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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 8:20 pm 
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I have a love/hate relationship with my Suboxone and I don't know why. It is the ONLY pain medicine that has ever taken care of my pain in my back. I need a multi level lumbar fusion, I have disease in my neck, and I have a cyst growing ON my spinal cord in the middle of my back.

90 mgs of morphine and 60mgs of lortab didn't TOUCH the pain. That is when they put me on Suboxone.

Now, my pain mgmt doctor says to get off of it, to wean myself down, but I'm determined to kick it cold turkey. I've tried twice before and got to around day 6 before the pain got too bad and I took another film....

That last film I had was one 8mg film this past Thursday morning, so that was 4 days ago, today makes day 5. So far, so good. I'm having a runny nose, and feeling aggravated, but that is about all.

I'm also taking prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics for my mental state, and I've read being on these types of things DOES help with withdrawel.

I'm wondering, how long until the w/d gets bad?

I've been on Sub since Aug. 29th, nearly 5 months now.

My love / hate relatioship with it is that I don't want to be on it forever. I think secretly I want to be back on my pain meds so I can get high. All of my meds were prescribed for legit reasons. I'm being honest with myself and with you. I want off of the suboxone. I hate the stigma that comes with it, and how my face turns red when I go to pick up my script, out of embarassment. They must think I was on methadone or heroin and I hate this.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:28 pm 
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Hey blackberrybunny...

Good to hear you're doing so well thus far. If 5 days in things are feeling tolerable, you're in with a chance of being one of the lucky ones, or are you?

blackberrybunny wrote:
I think secretly I want to be back on my pain meds so I can get high.


That really says it all to me? Even if I had the slightest reservation that this would be one of my motives, this would be a real danger sign that I'm definitely not ready to move forward in my recovery. I know all too well, because I've jumped off 6+mg of Suboxone a couple of times, and likely had this idea in the back of my head all along. And it wasn't long before I ended up using again. And the ironic thing was? The end result, always, is ending back up on Suboxone or methadone or in NA.

Someone said here some time ago that their doctor would only agree to help them taper if they came up with a number of positive reasons for getting off it, and it really struck a chord with me. Positive reasons like - I want to travel to more countries, I need more career options, I want to feel healthier, I want to feel better about myself, I want to be free of dependence. It shows a person's want to grow. There were a lot of negative and somewhat irrational reasons for you jumping off. I don't know about everyone else, but they sound more like rationalisations to me.

I won't touch the whole "they must think I was on methadone" thing, except to say it's just an insecurity, and we all have our fair share of those. It sounds like you're being judgemental of yourself for being on Sub more than anyone else.

Anti-deps and anti-psychs for withdrawal? I've found anti-psychs can help a little bit, anti-depressants not so much. Some anti-depressant levels can increase when we go off Suboxone, so it may be worth keeping in mind.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:50 pm 
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Oh tearj3rker, I should have known I'd be caught by one of my good old Suboxone forum buddies!! LOL And yup, here you are!! Yes, you caught me. At least I'm honest.

I want to be free of taking this stuff. I don't know if I can handle it though. The pain, that is, IF it returns, and I don't see why it wouldn't. Do you think really I am one of I the lucky ones? I have read that Sub can stay in your body 5 - 7 days, the half life. I'm just waiting for the RLS to start, the sleepless nights..... my antipsychotic gives me a hard time with those 2 things, and I just had my dosage re-adjusted, so I don't know if what I'll go through is from the Sub or the antipsychotic.

I'm here to share my experience of jumping off of 8mg cold turkey. And to see IF I can do it. Or if I'll need the pain relief. My plan is to get off of it and get back on my lortabs.

I never was on Sub for addiction, but for pain relief. I can't for the life of me understand why more doctors won't talk about Buprenorphine as a pain med? Even my mom's pain mgmt doctor of 9 years refuses to talk to her about it, and he's got her on fentanyl patches, the strongest, and percocets and lortabs. :( She would LOVE to try Sub for her pain relief, since she's seen how great it has worked for me.

Truth is, I'm bored, and I wanna get high again. There, I said it. :( And being that I have legit reasons for pain meds, I feel justified, yet at the same time, horrified and ashamed of myself. The love/hate battle continues...... five months of no narcotics, other than sub, and almost one year free of smoking weed. I've done the best I've ever done. But now I'm depressed and tired of this lifestyle. I want that euphoria again.

At least I'm honest. Lord help me.

Thanks for your comments, TearJerker. I appreciate it. I feel so red-faced now though, hahahaah.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:14 pm 
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No reason to feel embarrassed. I think everyone here could relate to where you're at. I kinda look back on all the times I was considering relapse, like where you are now, as contemplating wasting another period of months / years from my life. That's all it is to me these days.

You know you're not just on Sub treatment for pain.

Well there's not much I can do from here to stop you, really. But you gotta see that a big part of you doesn't want to use, otherwise you wouldn't have opened up and been honest like that. Part of you wants to be helped.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:55 pm 
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blackberrybunny, just wanted to give you something to ponder upon. For just a moment, try to remember the way you felt when you were deciding to get on subox. I say this because if you really truly enjoyed your pain meds why did you go on subox in the first place? Did you ever go thru wd on pain meds before switching to sub? I understand how you feel, wanting to get high and all. Ya wanna know what really helped me? You said it in your previous post. "LORD help me" I said the same thing and I am not at all religeous. Then after I said LORD help me, I began to remember all the things I hated about being on my DOC (which was not painkillers) I hope you make the right choice for yourself. It may be subox or it may very well not be. It is your life and you are wrting the next chapter NOW my friend. Hope it is a good one...Blessings to ya.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:42 pm 
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I might believe you're not an addict if you were taking sub for pain but......after reading the post non addicts just don't plan out relapses and well lets face it....you are planning to use to feel the high or get high and non addicts don't think about pain pills making them feel high (as a positive thing) and they want to do them to feel high. They just don't think like we do. Ya might want to since you're being honest and all be 100 percent honest and realize this.

Nothing to shame about an addict wanting to use or feel high or be high, but you could avoid all that and just go get your dosage increased etc...to maybe alleviate some of these cravings maybe your dose isn't blocking the cravings. Apparently not. But back to the shame thing I can't tell you how many times I said wow I am bored with sobriety and I just want to feel high again. and I did. Of course I always had to pay some kind of price or consequence in the end but it was fun while it lasted at least for a little while. After 30 years of it well the funs are few and far between. I end up just paying the consequences and had no fun.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 12:09 am 
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blackbery- be ware that you have been on suboxone long enough'. remember the power of it . and you may not get the high you are looking for? if the other stuff was not working any more befor suboxone" then how do you think it will work much after soboxone. just a thought















suboxone.

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