mind. I guess it's just the PTSD the doctors claim i have from being in Afghanistan to long. Or it's because tramadol has anti depressent qualities aswell as painkilling abilities. So it's kinda a dual w/d depending on dose.

Keep us posted on how your doing though! And going back to trams is okay if you do it for a few days. Just to get over the worst. But don't keep chasing ur tail in that sense. In the end the madness has to stop one day right? Your doing a good job. I would recommend getting on subs and trying to at least taper to 1mg and jump. So if you have to take anything else. Get ahold of some sub and only dose what makes you unsick. Like a mg at a time untill ur okay. If you can go 3 or 4 days and only take 1 or 2mg that is still a decent way to taper.


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 Post subject: Day 4, Alive and smiling
PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 10:10 pm 
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Day 3 was OK. I survived except with one time I lost my cool in a heated argument. But the good news is, I survived Thanksgiving without cheating. Busy days have ALWAYS been my trigger in my attempt to be supermom, I use pills or even subs to help me "get everything done". I wanted to cheat, I talked to my husband about taking a couple of Tramadol, but he lovingly talked me out of it. It took it's power away just to say the words and I was able to go on with my day.

Day 4- today is another story. I woke up very anxious, but having slept 6 beautiful hours. I could not really focus, but the irritability has toned down some. I was able to SMILE, and to take in things today that I have not been able to in months. I really looked at the wonderful husband I married and saw what an amazing husband and supporter he has matured into and am just amazed that he has the capacity to hold me up throughtout ALL of this.

Symptom wise, I am still hot/ cold. My feet freeze for some reason. Being on the computer at first was not fun, but I finally built up the nerve to post. I am anxious and constantly thinking, "If I just took some suboxone, I'd feel fine". I am trying to restructure my thought pattern, but it's not easy. I called my doctor this morning and he basically just pushed Xanax on me, said he would call later to check in, and never did. Well I was proud of myself, I said, "Screw that, I'm not going to just use another drug to help me through the w/d of this one". Instead, I dragged my ass off the couch, did some dishes and laundry, exercised, and tried to MOVE as much as possible. Not easy, I did sit and watch a ton of Netflix, but only half of the day, not the WHOLE day, like my body was telling me.

I know that I am not out of the woods yet, but today was a good turning point in seeing that This is Possible!!!!!

I've heard a TON of advice on here to just "go back on Suboxone and taper", but so far my story does not seem any different than those who've stopped at MUCH lower doses, I think it doesn't matter, maybe I am just being naive, But I say JUST DO IT!!!

Thanks for all of your listening, understanding, and support!


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 Post subject: Withdrawals
PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 11:56 pm 
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JB,

I actually signed on tonight to see how your tapering/jumping was. My heart goes out to you, I know as most people here also do, what withdrawal is like. I had been on 32mg of suboxone for almost nine years. The last year I have done an agonizing taper after trying to stop last October, that was a nightmare. I am now down to 3mg. I have actually tried to jump a few times when I was down to 6mg and them 4mg, it did not go well for me. I just cannot handle the withdraw. I have done a tremendous amount of research over the last year in regards to Suboxone. If you can get your physician to prescribe Clonidine and Baclofen with the Xanax it would help a great deal. Clonidine is a blood pressure medication that they found out helped with the withdrawal and baclofen is a muscle relaxant, not similar to others that make you feel weak, but it also helps with the withdraw. I am on both, I have pretty steady, but mild withdraw on the low dose of 3mg but jumping would intensify it too much for me. Like I said the taper is slow, it taken a year to get to 3mg but I don't have horrible withdrawals. You are day four right? Please post how it is going, I do not want to say how it will be for you but it took several days (about 5 or six) when I jumped to go into full withdraw, the great half life time of suboxone. There is also a supplement that I am taking, found it online called "withdraw ease". I will not lie it cost about $90.00 for a month supply, but it has made a difference in the severity of the withdraw. Last time I was at 3mg the symptoms were worse than this time, I started taking the supplement about two weeks before I went to 3mg from 4mg. I will be dropping .5mg from here on out. I can say for me this has been the hardest fight I have had in my life, but I know it will be worth it to get all of this out of my system.
A few things you might experience in the next few days could be this effect of your arms and legs jumping. It is like you are resting and your arm or leg just jumps up, it can be a bit scary if you don't know it can happen. It is part of the signals your brain is sending, the lack of sub is mixing up those signals. Also you might start sneezing ALOT, again, part of the misfire of the brain, this one is still a mystery to science. I hope you are doing alright, hang in there, cry and get mad if you feel like it, I have and still do it is frustrating as anything. If you need someone to talk to send me a private message, sometimes it helps to talk to someone who has been there, I know none of my family has been able to "get it", you can't if you have never been there. I had met someone here who I talk to, we help get each other through some of the tough times, it made a big difference to me. My prayers are with you.


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 Post subject: Re: Day 3 and doing OK
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 12:05 am 
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Jb,
By the way, no the symptoms are not in your head, withdraw is real! Everyone seems to have a harder time with different aspects of opioid withdrawal but all of what you are feeling is your brain making a statment, it was used to getting something and now it is :D gone, misfiring all over the place, best way to say it "Your brain is freaking out" :o Probably not funny at the moment but someday you can chuckle about it. AND one other important thing. DO NOT try to take suboxone in other ways, it may change the bioavaility but you can die from it, people have injected the crap and well they are not here to tell about it, not all of them but why take the risk, it is not worth your life.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:01 pm 
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Cam- how sweet of you to check on me. It means a lot to know that there are so many of us here supporting each other, going through the same thing. I am still so impressed that you had the will power to wean down so low after what a high dose you started at, I don't think I could of done it other way than just jumping off as soon as I got the nerve.

Whoah! I made it FIVE full days without Suboxone. It has been such a mind game.

I'm not going to lie, after posting last night, I had a PRETTY rough time.

Cam- I know what you mean about your arms and legs having a mind of their own- WOW, I did some thrashing last night. It took me nearly an hour to fall asleep. I was crying and doubting myself and nearly slipped, but my wonderful husband was there guiding me through it all. I had to take 1.5 Xanax last night in order to sleep. Like I said, I tossed and turned and moaned for almost an hour, but my wonderful husband sat lovingly next to my bed to give me quiet support, he's amazing. I woke up this morning at 8:45am!!! I slept over 9 hours!!!

Thinks were just a tiny bit easier today, I have a feeling I am turning the corner. I thank GOD every day that I have such a wonderful support system and most of all that trough it all, I can at least SLEEP!! I am trying to hard to take Xanax as little as possible, so I have not taking it today like my doctor recommended. However, I did try Immodium tablets today to help, I took 10mg dose and I don't know if the w/d is just getting easier at this point or if the Immodium is working. It definately hellped the diarhhea, which kicked in yesterday.

Symptoms today: I am very cold, yet instantly hot if I have any body heat next to me. My feet freeze. I spent two hours in the tub, best 2 hours of the day! I also get gooseflesh, yawning, mild irritability. Focus is getting a little better, but my work out was tougher today than yesterday. I am dehydrated, drinking a TON of vitamin water, but not a huge appetitie.

I seem to be OK if I am distracted with TV or something mundane, but the kids are overwhelming. The demands and expectations from the little ones just instantly jump my anxiety level, but thank GOD I have one more day with help from my husband, and then it's back to the routine on Monday. I start with a chiropracter next week, hoping I am up for those appointments.

I'm trying to take it a day at a time at this point knowing that the worse is most likely behind me.

Thanks again!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:15 am 
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Hey JB,

I'm so glad to hear you're doing so well!! Truthfully, I think you're doing amazingly well!!

You're so very right about Suboxone wd being such a mind game and you're super smart to have a sensational support system behind you while you do this. A great support system, or lack of it, can make or break you during wd. I had my wife and daughter here to support to me. My wife took a week off work to stay with me and my daughter, who was only 10 at the time, was out of school on summer break and she took great care of me too!! It made all the difference for me.

Stay strong and keep your eye on the prize.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: Day Five
PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:33 am 
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JB,

Am glad you seem to be coping on day five, hang in there. Withdrawals are just weird with suboxone, you can think you have a hit spot and then it hits you again, but not always. I am hoping some of your saving grace was only having been on for six months.

Yes my taper has not been an easy ordeal, but I want this BAD, and determined to get there. I am day to day, I do not want to relapse once I get off of it. I have been in college for the last four years and am four months away from having my BA in psychology specializing in addictions. I want to help others who are facing this. I plan to make opiate issues my top treatment specialty.

The immodium does help with not the only the diarrhea but it binds to opioid recepters and therfore can help with the aches and restless legs etc...... It will not make you high of course and you have to make sure you do not get too constipated, which those on suboxone had been anyway and withdrawal causes that to change, hence the diarrhea.

It is great that you are able to sleep, so use the Xanax for that, just make sure you do not end up with an addiction to that. MOST people who have an opiate addiction usually do not get hooked on Xanax, that is not normally our drug of choice, like I said most but not all.

It sounds like you have a wonderful support system and that is critical. Stay away from the Tramadol, you will just start the cycle over again, you know that mind telling you "just a few till I get through this, I can stop them no problem" well I know how that goes. I was on Fentnyl patches one time, not good. If I had no sense to go right to my doctor I would have studk them all over to get high, but I did and do not want to go there. So for me one day at a time. I am pretty well on 3mg and plan to go to 2.5mg next week. Slow and steady. After 2mg will be the harders but I know I have to stay the course here.

Keep us updated, you are doing great I am proud of you as one addict to another, this is the hardest obsticle you will ever face in your life, I can voutch for that. Good luck, you are in my prayers.

Cam


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 1:19 am 
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Hello, I am new to the site. I am in need of a lot of advice. I have had 18 surgeries and I have been taking Vicodin and percocets for about 3 years. I would like to quit but as as you all may already know....its so difficult. I cant even concentrate on work if I don't have any medication to take. I do not have any health insurance in order to have a doctor give me suboxone. Do you have any suggestions for me? I cant talk to my family or friends because they just do not understand. They put us down because we take medicine. I have the aches and pains but I wanna try to live with it without the meds. How do I get suboxone if I don't have any insurance? I feel like I am losing my battle. Any positive feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all in advance. :D


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 Post subject: Day 6, feeling OK
PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 12:27 pm 
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Cam- way to use your addiction to something productive, but it probably doesn't help to focus on it all day in school and going through taper. I am still impressed with how far you have come!

Romeo- thanks for the encouragment. You are right, having support has made ALL the difference!

Well, it's only 10am, but I am feeling pretty decent today. My legs are still freezing and gooseflesh and my sweat has a strange odor. I am still a bit fidgety, rocking back and forth at times, but I slept again last night (with help with a Xanax), but I again got 9 hours- still shocked that I am sleeping so good. I am in a good mood and laughing a lot. Overall, I am feeling closer and closer to normal. I really feel like I've turned a corner since Friday. I woke up this morning and the first thing I said was, "I AM DOING THIS!!!!"

ForMe2012- I wish I had advice for you, but I have been fortunate enough to have a working spouse, with health insurance, and able to pay for treatment. I am sure there must be some free clinics out there to offer support. There is also a Suboxone co-pay card you can get from a clinic that will cover $50 of the co-pay every month. I also think your best bet is to start a new thread in the starting suboxone forum to get more useful advice. I know that it's hard, but the first step is telling someone that you have a problem. I was like you, I hid it for soooo long, afraid of being judged and thought of as weak, but honestly, I could of NEVER of gotten off this without of coming out to my family. I braced myself for disappointment and judging, and what I received was love and support. The fact that you are motivated to quit and the strength to ask for support will impress your family and you will be SHOCKED by the amount of help they will offer you, I still am eternally grateful. "A life lived in the shadows is no life at all", it's time to come out. Much love to you.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:05 pm 
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Jbyrd, it is so wonderful to hear that you are doing great. Rock on! You are doing an excellent job and I am very happy for you. Thank-you for posting your story here, it helps a lot. Just to clarify, did you jump from 2 mg? And if so, how long had you been at that dose?


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:28 am 
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IM- I was on WAY more than 2mg! I was on 8mg strips twice daily for 6 months, and only weaned the last 10 days or so. I jumped at 4mg. It's day 6 and I am doing AWESOME! I really think its a mind game. I posted a response to your thread of: Day 3...
I have been on here a few months and everything I read it seems to not matter a great deal if you stop at 8mg or 0.8mg, it will be uncomfortable (just a bit more uncomfortable at a higher dose), but do-able! The only way to avoid ANY withdrawal is to be super diligent and wean over MONTHS- nearly impossible for an addict. But please do not read into this as an excuse to up your dose, or try what I did. I really think my saving grace was only being on Subs for 6 months.

Today I tried taking a bit higher dose of Immodium, and I felt GREAT all day! I felt normal and was able to function! I'm not sure if it was the Immodium or just getting easier, either way, today was the first comfortable day! I think I will even skip the Xanax tonight!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 1:54 am 
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Yay! Your posts make me excited to jump, lol. I honestly believe you could be right about how there isn't too much difference between withdraws from medium doses and low doses (but not including microscopic doses), because of the story I said in my thread that you responded to about the first time I ever jumped off suboxone I was on a higher dose but it wasn't any worse than when I jumped from .75. Let us know how you sleep tonight and if you take any Xanax. I hope tomorrow is even more wonderful than today for you!


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 Post subject: Day 7, Xanax Free!!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 11:29 am 
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:P :P :P :P :P

Day 7 and feeling soooo much stronger. I will say last night sleep was NOT perfect, but I did not need Xanax! I did wake every hour or so, but was able to fall back asleep quickly and got 6-7 hours and feel rested this morning. I was even able to get up and make lunches and see the kids out to school this morning.

Last night was amazing, I keep telling my husband "I feel like I have new eyeballs". I feel like I look different and see things different. My husband and I had a great conversation last night about the future, something we haven't talked about in years. We have just been taking things week by week, month by month, just skating by due to his medical issues and my addiction. It is so nice to BOTH be in a good place right now. I tear up about 40 times a day, everything just hits me so strongly.

Right now I am just feeling very grateful.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 2:04 pm 
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Oh JByrd, you're going to make me tear up! Yahoo for Day 7 and no Xanax!! Your story is seriously making me so excited being reminded how good it can feel to be sober. I totally know what you mean by New Eyeballs. Last time, I loved the new feeling, but then freaked out on day 6, like I had so much energy for being excited, that it turned into anxiety. And then I wanted to calm down, and I knew the best way to calm down was through opiates. So stupid, it just made even more anxiety and guilt and depression. So it is nice to hear that you are feeling very good and happy and not getting any anxiety or depression. I am so happy that you are not feeling any pain or suffering. Yay!! You are the Master of Positive Thinking!


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 Post subject: Re: Day 7, Xanax Free!!
PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 2:13 pm 
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JByrd98 wrote:
:P :P :P :P :P

Day 7 and feeling soooo much stronger. I will say last night sleep was NOT perfect, but I did not need Xanax! I did wake every hour or so, but was able to fall back asleep quickly and got 6-7 hours and feel rested this morning. I was even able to get up and make lunches and see the kids out to school this morning.

Last night was amazing, I keep telling my husband "I feel like I have new eyeballs". I feel like I look different and see things different. My husband and I had a great conversation last night about the future, something we haven't talked about in years. We have just been taking things week by week, month by month, just skating by due to his medical issues and my addiction. It is so nice to BOTH be in a good place right now. I tear up about 40 times a day, everything just hits me so strongly.

Right now I am just feeling very grateful.


I went through this too. It's almost like a state of euphoria. My body was tired and sore and restless but my mind was clearer than ever. Everything hit me so strong. A song.. a joke.. a feeling.. a thought. It's crazy right? It slowly fades away over time as you even out but I will still get a little bit of it here and there -4 months later.

Congratulations! Just know that you'll have ups and downs.. don't be discouraged, it's all worth it. HUGS!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 2:25 pm 
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JByrd98 wrote:
Cam- I know what you mean about your arms and legs having a mind of their own- WOW, I did some thrashing last night. It took me nearly an hour to fall asleep. I was crying and doubting myself and nearly slipped, but my wonderful husband was there guiding me through it all. I had to take 1.5 Xanax last night in order to sleep. Like I said, I tossed and turned and moaned for almost an hour, but my wonderful husband sat lovingly next to my bed to give me quiet support, he's amazing. I woke up this morning at 8:45am!!! I slept over 9 hours!!!



The biggest lifesaver for me as far as getting to sleep without chemical help was putting in my ear buds and listening to some of my softer music on a low volume. You'd really be surprised how soothing it can be. I'd wake up refreshed with my ear buds still in! Try it..


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 Post subject: Doing it
PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 6:45 pm 
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JB,

I am so happy for you doing so well, I wish I would not have been on this stuff so long, I am sure it would have been easier. It is so good that you were able to stop after six months, if I had known I would have never stayed on so long. Being at 3mg right now is amazing to me, I will not lie I do not feel great but it is better than the withdrawal I went through trying to stop cold turkey. I am sure it had a lot to do with the dose I was on. At this point I am angry about the doctor putting me on such a high dose, but he did not force it under my tongue either. Well hopefully I will be able to post soon that I am off of this but am still taking the taper really slow. Great job on being free of the stuff, it should only get easier at this point.


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 Post subject: Great News, New Hope.
PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 8:34 pm 
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Hi, JByrd,
Just letting you know how wonderful it is to see, a family getting their loving mom back, so good.
To hear that your senses are awakening and that your getting sleep with-in a week, is very encouraging.
The Prayer Of The Chalice conincidently has shown up on my desk,,, have you read it?


anyway's it goes;

Father, to Thee I raise my whole being
-a vessel emptied of self, Accept Lord,
this my emptiness and so fill me with
Thyself- Thy Light, Thy Love, Thy
Life-that these Thy precious Gifts
may radiate through me and over-
flow the chalice of my heart into
the hearts of all with whom I
come in contact this day
revealing into them
the beauty of
Thy Joy
and
Wholeness
and
the
serenity
of Thy Peace
which nothing can destroy.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 9:27 pm 
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JByrd98,

Thank you so much for your advice and it was positive. I tried explaining to my girlfriend and mother but they dont believe me. I feel as if I should stay on the medicine because it does help the pain. I do not want to continue depending on medication and when I run out I feel like I am dying. Its sooooo awful the way I feel. Now, that I dont have any insurance I cant get my meds and I wont lie its on my mind a lot. I have been calling around to see if I could find a clinic that can point me in the right direction. Again, JByrd98, thank you from the bottom of my heart.


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