It is currently Tue Aug 22, 2017 9:53 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 70 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 11:14 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri Mar 08, 2013 1:02 pm
Posts: 1342
Location: West Tennessee
:lol: BD...that was pretty funny!

Hmmm, mudd butt. Now I'm wondering if my 6yo son has been sneaking these at night...laundry day is an adventure not for the faint of heart with a house full of boys!

_________________
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 4:03 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
qhorsegal2 wrote:
:lol: BD...that was pretty funny!

Hmmm, mudd butt. Now I'm wondering if my 6yo son has been sneaking these at night...laundry day is an adventure not for the faint of heart with a house full of boys!



i feel ya on that. i do ALL the housework, because im kinda OCD about things being clean and looking new. seeing dust on the coffee table will bother me ALL day and i get fixated on stupid stuff like that. like i just moved into a rental house, and theres a chandelier/hanging light with 5 bulbs. one didnt work, had no bulb. so i thought no biggie. i'll do the potato trick to remove the inside and replace the bulb. nope. previous renter destroyed the socket. it bothers the SHIT out of me. every. day. we dont even use that light because its in a part of the house that gets sun, but at night we dont use, so the light never turns on. but it bothers the crap out of me. it bothers me SO much you'd think that it is something much MUCH more terrible, like a dead squirrel in your wall that you cant get. you know its there, but cant do anything about it. and this is all over ONE light socket on a set of five, that the other four still work, on a fixture that never gets turned on lol....maybe i'm a dual diagnosis patient and dont know it lol. i have a thing about washing my hands too. not because of germ, but if they feel the slightest bit sticky/grimey, i HAVE to wash IMMEDIATELY. thats why the anxiety was worse for me. i couldnt keep my palms dry and clean.....drove me nuts lol

DBMB wrote:
I am in much the same situation as you but about 10-15 days ahead. Clonidine has been awesome for me but I keep waiting for the day that I don't need it. Your ups and downs seem to be on par with mine. It is funny, I can be on vacation for 10 days running and playing on the beach and barely notice any issues but get me back home and suddenly I have the time to think about the issues. Keep going and I hope you beat me to the finish line.


i kinda stopped clonidine. i take one at night every other day or so...i am happy to say that my sleep is getting better. i read someones thread about a night-and-day-difference at the 30 and 40 day marks, and i got it! i dunno if it was mental or what, but on day 28, i almost broke down and wanted to get back on something, but stuck it out cuz i just dont wanna fail...especially going thru this much crap lol.

unfortunately i cant take any vacations....i have a trip coming up. tagging along with a friend to drum up sponsors ( he races in global rally cross, the 'lights' class in the X games. hes the only guy with a WRX sedan, and everyone else has hatchbacks, so he wants to build a new car lol) so hopefully i'll be okay with that. the good thing is he knows that i'm going thru some stuff with this WD, and he's cool with it, as in he doesnt care.... i try to stay as busy as i can....last night i was trying to fix the gutters at 11pm lol. the wood it screws into rotted away so bad it wouldnt hold. but when it rains it splashes water everywhere. another thing that bothers me haha....but whoever actually owns this house, they're gonna get it back in MUCH better condition than when they rented it. ive been cleaning, and when theres nothing left to clean, i roam to house looking for things to fix. installed better floodlight system for the front and back. one bathroom had horrible plumbing issues, nothing worked, and kitchen sink p-trap leaks. i fixed all that lol.

I still get fatigued (or just being lazy) i cant really tell, but it comes in waves, but all day. one day i'll feel 110%, the next day i'll feel like a bag of sand....i'm starting testosterone injections today i think, as my T score was super low, and still is. the most amusing part? theres two actually. my DOCTOR has something where i think hes scared of needles, as he wont ever let me do a blood test in his office (even though labcorp picks up twice a day urine tests from him), he's implied hes gonna make me inject myself with the testosterone ( i always thought i HAD to go in weekly or so) and when i got my physical, he ASKED if i wanted to do the prostate exam. i said not really, and his reply? not ' well you should get it done' or' its a normal thing at your age'. nope he said 'yeah i dont wanna do it either' haha. also, i had almost a needle fetish at the height of my addiction. if it could possibly be shot and get me high, i did it. amazingly all the track marks are gone and my veins are like ropes again. i REALLY got lucky (even though i ended up with endocarditis and pneumonia because of a cracked tooth, but i am pretty sure shooting so much junk had more to do with it. i would shoot my take home methadone when i was on it. fruit juice and all...yeah i was pretty stupid)

other than that i think i got this beat. feel literally normal other than the fatigue and SLIGHT insomnia. i stay up till 2am now but can sleep all night till like 9-10am. sometimes i wake up so tired still, i guess its either lack of T or shitty quality sleep....i dont know...but i at least wanted to update anyone who cares that on day 39 im at 99.99%. nothing thats even bothersome. i notice some things, but thats it. its so mild that i dont get fixated on it, but just notice 'oh, im kinda pooped' BUT that could be from the low testosterone as i read it messes with your pituitary gland and starts a chain reaction with other hormonal problems if its too low...

looking back, it was TOTALLY worth the suffering to get off of subs. it feels so awesome to not be tethered to anything (although im gonna be tethered to testosterone now lol, but thats different IMO, since i cant get high off of it like i could on subs) really i havent had anything to legitimately complain about these past few days (or week. last time i posted) the WD sucked hard, but now its nothing but a memory. totally worth going thru it i think. things, theyre just...better. everything is cool. not like euphoria cool lol, but im contented. i guess more like grateful. grateful for the support youve given me without which i couldnt have done this, grateful that i feel like its all over, grateful that paws wasnt a big issue.


i'm kinda at the point today where 'its all good. things could be much worse, but its not'

now if i could just quit smoking......


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 3:42 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
So an update:

I lost track of how many days and started testosterone cypionate injections because a blood test showed my t levels were low 100s. So low that my doc asked if I was on 'roids ( I laughed because I'm 5'10" and 140 fully clothed, keys, cellphone etc soaking wet. 138lbs actually) so you can imagine how skinny I am)

Well I got my first injection a bit ago and woke up feeling poopy but as soon as I started moving around? ( as soon as i got out of bed actually) BAM. I feel like ( sorry for the language) a million fucking bucks only downside is I think I injected myself wrong ( he's making me do it myself lol. I honestly thought I HAVE to see him weekly. Nope. Gave me a script and when I filled it CVS gave me some rigs and gave me a rundown how to do it. He said do it in the shoulder, and it feels like someone slugged me in the arm still its been several days, and people say this particular testosterone can take 2-6 weeks to 'show results' but that's going off what bodybuilder a say. I'm just using this as a HRT because I jacked my own body hard lol)

I still have doubts if I'm actually 100% because its been so long, but I feel purty damn good. It was gradual, I kept thinking its an injection, why don't I feel it NOW, but I guess once t gets into your blood its gotta do its thing with OTHER hormones and get them up and running, hence the delay...


Point is, if you're a guy, get your T levels checked BEFORE you make the final jump. That way (In my mind anyway) it'll jump start the process. Also do NOT get the gels if you have a lady in the house. It is a PITA, because the gel is time release and it transfers to EVERYTHING. Bedding, clothing, couch, you gotta separate laundry, etc. just do the injections and make sure its WEEKLY, as I've heard from EVERYWHERE\EVERYONE on it that biweekly or more will put you on an emotional roller coaster...

I guess both men and women should see an endocrinologist, although I don't think it's necessary. My suboxone doc is really a GP that does subs on the side, AND takes insurance, and is compassionate. People with no $$i hear them get to skip out on copay, and I've heard him charge $45 for no-ins people in the waiting room. He's not as knowledgeable as you would think a doc is, but the compassion and willingness to help is there. Plus he heavily involves ME in any treatments. Like if I have a weird idea, he'll look it up and make sure its safe and he's on board with it...



I know this is a suboxone forum and mods I apologize for I guess 'pushing' another controlled substance, but I honestly think it helped me skip thru PAWS faster than normal...I had so much emery till I hit 21 and had a pretty bad crash (I had a car but rode BMX EVERYWHERE. Gf at the time hated it. I had a bad crash where I broke both pinkys, knocked the wind out of myself and bashed my nuts hard...like vomiting hard, but since I was a dumb kid we laughed it off as soon as I could breathe and not vomit...I wonder if that has something do do with it, as even in my early 20s I was pretty lazy and unmotivated, BEFORE I'd ever touched even a Vicodin. I guess the opiates made things worse with my endocrine system....point is again, maybe someone can save themselves the grief of PAWS and get their blood checked...yeah it's another drug I gotta be on for life, but I feel just as good as I did on subs, even better. Yeah the warm fuzzy euphoria isnt there but my mental state is...different. In a good way. Like I just feel better. I just feel GOOD finally. No side effects either since I'm just replacing low levels, and not trying to bulk up. No oily skin, no acne, DEFINITELY no aggression...(I gues I shoulda mentioned earlier I gues testosterone is considered an anabolic steroid, CIII)


I hope everyone enjoys their weekends. I know I will. I feel like today was a HUGE turnaround for me..and again everyone here; thank you. Thank you for your support and everything. I honestly know I couldn't have done this without you.


Last edited by Fiveseven15 on Sat Aug 24, 2013 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
PostPosted: Sat Aug 24, 2013 3:45 pm 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4137
I don't consider testosterone as a controlled substance unless it's being abused. It's an essential hormone for both men and women, and obviously more important for men.

I think that your story will help others and it's a good reminder for those going off suboxone. I'm glad it's working out for you! :)

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 12:45 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
I dunno if I jinxed mysef or what but the only issue I'm having is a weird seep cycle. Like I've been sleeping like a rock, no weird dreams, sleep in if I want for a good week then one or two days where I FELT like I was up all night (wife said it looked like I slept ok....) I woke up feeling okay...just like after acute WD but when I was having sleep problems. I FEEL like that but supposedly I DID sleep....

I think today is day 43 of subs and I've got no symptoms, depression, or anxiety, just tiredness but that could be attributed to the low T as well as insomnia I've heard. I dunno. I'm glad it wasn't months and months of PAWS and garbage like that, even though it felt like it would never end, but it was over rather quickly in the scope of things.


I think my REAL problem is I just don't remember what 'normal' feels like and keep going back to blame the meds for xyz....I'm now thinking other people get shitty nights of sleep here and there too. Getting used to 'normal' when its so foreign to me is the next challenge I guess haha. I hope everyone is doing well

(Edit:even though I feel tiredness my MOOD is still good...I dunno I'd usually be cranky when I'm tired but aside from tired, I'm on cruise control as my friend says. I guess I could say I'm a bit frustrated at last night but frustrated is a strong word for what I feel. It's more of 'why' and 'what's going on'

I should mention I've been back to my sedentary self and enjoying daily redbull so maybe I need a LIFESTYLE change but it seems so...hard lol. Like I am content with my lifestyle as is but a part of me knows something's gotta change...I think I'm just looking for another easy way out lol...aren't we all?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Aug 25, 2013 4:16 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
Also I wanted to add after having a T Shot (200mg/ml 1ml shot) I don't have ANY malaise. I do have ups and downs, but the 'downs' are not REALLY down, more like he, I don't wanna do anything but the UPS...shit I feel like I'm 18 and invincible. This happens every few hours, these swings, so I'm hoping it'll stabilize soon. I knowing impatient when it comes to this stuff and I know it takes time but I guess being a needle junkie I'm used to instant results when I poke myself lol

No depression or anxiety and slight mood swings, if I could call it that. If anyone had been past subs and feel they are 'normal' I would appreciate some insight to manage my expectations...is this normal and I'm expecting too much? I still have a week to go before my second shot when on average stuff is really supposed to begin to be noticeable but I notice throughout the day my mindset was*almost* that of when I was getting opiate euphoria. Not as intense but same thoughts of good things, good mood and whatnot. I also get the chills every once in a while. Not bad chills, but the good tingling that rolls over your body when you hear a great song...excitement/happiness chills I would call it..

I just need to know what others think 'normal' should be since I have no clue as its been too long being drug free. Managing expectations helped me a lot to get where I am (I'm usually terrible at it and get disappointed in myself a lot...)


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 2:52 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
Another almost sleepless night. Makes me wanna jump out the window (not really but you know what I mean)


I really don't get it. It's 'different' than the withdrawal insomnia where the difference is now I wake up (after a couple hours of kinda-sleeping) pretty cool. Good mood, everything's cool kinda deal, is it because so long on opiates I was used to sleeping so much and I'm getting mad at my natural energy returning? Lol.
I have no problem staying up till 3-4 am and still be completely alert like when I was younger and in the street racing deal. That was nightly too. I could probably take hwy 9 just as fast as when I was younger ( but I grew out of that. One arrest with a gun in the trunk and I lucked out with an 'improper transport of a firearm' misdemeanor and a fine. It was an AR too and we all know how Cali likes their 'assault rifles'. I'm rambling but the point is, am I blaming what's actually natural on PAWS? I don't have any other symptoms that I can think of other than sneezing, but its one sneeze, not the 20-in-a-row WD fit sneezing. I'm 32, wife won't LET me work (she makes plenty to be completely comfy) I'm thinking the pent up boredom and stuff might be making things worse insomnia wise? I still yawn more than I think is normal, throughout the day but that's no bother

Maybe I'm going about this all the wrong way. I DID stop taking all the OTC supplements and exercising but with the T shot I feel kinda back in the game so to speak. I'm not one bit tired, foggy, groggy, slow, etc. so it's possible this Is my normal? After writing it out I am starting to think that I'm blaming subs/PAWS for something that's probably unrelated. I've got the energy of my old lifestyle I guess without the lifestyle/night life.....that's what I'll tell myself till I believe it anyway lol. Maybe that'll help.

Going to work out at home, not because I should, but because I feel like doing it. Weird because I was NEVER a fitness nut and never stepped foot in a gym. Past couple days been feeling like that...


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:36 pm 
Offline
Average Poster
Average Poster

Joined: Tue Jul 30, 2013 11:12 pm
Posts: 26
Am almost where you are too. Over a month off subs. No depression or pshycal symptoms, but this kind of worries me because am thinking we might be hit with it down the line at some point. Perhaps we have sub saturated in our receptors so much that it will slowly peal off, and reason why we feel ok now is because sub is still in our system? looking from most of the sub jump stories the symptoms do not reach their peak for few months yet, well I would say PAWS, and the peak of PAWS come between 3-7 and 8 months, even longer for some, so to be realistic here I think we are in the pre-PAWS stage and mid acute stage. Unless we of course got really lucky?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 8:00 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
Tammy wrote:
Am almost where you are too. Over a month off subs. No depression or pshycal symptoms, but this kind of worries me because am thinking we might be hit with it down the line at some point. Perhaps we have sub saturated in our receptors so much that it will slowly peal off, and reason why we feel ok now is because sub is still in our system? looking from most of the sub jump stories the symptoms do not reach their peak for few months yet, well I would say PAWS, and the peak of PAWS come between 3-7 and 8 months, even longer for some, so to be realistic here I think we are in the pre-PAWS stage and mid acute stage. Unless we of course got really lucky?



thats what i thought at one point too and went to get a blood panel done and found my testosterone levels thru the floor. hence starting injections, i feel a bit better than pre-TRT, but not quite 100%. I also had to INSIST on a pee/lab test because i wanted to make sure at 3 weeks there was no subs left, nad it came back negative. nothing. not even metabolytes.

PAWS is a new deal to me since i havent ever been off that long and the ONE time i did get off with kratom and stay off for several months i just had low energy, no depression or anything. nothing a redbull didn't fix up. i felt pretty normal then, aside from low energy then again ive had thyroid issues when i was younger that seemed to 'fix' itself. dunno how that works..... i read that 90% of people get PAWS, and maybe we're the 10% that DON'T?

really, i feel pretty good. its the insomnia that gets to me. thats it now ( a yawn here and there and a sneeze here and there)....and its not like i am tired now. i just cant sleep when i WANT to or stay asleep. it feels like a different kind of insomnia...like not the same as WD insomnia

i am HOPING anyway that jump-starting my hormone levels back to semi-normal will help either speed up PAWS or better yet skip over it entirely...i DO feel better everyday, tiny improvements, but noticeable, and also feel stronger 40 something days off subs and about a week into TRT. i was the guy who could only do 3 push-ups in gym class lol, but now i can handle 30-40 at a time, take 15-20 and do it again, and 3-4 cycles of this the past couple days. i could never handle that before, so something is changing...just unclear what....


Top
 Profile  
 
   
PostPosted: Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:51 pm 
Offline
3 Months or More
3 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jul 21, 2013 4:56 pm
Posts: 96
Slept pretty good last night. I dunno what the deal is with sleep. I hate these cycles. I found out what the sneezing was about. Saw the morning sun through the window. I vacuum twice weekly but there was so much dust the sun going thru the palm outside was like teh lazor beams lol, so I'm airing out the house. I dunno where the air filte is for the HVAC. It's a roofAC/heat pump deal so I dunno anything about that lol

I just need to fight off boredom and If normal sleep stays this way I think I'll be good from here on out. Still no desire to use anything. Still yawn more than I'd like though but that's it. I guess what you'd call mojo isn't back 100% but I suspect boredom has alot to do with it. I seem to get that excitement tingle alot more now for no reason which is a good thing I'm guessing?

I half feel like I hit normal as I'm gonna get but then the other half reminds me I don't remember what normal is lol...


Edit: I noticed today the same songs I listened to throughout this kick is now giving me visible goosebumps all over. The good kind of goosebumps. That's gotta be a good sign. Never happened before....


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 70 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group