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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 4:17 pm 
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Opiate addiction. Man, we sure didn't know what we were getting ourselves into did we? I didn't. Hello everyone. After reading this site for the past 3 hours I must say, I am very happy to have found this site. I will share a little of my story, and look forward to becoming a part of this group. :)

It all started when I found my mothers prescription for hydro 5's. "I've heard of these before." I thought to myself. "Maybe i'll try one and see how it feels."

Boom. It began. A three year span of battling an addiction that was so powerful it had changed me and my brain. Before my addiction I was an honest kid. Almost too honest. This addiction turned me 180 degrees, but now i'm looking for turning the other 180 and getting back on track.

Long story short, I had my induction today. 100$ phone call on wednesday, and 350$ for the first visit. I thought to myself, this better be worth it. Then I thought, heck, i'd spend that today on Opanas anyways. That was my drug of choice. Ahh, opanas, before sub when I thought of them my mouth watered. I longed for the feeling of the drainage going down my throat. The nodding, the feeling of happiness. The last time i used i snorted 80mg of opana. For those that aren't familiar with it, it's oxymorphone. It's double the strength of oxycodone. I was way over my head. Waking up to thoughts of how am i going to get my fix today. I could litterly take 10 lortab 10's at once and not feel a thing.

That's why i'm here. :) I never thought I could feel the way I felt before I knew what hydros were. I never thought i'd be happy to sit here and type "i love the feeling of being sober"I know i'm only on my first day of subs, oh and btw i am on 12 mg a day. 1 tablet in the morning and a 1/2 tab in the afternoon. From reading posts on here i'm starting to think maybe that's too high of a dose? If someone could verify that for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

So, this is hi! :) i am looking forward to getting my life back. No more maxing out credit cards. No more using my best buy credit card to buy a PS3 and pawn it for half the price. My life is coming back, and i owe it all to my sub doctor. Miracle drug? I think so :)


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 4:36 pm 
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Hi csquared and welcome! Glad you decided to join and participate around here. We're happy to have you. Thanks for sharing your story. It's great that your induction went well and you're feeling good. With regard to your dose, 12 mg is not necessarily too high. It's a matter of the right amount that stops your withdrawals and your cravings. And that depends on your tolerance, so what's high for one person is just right or even low for another person. Try not to compare your dose to someone else's. Listen to your body and take the dose that you and your doctor determines is right for you. Also, in the beginning of treatment, it's common to start out at a higher dose to ensure the receptors get good and saturated. Then once stabilized, often one is then taken down to the lowest dose necessary to address the w/d and cravings. Give yourself time to stabilize and figure out what you'll need for your cravings.

Hope this helps. Again, WELCOME! See you around.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2011 4:42 pm 
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Hi. :) Thank you very much. I haven't felt this excited for something in years! I just took my half tab, but I didn't really need it. He told me that whether or not I felt like I needed it, to take it anyways. I am going to follow his instructions to the T. I am looking forward to sharing my story with others and trying to help others with what i'm still fighting. I took the jump and I honestly don't care if I ever take another pain pill again. Mentally I believe i'm okay, and physically the suboxone helps. Of course, this is only day one...so i better not jump the gun just yet eh?


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 12:55 am 
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csquared,

I could relate to how you felt when you first discovered opiates. For me, it was love at first .... swallow. I was hooked. Every waking moment was spent trying to get more. I couldn't go one day, even from the beginning. Then, the physical addiction caught up with my head. It was a fast spiral down from there. Thank God for Suboxone!

I'm glad that your first day on Suboxone has gone so well. Your enthusiasm is typical, I think. But, the life of an addict can be a rollercoaster, as you know. That's the case even when on Suboxone. That's why connecting with others is so important. I've always found good support here.

Welcome to the brighter world of no longer living to use! There are so many other thoughts that can fill your head today. Isn't that awesome?! It takes awhile to learn to live again. Fortunately, there are many who can help you along the way.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:31 am 
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Hi Csquared,

Glad you found Sub, got off the roller coaster of active addiction. You describe what all opiate addicts feel both when we first find opiates, and then when we get to the point we want off.

Yep, you are on that pink cloud of making a good decision to get into recovery. I remember it well. 7 months ago I got out of a 2 year relapse after having 5 years clean and sober...and started on Sub after being on methadone (at a clinic). Sub is preferrable to methadone for me. My life is much much happier on Sub. But sub is not without its own issues.

I think your dose is probably fine as long as you don't have cravings. I think you can stay at 12mg and stabilize for a couple of months...then think about going down to as low as you can without having cravings. the beauty of sub for me is no cravings. Even when I had those previous 5 years clean and sober (did not take any replacement med) I had cravings...intensely at the beginning of my sobriety of course, then less so after a few years, but it was still there. Now I can have a bottle of vicodin around and NOT use them, NOT even think about them. Altho i don't keep a bottle of vicodin around, its just that I do not crave at all and to me that is a miracle.

I don't know if this is your first recovery but I'll throw this out there and you can take it or leave it. But stopping opiates and going on Sub is just the first step. Learning to live life, find healthy coping skills, takes some other work. My advice to you is get into some kind of recovery program for yourself...either therapy, or AA/NA, or SMART recovery...there are several ways to do this...but the point being is we need help. We can't do it alone. We have a history of skewed thinking...and I am not saying we can't meditate or think for ourselves at all, I'm saying that what most addicts in recovery will tell you is that they do need someone healthy and someone who gets addiction and is themselves sober to help bounce our ideas and thoughts off of...our own thinking got us here, you know? And that is all I'm saying...find someone who can trust to help you in the process here....find a recovery program that works for you. If you just stay on Sub and change nothing else I think you'll put yourself at risk to relapse. My opinion...and my experience.

So, just an idea...and I hope things go well for you.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 1:01 pm 
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Thank you very much for the replies and the info on the next steps to recovery. My strongest supporter is my girlfriend. She has been here every step of the way. Never once judged me, and always had my back no matter which decision i made. Although when it got really bad, she told me she thought it was time for help. After finally getting out of my own stubborn mind, i agreed. Best decision of my life. Day 2 of being "sober" or "clean". I'm not really sure which one i prefer to say, because a sub is still a drug. As far as the meetings, my sub doc is requiring me to go to at least 3 meetings a week, which i can't say i'm not happy about. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. The bad thing about opiates is that unlike meth, heroin, and cocaine, you can't really see the effects it's doing to you. It's all on the inside, plus with me having Crohns Disease, i'm sure i've hurt myself enough.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2011 9:43 am 
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Just thought I'd give an update. It's been a week and 1 day since I've had my last pain pill!! I am a little agitated at times, and irritable, but I'd much rather feel that way for a little bit than to ever give in today. I did do a line of cocaine last Tuesday and i had an appt with my sub doc this morning. He told me that he is going to give me one more chance to come take a clean drug test (excluding marijuana). I told him i thought that was more than fair and i will not show up with cocaine in my system the next time he test me. So glad i have an understanding doctor.


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 Post subject: Scary sensation
PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 2:50 am 
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JustHad the scarriest sensation since I have been on suboxone. I have been on 8 mg a day, starting at 16 in the beginning. But tonight I took my last dose and about 30-45 minutes later as I was trying to fall asleep I got short of breath and noticed I was gasping for air as I fell asleep. I got up and it seemed like I was having a panic attack. I was shaking and got cold to the touch and very nervous. Is this a sigh of overdose? Did I take too much? I am scared to go to sleep. I am all alone tonight as my wife is out of town and my kids are at their grandparents place. The shakes have stopped but I am still very nervous and jittery. I feel a little loopy right now and want to go to bed as I have to get up early tomorrow for work. If someone is awake please respond!
I splashed some cold water on my face in case it was an anxiety attack but I don't know! I am very scared and trying to control my breathing. I have some naloxone in case it was an overdose, should I take it? Someone please help. I have noone to call and I am afraid to drive to the ER. I have no insurance so an ambulance is out of the question.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:55 am 
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Rmad - You cannot overdose on suboxone. That is, unless you mix it with something like a benzo or another respiratory depressant. What you described does sound like an anxiety attack to me.

Remember, you've been on opiates that were numbing your feelings for a really long time. Now all those emotions are coming back and you're pretty much left to deal with them all on your own. Most of us are pretty unprepared to deal with those. That's another reason many of us decided to go the therapy route along with sub treatment. So it's possible that you're having increased anxiety related to this. Think about what else was going on, including what you were thinking or worrying about. Have you ever tried meditation? If you're interested in trying it, check out a thread in the "Chronic Pain" section called "Self hypnosis/guided imagery/mediation" (something like that). It might be able to get you started on some relaxation you can do on your own.

How are you feeling this morning?

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:36 am 
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Hatmaker,
Not feeling well at all today. Didn't get any sleep! Scared about not being able to breath and I had anxiety all night.
I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't even stand up straight because my legs were weak.
Just a long scary night. I don't know what could have brought it on. I was feeling, and have been, great for awhile then Hamm, this.
Well we'll see how today goes. I am home trying to sleep. Scared to take my sub dose today. I was reading about sub overdose, and it isn't as hard to do as you think it is. But your right, I think it was just anxiety. What sucks is I can't sole during the day time! Gonna be a long day too!
Thanks for responding hatmaker! TTY tonight.

Rmad

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:48 am 
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I'm sorry you're still feeling crappy. Remember that with suboxone's ceiling effect, any amounts taken over that don't add to the effect. That's what makes it so unique. Once you hit that ceiling (right around 4 mg), you can take any amount over that and you won't get any additional respiratory depression, and that is how people overdose on other opiates. That's why people can't overdose with suboxone - again, unless it's combined with another respiratory depressant.

Have you added or stopped any other medications lately? Or like I said, it could just be a flood of emotions coming back to you after having been completely numbed for a really long time. That happens to a lot of people in early recovery and they simply don't know what to do with those unfamiliar feelings.

I hope this passes and you feel better. Check out that meditation thread and at least try some simply breathing exercises. I'm sorry I can't be of better assistance.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: Congrats
PostPosted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 4:13 pm 
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Welcome csquared. I'm glad to see your treatment has been working. Sharing on forums like this can only help as well.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:38 am 
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Welcome here.....

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