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 Post subject: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:04 am 
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Hi everyone. On Monday I am going to start my Sub treatment. I am afraid that I may be making the wrong decision so here is a little background.

I was diagnosed with CML (Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia) in Jan 2013 at the age of 41. Needless to say my world was turned upside down. I am lucky to be able to treat this disease with meds...which I will be on for the rest of my life. After a bone marrow biopsy procedure I was prescribed Percocet. At first I would enjoy one or two on the weekend, before I knew it I was doing it daily, only at night.

My usage increased and I attempted to stop...which I did for about 2 weeks and I was thrilled. Then I slipped and fell right back in. I now have a 40-60mg a day Oxycodone habit. I've been at that level for about 4 months now. Using for about 1 1/2 years at this point daily.

Last Monday I visited the Sub website and found a doctor and had a meeting with him. He said to come back this Monday in WD for monitoring and to start the therapy.

Last night I finally told my Wife....that was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

My real question is....am I a good candidate for Subs or should I just try to taper with the help of my wife? (My wife is straight and narrow....never touches drugs) The doctor seems to think I am perfect for this and it will help get my life back in order but I am always skeptical when money is involved. I have EXCELLENT insurance so I am not worried about that. I can't bear to spend another dime on Oxy....I hate it. I am also looking into counseling...this is something I should have done after being diagnosed with CML. I kick myself for not doing it then.

So...does my addiction at the level I am at warrant the use of subs?


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:23 am 
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Hey Wilson,
Welcome to the forum!
I would say yes, you are a good candidate. A person doesn't have to be strung out on Heroin or IVing to be a candidate for Subs. I am in a hurry this morning so I can't really go in depth on this for you. I am sure there will be someone along shortly to help and go deeper into this for you. I just wanted to welcome you.
Happy


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:29 am 
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Thank you for the reply Happy. I look forward to others as well.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 9:42 am 
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Hey Wilson,

I too think you would be a good candidate for sub treatment. I say this because you have tried to stop and were only successful for a couple weeks before going to oxys. You said you can't afford to spend money on pills anymore, but you have good insurance so this will help you financially. And you can be on sub while doing therapy and making lifestyle changes. Nobody says you have to be on it forever! If I were you id bring my wife into the dr appt with me, and discuss in detail all your concerns.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:29 am 
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I agree with the others. Addiction has all levels and sure some ppl are worse than others but an addict is an addict. If u can't stop on ur own, then that's what I consider powerless. U would benefit from sub therapy. I love qom's idea of taking ur wife if possible. It's important for our partners to understand suboxone. There's a lot of stereotypes about it out there and her understanding ur treatment would be wonderful support for u.

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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:46 am 
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Hey qom and jennjenn. My wife is taking off to take me to the doctor as I am not sure of the shape I am going to be in anyway after not using for the 30 or so hours prior to the appointment.

Financially...I am really happy to not spend unnecessarily. My Leukemia drugs costs $0 with my insurance....if I didn't have that they would cost about $10K per month. I am lucky my wife has great benefits.

I am feeling better about my decision now...even though my first question to the doctor was "How long do I have to be on this for?". I think that is a normal question coming from someone who has had to worry about having enough meds to take when on vacation, going away for business, etc.

I am an addict....I accept that....but I WILL change that, I have to. If you could have seen the look on my wife's face when I told her. It crushed me. But I know I needed her to be on board for this to work. She supports me 100% and wants to do whatever it takes to get me better. All the horror stories I read about people telling their spouses and losing everything almost stopped me. But, I know my wife....she stood with me through the Leukemia scare. I can't help be feel I let her down though.

Sorry for the rambling.....but thank you for listening.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:01 pm 
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You are very welcome here. Suboxone will put your opiate addiction into remission. You will be stable and able to address your addiction with a therapist while leaving the cravings and the withdrawals behind. Eventually, maybe after a couple of years of working on recovery, you will feel ready to come off your medication. At that time you will receive advice here about tapering and stepping off. Plenty of people have stepped off in a very gradual way. It demands some patience, but it can definitely be done.

Your doctor should give you an explanation of the science behind the medication, but you can always ask questions here, and you can always hit Talk Zone at the top of the page for lots of information about this medication. You are welcome here.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:08 pm 
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Welcome Wilson,
Glad your here. You have a great wife there. Support in all of this is so important.
This forum is the best place to find the truth in everything related to Buprenorphine. It
can be scary at the begining but just know that you will get better,your opiate addiction will go into
remission and life will become as normal as you can make it.

We have a saying around here (at least I do), Its not the stopping,its the staying stopped" thats the problem. If
you are having issues with the staying stopped part of addiction then Suboxone is the answer. When or how loug
you remain in treatment will be up to you and your dr and wife of course.

May I suggest that you read many of the blog posts from our founder Dr Jeff Junig over in the Talkzone. He has also written a must have e book called The Users Guide to Suboxone ".for a few dollars it is The book on all the things or questions you may have Wilson.

So glad you have found us..keep posting and know we are All here for you bud....

Razor


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:57 pm 
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Thank you Amy and Razor.

I had a question. Does the prescribing doctor choose either strips or pills for treatment? Is there a benefit of one vs the other? Are they interchangeable or do you pick one or the other?

I am going to get that ebook tonight and give it a read.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:31 pm 
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I'm in Houston, not sure that matters, but I've only ever seen the strips down here. I've read on this forum from others, that the pills taste horrible, and they're hard to break up evenly, if you're looking to split your dose. Personally, I prefer the strips, because I can take a half, or third, and split my dose (I take one 8mg strip a day, have been for over 2 years). Strips, IMO, are easier to dissolve, read in the Talk Zone section on tips for how to take your meds. Financially, look at it this way, I get 30 strips a month for $180, $6 bucks a day, to live a normal, productive life. You'll have to discuss with your doctor, and see how you feel about being on subs. Some doctors, I've heard, only put you on it for a short period, others a year, and others work with the patient to decide if they want to continue indefinitely, or taper off (my doctor leaves it up to me thankfully, and I've never felt better about something after 15 years of norcos and somas).

Also, by spending $6/day, I get to keep my job, get remarried to my wife after being divorced 6 years, live with my kids again, and I no longer lie, cheat, or steal. So basically I'm saying, getting help through suboxone can and will change your life. The majority of people on this forum have stories just like mine, and I will always advocate for sub therapy. I hope this helps.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:58 pm 
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Hey Wilson,
Since your ins is covering your treatment and you are branded new, I believe it ll be up to your insurer and what they are willing to pay for.
If you have a choise in the matter and as Todd has said, I would opt for the films.
They melt faster. But there many opinions on taste. Some dislike the film or any other bupe product just on taste alone.lol.

I like the films. Ive tried a couple of the tabs and it takes louger, seems more saliva can build up with tabs, but you will be fine Anyway /Anyhow you get your Buprenorphine.
After awhile and when you become stable then maybe you ll have more questions or may want to twek your dose. But that is way down the road.

Wilson, Im flatout excited for you man..Im just a true believer in this treatment and med..and ya, get the book. And No im not Dr Js agent!! :lol: .....

Razor


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 2:44 pm 
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Hi Wilson, Welcome! I have been on suboxone for 13 months. I started by saying I wanted to be off in a year. That did not happen. I did start at 24 mgs and am now down to 8mgs. I do find that suboxone helps me with pain and depression so I dose twice per day. Everyone is different. I too have a wonderfully supportive spouse that I have always been honest with. He is my rock and his support has made this journey so much easier. Please, let us know how you do. We will be with you every step of the way!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 3:20 pm 
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Thank you all!

The more I read though....the more I get terrified. I want this so bad.

I told my wife EVERYTHING last night. I laid it all on the table including how I was getting my supply. I did this so I can't go back to those connections. She would know instantly.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 3:38 pm 
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Wilson,
The more you read? What are you reading?
If your jumping down into the Stopping section, then yes, there are people there with stories. And it may be there experience.
I can't judge thoses.

I do know that this med works and I hate for you to get the wroug idea before you even get started.

Please ask or tell us your worries or concerns. .
Hang in there..and I think it is wonderful you ve been so honest with your wife. Im sure shes abit shocked.

Razor


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 4:00 pm 
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Wilson there's so many ppl out there on the internet who's only got negative things to say. Everyone's journey is different and this medication is life changing, trust me. If u want to hear success stories, just ask. We can all give u positive stories about how this saved our lives. It didn't just make things better, it saved many of us. If u start worrying about how long you'll be on it or how it's going to be to get off of it, ur gonna get urself overwhelmed. Take it one step at a time. What's the worst thing that can happen, if u don't do something then ur gonna still continue to use.

Do urself a favor and skip the horror stories. There's nothing to be afraid of. Consider urself lucky that u found a Dr with an open spot and ur insurance will help financially. I pay around 600 a month. It's a small price to pay to live life again, but ur pretty lucky in my eyes to have that going for u. Just relax, this will be the best choice you've made in a long time. I've been on suboxone for almost four years, I've never regretted that decision once :)

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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 6:08 pm 
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Jenn hit it right on the head....I'm reading way too far ahead then I should be right now. I was reading the Stopping forum. I am the type of person that reads and reads to know what I should expect. I'm not even close to that yet....I just need to get "stabilized" first, take back my life, and move forward. Positive attitude.

Does anyone have a recommendation on if I should look into seeing an addiction specialist or just a regular psychologist/psychiatrist? How does one go about even finding one? I have no experience in this area.

Thanks!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 8:20 pm 
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Hey Wilson,
Another thing you want to do is, as Id said earlier is go over to Dr Js Talkzone. And not only for you but for your wife as well.
You can get there by hitting the Talkzone bar at the. top. If you find BTZ (Best of the Talkzone )thises are The Best blog posts.
The Users Guide can be found in the PlayStore on line too..

Just sayn...

Razor


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 8:47 pm 
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Hi Wilson, welcome to the forum. I agree with the people who have already posted. If you can't "stay stopped" then sub will help you. It doesn't matter if you are taking 20 mg or 200 mg if you can't stay stopped.

I take zubsolv which is a pill. It has a mint taste and dissolves in 10-15 minutes. My insurance won't pay for the films anymore. I actually like the zubsolv but I do wish it dissolved faster lol

Also, I see an addiction therapist. I looked up "addiction therapy " on google and found a good site. It's psychology today on line or something close to that. Then you search in your zip code.

Good luck, you are taking back your life! I also believe that people can taper and walk off sub, they don't post because they are ok and have no need to ask questions. That's just my opinion.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:05 pm 
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Thanks everyone for the nice comments! Just a head's up-- the 'User's Guide' can be found at http://www.suboxforum.com/guide.pdf . To open the file, use the password 'bupe'. Anyone who wants the larger text-- the 300-page collection of angry musings and other comments that I was planning on calling 'dying to be clean'--- can send me an email, and I'll send it off to you. I'm never going to get around to doing anything with it, so I might as well put it out there in case anyone wants it!

Wilson, there is no risk in going on buprenorphine products (e.g. Suboxone). Of course you need to take precautions to avoid precipitated withdrawal-- but if you don't like being on it, you can just go back to where you were by stopping it. That is the thing that irritates me about the people who post negative things about buprenorphine; they can always go back to where they were, by simply stopping buprenorphine and resuming whatever they were taking before going on buprenorphine.

A person on buprenorphine has a lower opioid tolerance than most people do when taking agonists-- so if you go on buprenorphine, you may have a few days when you don't feel fully 'satisfied' by opioids. Within a couple days you will feel essentially normal. Your tolerance will likely be LOWER after being on buprenorphine than it was before you took it-- so you won't be any worse off, and you will probably be better off, as far as your tolerance to opioids.

Lots of good advice here--- just ask for what you need. Good luck!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello...I'm scared.
PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2015 1:18 pm 
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Thank you so much everyone.


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