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 Post subject: I HATE this!
PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 1:57 pm 
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Well guys, as you know I am trying to get off of sub due to not having a job or insurance. I at least want to get down to a small dose. So, I was taking either 1 and a half subs or only one sub, depending upon the day and any cravings I was having. I was at 2 a day, but Im doing pretty well at trying to maintain one a day. Well, Im due for a refill, but I can not afford one until Wednesday when I get my unemployment payment. I didn't see this problem coming until last week cause we found out my husbands temp agency he was getting work from didn't have any work for him so we wouldn't have the paycheck to purchase my scrip with. So, I cut down to 3/4 of a sub for a few days, and then 3 days ago down to a half of one (4mgs) to get them to last till Wed. I will have my dr call my script in on Tues so that I can pick them up first thing wed morning a 9am when they open. So, should I take my last half tomorrow, or should I take a quarter tomorrow and then a quarter tues? Will I feel anything from a quarter of a pill?

I don't want anyone telling me I'm stupid cause really this wasn't my fault. It sucks struggling and then having so much money going to my stupid addiction problem. I hate myself for this right now. I can't ask my mom to pay for it cause she already paid for my last dr's appt and she is on unemployment too. I know it's only two days but I'm just mad. I hate myself for needing to be on this med. right now.


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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 2:07 pm 
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This really sucks! Sometimes I get pretty comfortable on the sub and I forget that this could really suck if I get laid off or get put on unemployment or whatever. I forget how expensive this problem really is for me. I can't really comment on how much you should take. I think a quarter of a pill would be better than no pill so I say stretch it out as far as possible. God that sucks. I'm really sorry you are in this position.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Sun May 16, 2010 2:56 pm 
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Thanks for responding cherie. I keep telling myself it's only two days. It's only two days. I feel ok on the half of a pill but not my greatest. Not feeling any withdrawal symptoms until the next morning before I dose, so hopefully the quarters will keep them at bay. UGH! I'm just trying really hard to stay positive right now.


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 1:53 am 
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You will still feel the quarter pill. I would recommend leaving it in your mouth for as long as possible as well, just to maximize the absorption.

You know Dr. Junig wrote about one of his patients who conserved money by freezing and reusing his Suboxone spit.

Just be glad you're not him!! :lol: Gads.

If you do have any discomfort from having to cut your dose, remember that there are things you can do for yourself to help you get through it. Hot baths, walks, lots of distractions, herbs for anxiety, etc. Remind yourself that it will pass and you will be ok.

When I was on Sub I would always try to put some aside for emergencies. At first I would do it by taking a lower dose every few days and saving the extra, and later I tapered and didn't tell my doctor so I just saved up a stash. I know that's not completely ethical, but I was on medicaid and they liked to jerk me around on my refills, suddenly saying I needed some obscure form filled out or whatever. I'm sure you know the drill.

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You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 10:26 am 
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Don't forget, sub builds up in your system. So you won't just have the 1/4 pill, but also residual amounts from the doses you have taken over the past week or more. You will be OK. I don't think you'll go into withdrawal. You might not feel as good as you do on your optimum dose, but you'll have enough bound to your receptors to not get sick. I've gone 2-3 days without my dose and been fine. I'm sorry your money issues are interfering with your recovery. I really wish we lived in a society where everyone could get the medicine they need and not have to get even sicker worrying about money!
good luck,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 12:05 pm 
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Thanks guys! Well, it's Monday at noon and I'm doing ok, I only took a quarter this morning and while I dont feel any major withdrawal symptoms, I just feel a bit drained and don't have much motivation. But Im not sick. I also went to my sons field day at the elementary school this morning so it helped to get out and about rather than just stay in the house. I'm just praying the next day and a half goes by quickly and that I don't find myself in this situation again!


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 12:29 pm 
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I'm starting to feel my neuropathy in my feet and esp. my legs and a little bit of anxiety. I think the pain brings on the anxiety though. FML. Only 2 more days.....well I guess one and a half but who is counting right?


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PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 4:37 pm 
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Try to hang in there. I really feel for you. I would not want to be in that position. I am very lucky to have an extremely stable, good-paying position with my company, with decent insurance. My wife is also employed full time with insurance, so I don't have to worry about this kind of thing, and I will NEVER take that for granted.

My advice going forward would be to try to save up a stash of pills if possible. I know that's kind of "junkie" behavior, but it seems prudent given the situation you are in. You're only trying to protect yourself against suddenly having to wean and jump all in a matter of a few days or a week....at least if you had some extra pills you could stretch that weaning out a bit to soften the landing.

But I definitely empathize with how it feels to not be taking enough suboxone to feel normal or good. I just went through that myself and talked with my doctor about it who agreed that I should raise my dose from 4mg to 8mg.....


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PostPosted: Tue May 18, 2010 2:03 pm 
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Hi guys! Ugh. Well, I have my subs called in and they are waiting there at the pharmacy for me for tomorrow morning. So, I just need to make it till tomorrow at 9am! If I didn't have kids, Id just sleep till then! lol, no such luck!


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 Post subject: how are you today???
PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 10:42 am 
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[code][/code][code][align=justify]

Hi rtl mom,
How are you doing today? I assume you were able to get your prescription by now. How are you feeling? Were you feeling unwell on your lower dose? I just read in Ginger44 post that you sent her that you are taking 8mg but sometimes take 12mg when you are not feeling well. Does that help when you do that, or do you still feel the same.
I am just asking because I do the exact same thing and I have no idea why because I don't feel any different after I take that dose that before.
I am still having a hard time. I keep thinking that I should be a lot more stable by now, but my doses are still up and down, I just can't seem to find the right one.
Anyway, I'm glad that you are feeling better and were able to get your script.

Take care,
Ginger


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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 11:27 am 
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Hey Ginger! Thanks so much for asking! I'm feeling so much better since I got my script on Wed.

If I have a day where I take an extra 4 mgs in the afternoon (making it 12mgs for the day) I feel it does help me, BUT I think it's only mentally helping me. I won't feel any physically different except for maybe a burst of energy but that's it. So, Im starting to think I may be wasting them. Yesterday afternoon I kept thinking about taking a half to feel better, I was feeling sluggish. But, I didn't, I just distracted myself and pushed through it. I really wanna get out of the habit of doing it. And you know what, those two days where I was just taking a quarter of a pill in the begining of the week, I did ok. I felt anxious and some pain in my legs but overall I was ok. So, that gave me a lot of hope for my future taper. Knowing that If I do it correctly and slowly, I will be able to come off of the sub someday.


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 Post subject: me again!
PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 12:19 pm 
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Hi again,
Please excuse all the code messages all over my posts. I am still having huge problems posting, sometimes i have to try 4 or 5 times, it's sooooo frustrating. I have no idea why this is happening.

Anyway, I am glad that you are feeling better. So, do you find that sub gives you a burst of energy? That is really interesting because it does exactly the opposite for me, so I often take it at bedtime and when I take the extra, it's because I wake up in the middle of the night and cannot get back to sleep, but if I take another 2 mg or so, then I fall right back to sleep. I know a lot of people can't take it at night or it will keep them awake so i guess I am the strange one. As a matter of fact, if I do take it in the morning, it makes me so tired that I have a lot of trouble getting ready for work. Strange!

It must be very stressful for you right now, with both you and your husband out of work. My husband is a Real Estate agent and has always done fairly well. The last two years have been horrible and he has only made not even half the money he was making. The alst year has been so bad with the economy that he has has to find another job. He has worked in real estate for over 20 years and has never seen anything like the way it is right now. he was working for a temp agency for a while, and I know how stressful that can be, you never know if there is work or not and then when you do get paid, it's usually not more than minimum wage because the temp agency gets such a big cut. My husband finally found a full time job, but he has to travel and he is not home all week, so it's been really hard. We have 5 children and they are all gone now, the last one left for university last year. So, I went form having a huge busy house, to just me all alone, and believe me that is not good. I tend to isolate anyway, and now with hubby gone all week, all I do is go to work, then home alone. I've got to find some things to do because I know where this will lead if I am alone too much, just not good, for me anyway.

How many children do you have? Did you get laid off from your work, too? I can't even imagine how difficult that must be with no insurance. You are doing really well though with all that stress. maybe now that you know you can get away with taking 4mg, it will be easier for you to taper. I'm trying to taper also, but it's always next week, and I never get there. i also think I'm probably not ready if I'm having trouble. I fear I may lose my sub because my doctor is retiring soon and there is no other doctor that prescribes it, so I have to taper very soon, or I will be in trouble.

Sorry for writing a book. i sure hope this post will send!
In Canada we have a long weekend, for Queen Victoria's birthday. Kind of strange now that I think about it, but it's a nice long weekend to look forward to. It's a National holiday, so all across Canada. Do you have a long weekend in may in the US??

Take care and hope to talk to you again soon,
Ginger


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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 2:54 pm 
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Hey again Ginger. Yeah, next weekend is a long weekend cause the last Monday in May is Memorial Day.

Yeah, I got laid off in January, my husband got laid off in Dec of 08! The only thing he has been able to find is part time here and there. I hate this economy. I have 3 children. My boys are 9 and 7. And my daughter will be turning 2 the end of June. So, they keep me very busy.

Sub. def. gives me energy. That was always the same with pain pills too. They gave me so much energy. I got to the point where I felt like I couldn't do anything unless I was high on pills and I still catch my self thinking sometimes "well, maybe if I take an extra sub, I'll have enough energy to clean (or whatever)" I was really like that in the begining with the sub, but I have gotten much better. I'm starting to reverse the addict way of thinking. Thank god.


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PostPosted: Fri May 21, 2010 3:20 pm 
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Hi RTLmom~
I am somewhat new to the forum. I have been on suboxone for 9 weeks now -- taking 24mgs a day and I have to say that I too feel energized on them. AND I also felt that way on the pain pills! Kind of crazy as I was just telling my therapist today that I feel like I want to take a 1/2 or a 1/4 when I start to slow down in the late afternoon to pick myself up!

I know that this behavior is not healthy and I am working on it! But I wanted you to know that you aren't alone in this.... When I was using pain pills I used to schedule large house projects such as painting or cleaning to coincide with when I was picking up my new prescription! Crazy huh?

Hope things are better now... I was rooting for you! FAD


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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 8:36 am 
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ugh, I had a whole response typed up and it disappeared, so if this is a double post Im sorry.

Hi FAD!

Yeah, subs give me lots of energy. Which is good, but then I feel like when ever I get tired I need more. Which isn't good behavior. Crazy how everyones body deals with the sub differently.....

I used to schedule house cleaning and major projects, and things i didn't wanna do around getting my percosets too. Taking a handful of percs just made everything enjoyable! ugh, so glad Im not in that position any more! I'm just happy Im finally to the point of being happy in my daily life with out having to be high. Esp. for my kids sake. My lifestyle was NOT fair to them. I can finally be the best mom.


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PostPosted: Sat May 22, 2010 7:59 pm 
I had to chime in on this one real quick! So familiar what you all are talking about with how you'd "schedule" big projects and whatnot around the times when you had the best supply of pills! I look around my house and yard/garden from time to time and find myself thinking...."Yep I did that loaded...and that...and that...!" So funny. I think most all of us got some kind of charge out of opiates especially in the beginning stages of addiction. I definitely would not have dreamed of starting a big project without having plenty of drugs to get me through. I can't count the number of times I stayed up until 4-5 in the morning painting a room or something! Of course, for me, because of the way my work schedule was, I was never on a normal clock anyway. Actually I'm kind of remembering a time very early on with my pill abuse right now. It may have been one of the pivotal moments when I began to cross the line into addiction. Bear with me a minute and I'll tell it..
I had worked my usual 12 hour night shift. My first one of the week, which meant I had already been awake for 8 hours or so before even going to work that evening. I worked my 12 and came home exhausted ready for bed. Right when I got in the door, my husband informed me that our daughter had had a bad night with her asthma and URI and now has a fever. He has to go on to work (of course) and I'm off now, so here ya go. I couldn't get her an appointment until several more hours later. I had some Lortab and knew they gave me a bit of an energy boost. So I took some and suddenly felt as though I had gotten some sleep even though I hadn't. I wound up taking care of her and everything else, never went to bed and went back and worked another 12 that night. There were many times like that. I just didn't have time to sleep. There was someone or something pulling on me all the time. I've stayed up 48+ hours straight so many times I couldn't count. Often during my 3 12-hour shifts in a row I might get a combined total of 8 hours sleep in a 72-hour period of time. So, I know exactly what you guys are talking about with the opiates giving you the energy. That's a big part of what got me addicted.
Bupe, however, doesn't seem to do me that way. I guess I'm glad for that. Less reinforcement to try to abuse or misuse it, right?


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PostPosted: Sun May 23, 2010 10:26 am 
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Setmefree- I was actually just looking around my front yard and garden yesterday thinking 'Oh, I planted and weeded that garden while high" or "I put those stones in while high" It's like every major project around the house I did while high. Right now I'm hoping to get into my daughters room (well, soon to be her room , its a spare room we had to rip the floor out and replace the walls before she can have it) and fix it up so she can finally have her new room. It's just hard cause I have to keep on on cleaning the house too, which is a full time job. And I hate thinking to myself , when I look at her room, 'wow, if I was loaded on pills I'd get in done in no time!' So, my goal is to get it done this week!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:27 pm 
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Diary of a Quitter wrote:

You know Dr. Junig wrote about one of his patients who conserved money by freezing and reusing his Suboxone spit.

Just be glad you're not him!! :lol: Gads.



Totally! Good thing I wasn't eating anything when I read that! Ugh! lol. What a way to save money. And imagine if someone else found the frozen Suboxone spit in the freezer? "No, it's not a weird orange Popsicle, dear. It's my frozen saliva." "What?!" "I'm just trying to save a buck on my medication." "Oh, okay..." Blech!

Sorry, I don't mean to sound judgmental. It just struck me as funny and gross at the same time. I know we all do what we have to do to save money and keep on the road to recovery.


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