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PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 10:04 pm 
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First of all, I have to say I was never prescribed suboxone, I bought it directly from a hook who had a prescripition but was so addicted to junk that he never used it. I will save my whole use history for another time and another post. But in short, I was a big oxycontin addict, at my peak using 160 - 200mg per day, mostly snorted or smoked, never injected anything. When I was busted 10 or more times by my parents with me leaving paper trails everywhere with the money i was extorting from my bank accounts and the bad checks and all thats when my peak couldn't be supported anymore. I also go a DUII with alcohol and the went to a diversion program where I was urine tested constantly, YET still found a way to use at occasions and not get caught (Us addicts can be very resourceful... imagine that resourcefulness being put forth something you really want in life). After diversion ended I guess I slowly inched my way off of oxys and found out about suboxone. I went on suboxone and it always worked great to keep me from withdrawling on a weekend binge. I never truly recovered because I would relapse once a weekend! After awhile I found the suboxone hook I spoke of earlier and he was consistent, So I went on a self regulated suboxone regiment of about 2mg three times a day. I never wanted to taper, but what suboxone DID DO for me was help me to get out of the circle of addicts I was with and get me into a daily routine with exercise, health, and family time. I was on this regiment for about 6 months and it made work so EASY to get through and time alone really easy as well. One day driving home from work, I was with my father and just radomly blurted out "I'm the most unhappy I have ever been in my life". It was true, yes the suboxone helped me to get away from the worser things but I also alienated all my old good friends, burned bridges and seperated myself from everyone. I realized I needed to stop suboxone, and the next week my hook was surprised with an intervention and sent off to rehab. CRAP!! Well, this caused me to go seek out some bad things. I went on a two week junk binge with old friends who had stepped up from pills to tar and while I was in that world, I had the smarts enough to realize, these people are extremely desperate, I cant live like this. In those two weeks I secured two more 8mg subs and actually wen through them way faster than I should have. about 8mg a day. So I had a two day taper of high doses, after six months of being on it everyday, followed by two weeks of smoking junk constantly. I struggled for three days very bad, I tried to go to work on the third day and had to leave early (..flu HAH..) and then called in for the next two days. On day 5 I went into work and struggled through it but made it. Every day has been getting better, the gym and supplements help TREMENDOUSLY. One thing I have accomplished in the past 8 days as well is to start repairing relationships, spending more time with people, and listening to my family when they want to talk. Bottom line is that I think suboxone is a great medication to build a framework for a new life while your mind is synthetically occupied for a bit. But I would not stay on it for more than even a month if I did it over. I hope this helps some people. Sorry for the run on paragraphs, sentences, and thoughts. (im just typing). I will post a use history sometime here for people. But I still need to get better myself. Yes I have been sober from opiates for 8 days but that is not a long time at all, I have gone longer (and that is where the doubt comes in..) But I will stay strong and take pride in restored relationships and emotions that havent been felt in quite some time. The first emotion I gained back coming off this drug is the ability to tear up easier and I know the laughter will follow in due time. Thanks everybody and GOOD LUCK to all who want their life back!


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 5:58 am 
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Quote:
It was true, yes the suboxone helped me to get away from the worser things but I also alienated all my old good friends, burned bridges and seperated myself from everyone. I realized I needed to stop suboxone, and the next week my hook was surprised with an intervention and sent off to rehab. CRAP!! Well, this caused me to go seek out some bad things. I went on a two week junk binge with old friends


So...you were on Suboxone and doing well in some respects, but you realized that you were unhappy because you were isolating yourself and you missed your friends. And instead of just trying to connect with your friends and make a community for yourself, you decided it was the fault of Suboxone that you were unhappy so you needed to quit taking it. And then you hooked up with your old friends and went on a junk binge.

That is some addict logic right there my friend.

What you needed was a meeting or some other contact with people in recovery - not a quick detox from the med that was keeping you off opiates. I understand that you lost your connection, but Sub is legal and you can get it from a doctor.

Whatever you decide to do, you are going to need a support system of people who are sober/in recovery. You need people who know where you're at, who've made it through the same things and who understand and are there for you in a positive and healthy way. Staying off opiates isn't about "staying strong" or any of that. It's about organizing your life around recovery, learning what your triggers are and how to cope with them without turning to drugs, finding out what makes you happy and fulfilled and then doing those things.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 10:02 am 
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Hey there,RIDOFit! I agree that you need to be with people who are clean and in recovery. I don't know where you live but are there N.A. meetings around your area? For the first year of my recovery I had attended meetings regularly and had a sponser and I know that it helped tremendously! I haven't been to a meeting in quite awhile and I'm feeling it. Just trying to help. You might want to check it out, it couldn't hurt! Good luck.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 17, 2009 3:27 pm 
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Thanks for the input, ill respond later. today is Day 9 (12:24pm) and I work at 1pm. First day back to work in about a week, let ya'll know how it goes! My mind is great right now. I had a GOOD NIGHTS sleep, still finding ideas to deal boredom. Im starting to have that mindset again like high school. Yes I feel a bit fatigued but I cant sit still, want to go out all the time. Gym, run, basketball, rock climbing, whatever! But the older you get (im 25) and the further from high school and college you are, the less you see friends. People have busy schedules! Happy day to everyone, ill check back in later. Pe@cE!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 2:50 am 
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for my own personal statistical research, would you mind popping in here and posting in this thread when you use a drug other than suboxone? Thanks. I hope it works out for you, I really do. I wish it worked for me, but suboxone has had this strange effect on me:

I haven't lied
stolen or cheated anyone
spent 500 a day on junk
lost a job
slept past 9 am (think productivity)
worried about what story I told who
hurt my wife and kids
am not and emotional mess (WAY up and WAY WAY down)
driven while impaired
worried about what my UA was going to look like
had a difficult time starting a task, because I hadn't dosed
spent half a day in a parking lot hoping the dealer would show
worried about what was in my car if I got pulled over
FELT THE GUILT AND SHAME that inevitably arrive when the euphoria is gone...


Best of luck (I want to get off it too, I really do)


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 10:27 am 
Rationale - I love that post!! Funny - Suboxone has had that same effect on me!! It is truly wonderful to be rid of the garbage that opiate addiction brought into my life! Things I never thought would be a part of my life to begin with. Your list was great! Yeah - no worries about who I lied to about what, what I said to whom, how many times I said what to whom! Accomplishing a task without worrying about whether I had enough pills to keep my motivation going long enough to get the job done! Sleeping like a 'normal' person! What about counting, recounting pills, pulling out the calendar to see when I might be able to get by with a refill. Trying desparately to ration out those damn pills to make them last a little longer or maybe taper and wean off for good!! Ha - aint gonna happen!! Feeling sick again and again because you cannot make it happen! Getting worse and worse instead of better - no end in sight!
Glad to have you on the forum! It is a wonderful place to learn and share. Sure, I'd like to get off Suboxone some day too. But for now, it is doing exactly what it was designed to do. My hope is that over time, as I continue to get my life back on track, I will be able to slowly taper and wean off Suboxone as others on this forum have done. But that is a ways away as I've only been on it for 2+ months. I also realize that there are many people who have come to the conclusion that they will continue on a low dose of Sub for life. There is a possibility I will fall into that category and if so - okay. If that's what it takes to prevent relapse and a recurrence of the mess of active addiction, I'll stay on Sub.
Again - welcome and hope to hear more from you!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 1:39 pm 
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Ridofit, the tearing up is insane. When I had been clean from opiates and subs for a week I went to a movie about a rugby team, with my rehab group, and I BAWLED like baby through the whole movie. It was hilarious how the littlest thing could make me cry. That continued for few weeks after, but eventually got better.

Setmefree, I have said I want to get off subs, and I do. Last night at my aftercare group, a gent that I look up to a bit, said something to someone else, that really stuck with me. "Deal with manana, manana." (spanish for tomorrow)

Now I like philosophy, debate, and objectivism, but all theorizing about the flaws with that phrase aside, IT IS REALLY HELPFUL at times to keep that in mind.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:48 am 
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hey guys good posts. It is the end of day 17 today! I think the reason im posting this right now is to reassure myself that I'm on the right track and wanted to share it. I saw some old friends I used to use with today and it kinda made me feel weird, like I was a little disgraceful but at the same time felt sorry for them, but who am I to judge. I am definitely staying strong and feel good, going to the gym, have taken up some rock climbing, yet I think the only thing us recovering addicts have to be cautious of is the boredom, which is when people say "its not getting off thats the hard part, its staying sober thats the hard part". I just get bored so easy and want to be with someone or doing something constantly. I need to learn to enjoy the relaxation and downtime.

Funny thing is about 6 or 7 years ago when I first started opiates I would use when I would go out with girls or the girlfriend to give me some more energy and get me into the night more. Their were MANY other reasons I used but that was one of them. I started to get used to using every time I would go out. Well just this last week I went out and met this beautiful girl, hit it off real well! The funny part of the story is the next morning I was walking home from my friends place I stayed at and the confidence from the previous night was still a bit high and I said to myself "F*ck Opiates" which put a smile on my face.

I was on suboxone for the last 7 months which I would consider about of my recovery, with one stupid slip up. But now looking back I am thankful for this slip up because it provided me a lightbulb that I needed to get rid of it all, and it happened. so far so good. I think my suboxone story is a little different than most of the people here because it was never prescribed to me, so maybe my mentality while using it was still "Im an addict". I feel blessed for the help suboxone gave me but I still feel that it provided me with too big of a crutch, which is needed in recovery, but at some point if you want to live a natural life, in my opinion, it has to be gotten rid of.

Good luck to everyone in their recovery and I will be back to post more on my status as I continue my path into sobriety from drugs. thanks to all who read this, listen, and are their for everyone here who posts. Day 17 down, and I guess ill deal with manana, manana. I got to work at 7am so goodnight all.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 26, 2009 3:14 am 
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RidOFit wrote:

Funny thing is about 6 or 7 years ago when I first started opiates I would use when I would go out with girls or the girlfriend to give me some more energy and get me into the night more. Their were MANY other reasons I used but that was one of them. I started to get used to using every time I would go out. Well just this last week I went out and met this beautiful girl, hit it off real well! The funny part of the story is the next morning I was walking home from my friends place I stayed at and the confidence from the previous night was still a bit high and I said to myself "F*ck Opiates" which put a smile on my face.


Nice! I relate to this well, and it is a confidence booster to accomplish something that you previously used drugs to do. Also, NICE WORK on going to the gym and rock climbing etc. Keeping busy is INVALUABLE. Seriously.

I am, admittedly, a little worried about your situation though. The numbers for opiate addicts staying sober are really depressingly small, and I would encourage you to seek therapy/counseling. I love what suboxone has helped me through and the changes in my life so far. Equally or more important is the work I have done with my Therapist (specializing in addiction treatment, a former addict herself) as well as my group who I keep in contact with (occasionally).

You mentioned you saw some old using friends, and while you made it today, it can get harder to see those people. A therapist or group can give you tools to help in those situations to prevent future relapsing.

Take care, and congrats so far!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 2:01 pm 
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I started this thread at day 8 of my getting off opiates and suboxone, it is now Day 30. I am extremely happy with myself it almost feels like a holiday. This is a place I can come and share with you people this achievement and also come back in another 15 and another 30 and track my progress, read my old messages and see where I've come from. I have no intentions of using again.

I started my last term of classes two weeks ago and have gone to everyone so far, I have classes three days of the week and work four days of the week, no days off! In a way i like it because I still have time but it keeps me accountable to an activity every single day of the week. In another way I'd like to change my work schedule a bit and take advantage of one day off a week. School is going well, I have 7 credits left to graduate with my degree, I think my sobriety has come at a good place, I thank god for that and I also have faith he will keep me on the right path as long as I accomplish what he wants of me. Lately I have been looking at how I can advance in my life and career, instead of when I was using how I can advance today and create a setback tomorrow. My choices are very different. Right now I am trying to decide what I want to do with my life and get a career going, its a tough choice and also scary but I'm 25 now and it needs to happen.

check out this quote i'm going to leave with, actually two, I love them. "Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of power are feared; but only men of character are trusted." & "You can tell what a man is by what he does when he hasn’t anything to do." Have a good day all, good luck in your ventures, bless you all. Ill be back to check in again.


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