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PostPosted: Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:44 pm 
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I'm grateful for suboxone in a way but sick of it. I was a IV heroin user for 2-4 years - did multiple rehabs/relapses... finally got clean in 2006 for 4 years the NA way... finished college, had a beautiful daughter, got a decent career and life... then relapsed 3 years ago on pain pills and after just 6-8 mos switched to suboxone and now its almost 2 years later and I'm embarrassingly still on.

Understand-- I was in severe crisis when I switched to subs- went through abusive relationship, abusive break up, then horrible court battle since I began suboxone... I wouldn't have custody and the success I have today without the suboxone (maybe) but I am still bummed. I take paxil (since 2005) 2 16 mg subs (12 on good weeks) even though I have always been prescribed 24mg (!!??) being a single mom I worry about insurance and money probs so the fallback suboxone is always been good for failed tapers and squirreling ...
and I drink occasionally ( and occasionally too much) plus am prescribed about 15 1mg clonipins for anxiety (stayed the same dose always for fear of addiction and mixing with subs)

I can't taper! I always fail and go back to original dose. Its all been psychological. I think. I have to either exercise my ass off in evenings, take an axiety med, or a glass of wine when I start to taper...

I'm so sick of being dependent. I know what it's like to be completely clean and I remember how happy and secure I was. I've been so depressed on and off and its like a crazy chemical imbalance I've been trying to maintain with all the RX's...

I go between two doctors at same clinic. One says "why go down? you are doing great in life- just be ok with it and proud of yourself" ... the other one will encourage me to taper. I seem to always fight with both of them about it then tell myself "I'm just not ready".
My life has been crazy and I am a full time working single mom with no support. but its always probably going to be like this so I just need to do this and get off...

Can anyone give me guidance- go with typical 2mg/ 2 week tapers? How do I stick to it!? What about Ibogaine?

I wish I could do something fast for my daughters sake. Like a fast taper in detox then home- that's why Ibogaine is so appealing to me. I have a friend who got off 2+ years methadone on it and is still clean 3 years later.

Any advice out there- who and how can get clean off such a high dose and stay clean!? Like year plus clean...

I do not, and have not since maybe first month of using suboxone, get "high" off my dose. Yes, it gives me an elated or more energetic mood but more comparable with an anti-depressant and 2 cups of coffee than an opiate. Besides constipation, I have no opiate like behaviors associated with my use (at least thats what everyone tells me- people who knew me well when I was a junkie) I'm pretty normal seeming.

Note: I have been clean illegal drug wise since I started subs in Jan 2014 and am proud of that but not like I was in NA. And I DO NOT want to go back to NA/AA. I would consider doing something similar, but different... (i.e no 12 steppers associated) I had negative experience with NA. I respect it but hate the sheep like behavior (esp. the wolves).

thank you anyone who responds- esp those that have been able to get off similar long term doses


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 1:34 pm 
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Hi Rose and welcome to the forum!

Your story is a familiar one. Suboxone worked for you and now you want off. We get it. But first you need to start to taper down, very slowly. With 16 mg's you should easily be able to drop to 8 w/o any ill effects. Most every member has done so successfully and you can too. Yes, we've had some who felt withdrawals dropping down that much but 16 mg's is quite a lot and your body has stored several days supply in your bloodstream so you should be fine. Once you're at 8 mg's then you can look through this section for tapering methods. Don't be in such a rush to get off it or you'll fail.

When the time is right and your mind is set and healthy, it will happen. But reading your story it sounds like you are still battling addiction and with that happening I don't suggest you stop just yet.

Forget the IBOGAINE! It is a very dangerous and illegal drug that will affect your brain. Stay away from it. It's illegal for a good reason. The only people saying it works are other addicts. Who are you going to believe?

P.S. I moved your thread to this section as it was more appropriate.

Welcome once more,

rule62

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 01, 2015 2:39 pm 
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Thanks for reply@rule62...

Ibogaine is touted as working by addicts I guess but I was not aware of the dangers. I just know that it worked for my friend (only with opiates, not with benzos).. I am wary of it. As a mom, I can't take risks like that anymore.

I am interested on why you mentioned that you think I am "still battling with addiction" ?? Is it because I mentioned the alcohol and anxiety meds, or still dependent on suboxone dosage mentally? I think you are probably correct - just interested in exploring your opinion more.

I am so grateful to have joined a discussion board like this. Other than my monthly meeting with Dr. I am really isolated with my suboxone therapy. Most people I let know about it (primarily my parents) are not very supportive or informed about it. I stopped telling people- esp. concerning my dosage a long time back because I felt very judged. Especially by 12 steppers. If I now say anything to someone I just tell them that I am in addiction therapy and have been clean for almost 2 years. I wish I had had an opportunity to do the traditional opioid detox and 28 day program but as a single mom of a young child- I just didn't have that option.... And i don't see myself as comparable to someone on methadone. I know in a minute is someone is on methadone but with suboxone I can't see the effects. It may be a biased opinion, but that is my observation.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2015 1:53 am 
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Yes Rose, I said it because of the other drugs you're taking and also the difficulty you seem to have tapering. You just may not be ready just yet. Only you know if the time is right so I'm only guessing. I just hate to see people want to get off the Suboxone and aren't ready. They end up failing and then beat themselves up over it. A person must know in their heart and mind that they are ready to battle the beast of dependency. And that is what it is, a dependency, not an addiction. But still hard to stop without the proper tools in place beforehand.

There is no rush to get off it. Start with a slow taper and go from there. Some get stuck at 1-2 mg's and just can't get below it. Maybe a year or two later they succeed in stopping it.

I hope that answered your question,

rule

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2015 11:58 am 
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Hi Rose and welcome! So happy you found us! You will find lots of support and encouragement here! Can we talk about those 12 steppers who think it is ok to take your inventory and not be focused on their own recovery! It gets me really upset because people who really need the support walk away because one or two or sometimes a specific group are old school. There is a pamphlet that talks about medications and the 12 step program. I work with people who are dealing with addiction and mental health issues. We have a dually diagnosed 12 step meeting in which people talk about both issues and how they make the steps work for them. It empowers people to deal with the old timers and not let them push them out. I day all this because what I heard loud and clear in your post is a need for support. AA/NA can be the easiest way for you to find that support. I tell my clients and it goes for me too...take what you need and leave the rest! Also, if they have an OA or EA meeting in your area, you could check them out. It's the 12 steps but people tend to be a little more gentle. Please know, I am only making a suggestion in an effort to help with the support that you need. Life is really tough for a single mom! I hope this helps and please know we are here for you!


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:31 pm 
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Hi Rose, I just reread your post and realized that you said I DO NOT want to go back to NA/AA. So very sorry if I gave the impression that you should try again. That was not my point at all. Everyone's journey is different. There is not a cookie cutter way of doing recovery! I just feel so bad that you had a negative experience because it is so assessible and can be a wealth of support and it is free! lol OK, I hope that explains a little better where I am coming from. Hope you are having a wonderful day!


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