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 Post subject: Going nuts!
PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:10 am 
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I don't even know where to begin. I guess I should start by saying that suboxone has been a great asset to my recovery and that to stop taking it, doesn't feel like an option. I just started taking it a month ago so to even say that is probably "jumping the gun" but it's just how I feel.

Anyway, I have been noticing some weird things since I started suboxone. Nothing that is too bothersome when it's one thing at a time, but I'm starting to feel like it's always something. I don't know if this falls under side effects or what but here goes nothin...

1. I have been sweating like crazy!!!! It's at the weirdest times and gross to me because I'm a female. I don't even have to be doing anything strenuous. I just get really hot, then start sweating profusely, and then it just stops. Now I'm cold, because my clothes are wet. Irritating.

2. I have been having the most vivid dreams. And they have yet too be cool ones or good ones. They are always bad dreams, or nightmares. Dreams of using, being raped, getting into fights with family, things happening to my child, just crazy ass crap, that doesn't fit how I am during the day. I thought I was fine all day and then I get hit with these crazy dreams. The dreams aren't new to me. Just the topics, intensity, and the fact that they wake me up, they are that bad.

3. The anxiety... At first I thought it was just excitement over finally feeling better! No urges to use, no withdrawal, etc... But I have noticed that it happens for about 2 hours straight after I dose. I feel medication for it would be stupid because I know the cause, and it only lasts for 2 hours. Not all day.

4. My emotions. I feel like I have all of these emotions that were just right below the surface and all this time I didn't know they were there. They are all coming up. I just start crying out of the blue, and then I'm fine. I get irritated and my patience seem shorter with everyone but my son. He is the only one that doesn't irritate me. And when I say everyone, it's family, friends, even the people ringing me out at the store. If someone interrupts me when I'm talking I get irritated, and thta never bothered me before. I notice it's worse when I'm sweating and hot. I almost have a fear emotion too for some reason. Fear that this won't work, fear of my doctor, fear of failing, it's the weirdest thing. It isn't a fun feeling. I've never been a fearful person before. But I find myself afraid to go to my addiction counseling appt today (I'm going), and I have no reason except the way my doc treated me last week. It's almost like I want to just stay home and away from everyone, except without a depressed feeling or anything. I'm not depressed AT ALL.

If anyone else feels any of these things I listed please share with me what you did to work through them. I'm hoping to get some feedback from my counselor today. For all I know, this is all normal since I've been numb for so long! haha!

Is anyone else really afraid of failing miserably? I feel like this is kinda my last shot at getting clean and staying clean. And I want this more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. Seriously. Maybe that's why I'm so afraid of failing at it. I feel like the suboxone is helping to feel again. I don't have cravings anymore and that was the big thing always keeping me back. I obsessed over getting pills and if I had enough blah blah blah... Maybe tht's what it is... Now I have all this free time to think about all the stuff above....hmmmm.....wow, i need to start journaling. I think just posting all of this out just helped me tremendously! You guys probably think I'm a whack job!! Hahahahahaha! Anyway, if anyone can help me, please please please help!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:23 am 
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Hi Goinstrong....Some of what you're describing are indeed side effects. Like, for example, the sweating. That's definitely a side effect typical of sub. As for the dreams, well, lots of different medications have that effect on lots of people. It's not really typical for suboxone, but I can't say I'm surprised.

Now, the anxiety and emotions. I mention them together because it's my opinion that they could be related. Remember how numb you were in active addiction? Did you ever FEEL anything while you were using/abusing? I know I didn't. Hell, that's WHY I used...so I couldn't feel anything. But even if that wasn't your motivation, chances are what you are experiencing is the return of all those emotions that were being stifled by being high all the time. I remember going through all that when I first cleaned up my act, too. That will all settle down with time. I'd advise you to start talking about those feelings with people close to you (that you trust) and/or with a therapist. If you have past trauma issues, that's even more important to explore all of that.

I'd even go so far as to say you could be so uncomfortable with all these new feelings that it could be causing you anxiety. Again, I think the increased emotions and anxiety are all wrapped up together.

I could go on, but you get my point. I don't recall what dose you are on, but give yourself some more time to stabilize. After another few weeks, you can try getting down to the lowest dose possible that will still take care of your cravings and withdrawals. Doing that should get rid of some of those side effects (it usually does anyway).

I hope this helps.

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:56 am 
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I think you are 100% right Hatmaker. My dose is 16mg daily. He has me taking 8mg in the am, and 8mg in the pm. Is it too high, too low? Because I don't feel any "physical" side effects except the sweating. This was the dose it took to get me out of withdrawl and then to keep the cravings down. I started at 8mg daily and he upped it by 4 twice and I felt fine. What is a good maintenance dose and how soon do you start to look at a maintenance dose? I don't want to do anything too soon or too late. I think that I might think about this too much. I worry about my dose all the time. Not because it bothers me, but just wondering if it's right. I read about people being on 4mg and 2 mg, and then mine sounds so high. Will we reduce this as the emotions start to stabilize with the counseling? God, I have read so much on suboxone and feel like I still don't know anything at all! I feel lost sometimes because I don't know what is the suboxone, and what is just me. Me feeling like I'm supposed to I mean. This whole getting clean thing is so exciting because I can't wait for the rest of my life clean. But at the same time, I'm scared to death too...

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 12:09 pm 
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Kelly, what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. This is a HUGE change and a very emotional one. All I can say is to be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time to adjust. Find ways to express your feelings - talk to people or even try journaling every day. That's so helpful. And if you had any major losses while you were in active addiction, understand that you may need to mourn those losses now, because you probably weren't in the frame of mind to do it then.

Our whole time in active addiction we ignored and stuffed our emotions down. Right now yours are boiling over now that nothing is there to keep them down. Emotions that we aren't used to can be scary. But they are just emotions and in and of themselves they can't hurt us. Start out by trying to identify your feeling(s) and then sit with them and just experience them. Be comfortable with whatever feeling you have at that time or just start out TRYING to be comfortable with them. It might take some time to get comfortable with them.

Try not to worry so much about your dose. Do you feel ok physically? No hint of withdrawals or cravings? Have you been stable on the 16 mg for the last month? If I were you, I'd make sure I was stable for at least a month at one dose before trying to drop my dose. But don't fall into the trap of questioning if your dose is too high or too low by comparing it to someone else's dose. What you need is for your own unique needs. Don't compare that to anyone else. And 16 mg isn't that big a dose. But it does leave some room for you to drop down. When you're ready you could try going down to 12 mg and staying there for a few weeks and see how you feel.

Hang in there, my friend. You WILL get through this! I know for me, counseling was so important and very helpful. Good luck to you.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 12:58 pm 
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Kelly,
Hi there. First, congrats on being clean. That is a big step. Second, I too sweat like crazy and it is def. because of the suboxone. I found out a few months ago while reading on the forum that there is an allergy medicine (otc) that helps with the sweating. It helps some, not completely, but it did make a difference in me. Third, I think hat is right, you have probably been so numb while you were using, that now all these emotions are coming up and with that making you anxious. One of the reasons that we turn to using is that we have emotions we don;t know what to do with. So we mask the feelings we have by taking a higher than prescribed dose (as I did) or turning to buying and using drugs off the street. We use and we don't have to feel. That is the thing with being clean. Its great to feel again, but it can be very scarey too. What to do with all these crazy things we call emotions? I too would reccommend talking to those around you who support you, family, probably a therapist would be great, if you don't already have one, you might want to get one.
Also, I used to have really vivid dreams, the colors were so clear, I could almost smell and taste in them they were so vivid. I actually think it helped me to deal with some issues I had in the past by dreaming about them over and over. I actually had a knock down drag out fight with my mother in one. It is amazing how much that did for our real relationship. lol I took out aggession left over from a bad childhood in my dreams and honestly could deal much better with her in reality after that. I think my brain used dreaming to help me deal with some things. It is so wierd what suboxone can do to you. After a while, my dreams, although still very vivid, went to a happier place. I had days I was so excited to go to sleep just to see what great places I would go to. Hopefully yours turn for the better as well. As far as dosing, I wouldn't worry one bit about how your dose compares with others. People on this forum are all at different places in their recovery and therefor at different doses. I couldn't imagine a year ago I would ever want to stop taking them, but now, my doc suggessted I go from 16 to 12 and I am excited. I want to get lower and maybe off someday, but I want to take it slowly, so I make no mistakes. But again, it has been a whole year. So....I guess in a nutshell, you need to know a lot of what you are going through seems very normal, but make sure you talk to your support people. Good Luck


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 5:59 pm 
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You guys are the best. Such a supportive forum. Well, I just got back from my therapy appt, and it went well. I told the addiction specialist everything I've been feeling and thinking and wondering, and he quit. Just kidding, he probably wanted to though! Hahahaha! He said that I am exactly where I should be for my recovery. That this is all normal, and well, basically everything that you guys already said! I think this forum is wonderful, and I spend a lot of time reading other posts and things the docs have posted as well. But I gotta say, there's something to be said for being able to talk to someone face to face. I hope that every single recovering addict gets that opportunity. For some reason he only gave me ten days of meds this time though. What was that all about? All my drug screens are clean, and I haven't missed an appointment or come up short on meds or anything.... Just curious. I have an appt before I run out but I thought it was odd... oh well. I wonder if it's because he's the PA and not the doc....

Everyone have a great night!

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:31 pm 
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Im so glad your feeling a bit better.......

your absolutely right that the face to face therapy stuff is just something that cant be substituted. I found it really helpful too. At first I didnt even TRY to go to therapy, but a lil digging and I found someone willing to work on a 'sliding scale' of sorts. So I could actually afford a few appointments.

It was so funny to me that you mentioned the sweating, becuase for ME the suboxone, FINALLY made it a reality to be able to CONTROL my own body tempeture!!!
when I was using, I always had a sweat ring around the top of my tshirt or down my back, and your right thats pretty nasty as a chick, I HATED it, but didnt want to be without my 'stuff' LOL
thats probly one of the FIRST things I noticed after inducition, NOT having to change my tshirt three times a day. LOL
Anyways, just goes to show you how different we all are.

wishing you the best :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:52 pm 
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hi there! congrats on quitting and getting on subs, life changing for sure. Everyone I know sweats mostly 2-3 hrs after dosing. The only thing that seems to help is a cold towel around the neck and time...like months. It seems the sweating seems to subside for many people after your body gets completely used to the new substance in it. And what everybody said so far about emotions is correct in my opinion. Your finally starting to feel again and with time feeling will become normal, just as not feeling did when you were using. Dreams are a strange thing but again I think its just a new feeling, not an odd one. When i'm high I don't dream, just pass out and come to. So I'd say nothing to worry about there. When it comes to dosing it's different with everyone. As an example my dose of 38units of insulin seems VERY high as compared to my buddy who takes 5-6, but compared with my grandfather who takes up to a 100 units it seems rather low. Remember alot has happened in the last month but don't get a head of yourself, you have a long way to go still, just make sure any changes are with doc's supervision and a lot of thought, k. Good luck and god bless JAYJAY

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