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PostPosted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 11:42 am 
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hello i am 29 and from southeast Alabama. I started taking opiates in about August of 2008. a friend of mine introduced me to someone who sold her perc 10s for 5$ apiece. the whole way over, my friend was saying how bad he felt for doing this (introducing me to this person). well about 2 months later i thought, hmmm, i need to stop spending all of my money on these stupid pills and i couldnt stop. the main w/d symptoms i had were diarrea and achy legs.
i actually went to a doctor in september and told him i had a problem and wanted to ween myself off of percs and he wrote me a script for 3 percs a day 1st month, 2 a day second, and 1 a day the the last. i had to tell my mother of my addiction and she was devistated. but i needed her to hold the pills for me while i tried to quit. that lasted for about a week. i was using my script and buying from my dealers.
my friend who introduced me to the opiates is dead now. OD, methadone. and i have been on suboxone since october 14th and it has been great. but to be honest, im starting to feel like i want to use again. last week i quit taking my subs for 3 days and took 3 percs. i felt nothing. now i feel terrible about myself. ive read a few people on here say that they go back anf forth from subs to opiates but i dont want to do that but i keep having cravings. i know there is so much support on this site, i could really use it. thanks.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:07 pm 
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Please don't think that you are the only drug addict out there that has cravings and wants to "recapture" that feeling we all chase. We've opened Pandora's Box and there ain't no closing it. I will "want" to use for the rest of my life. When something
triggers me, I try to remember all the BS I had to go through to support and supply my habit. Does this take the feelings away? No. But it helps me take my next Suboxone dose with a grateful smile on my face. Our addiction tries to eliminate the bad baggage and focus strictly on the "high". I must remember when I was down to a couple of pills and there weren't any more to be had. Now those were truly dark days. Stay in the now and reach out just like you did with your post. Wish you the best.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 11:20 am 
Drulove, I think all of us here feel your pain. I know I do! I've been on Suboxone for 5 months and while it has been a true Godsend, it is not the end-all nor be-all. It definitely stops the horrors of withdrawal. Like you, the leg pain for me was absolutely excruciating and the cravings, well just unbelievable! Sub does curb the cravings but it does not completely eliminate them for some of us. I think Vicodumb is right - unfortunately we will probably always long for the high that opiates gave us. That may never go away.
But we know the truth - the high is not worth it. Your friend lost his life chasing it. Many others have as well. You've lost a lot because of it and so have I. I don't want to lose any more. We are smarter than that.
You messed up trying to get high. It didn't work. You proved it. And that's okay. We have to learn that life is just life - we get some good times and some bad times and we have to begin to deal with it again like 'normal' people do. It sucks sometimes but that's the way it is. The longer you're on Subs I think the more you'll see that it can be okay without getting high. You have to give yourself time to adjust. If it took trying it one last time for you to see - then that's what it took. Don't beat yourself up too much for it. It happens. Just do better next time. The cravings will come - just push through knowing that it will get better. Use the times of your worst cravings to kind of examine what was going on at the time that made you want to use so badly. That way you'll learn what your triggers are and you can work on them. It's not easy, but when you can start to figure that out, you can learn new ways of dealing with it. Healthy ways - exercise, meditation, prayer, whatever you find helps.
Suboxone is great, but it's not the only thing we've got to do to get better. Educate yourself about addiction and keep working on yourself. This whole thing really sucks. It's cost us dearly. The least we can do is to do our best to come out on the other side with some wisdom and strength so we may never go back! That's my goal anyway!
Hang in there and keep sharing!


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