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PostPosted: Sat May 01, 2010 12:58 am 
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I think you should just kindly and calmly explain to whoever you call what the situation is and that you are very afraid of going off the suboxone at this time and you need their help. Get a therapist so you can tell them you have one (if you don't already). Tell them you haven't used while on the suboxone and that it is working very well for you at this time. If you can, explain the other things that have gone on with you and that you are extremely vulnerable right now and need their help. Doctors LOVE to help. They especially love to help someone who really NEEDS them and will APPRECIATE them for it. So be super sweet, tell the receptionist or whoever you don't want to waste her time but you feel like you have a unique situation and would like to know if she might have time to hear you out for a couple minutes or should you call back later? if so what time? If she won't listen you can always ask if they think the doctor might be willing to talk with you for five minutes or so.

If I was a doctor I would definitely help YOU....of all people. Be super nice. Try not to sound too desperate or you will just get a worse addict label. Just be calm but assertive.

My advice is that you call as many doctors as you can and until you have an appointment, keep calling. I had such a problem being jerked around with you need medical records from so and so to get an appt, and then go here and then go there and finally I just found an appointment with someone else. But it took LONGER and I was on nothing so that sucked.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 9:27 am 
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Oh Mia, I am so sorry, that Dr sounds like a total douche bag. I'm sorry, but he does. Im very lucky my sub dr hasn't given me a urine b/c I have a rEALLY hard time giving samples, even if its not for a drug test, If I know someone is outside that dr waiting for me, know matter how bad I gotta go I can't. Ugh, I kinda know how you feel. Good luck with the dr search on Monday, let us know how it goes.


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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 4:24 pm 
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Thanks again for all the posts..

Jackcrack, I took your advice and contacted a bunch of doctors today and explained my situation. MOST of them were like "we cant help you".. but I finally found a secretary with a heart, who heard me out, talked with the doctor.. and scheduled me for an appointment at the end of the month. He's willing to allow me to take monthly blood tests. It's comforting to know that there are some doctors out there with a little compassion. =)

Thanks everyone for your support =)


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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 5:39 pm 
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Mia that's so good to hear! You must be breathing a HUGE sigh of relief. You handled the situation really well and averted a bad situation. I'm so proud of you!

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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 7:11 pm 
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I am glad you were successful! Hopefully you got a good doctor! Either way...you have your appointment and hopefully that means you will be sticking around.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 8:52 pm 
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Wow Mia....that's such great news. You should be so proud of yourself....not many people could be shot down like you were, and still persist in looking up doctors and calling so many of them until they find the right one. I really think that your persistence in dealing with this problem is a positive indication of your dedication to your recovery and your willingness to work hard to get what you need in order to stay sober. Honestly, most of the 18 year olds I know (myself included when I was that age) wouldn't have had the maturity to deal with this situation.....so that's why I THINK YOU ROCK!!!! :D

Elizabeth

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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 2:04 pm 
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So, I guess my doctor must be the exception rather than the rule, when it comes to urinalysis tests, eh? I've been taking suboxone now for about 18 months. He asked me for a sample the day I was inducted (obviously, it had plenty of opiate present in it and some marijuana ) and then he asked me for one about 2 months ago (this time it had benzo in it from my Ambien, which is prescribed by my GP and marijuana) and he said nothing about it....two samples, 18 months.

Is this typical or not?

I'm just curious. I'm pretty sure some doctors would toss me for the pot, but I really, honestly, just use it for nausea from my HepC....in fact, I haven't smoked anything in at least three weeks as of today, because I just haven't been sick....but sometimes, it's all I can do to keep a glass of water down.


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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 8:37 pm 
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Thanks to everyone for the praise and encouraging words. =)

Junkie, I dont blame ya hun.. a lil weed never hurt anyone. As for the urinalysis comment, I called 12 doctors and 12 out of 12 said they urine tested monthly. WHO knows!

In being perfectly honest, I worked so hard to find another doctor purely because I am not ready to withdrawl. It seems that the more depressed I get, the more I crave an opiate.. even a perky.. and honestly, if I had a way to get them right now.. I cant really say I wouldn't. I applause those of you who actually have resources available to get your drug of choice..and still dont. I am now on 3 months without an opiate.. I cant say I really miss the high, but I sure do miss that "that's okay" feeling. IF I wasn't so depressed, I don't think I'd miss it at all. Anyway, I am greatful that I found a new doctor that will work with me... and again, TY all for the praise.. since my parents passed away (particularly my dad) I really don't get many compliments or praise anymore. <3 I am very greatful that I found this forum :-*


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PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 10:47 pm 
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Definitely stick around Mia, I love this forum. It has helped me so much. Glad you found us too!

As for Dr's and urine tests. The only time my Dr UT'd me was the day of my induction and I have been seeing him for one year. He said he only does it if he suspects anything.


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PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 9:13 am 
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With regard to UA's, my first sub doc tested me every month. My current doc, however, hasn't done any UA's at all and I've been seeing him for almost a year now.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 11:54 am 
I've been on Sub since mid- October an never had a urine test.

Good for you Mia - you're making good decisions and taking care of yourself. How are you feeling? Have your physical symptoms improved? You definately sound better emotionally. Keep up the good work, you're doing great!
Lilly


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PostPosted: Fri May 14, 2010 9:17 pm 
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Hi Everyone,
Hope you're all doing well. I haven't written in a while because I have had so much going on. Since the last time I've written, I've moved, my boyfriend since age 13 broke up with me and my best friend since grade school decided she no longer wanted to be friends with me due to my suicide attempt in Feb. Things with the suboxone are alright... I am really started to get to a point where I dread taking them... just the smell of them nausiates me... and lately with everything going on.. I have had some cravings. I sure miss that "thats okay" feeling. The symptoms I was having before pretty much subsided.. I still get the sweats daily.. but I did read that it was a side effect. I have had the body cramps, but not as frequently. I'm not doing the whole "painting" around my mouth because in all honesty.. I just cant stand the taste. I'm just leaving it under my tongue till its completely gone.. sometimes I'll spit out the remaining "orange juice" for lack of a better term.. but I did that for a few days and I think I was spitting out too much of the actual medicine. I do drink after its completely dissolved because I have to... ugh, just cant stand that taste! Why cant we just swallow these like we're so used to doing with our regular habits? I don't get it!

Thanks again for all of the support!


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PostPosted: Fri May 14, 2010 10:59 pm 
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Hi Mia,

First of all I just want to say I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend and your best friend. You need all the support you can get right now and I really hope that you have another friend in your life now that is supportive and that you can talk to. I'm afraid that your best friend really isn't your friend if she left your side now. You have had so much loss already in your young life, I can't imagine what you are going through.

Why did you have to move? Are you living with someone?

As for your sub, I'm happy to hear that it is working better for you and that you are feeling better. As for the taste, I've heard some people say that they suck on a mint at the same time and that helps. As for the cravings, I think you are right, that you have a lot going on, so it's probably pretty normal to want to "numb" those feelings. It takes a long time to learn how to deal with our feelings. Are you seeing a therapist? For me, it actually took a relapse for me to realize how much I hated those pills. For some reason I started to remember only the good things about oxy's and really missed them. When I relapsed I hated that foggy feeling and was so happy to get back on my sub and feel "normal" again. I hope it doesn't take a relapse for you to realize how horrible taking opiates again really is. It's just not worth all they rob from you.

I'm glad you posted to let us know how you are doing. You really do need a lot of support right now so stick around and post more often. As you know this is an awesome site with a lot of really great people that will always support you.

Take care and be good to yourself!

Ginger


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PostPosted: Sat May 15, 2010 1:51 pm 
Hi Mia. Thanks for posting an update. It sounds like things are better in some ways, at least in terms of your addiction treatment. But worse, in terms of you're having to move and dealing with relationship problems/break ups. I agree with Ginger.....a 'friend' who would dump you at this time, was never a good friend to begin with. My best friend since 7th grade (we're both 46 yrs old now) gave me a little framed piece of art years ago which says, "A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the darkness." That is what a true friend does. They don't bail on you when you are fragile enough to have attempted suicide! And as far as boyfriends go.....well, good riddance to him too if he'd leave you knowing everything you've been through! I'm just so sorry they've done this to you. Sometimes it's difficult for me to even wrap my mind around how people who claim to care for us (or did at some point) can be so worthless when we really need their love and support the most. It is just hurtful and so disappointing. Even worse than that, I think it sometimes leaves us feeling that much less willing to reach out and invest ourselves into new relationships, for fear that they will always disappoint us. I do hope that doesn't happen to you.....that you will not give up in reaching out and that you do have some other people in your life who are standing by you.
I wish you didn't hate the taste of Sub so much. That's got to make it that much harder to take it every day! But right now, you don't have a choice. You need this medication badly. Especially given that you're still having some cravings. Which is normal, in my opinion. I think most all of us miss that feeling of the opiates sort of "taking us away." I often referred to the feeling as my "mental vacations." And I do miss those mental vacations from time to time. But the reality is, those damn vacations were expensive....and they never lasted long enough.....and they were never as good as the first few vacations.....and my loved ones don't want me going on vacation again.....and if I do, they may not let me come back! So, that is not an option. No matter how appealing it may seem.....you do not want to go there Mia! Your life is precious. You have a future that can be better than your past. You've been through so much and I hate for you that it's still so hard. But just keep hanging on and don't give up. It can get better. Don't let these people who have let you down take you to the point of relapse. They're not worth it!
Keep posting here and let us know what we can do to help.


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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 7:25 am 
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Mia, I just wanted to echo the support that others have offered. TRUE friendship is unconditional, and while I can certainly understand that some people would have great difficulty dealing with their friend's suicide attempt, it seems extremely counter-intuitive for a "friend" to disappear after such an event. I am so sorry that you have been "left in the lurch" that way and I'm also sorry to hear about your boyfriend and you breaking up. Emotional issues like this can often lead to some seriously bad stinking thinking for us addicts, and doing what you just did - getting those thoughts out, on the table, and into the daylight, is one way to defend against relapse. So GOOD FOR YOU! You're a fighter, I can tell. So keep fighting the fight, because YOU are worth it.

We are here for you. I know I'm not going anywhere, this web site is like my daily substance abuse meeting. 8)

I hope you are well, and please know that you are in my thoughts.


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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 8:34 am 
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Mia,

I am incredibly proud of you and impressed because here you are, only 3 months later, reaching out and TALKING to people about what is happening for you instead of holing up in a room getting high or escaping. That is a HUGE change. I agree with everyone else that your friend apparently wasn't a friend to begin with. I had a very similar experience with my friend several years back when I was still getting high and was extremely suicidal. I mentioned this and her response was that she wasn't sure we should be friends anymore. At the same time she was asking why I didn't tell her sooner. Then she asked a few weeks later if I would go to one of her therapy appointments (my friend was actually a therapist herself) and I agreed. Only again, I was being used because she has a tendency to drop her friends or feel no need for them and she was working on that issue with her therapist. Her therapist sucked. I never talked to this "friend" again. She dropped off a wedding gift on my doorstep and I never called her again. Clearly this person was never a friend and it was hard. We were "best friend" since college. BUT....over time I realized she was a waste of my time anyways and today, I have much better friends who are NOT a waste of my time. I have friends who were there for me getting off the suboxone and getting back on it. They were wonderful and supportive and STILL HERE. You will find that too.

I'm glad you are starting to feel a little bit better on the suboxone. It does take some time to learn to deal with feelings. I am still doing it. Several others here have talked about it too. In time, it becomes easier and you learn new techniques for dealing with feelings other than taking a pill. Then it become rare that you even think of taking a pill when you have feelings. You just have to keep up with the therapy and keep giving yourself time. But you are already doing that and your parents would be really proud of you I am sure.

I don't know what to say about the taste of the sub. It doesn't bother me at all. I am one of the lucky ones. Of course I smoke so I am sure half of my tasebuds are dead and if I had them all it would probably gross me out too. It's too bad they can't come up with some kind of solution to temporarily deaden your taste buds so people could take certain medicines. I can't take robitussin or any cough syrup because it makes me want to vomit so bad.

Keep up the good work. Keep sticking around. Things will get better.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 12:30 am 
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Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words.

I do feel like a bit of a "fraud" after reading all of your messages. I am not "choosing" to not take pills.. I dont really have much of a choice.. the people I used to get them from are out of my life. Plus, since the whole suicide attempt, I've pretty much been on "lock down". I honestly dont know what will happen once I get back out in the real world. The bottom line of it all is that I am living in a world that I dont belong in... where the people that I loved most are gone. It's basically not a life worth living. I would never try the suicide route again but its just too faulty.. I mean, I gave it my hardest attempt... and still woke up in a hospital bed.

Anyways, ty all for the support. It is nice venting to people who I will never meet... atleast I know I'm not being judged. I hope the support will be still offered even though I am not off of drugs by choice. I would honestly understand either way at this point.


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 7:45 am 
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Hi again, Mia,

I wanted to let you know I completely understand what you mean by "not being off drugs by choice". Although I didn't attempt suicide, I did end up in the hospital because of my drug abuse. While I was in the hospital they put me on Suboxone. I didn't choose it and they didn't even bother to explain to me what it was. I had heard about it, but knew next to nothing about it or how it worked. (And I didn't feel good about the lack of informed consent, but that's a different story.) I was in the hospital for a week. I had known that if something didn't happen I would have died. So I stayed on the subs even after I was released. For the first couple of months I felt like I was only sober because of other people's choices and actions and not mine. You could say I was in a funk for quite a while. I tried abusing my subs, even snorting them. (I'm quite ashamed to admit.) Then one day as I was crushing them up and getting ready to abuse my nasal cavity yet again, I looked up into the mirror and saw what I was doing. I acknowledged that I hadn't chosen to get "clean", but more importantly, I acknowledged that I HATED still wanting to get high and abhorred the way I was living/trying to live. I threw the crushed subs into the sink and washed them down. I decided right then and there that I now CHOOSE to live without drugs.

My point to all this is that even though you didn't choose to stop taking drugs, you ARE living drug-free. The rest - the stuff in your head - will come with time. I am living proof that no matter how you get there, the point is that you ARE THERE. You CAN do this.

I hope this helps you even a little bit - at the very least I hope you don't feel so alone in all this.

Hang in there and know that no matter what you have our support.

Melissa

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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 7:49 am 
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Mia,

If you really wanted to get high you would find a way so don't be so quick to cut yourself short on your progress. I am sure right now life does not seem worth living. I am sure that over time things will get better. I can't tell you how many times I have been ready to just be done with it all. But it always gets better. It will get better for you too even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Eventually you will make your own family and although you will never stop missing your parents, you will find a way to move on and keep going. The thing about life is that it NEVER stays the same.

Keep hanging in there.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 9:56 pm 
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HEY EVERYONE,

THANKS ONCE AGAIN FOR BEING SO COMFORTING... GLAD THERE ARE SOME OUT THERE WHO CAN RELATE TO HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. I ALSO WANTED TO TALK ABOUT A HORRIBLE REACTION I HAD LAST NIGHT AND SEE IF THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE ELSE ASWELL. MY PSYCHIATRIST WROTE ME A SCRIPT FOR AMBIEN CR AND SAID IT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM WITH THE SUBS... BOY WAS SHE WRONG! I BROKE OUT INTO A DRENCHED SWEAT, MY HEAD SPUN AND POUNDED, I HAD A RASH ALL OVER, MY BODY CRAMPED AND THREW UP VIOLENTLY. ALL THE NOISES AROUND ME SEEMED TO DRAG... IT WAS JUST AWFUL. HAS THE AMB
IEN + SUB COMBO DONE THIS TO ANYONE ELSE?

I'M ALSO GETTING SOME QUESTIONS TOGETHER TO ASK MY NEW DOCTOR... LET ME KNOW IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANSWERS TO THEM.
1. I HAVE CHRONIC MIGRAINE/TENSION HEADACHES. I AM USUALLY PRESCRIBED FURENAL OR PHENERLEN FORTE. AM I ABLE TO TAKE EITHER OF THESE WITH THE SUBS.. AND IF NOT, WHAT CAN I TAKE?

2. MY PSYCHIATRIST WROTE ME A SCRIPT FOR CELEXIA AND RESIRAL TO SLEEP, WILL THESE COMBINE BADLY?

3. (I KNOW I'VE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE) I HAVE TO GET A ROOT CANAL AND POSSIBLE A WISDOM TOOTH PULLED. I HAVE A VERRRY LOW PAIN TOLERANCE.. WHAT CAN I TAKE? I'M JUST NOT THE KIND OF GIRL MOTRIN WILL HELP, PLUS, IT HURTS MY TUMMY! LOL

THESE ARE MY 3 MAIN THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT WITH HIM. HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S THE KIND OF DOCTOR A LOT OF YOU DESCRIBED. ONLY TAKES TESTS RANDOMLY, NOT MONTHLY. I WILL WRITE HOW IT GOES NEXT WEEK . OTHER THEN THAT, I WENT SHOPPING FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY WITHOUT BEING MEDICATED, AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT SUCKED! IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST FRUSTRATING EXPERIENCES EVER! IT'S SO NICE TO JUST SHOP WHEN YOU'RE SEDATED, NO CARES.. NO WORRIES.. JUST FLOAT AROUND AS YOU SHOP... NOW I'VE GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT FROM ALL THE PILL POPPING THAT I'M IN A WAY BIGGER SIZE THEN I FORMERLY WAS.

I'M SURE ALL OF YOU HAVE HAD SIMILAR EXPERIENCES (:

HATMAKER: TY FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH ME.. INTERESTING TO KNOW WE WERE BOTH STARTED ON THE SUBS IN THE HOSPITAL WITHOUT AN INDUCTION.


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