It is currently Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:56 pm



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Hello new friends
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:43 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 9:44 pm
Posts: 43
I'm a long time lurker on this forum, and decided to finally join since I seem to be reading posts on a near daily basis lately.

Not to bore anyone with the same old story, but it's cathartic and also helps to give the regular contributors here some background info I believe.

Here it goes.

There hasn't been one day in the last 6 years that I haven't had some type of opiate in my system. For years before that I would take a few vicodin a couple of nights a week. I loved them, but was aware that they were addictive and had friends on that road and did not want to go there. I was not physically addicted, but enjoyed them recreationally. Then I had a traumatic emotional event happen. It became my crutch. I didn't care about anything and wanted to be numb. I started with 30mg of hydro a day which turned into 100mg of hydro + 20mg of methadone about a year later. At some point all my connects went dry. I was forced to taper. In 2 weeks I was down to 20mg of hydro a day. It wasn't hell, but it wasn't fun either. I began to hear whispers about suboxone from a friend. Knowing nothing about it at the time, and having a friend on it who described it as a miracle cure with no withdrawal effects from taking it (what his doctor told him), I started taking about 4mg a day (way too much, I know now). I thought it was great. I took it for a few weeks and then tried to stop. Woah, hello withdrawls. There wasn't too much info about it at the time (2007ish) and Vicodin seemed to be nowhere to be found by this point. However, oxy's were now everywhere. I was always against them, because I knew it'd be trouble with my history with hydro, but after months of just doing subs and being bored, I started taking oxy on the weekends. This eventually turned into a daily habit and by last year I was up to 360mg a day. Gross, I know.

Finally, last December, I had enough. Christmas day was the last day I got high and I haven't had the slightest desire to use since then. Something just clicked. I bottomed out and knew I was going to die if I kept doing what I was doing. I'm pretty sure I had a minor OD one night last summer because I was dizzy and couldn't even stand for a full day the next day. It happened to be a day after I took 50% more than I was usually taking. The craziest part is I was taking so much and barely getting off. It wasn't even really fun anymore. I'd feel good for 20 mins after I took a pill, and then mostly like shit until it was time to take another. I also knew if I didn't stop soon, it would consume the rest of my life. It was time to fight and slay this beast. I knew it would take time, but I made a commitment to myself that day and have stayed true to it. I truly haven't wavered once. Someone even gave me dilaudid not knowing about my addiction and I gave it back. They were in my hand and I immediately gave them back. I have zero desire to use. I want to heal my brain and body and get better.

I feel lucky and blessed to be alive to be honest. Amazingly enough, save a few friends who also share addiction histories, no one even knows. Yeah, my friends and the hip people in my family know I like to fuck around with drugs, but unless I've told them, none of them have any fucking clue how bad and crazy it was. I hid it that well, and was that functioning. I'm sure my parents and brothers had their suspicions at some points, especially when I still lived home, but I was basically able to keep my shit together the entire time, miraculously. I've held down my job and have never paid rent late or racked up debt. I was always pretty smart, for a drug addict. The way I really did this was to just take enough to get me through the day and then a lot at night to get fucked up. I recently confessed to a girl I was dating for 2 years during my oxy phase that I was on it the entire time and she was pretty shocked. She knew I liked to fuck around now and again (well, that's what I told her, and sometimes I'd ask if she wanted some), but she swore she didn't know I was addicted. I always thought she did, which is why I told her and also to tell her how well I felt I was doing now. I really can't explain it, but I guess I'm just aces at being a functioning addict.

Anyway, when I jumped off the oxy, I was doing 32mg of sub a day to feel normal. 2 weeks in I was down to 8mg a day and right now I'm down to 1mg a day. I have a planner that I keep track of my doses in and also have noted where I'd like to be in the coming months. My plan is to taper to .125 by years end and then make the jump sometime early 2013. I'll probably start by skipping days, but we'll see. I'm just trying to make it as smooth as possible, especially since no one has any idea and I literally haven't been sick once in the past 10 years. I take tons of vitamins and eat healthy. I'm one of those people that never gets sick so if I have "the flu" for a couple of weeks, I know my family will be immensely worried. I'm going to take a week off of work and see what happens when I finally jump. I've literally never experienced extended withdrawals in my life. I always caved and got something. The worst I've experienced was the 2 weeks where I tapered down to 20mg of hydro and that really wasn't even that bad for me. I'm hoping with a healthy diet, exercise, and a slow, smart taper, I can minimize the withdrawals and make it through this thing with no one being any the wiser. I am not certain this will be possible, but I hope to combine luck and a good plan to achieve it.

During my current taper I've also been pretty lucky to have had a reasonably easy time with it so far. When I drop i usually go A/B/A/B/A/A/A/A/A (A being "current" dose, B being "new" dose) with the doses until I feel normal and it works well for me, although I know I'm now getting into the territory where it's going to start getting more difficult.

Sorry for the diatribe, but being that like 3 people in the world know my whole story, it feels good to just let it all the fuck out. I hope to contribute to the forum with my experiences in tapering and eventually getting off suboxone. I am 100% determined to do this and move on. I am not in a rush, I understand this a process that takes time, but I am consciously determined to be drug free sometime in 2013. I know I'm entering the the most difficult part of the taper, appreciate the support this forum offers, and hope to give some of that same support back.

I also wanted to thank everyone that is currently a part of this community. Your positivity, knowledge, and stories have helped me more than you know.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:59 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:12 am
Posts: 565
Location: in front of my laptop
Hi there Broseph! And welcome to our forum! Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You are right in assuming that a little backgraound info is helpful. Especially when it comes to helping each other out.

You seem like a very intelligent person! It sounds like your head is screwed on straight and that your plans of tapering and being completely drug free, are well thought out. That is going to help you tremendously when it comes time to jump. I like the fact that you are keeping a kind of journal too. That is a great idea. I should start doing that!

I am amazed that you were able to keep this from your family and close friends for all this time. That is a good thing in some ways, most ways, but not so much when it comes time to taper and jump. You are going to need all the support you can get, and I think that you came to a great place for that. The fact that you knew this and came here for that just adds to my initial assumptions that you are a very smart person! I hope that you are able to get the support that you need here. We will do whatever we can to help you from this angle. I would encourage you to find some people locally that you can lean on also. There is a lot to be said for having a real live human being when you need them. It sounds like you may know a few of them that already know your history, so thats great.

Well, I just wanted to say welcome and let you know that if you need anything at all, we are here for you. Good luck in this journey and keep us posted as to how you are doing! And again, welcome!

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:06 am 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 9:44 pm
Posts: 43
Thank you Kelly.

I agree that my situation has its pros and cons. I was very happy no one knew when I was active in my addiction. Now that I'm on a real road to recovery, I want to tell everyone! "You guys, I was an insane drug addict and now I'm doing awesome! Also, I'm going to be sick when I jump off this medication for a little bit, so don't be worried." I can't just do that though. My family is huge and the vast majority would not understand or be nice about it, even though most of them are functioning alcoholics. I know this for a fact, and will probably only end up telling some choice family members a decade from now when it's far in the rearview.

Anyway, I'll see you around. Peace.


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:58 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 4:47 pm
Posts: 10
brosephhhh, first of all great name haha...but WELCOME man! I just joined up recently and I'm glad I did.

Anyways, you are overcoming a very powerful addiction, especially considering the quantity of opiates you were using. I'm impressed with your willpower. Says a lot about you and what you want for the rest of your life. Recovery matters more than anything else to you, including what used to be the most important thing in your world. At least that's how it was for me when I was using, and definitely how it was when I got clean.

Anyways, I wanted to tell you I can relate to a traumatic experience playing a major role in my addiction and specifically, my opiate addiction. And it was very similar for me as it was for you, as far as something just clicking one day. I woke up one day and just said to myself "Man, look where I'm at in life. Is this where I want to be? If I keep doing the same shit, I'm gonna keep getting the same fucking thing. I gotta change something and it's pretty obvious what needs to go first." Haven't looked back since.

Stick around here. I haven't been here long, but it's a great place so far and has been very helpful hearing from other people who can relate so closely to my situation. Keep up the hard work too!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 1:32 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Hi broseph and welcome to the forum. Glad you joined and got some things off your chest. It's good to talk about it finally, isn't it?

You have a good taper plan and it's flexible. That's the way to go. Oh and the A/B/A/B/A/A/A/A/A plan is especially good. If you keep it slow and take time in between dosage drops - say a couple or few weeks - until your body adjusts - and go very, very low before stopping altogether, it's possible to have minimal to no withdrawals. There have been members here who have done that. And you won't only have less acute withdrawals, but less in the way of PAWS as well. Read up on Laddertippers taper (in Stopping suboxone) as well as Diary of a Quitters taper (her's is in the Liquid taper in Stopping Suboxone). They both have almost no withdrawals whatsoever. So it can be done.

I wish you the very best. Again, welcome. Hope to see you around the forum. :)

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 9:13 pm 
Offline
Power Poster
Power Poster
User avatar

Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 9:44 pm
Posts: 43
goPACK - Ironically enough, I joined moments after reading your introduction. I related to it so much and had been spending so much time here, that I figured I should give it a go myself. Everything you wrote makes perfect sense to me. I'm sure there are even more synchronicities in our stories that will come up. Thank you for the kind words and sharing your story. I agree that being here really does help immensely with the process if you're serious about it.

hatmaker - Yes, indeed. I imagined writing it all out being cathartic in and of itself, but actually doing it provided me with more relief than I imagined. It's nice to see it all neatly in words and know that it's all in the past now and all my current and future energy will be spent beating this thing. I don't know if that makes any sense, but it's true.

My taper plan is only good because of the stories I read here, especially the ones you mentioned. I read the entire liquid taper thread a couple of weeks ago and have been on the board every day since then. It's fucking brilliant and I plan to employ many of the tips mentioned throughout it. Hopefully I can help other people by sharing my experiences here, as others have helped guide my plan. I saw something the other day about someone tapering to 5 micrograms and having a relatively easy go of it. That is insanely low, but I think to minimize the withdrawal, I may try to do the same and go super duper low. It might take a few extra months, but I have the resources and time, so we'll see. It gives me hope that I can make it through this thing without walking through hell for weeks or months.

See you guys around, thanks.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group