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 Post subject: Got a glimpse of Reality
PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 1:08 pm 
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I have been taking Suboxone for 8 months now..after years of opiate and alcohol abuse. I have not had a drop of alcohol for alomost 4 years and I attend AA several times a week. I have had 3 surgries and received broken ribs and broke my left arm in an accident about 1 1/2 years ago. At first I took my pain pills as prescribed as I took my sobriety very seriously. Soon I was off and running and then to the point I was buying 20 Loratab 10's a day. I heard about Suboxone and read all I could about it including this forum(which I found very helpful). I took a leap of faith and found a Suboxone Doctor 2 hours away. Even though I have great insurance he would not accept it and would only take cash. Thankfully my insurance picks up my meds($45) for a month supply. I started at 16mg a day and I am now down to 4mg twice a day. Even though I have expressed my concerns to my Dr. that he is weaning me too fast (he wants me totally off by June 1) he is not interested. I have shared with him Dr. J's opinions and shared this forum with him...he only replies that Dr. J is just about money and trying to keep me hooked. I have always taken my Suboxone as directed and have never ran out. He drug test me every month ($50 everytime) and of course I pass. Last month I went on a business trip to Memphis and left my bottle in my hotel room one day. My bottle seemed light and after I checked out I decided to count my pills and found I was missing 4 8mg tablets. I panicked as I only had 3 left and was a week away from my appointment. I tried to limit what was left but was not too concerned. I ran out on a Saturday morning. I woke up soaking wet on Monday morning with what I thought was the flu. I was hot and cold...Everything smelled dusty and I could not stop sneezing.....sometimes 30 at one time...then diarreha....I began loosing control of my bowels and had a couple of accidents...as I progressed into Tuesday i could not sleep...my legs hurt so bad..soon I began having panic attacks and then suicidal thoughts. I was so scared. I couldn't eat, drink or even smoke(I am a heavy smoker). I wanted to call my Dr but I was worried because when I am at his office..I hear his staff openly talking about this person and that person who lost their pills again...or is trying to get an early refill at the pharmacy...so I continued with my withdrawls..and they got worse. Thank god I had vacation time I could take cause I couldn't move and again more accidents...if I did sleep I would hallucinate or wake up in a full blown panic attacks..but the suicidal thoughts were the scariest. On Wed I got on the road to drive two hours to my appt. I kept having to pull over due to panic attacks and uncontrollable bowels. After two hours I was still an hour away. I called the Dr's office and told them I was running late. They told me to reschedule for Thursday....I finally told her I was in a full blown panic attack and that I have been without my Subs due to the theft....Yea right....she put me on hold and then came back and told me to come on in. It took two more hours to get there. Of course when I got there I had already had an accident in my pants....I am embarrassed and seriously sick. Before I could even sign in..I was asked to take a drug test......then I had to wait 1 1/2 hours before getting back to see the Dr. I attempted to tell him what was going on with me and he said he was very busy...wrote me a script for my Subs and told me to put some back in case I take more than I should. he then reminded me that suboxone has a ceiling effect and that I can't get high...then he said see you in 4 weeks. I couldn't believe it. I am a business professional with a good job and I have been trying to live the right way. Not that it makes me unique or different but I was shocked. I now had to wait 45 more minutes to get my script filled. This really scared me....I am now afraid of what is going to happen when I do taper off this medication. I know I have read all these things but actually living it makes it real. I saw a side of my Dr that gives me concern as well. I am ok today...and I have set some aside in case something like this happens again. I am not sure what I expect by sharing this..but AA has taught me to write out what is bothering me....and hopefully my experience will help someone else.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 7:20 pm 
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Good lord, you need to fire your doctor and find a health care provider that cares about you. If you have always been a compliant patient and never failed a drug screen then there's no reason for him to treat you that way. The fact that you were so scared of his reaction that you couldn't tell him what happened to your pills tells the whole story.

And don't be afraid of coming off Sub when you're ready. If you taper right you won't go through all of that again.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 11:44 am 
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Last edited by Payton on Mon Jan 11, 2010 7:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 12:19 pm 
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Thanks for the tips...it was scary and I will try some of the breathing techniques you described. I have so far saved back a 2 day supply and I feel ok. I know enough from this site that I chose to go on Suboxone and this experience has helped me realize what I can expect. In a way I am glad to have experienced it so that I can get STUPID thouhts out of my head that I can quit cold turkey. I want to taper slowly but at the same time I can be easily swayed to do the easy thing....I am after all an alcoholic and addict. Suboxone has been a good thing for me..it has helped me live...save some money and be a father to my boys. I'm alive......thanks.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 2:01 pm 
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wow, ReRaise I'm glad you're ok now! I've only had one panic attack (back when I was still using and couldn't find anything for a couple days) and it was absolutely horrible I thought I was dying or at the very least having a heart attack. I finally managed to calm myself down a bit after a couple hours but I don't know if you noticed this as well but my hands were tingling most of the remainder of the day. I'd just suggest that you put a little back from your prescriptions each month even if it's just 2-4mgs and make sure to always keep the majority of the medication in a VERY secure place at home. I've even heard of people buying a safe to keep their medication in (which is a little overboard I think at least that's more of something I'd do when I was using and was super paranoid of someone stealing my oxy,hydro, etc.) My doctor's office is run by a recovering addict and she has always been so great to me. One time I totally forgot about an appointment and she got me back in after a day or so. I went to the office then though to offer a drug test so they knew I hadn't skipped the visit to avoid a drug screen. They usually always make my appointments early enough that I usually have one or two leftover from each visit so that in case something does happen I can make it even a week or so without running out. I'm sure after that horrible experience though that you will be doing everything you can to avoid repeating those miserable days but I really do hope that it would be possible for you to find a new doctor who actually cares. Mind you I do think that doctors have to have some rules that are set in concrete such as not refilling early unless you have a police report to prove you've been robbed etc but if I were you I'd look for a doctor who actually listened to me instead of setting arbitrary dates for your treatment to end. Have you ever heard of a diabetic having to stop medication on a date set by the doctor and then after they are to manage their disease with exercise and diet restrictions? Of course not and if your not ready to stop by that date then you're pretty much going to be right back where you were before you started Suboxone. All Suboxone doctors who actually have successfull patients either allow maintenance or let their patients set their date for tapering off. Anywho didn't mean to write a book just wanted to throw my two cents in and welcome you to the site. I'm so glad you're feeling better!

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 Post subject: Here's what i do....
PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 8:34 pm 
I'm not sure if you have insurance paying for your pills, but i always have. So what I did was for the first 4 months, I told the Sub doctor I was taking 3 pills a day when I was really only taking 2. Now he is writing the script for 2 a day, and I only take 1.5. So I now have about 160 extra 8 mg Suboxone's saved up just in case of emergency. Once I get down to just 8 mg a day, I'll be getting an extra pill every day to put away for safe keeping. So then I'll be getting a total of 365 extra pills a year, and so forth. My doc says he will prescribe indefinately, but I never know if things will change on my end. Just looking out for myself.
JD


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:02 pm 
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The one thing I will add is that my doctor did write my script for 5 extra tablets in case this ever happens again and encouraged me to buy a small safe and only carry what I need. I should have added this but I think I was so furious about the whole situation and I couldn't see the positive in any of it.....still some of that self-centerness I am working on........I am thankful to all of you for your support and concerns...


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:28 am 
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I don't blame you for being upset at all. Withdrawal is my least favorite thing in the world and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I don't think you should feel bad for being upset it does sound like a shitty situation all around but I'm glad you're ok now and hopefully you'll never have to go through anything like that again.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 5:09 am 
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Hello,
After reading your post my heart ached for you, I tried to imagine every detail you included and all I have to say is wow, what a relief it must have been when you finally got that little orange pill under your tongue!!!
I'm not taking sides here but I'm sure your doctor has heard all the "lame stories" us addicts can come up with so in their defense they were trying to protect themselves, But in your defense if the doctor would've taken a little time out of his busy day (as he should have before he prescribed you anything) he would've been aware of your situation and could have seen first hand that you were in full blown withdrawals!
I too do the same thing JDhammond does, I am prescribed a certain amount and I only take a certain amount and I have a stash just in case I can't make it to the doctor or if something else comes up.Guess this is addict behavior but its given me comfort to know that I wont run out, as in your case. I have been through withdrawals from suboxone before and though it wasn't as severe as your case, nobody wants to go through the withdrawal. Just remember if you do decide to go off of them then take it slow as suggested and maybe you wont feel the extreme withdrawals like you did this day. Take care and thanks for the insight.


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