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 Post subject: Hello Again World
PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:53 pm 
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[b] Hello world!! First thing I would like to say is THANK YOU all of you from the bottom of my heart. I am on day 5 of being on the suboxone. I have been bouncing from blog to blog devouring information like no other. I honestly feel like all of the support and love on these forums has been the deciding factor in me following through with the sub induction phase. Enough said on with my introduction, that is the point of this board after all.

I am 23 and have been an addict since I was 11 years old, opiates since 16. No need in rehashing war stories as i'm sure we all can say "been there done that" . In my 6 years of opiate dependance I can honestly say that I have MAYBE 3 months of total sobriety with my longest stint at 60 days, whew! I was one of the first patients in my "drug community" to discover and be precribed subutex in 2005. I remember being prescribed 120 8mg subutex, Ambien CR, Ativan, Klonopin, and Klonodine. looking back, that dr. never gave me a chance at success. It didn't work for me. I was chipping and basically just using them to hold the w/d at bay until i could score. Eventually i started selling them to support my habit. The rest is history. A year of this and my dr. eventually loses his license and his practice is shut down.

Fast forward a month ago. I had been going to a methadone clinic for 2 years up until a month ago. I could no longer afford the outrageous fees nor did I have it in me to wear the "liquid handcuffs" anymore. I decided to call a dr. in town that had a reputation as actually wanting to help addicts instead of just take there money. I eventually left the clinic at 50mg no taper. I was nervous to say the least, but had faith in my dr. that the detox would be possible. He gave me a prescription to Dilaudid for the first week. Ummm...ya i'm not going to lie, I was STOKED! I took about 10-12 a day to keep me functioning at work while the methadone left my system. It was no cakewalk that I had envisioned. It was hell. I started using heroin to help me work, sleep, etc.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My follow up with the dr. was supposed to be the day that i started the suboxone. I had been using daily but had not used in 16-24 hours. I was definitly afraid of the precipitated w/d that I had experienced those years ago...day one i took 3 8mg strips, 1 every hour (I was prescribed half a strip every 6 hours). Bad idea. My addict brain says if 1 isn't working, take more! later that night sat down with a bag of heroin and smoked it all which just barely got me well. I repeated this process for about a week and a half. I could not commit. Now my lack of faith in subs was reinforced by the way my body felt. Of course, it couldn't of been the way I was doing things, no, it was this crappy medication.

The great change happened one night that I was broke, w/d really bad and had the night off work. I stumbled on Dr. Junig's site and read for hours and hours, learning about "ceiling effect" and induction period. I decided to e-mail Dr. Junig and miraculously he responded. His words were insightful, sensical, and...right. I decided that I would give this one more shot.

Fast forward to a week ago. Less is more. Oh my god is that true with suboxone! 4mg in the am and 4mg at night. It was a miracle. The first three days were a little rough, but I kept thinking positive and manning up. I kept in contact with Dr. Junig and kept returning to these forums every day and night absorbing other much wiser peoples info and experiences. After day 3 I felt like I made it through the worst of it. I feel like theres hope again. I can finally have my life back.

Whew that was taxing, and if you read this I thank you because writing this all down has been so theraputic. I am on day 5 now 8mg per day suboxone and am starting to love my life for the first time in 6 years. I would also agsin like to thank all the moderators and all of my fellow addicts for there knowledge and support for eachother and hope to someday be able to help others as well. Peace n Love

p.s.
Any advice on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:49 pm 
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Hi Prodigy and welcome! Reading your story made me smile! You've been through so much in your young life, but look at you now! How far you've come. It sounds like you're determined this time and you now have the tools and knowledge to use suboxone correctly - and most importantly you have the desire.

You asked about your next step...Start looking at yourself...you self-destructive behavior, your bad habits, etc. You'll have to start changing those, improving your life, bettering yourself. You want to put yourself in the best position possible for the one day that you'll stop suboxone, if that is your ultimate goal. Some of us go to individual counseling, others to NA/AA, others still group therapy or an addiction counselor - whatever fits your unique needs.

But for now, let yourself stabilize. Get used to not being high and feeling your emotions again. That part alone could be a HUGE adjustment for you.

Take care and again, welcome to the forum.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:58 pm 
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Thank you for taking the time to reply Hat. I really do have the drive to see this through this time. I have started to make some good decisions. I have changed my phone number and literally cut out everyone that I used with and had any drug abuse problems of their own. I think that was always a huge obstacle for me in the past. like you said changing the behavior. As far as NA goes i know that I fight it. I probably bash it because it forces you to put in real work but I think I need to worry about that later. For now I'm just happy I can work without sneaking out to my car to get high!


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 Post subject: Great Post
PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 9:56 pm 
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That is fantastic news to hear your life is getting better and better. A big nanner nanner ha ha to all those who bash the efficacy of Suboxone. To me it is still a life saving drug that enables addicts a chance at recovery without all the suffering of harsh withdrawals. And the only drug except for maybe Methadone that lets the addict take their time to get that addictive behavior behind them and then taper and stop at their own pace.

I just love to read posts like these so anyone new coming here can see for themselves just how well Bup works. No one can convince me to think differently.

Congrats on starting your new life of recovery and the future will be a much better place for you if you follow the advice of those here and your doctor.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 2:04 am 
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Thank you for replying rule. You know being young and addicted I know the odds are stacked against me. I just feel that this time I'm doing it for me you know? Also by my own choice and by the grace of god I qualified for 1 year of Vivitrol monthly injections for when I am off the subs. I really feel like thats going to be the deciding factor in my longterm sobriety. As far as the haters on suboxone, as of a week ago I was the official poster boy. For me, methadone is poison and I would never reccomend it to anyone eccept in very rare circumstances. People need to give suboxone a chance it really is a miracle drug! Prodigy out.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:06 am 
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Hello and welcome,
I'm so excited it worked for you, thank God you did not give up. I'm glad Dr. J cares enough to but his time and experience to help you. I know you said the odds are against you but that does not mean you can not bet the odds. With Subs and alot of hard work you can. You are very young and can have an exciting new live drug free.
Happy for you and stick around lots of good people around here.
Mel :wink:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 3:10 pm 
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To Meltalk, I completely agree with the "I know you said the odds are against you but that does not mean you can not bet the odds." I really do believe that with Subs the odds are flipped around. Its funny because I dreaded going on suboxone because of my unsuccessful history with it, and now have a great quality of life. I work at a restaurant (have held this job miraculously for 2 years) and I realized today that I have a wad of cash just sitting on my dresser. What a strange feeling...Anyways just feeling grateful right now. Prodigy out.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 4:15 pm 
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Glad to hear sub is working out for you man. Its kinda funny cause I ve followed your Moms blog on and off for the last few years. It randomly came up one day when I was searching for info about PAWS and thought it was interesting to read the perspective of a parent dealing with an addict. Kind of a trip. I had just read her post the other day and then came across your post here and kinda put 2 and 2 together. I think Im about 2 hours south up the 101 from you. I ve made a few trips up to Santa Cruz to buy dope back in the woods from the mexicans. Those were some sketchy times LoL

This is a great site for info tho. Dr. Junig pretty much convinced me to go the sub route too because I had a horrible first experience with it and was pretty reluctant but basically jumped on it out of desperation and needing to hold my job. It kept me sober for 14 months before I tapered and jumped off 5 1/2 months ago. It wasn't all fun and games for me when I was on it, but for the most part allowed me a chance of normalcy and pretty much changed my life for the better. I was able to taper off without much of a problem and the actual acute WD was surprisingly easy relatively speaking. I won't lie the PAWS have been difficult, but getting off sub is totally doable if you are disciplined with your taper and really want total freedom from opiates. I have a thread called Methodically Tapering/Suppression that kind of detailed the process of getting off if you wanna check it out. Good luck man


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 5:02 pm 
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Rmac, It's really great to hear another success dtory. I have said it many times before, but between this forum and my mom's blog, I feel that they were my inspiration to commit to the subs.I live in Monterey county, about 45 minutes away from Santa Cruz, and I had to laugh at your "mexicans in the woods" comment. Been there and done that. I'm curious, were you reading her blog as a parent, or a son that is an addict? Thanks for your reply.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 5:37 pm 
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Yeah I was reading it from the son as an addict point of view. Im 25 and been living at home with my Mom too so it was kind of cool/painful to read what a mother goes through. Def inspired me to attempt to sober up.

I wouldn't say that Im a success story yet. I ve relapsed about 5 times since jumping off the sub but have had 30+ days sobriety 5 times so Im basically averaging a relapse every 30-40 days. It sucks but considering my longest amount of sobriety before sub was 34 days in 5 years I ve made huge strides towards eventually achieving long term sobriety. As much as it sucks I would recommend hitting up some AA meetings and really working on your recovery while you re on the subs so you are better prepared for life after subs. I think thats where I screwed up that led to the few relapses. If I could turn back time thats what I would do at least.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 5:43 pm 
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So we are similar in age, I'm 23 and living at home again as well. Mom charges $500/month though! Thats great that her blog helped you...It sure gave me a reality check. The amount of relapses makes me wonder, why not just stay on the subs? what made you want to jump off after so many relapses? Also, you kind of downplay your lengths of sobriety. In my experience 35 is quite an achievement, and you got back on track each time..that shows self awareness. prodigy out.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 14, 2011 6:26 pm 
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Yeah I can only imagine what a wake up call reading some of that shit was. Deep stuff. $500 a month is kind of brutal to live with Mom haha. I feel my Mom should have to pay me just to live with her. I am pretty much the bitch around here. Always cleaning and whatnot. I can't complain tho

I didn't want to stay on subs cause of some side effects. Nothing too serious but just didn't feel as healthy and energetic as I would have liked. I felt some of my emotions were suppressed and mainly just didn't want to be dependent on anything anymore. The relapses happened after I got off subs. I felt I was ready after 14 months of sobriety. My plan going in was to stay on it for a year and then taper off. I knew if I kept putting the tapering off I could end up on it for years and just make it more difficult to eventually get off and stay off... Yeah I am pretty proud of the bouts of sobriety, the problem is that it just sets me back in recovering from the PAWs. It almost resets everything. Not totally but def a set back every time. If I totally fell back into active addiction I would def go back on subs, but I have faith I don't want any part of that lifestyle anymore. I haven't even really enjoyed the relapses after having all that sobriety and experiencing life how NORMIES must enjoy it and it is kind of nice when your not a fucking nervous wreck all the time with a one track mind ha! Being young and everything I just want to give my brain a chance to heal and hopefully have a normal life. If it doesn't work well then Ill reconsider but for now Im on the anti-medication boat. Ive put in too much work to get off to jump right back on. You'll know when you re ready to get off. Everyone is different.


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