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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 6:49 am 
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Well, it took me awhile to do this... I was on Suboxone and this site about 8 months ago, short term, about 18 days, tapered and stayed off pills for a bit, then relapsed on tramadols and went back to the percocets, but not as much as I was taking before. I think alot of my wanting off the suboxone was that I had a dick for a doctor who made me feel bad, rushed me out and offered no support. I also wanted the same thing everyone else does, to be done with pills and move on. This time I decided to stop (again, no rock bottom, no arrests, no devastating consequences), it was with a much more honest approach with myself and I contacted a fantastic place run by 4 awsesome, funny, knowledgeable doctors that made me feel very welcome. It was a 6 weeks program originally with a taper accompanied by prozac to help with seratonin boost, clonidine for cravings and follow up with naloxone at the very end. he put me on 8 mg of generic subutex and all is fine. my husband is very supportive and one night I asked him how he felt about me staying on the sub indefinitely... he said, "great, sure, no big deal if that makes you happy and feel you have a safety against using again", so I made the decision to just stay on it for as long as I want or need. truthfully, i dont want to guessing game, the planning, or the total consumption of being opiate free that it would take after I am done with the suboxone. I have no confidence issues, do not care what others think, am not fearful of being judged, own my own company so answer to nobody, and as long as I am comfortable and my husband is comfortable with my choice, no secrets, then let it be. I had my third appt. on saturday morning and asked the doc if I could stay on a maintenance dose for years, and he smiled and said absolutely, most who do, do well on about 2 mg a day but he said I could taper at my own comfort level. I had one pharmacist who filled my script act very nice and supportive, and another one give me the eye (and I am not one who it is wise to do that with), and I looked at him and said very quietly, "don't judge me... I have your level of education, your level of income, your level of smarts, it happens and your job is to fill my script, so please do just that and keep your thougts off your facial expression". he turned beet red, apologized and filled my script with a "Have a great day ma'am".
Took me awhile to repost, swallowed pride, didnt know if I would be welcomed back etc... well, I am back and odds are, with no plan to stop in sight. why? Thanks everyone and I hope I hear kind, welcoming responses!

Mer


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:39 am 
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Welcome back. I agree with you about the guessing game. I also agree with you about the pharmacy. I have used the same pharmacy all the way through my addiction so they were around when I needed that perc script right NOW and when I was constantly filling them and calling in for refills. They were also around through the suboxone. I went off the suboxone and had surgery. Had to fill a vic script. Got the "eye". I just laughed it off and thought F them. Nobody's business but my own.

Cherie


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 11:36 am 
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I'm pretty new here, but just wanted to say congratulations on not letting the addiction run wild and getting some help. I am a long term suboxone patient, going on 15 months using it now, and I tried to get off but came very close to relapse and decided it just wasn't worth it for me to get off at this point. What's the rush? Life is very good right now.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and congrats on taking some good positive action for yourself.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 12:26 pm 
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Welcome back MW! I'm so happy to know you're doing well now. Please don't feel bad about what happened, I'm continually struck by just how crazy opiate addiction is. I really dislike having to think about taking a medication for the rest of my life but I feel really safe taking it. I'm glad you're getting support and please take care :)

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"If you're going through hell, ....keep going!"
-Winston Churchill


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:40 pm 
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It's great that you came back! I absolutely LOVE the way you dealt with the pharmacist. Believe it or not, I'm in a pharmacy tech program, and copping an attitude toward customers is definitely frowned upon. Good for you!


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:50 pm 
Welcome back mwflorida! I'm so glad you decided to post and share what's been going on with you. It's a very unselfish thing to do....to come back and let people know that your original plan of using Suboxone as strictly a tapering tool did not work out as you had planned.
There have been so many people come to the forum and post about doing quick tapers with plans to walk away from opiates permanently. Most never come back and let us know one way or another how things worked out for them over the months following their experiences with Sub. That leaves some of us not only wondering about them, but also feeling confused about the nature of our addiction. For me, and I think I speak for a great number of us opiate addicts, I don't see how it could ever be that simple. After all, I certainly wanted off opiates as badly as anyone else would. I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent, strong-willed, etc. Yet I couldn't just make the decision to stop opiates and walk away. That left me wondering how it could be that someone else could potentially do a quick taper with Sub, or just stop opiates cold-turkey or whatever and walk away, never to touch opiates again.
I think the truth of your experience is far and away the most likely outcome of most everyone who tries a "quick-fix" method of recovery.....eventual relapse. Where you are different and extraordinary is in the fact that you very promptly identified the slipperyslope that you had gotten back into and stopped the decline before it overwhelmed your life. I think that a critical part of this whole recovery thing is that we are able to accept and believe that none of us is special in terms of this disease....none of us gets a free pass....none of us gets off this rollercoaster of opiate addiction all that much easier than the next one. It's going to take work and it's going to take time!
I'm thrilled that your doctor was understanding about your desire to continue treatment beyond the six weeks. I think you have made a wise decision to give yourself an indefinite period of time to stabilize, taper a bit, then maintain Sub until you feel ready to try life without it, if ever. I do not think you'll regret this decision.
Good for you for what you said to your jerk of a pharmacist too!! Sometimes it helps me to think about something when someone has treated me poorly or 'less-than' because of my addiction: I believe that those people will suffer from addiction themselves at some point...maybe not them personally, but someone close to them will be affected by addiction...and they will have to eat their own words and feel some level of remorse for their judgment of me. I may not be right...but it helps me to think of it that way sometimes.
Anyway...so glad you're back! Congrats on getting back into recovery!


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 Post subject: Thanks everyone!
PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 8:12 pm 
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Thank you guys so much for your warm welcome back... It's amazing. I have truly put any feelings of shame, guilt or pressure away. I am very much a person who turns inward for acceptance, and if I accept me, I am unfazed as to anyone else's opinion of me (genuinely, not an act). I have stopped the "chatter in my head" about the idea of being on a pill for life. Who cares? Big fucking deal! If I don't, I have the burden of avoiding temptation which is much more time consuming than I really care to devote. I feel no shame, no worries, and in addition to you all helping me, I would love to help all of YOU! Maybe its the therapist in me...


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 Post subject: Welcome Home... LOL
PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:07 am 
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Hello there MWFLA,
Hi & welcome back to the forum.... Let me add to the others and say your story and support are always welcome here!!!

On another note, Thanks for telling that pharmacist what a lot of us wanted to tell a pharmacist at one time or another.. I have found that some of the pharmacist are very helpful & supportive.... BUT there are some out there that think they are your Judge & Jury when it comes top addiction.... It can make it very uncomfortable for someone to get their medication when they need it MOST!!!! Anyways enough ranting from me.. Just wanted to welcome you back and keep your excellent post' coming...
Take care & Good luck!

God Bless
TW


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:59 pm 
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Welcome back, MW. I'm so glad to hear you're now doing better. Yours is a good lesson and I thank you for sharing it with us. You know we're here for you.

Oh, and I applaud you for what you said to that pharmacist. The ones that behave that way think they'll get away with it because we'll take it won't call them on it. Well you sure called him on it. You're an inspiration.

Glad to have you back.

Melissa


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