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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 11:27 am 
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Ok soooo.....

I was inducted yesterday after years of an addiction to anything with opiod in it that I could swallow. I feel amazing. I'm pretty positive the enormous amount of peace and relief I have is not so much from the suboxone but from the mountain sized weight that has been lifted from my shoulders.

I'm pretty sure God was watching out for me because I stumbled onto an amazing Doctor. He is actually a Family Practice Doctor but has been specializing in the suboxone program for over two years. He listened and explained everything to me. He told me about addiction and what I was feeling and how I would feel later. He was like part councelor, part doctor, and part hero in my book. Anyways, my induction went smooth. He started me at 16 mg yesterday, today, and tomorrow then Sunday I'm suppose to switch the dose to 4 mgs three times a day until I see him next month.

Had it not been for this forum I wouldn't have even gone. Had it not been for Setmefree (shout out =)) I would not have made it long enough in withdrawel to go to my induction. I would have popped a pill to end the tourment that is withdrawals.

Thank you all for your post, your kindness, and more then all of these things, thank you for the immense amount of support you all give to everyone.

ImSoMe


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 12:48 pm 
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Hey ImSoMe!

Ditto for setmefree!!!! She encouraged me the same way! I am so thrilled for you and understand exactly how you feel. Guess what? You don't have to sneak/lie/manipulate anymore - wonderful eh?

WAY TO GO!

Funny, you are on the same exact program I was put on, family practice, dose at home, but I started with 4mg's 3x a day. I am currently 8mg's in the AM, and 4mg's after work. Eventually - I plan on 1x a day like most on the forum, but I'd stay with your doc's program! God is all over this one for you! Now you have the freedom to learn new ways to deal with your triggers.

WHAHOO!

I hope you plan on being on the forum and helping with questions, answers, chat's, etc. It will be wonderful to have you here! Looking forward to much more in the future as we all tackle dependence/addiction. Very Best to you, and please keep up the posts!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 1:34 pm 
ImSoMe - Yea!! You're feeling good and that is just great! I am glad I was able to help you hang on and get this process started. I'm so glad you've got a good doc. Mine is that way too - just real layed back, easy going and understanding. Mine is an opiate addict as well who had been on Sub for many years and recently got off of it, so he has a special kind of empathy. Those of us with good docs like this need to count our blessings for sure.
Can you believe the feelings you have right now? It's miraculous really. I know some people don't like us to use that word "miracle" or whatever too loosely. But I'm sorry that's the word that fits best! Seriously, though, I know there's not a miracle pill or magical cure to the whole mess of addiction, but for me it has been the key that unlocked the door to so much: to ending the lies, to stopping the madness, to getting my life back. I've been on Suboxone for 5 months and am making progress all the time thanks to this medication.
So now that you are feeling physically better you can get to work on the mental aspects of this disease. Welcome to the club and keep talking to us!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 3:51 pm 
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LatheDude you are so right on when you said "sneak/lie/manipulate". You know thats the worst part for me.

I stole 30 of my husbands tabs, which he needs terribly, knowing that it would leave him short and in pain before his Doctors visit. Then I took them within 2 days. That was kinda my last straw. He's like this amazing genuinly good guy who doesn't have a drop of addict in him and refuses to enable me but is very supportive of me trying to stop. I can't tell you how horrible I feel knowing for a few days before he gets back in to see his Doctor his broken back is going to cause him terrible pain and he won't be able to fix that because of my selfish actions.

I won't ever let myself get there again. You hurt the people you love so often when your pilled out and you don't even realize it. Being impatient with everyone, yelling at your kids. being too busy laying down to participate in your childrens lives.

I feel really great today. Not just physically but mentally. I feel hopeful and happy. I have alot of regret and self depreciating feelings trying to edge their way in though. But I guess you can't get a clear head and not be regretful about your actions and the years you've stolen yourself from your family. You know what though...I will gladly trade three crappy years with me for a lifetime armed with the knowledge and life experience to appreciate every moment of it.

You are right about it being miraculous Setmefree. When all hope has dwindled away the answer came to me. There is no other word for it.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 4:25 pm 
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Hi ImSoMe!

I completely understand the 'shame' you feel with getting your tabs from wherever you can, including those you love.

Suboxdoc talks, on his blog, about how most of us create almost 2 personalities (not schizo's). One that rationalizes their need for the drug of choice, and the other that shows more normal to the public.

My doc really was cool. He pulled me up short - and I hope your's did as well. I started up by beating myself up - being such a loser, and bum - because of my actions. I had only given him a few sentences - and (he's a big dude). Sat back - and said - you gotta stop that. You sound judgmental, this is a DISEASE. His viewpoint is still hard for me to accept. But, the fact is true - we have a disease that makes us susceptible to dependence on opiates. As such, that disease pushes us around, enables us to do stupid, horrid things.

Part of our healing, is to stop that labeling of ourselves, according to him. The simple nature of self incrimination, then feeds the ugly circle, and we get sucked back in to the lie of opiates yet again.

I don't know if this makes sense, but I believe for me (and probably you - and setmefree have talked about this) - this is probably my #1 deal. It's about my self view. Part of me is a good father, good provider, etc. But, part of me is horrible. A lie, a cheat, a steal - (in my world a sinner). So... for me - the doctor is exactly right. I need to make remedy to those I've hurt - as appropriate - but change the future opinion of myself with a disease. I have self worth, I am an OK person. If I live in the regret world all the time, soon I become useless, and all the negative stuff that comes with it - and it's an entry point for me to go back and use again. I mean if i am horrible - then what the hell?

You have already talked to your husband. He is supportive. Now it's your turn to accept forgiveness (HARD AS HELL) - and move forward with a seed of courage you know that you are building back a new/different life than you had before. We can never go back to the way it was, but we can create a better outcome/person in the future that has faced this beast, used all the tools we have and found a route that helps us through the dependence, and all the lies of opiates.

Sorry if I sound too hard, I don't mean to be. I believe you have courage to face this. You have reached out for help, and you have sought support. You should be proud of that (even if many others are not - you should - we are here!!)

take that little bit of good and build on it one step at a time. Give yourself time - and work on each part of you that's puts you in a position of using. That is my battle. I'm using suboxone as God-given relief to step by step get myself better. My goal is to be clean of all chemicals one day. But... I have gone the 'microwave generation' way of cold-turkey - OK ALL BETTER NOW...failure/relapse to realizing it took more than one day to get here.. I guess (sadly) it is going to take more than one day and one challenge to get chemical free...

I don't know about anyone else, but I am proud of you for facing your fears, and we'll be proud of you as we go along this journey. Glad you are on the team with us - as we look for freedom..


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