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 Post subject: Hello From Minnesota
PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 11:54 pm 
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Hello Everyone, today I found this forum and I am so happy. Tomorrow I will take my first dose of suboxone after 10 years of seriously abusing oxycodone-contin. Before getting diagnosed with a chronic illness I had never done any type of drugs before (I am 40). But I have become a major addict especially the last 2 years. I work in the technology industry and have two kids. In my secret life I have a whole group of drug dealer “friends” who are very happy to take my money… which is dwindling rapidly.

I have no idea how I’ve done it, but no one in my family (husband, kids, parents etc) have any idea that I even take narcotics although I have been taking over 120 mg of oxycodone daily (and usually one 80 mg oxycontin) every day. I am shocked that I haven’t OD. The stuff doesn’t even effect me anymore… doesn’t take away pain, doesn’t get me high… nothing. I am just trying not to get sick because I am the major financial support for our family and I have to work. I knew if I didn’t take care of this, my world was going to come crashing down- so I finally quit going to my doctor and found a new one who was willing to help. I really hope this works. Since I can’t tell my family, I will be going through this alone, so I am glad to have this site to go to!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 1:38 am 
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[marq=right]******HELLO THERE******[/marq]

hey, great job making the decision to GET OFF THE CRAZY TRAIN!!!!
i also, rode the Opiate merry-go-round for about TEN years,,,, Unbelievable, huh? when you look back and think about ALL the $$$
all the time wasted, sitting in the car WAITING on someone,
or the E.R.
OR the doctor's office, and/or pharmacy,,,, I mean THAT is a WHOLE LOT of WAITING!!!!

anyways, I really hope suboxone works for you,
it did for me, and i didn't thing ANYTHING was gonna work for me.............before suboxone, I had tried ALL KINDS of things,
and NEVER got further than just a few days.......
now it's been 19 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so , there's HOPE, I promise......

Just remember, that it's still not going to be a picnic,,,,,
I still had pretty TERIBLE cravings, especially the first few months, and I went from methadone to suboxone, and the transition
definitely wasn't smooth..... but the END RESULT,
is ALL the matters,,,,
cuz here I am, in a MUCH better place than EVER before.

what Im getting at though, is it's a good idea to think about counseling/group therapy, SOMETHING to help you
other than just taking suboxone.......
Maybe you'll feel MORE comfortable talking to your family about it, after you get stabilized/set up/comfortable

Try and mentally prepare yourself, to NOT have the pill=reward, thing,(habit),, anymore,,,
I was like you, at the END, too where i was ONLY trying NOT to be dopesick,,,,
but once in awhile I scored enough to get a good buzz,,,,,
then it's back to dopesick, cuz I would take EVERYTHING I had in one night,,,,
anyways,
i felt almost like my best friend died,,,,,,, like the "thing" I ran to for EVERY PROBLEM, everything, was just GONE.....
Its a hard thing to deal with alone,,,,
so, Im just asking for you to keep an open mind.... :wink:

Ok, Im gonna post a video here, it might give you some new information,,,
it may not, but if you go to the link, theres a bunch more videos, and they are on REALLY good topics.

GOOD LUCK to you,,, be sure and let us know how you are doing!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/SuboxDoc/videos?view=0 (link to the rest of the videos)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ls1F6vNhYw&feature=g-user[/youtube]

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 3:41 am 
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Hello Amber4.14.11,

Thank you for reaching out to me! It appears that we are the same person! Since I had a car, I was the driver for many of these people who dealt the drugs. They knew I had some money and they certainly took advantage of it. Me in my business suit driving them around to make drug buys… Wow, I really could have screwed up not only my life but my family’s life as well.

I would take the pills and “hide” them… that worked out really well as you can imagine. I could never save pills. I would take 8 5/325 percs and tell myself that I would be ok the next day with only 4. The next day I would be crawling the walls and sick by the afternoon. Never ending cycle that I kept promising myself would change when I got my next batch.

I watched both parts of the video and thank you for posting the first one. I actually learned a lot. My doctor started me out on 8 mg of the Suboxone 3 x a day. I am going to quarter them and start with 2mg and wait an hour and see what happens. At this point I could care less about the “high” feeling. I haven’t been able to get that feeling unless at took at least 60 mg at a time so I haven’t felt that euphoria in a long time. All I care about is not getting sick and being able to function. If it doesn’t work, I will probably have to go to methadone until I can take some time off of work to deal with the symptoms. I can’t afford to be sick at work. I REALLY do not want to go on methadone. I want my life back and methadone will not get me there. I start therapy next week and then there is the chronic pain that I will always have, so I am going to have to deal with that as well. I didn’t start out using the drug to mask any emotional pain. I naively followed my doctors orders not knowing what could happen (I didn't do my homework and took it without knowing the side effects or the dangers) and I started craving that awesome rush and it spiraled from there. Now I have to get over being ashamed of myself for allowing this to happen as well.

Ok this post had a lot of sentences that started with “I”. I want, I need, I won’t, blah blah blah. We are done with that now! Thank you again for the message.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 3:48 am 
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Hey, Susanne! I'm sending a PM for you, since I didn't want to blab it all here. I'm glad to have found you. :)

--Jolene


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 7:08 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Hello Susanne! Welcome to the forum!!
You're story sounds similar to mine in a lot of ways. Minus the family not knowing. Because EVERYONE knew that
I was addicted to painkillers. Everyone but me. I had started out taking them after having a kidney removed.
I have three children, and had one natural, and one induced. Neither one of them compared to the pain I experienced
having a kidney removed. Not even a close second. So, naturally they put me on this drug called morphine. I listened
to their instruction on how to take it....and did just that. When the healing started getting better they put me on
this drug I never heard of called percocet. Took those as prescribed too. When those were done, they put me on
vicodin, to gradually wean me down. I didn't undersand any of this......until they said that I was done with the pills
completely. I didn't know that the reason my SO and I hadn't fought in a while, was because I didn't give a shit what
he said to me when I took those pills. They put me in a "happy place". So, needless to say, I had to start finding doctors
to prescribe me more of the magic pills, and we all know where it went from there.

My point though, is that I was like you in the fact that I had NO IDEA what I was getting into. I had noone in my family
or even close circle of friends that had an addiction. I was completely clueless. By the time I finally got clean, I was taking
around 40 5mg percs a day. Sometimes, if I was "lucky", I could get some of the 10mg ones. Those I would still take
40 of. So I have no idea how I didn't overdose either. When I think about all of the damage that I could have done to
my liver, it scares the shit out of me. I never want to go back to that place again. I lost custody of both of my daughters,
and my oldest was adopted by her stepmom. That is a very long story, for another time. If you are interested, it's under
"Missing Emily" in the "MY Addcition Story" section.

Anyway, I am glad that you found us as well. Recovery is not always easy. You are going to need support. YOu are
going to need people that understand why you are feeling a certain way sometimes. Why you are thinking cetain
things at times. That is where we can help. I hope that you'll keep posting and letting us know how you are.
If you can, I would recommend getting a therapist. While this forum is great for support and a good place to vent, nothing
beats a face to face, with someone who understands and doesn't know you or your family. They are a good
sounding board too.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep on posting whenever you need to. Even if you just need to vent. Take Care~Kelly[/font]

_________________
"All great changes are preceded by chaos."
~Deepak Chopra


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:44 pm 
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Hi Susanne and welcome. As you can already see you are in good company here. I'm just curious, why are you only planning on taking 2mg? I understand not wanting to take 24mg/day - that is a fairly high dose. But the idea with Sub is to get to a steady state so you don't have the highs and lows of opiate abuse. So you need to be at or above the ceiling level, which is generally accepted to be at least 4mg. If you stay below that level you will "feel" your dose when you take it and it kind of defeats the purpose. Do you trust your doctor? The best thing is to discuss your dosing issues with him/her. I know some docs are clueless and put people in ridiculously high doses - if that's the case you have to just figure out what dose is best for you. But hopefully your doctor isn't one of those, and you can work together at figuring out where you should be.
Good luck and let us know how it's going,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 25, 2012 11:59 pm 
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Hi, my doctor didn' t have much to say other than to use the 8mg. but after reading the forum and watching the video, i though I should start small and move up? Is this incorrect? I took another 2 mg bringing me up to 4mg. I feel ok although I am still restless. Should I take the other 4mg or just keep taking the 2mg every hour until I am up to 8?


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 12:49 pm 
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I'm sorry, I didn't read your post carefully enough to realize that you were doing the induction yourself at home. It blows my mind that doctors are so irresponsible. It makes sense to start with 2mg like you did, and see how it affects you and then take more if needed (that is what is usually done in an in office induction). If you feel fine at 4 mg there is no reason to take any more. The restlessness might just be a result of the anxiety and anticipation of starting Sub.
So, on day two you want to take the dose you arrived at on day one. Hopefully the doctor gave you, or told you about the COWS scale, and you should increase your dose on day 2 only if you experience bona fide WD symptoms as listed in the scale.
Keep us posted on how you are doing. I hope the transition went well so far.
Take care,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 26, 2012 4:38 pm 
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I actually feel really good. Saturday I new it was my last day and I took 7 30s plus 1 80 OP (not all at once) and it sucked I felt just a little bit high. Not worth the issues I've been going through. Now on my 2nd day I feel ok... no withdrawl sympton except I want they high, and I have a head ache. I love to smoke cigarettes, but I have found that I only liked to do it when I was taking percs. I really want to smoke, but I can't even get through half a cigarette. Yes, I know that is a good thing... I just miss it! One more thing to give up! WHINE!!!!! I've read through the forum and there are so many worse off than me. I should be thankful... just one of those days I guess. I hope everyone has a great CLEAN day!

_________________
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I usually do not run my notes through grammar and spelling checks... so in advance... please excuse my grammar and spelling errors!


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:10 am 
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That's great news :wink:

I mean that your induction went smoothly........ I do agree with the just starting out w/ 2mg, take 2mg more....
i didnt see where it said how much you ended up with though???

if it's 8mg, that's fine,,, don't pressure yourself TOO MUCH especially in the start, where the withdrawl symptoms
will be the toughest. it's just a good idea not to "start out'' with 16mg or something,,,,,

It sounds like you definitely did your homework, and that's great. . . . . I did NOT have acess to the internet when I went
thru my first visit... so I was scared, VERY scared.......

I hope that suboxone is going to work for you,,,,, and you can pull the pieces of your life back together, like I have of mine.
it's very fufilling, being able to get the people you love's respect and trust back,
YES it does take some time and a valiant effort, but it's very worth all of it.


OH, I got headaches, too,
especially the first few weeks,,,,,
Ibprofen or aleve seemed to take care of it, MOST of the time,
and they eventually went away, for a long time...........
then about six months in or so, I started getting them again, lowered my dose just a BIT,
and waaaa~laaaa they went away :wink:

I hope things CONTINUE to go well.
GOOD LUCK and let us know if you have ANY more questions :wink:

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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