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 Post subject: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 9:38 am 
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it's only 8:30am here.

already my day is hard. I haven't been so hurt since I lost my aunt Heide almost 3 years ago. those days since have been a hard battle. my aunt was my best friend. when she died I relapsed because I couldn't deal with it and had no outlet.

well yesterday I got the news that her son, I was close to him, was put on life support due to an overdose. I don't know how to deal again. I have house-bound myself as I am scared of relapsing. today, I got the call that life support was pulled. I'm at a loss for words and every other SM post is about him.

idk what to do with myself.


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 10:09 am 
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It's hard but it's no excuse to use. If you keep using over emotionally taxing events you'll never stay clean.

And using is hardly honoring the memory of your aunt and her son.


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 10:50 am 
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I'm so sorry to hear about this jlynnbella. I'm sure it's tough. Like Teejay said, u have to stay strong, it's what ur family would want. Stay strong in their honor. Talk to someone close to u and get ur feelings out there instead of bottling it up. U will get through this!!

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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 11:28 am 
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jennjenn wrote:
I'm so sorry to hear about this jlynnbella. I'm sure it's tough. Like Teejay said, u have to stay strong, it's what ur family would want. Stay strong in their honor. Talk to someone close to u and get ur feelings out there instead of bottling it up. U will get through this!!


this is why I have always used. I literally have NOBODY I can talk to about anything. so I bottle everything up and eventually burst at the seams.


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sat Feb 13, 2016 11:30 am 
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Oh Jlynnbella, I am so very sorry for your loss! My thoughts and prayers are with you. I will pray that you find the strength to stay clean. I can think of no better way to honor your cousin. Please, keep posting how you are so that we can continue to hold you up with our responses!


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 1:45 am 
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this is why I have always used. I literally have NOBODY I can talk to about anything. so I bottle everything up and eventually burst at the seams.


Well now you have us. PM some of the members here you might feel close to and maybe a friendship will come of it.

My best advice is for to get to a NA or AA meeting and get to know some people there. That's what the meetings are for, support to stay clean and sober. I believe you qualify. Now you have no excuse. :D

rule

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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Sun Feb 14, 2016 6:16 am 
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Rule is absolutely right! You have people now! PM someone here and start talking about your problems. It can't get better until it sees the light of day.

You can work this out! I have faith in your ability to help yourself!

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Mon Feb 15, 2016 4:20 am 
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Jlynnbella,
I'm sorry you are experiencing the loss of someone you love.
Im glad you expressed your feelings to us. I'm sure losing someone would trigger thoughts for many of us.
Right now, that's all they are and yes this is an opportunity to carve a new way of managing those unwanted feelings.
You are not alone anymore jlynn. Your happiness and well being means something to us.
I think you are more courageous than you know.
Please keep posting, we can work through it together.


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 10:22 am 
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First, I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I know it's tempting to use when life gets tough. Just remember, using won't done or help anything. It won't bring your cousin back. It might make you feel better VERY VERY temporarily, but then you'll feel guilty and shame and withdrawal don't with your grief. I'd definitely urge you to find some sort of support group or counselor. Or utilize this online support group (like you already are) and allow others to help you through this. You can make it through this!


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:13 am 
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jlynnbella wrote:
it's only 8:30am here.

already my day is hard. I haven't been so hurt since I lost my aunt Heide almost 3 years ago. those days since have been a hard battle. my aunt was my best friend. when she died I relapsed because I couldn't deal with it and had no outlet.

well yesterday I got the news that her son, I was close to him, was put on life support due to an overdose. I don't know how to deal again. I have house-bound myself as I am scared of relapsing. today, I got the call that life support was pulled. I'm at a loss for words and every other SM post is about him.

idk what to do with myself.



Awe so sorry you are struggling! But you reached out to the right place and the best people! We know how hard this is! But it's so very true that using isn't the way to honor them. You can and will get past this! But you gotta take some proactive steps such as find yourself an addictions therapist or counselor and a face 2 face group or stick around here more! But the most important point is do not pick up again! Remember it just isn't an option anymore! You are past that stage and on the wonderful road of recovery! You are at a much better place now and know exactly where using will take you! Right back to the chaos and the hamster wheel....play that tape back in your head.....the one that shows you what a disaster.using would cause.....play it all the way thru to the end.....not just to the getting high and numb part....but to the running out part too.....to the getting caught part like the dirty UA at the doctors office, the having to explain how you messed up part. All those yucky failure feelings that you'll feel.

Now remember you don't have to record another tape like that....it's as easy as not picking up again. Taking your daily Suboxone and getting yourself to a meeting or therapy session!

We are here for you! Hang with us! There is strength in numbers! ;)


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2016 8:24 pm 
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rule62 wrote:
Quote:
this is why I have always used. I literally have NOBODY I can talk to about anything. so I bottle everything up and eventually burst at the seams.


Well now you have us. PM some of the members here you might feel close to and maybe a friendship will come of it.

My best advice is for to get to a NA or AA meeting and get to know some people there. That's what the meetings are for, support to stay clean and sober. I believe you qualify. Now you have no excuse. :D

rule


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 Post subject: Re: Having a hard day
PostPosted: Tue Feb 23, 2016 8:39 pm 
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Thank you all!!

We said our final goodbyes today. Thankfully I'm still here and have NOT relapsed! I honestly don't think I could have made it had it not been for my fiance. He decided that we are bringing our kids to my moms this weekend and going to a hotel to have our valentines date. (We didn't celebrate yet lol)

He already set everything up with my mom. I need it. I know I do. I have to get away even if it's only 2 nights. I haven't been kid free since my daughter (who will be 3 march 2) was about 5months old.

He told me I need to relax and enjoy myself. I told him the same thing. He works 55 or so hours a week so he deserves it too!!

Back on the point, I have tried both NA and AA, I've met nice people but I couldn't do the meetings. Idk if anyone else but I know when I would leave I would want to go drinking or drugging. So I stopped going. Not to mention they wanted me to go to at least 2 meetings a day. I have 3 kids. I'm a very busy woman, so I didn't have time for them.

I have been trying to find a therapist of psychologist that I like. I had one that I loved and trusted with my life until they stopped accepting my insurance. So now I'm still in search of a good one that accepts my insurance. They're very rare over here. Finding a good psychologist is like finding gold around here.

I do wanna say I'm extremely happy I found this site. I have learned a lot already and everyone seems very pleasant here!

And I want to thank everyone for their replies. I can already tell this is a great website!!


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