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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:40 pm 
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I was seeing this guy for only about 7 months and I knew he was prescribed to suboxone. I figured he was getting his life back together after being addicted to opiates such as vicodin and oxy, so I commended him for wanting to change his life around. Now, I basically know very little on the subject, and thought he was a charming, sweet guy who has the ambition to make a better life for him and his 3 year old son. We moved in together shortly after we met, and I had been noticing that he was lying about getting his pills, how much he took, and all sorts of things. I caught him in many lies regarding the medicine and seeing his ex (which is a whole other issue, but she was the main reason he was addicted to pain pills and supposedly she is on suboxone now too). He would lie about the lies even when I had exact proof from his ex that he was getting suboxone from her. He had a script, but could never afford it, with no health insurance, so he tried getting them from her all the time.

I’m just so confused as to how suboxone works and such, so I started researching the Web and came across this site. After reading all the testimonials, I am in shock and I guess I never realized what a problem he has. I know he drinks when he is on it, which I thought was okay. After reading some blogs, I now can understand the side effects of the drug and how he must be having a hard time. He has been on it for a year and wants to get off, but says that the withdrawals are too bad and I have seen him in pretty bad shape.

Basically, I don’t know anything he is doing. I caught him smoking crack, and he said that if he doesn’t take the suboxone he can still do other drugs, and “it was only once”.
Long story short, I broke up with him because of the lies, and after realizing he has a lot more problems going on than I could ever realize. I am lucky to say that I have never had an addiction to pain pills, although I occasionally like to have a vicodin once and a great while. His friends are all into all types of drugs and I feel like if he doesn’t change his atmosphere, his life isn’t going to change, even if he is on the suboxone. I have heard that he still does drugs while on it, and I was just in shock.

Although we aren’t together, I feel like I am the only person trying to help him. Apparently he has screwed over, lied, stole and scammed everyone he loves and everyone is done with his BS. (I have been to his doc appointments and he LIES to his doctor). He got kicked out of the house he was living in for various reasons and is back with his ex and all her drugs and drama filled life. His best friend DIED of a heroin overdose and that is why I am so in shock to hear of all of this!


Although he has screwed me over, I want to help him. Everyone keeps telling me he has to help himself, and I know this. If he continues to stay friends with his loser friends and ex, I feel like the worst could happen. I am the only one who is upset about this, it feels like, because I have only been around for 7 months and it’s all new to me. How can everyone just desert him like this? Is there ANYTHING I can do??


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 9:22 pm 
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Hi there!
Pretty much everything you're saying is correct. Stopping drugs isn't like deciding to no longer drink tea (for example). You can't just stop. You need to change everything. The instant you realize you're an addict, everything changes. You live and breathe the drug. Every waking second is about the drug. If you want to stay alive, you really have to put in some effort. You can't be hanging out with people who are using. I have found that it doesn't bother me so much being around my friends if they're smoking a bit of pot or having a drink, but I cannot, under any circumstances, hang around with people who are using opiates. I've tried, and failed, and risked my life. It's simply not worth it. Unfortunately, this is something every addict needs to learn for themselves through trial and error. Addicts aren't the kind of people to learn from others experiences. Kind of like a child who knows that the stove is hot, but touches it anyway. This is something he'll just have to learn from himself.

The way Suboxone can be explained simply, although it isn't so simple. Basically, Suboxone works like most other opiates when you take it. It fills the parking space in your brain where the bad drugs would usually park. Of course, you brain doesn't really care who's parking there, as long as someone is taking that spot. So Suboxone is basically a substitute for the bad drugs, and a very convincing one at that. This stops you from going into withdrawals, keeps you from having cravings, and helps to stabilize you so you can re-learn how to live a "normal" life.
Of course, it's way more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it.

You have to understand something. If an addict wants to use drugs, there is nothing in the world except death itself that will stop him. That's why I see countless people each day who have no home, no job, no income, no friends or family... but they still manage to get their drugs every single day. You can pray, you can worry, you can scream, you could lock him up, you could cry until the cows came home. The point is, that if he wants to use, he is going to use. No. Matter. What.

I know that might seem harsh, but once this is realized it allows for a deeper understanding about addiction. You can't stop using until you want to stop using.

I hope this helped, if only a little bit.

Good luck.
Try and get this guy to NA, or to a drug counselor, or to church, or anywhere really where he's away from drugs and can find something to inspire him to want to stop using.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 7:30 pm 
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you have to use ANY leverage you can - don't be afraid to get creative. if someone is actively using, all bets are off. tell the rest of his family or "clean" friends - it's ultimatum time. make him make a decision: EITHER the drugs OR you/his family/his clean friends. if he chooses drugs, you have to shun him (along with everyone else who is on your "side") - it's the only leverage you have. and when I say shun, it has to be a COMPLETE shunning - no little "bail-outs" here and there. here's my key to life (although some may call it harsh) - IDEALS COME BEFORE HUMANS.

if you're already not together, it sounds like you're essentially doing the right thing (the way I see it, anyway). but you can't keep "hanging around," being wishy-washy will NOT help him. you don't have to be irate with him, but you have to be stern and stick to the ultimatum. don't let him take you down with him.

however, if he "chooses" drugs at first, and then thinks twice, and comes back around and says I changed my mind, I want you/my family/my clean friends back, then by all means, let him back in. but here's the catch: if he ultimately (or initially) chooses you over the drugs, you have to get him to agree to a plan before you "take him back." the plan could be a hair follicle test every three months (YOU have to be in charge of securing the hair, though). Or you could dole out the suboxone every day to him: give him the pill(s) (keep a count on the total, obviously), watch him put it in his mouth, and watch him spit it out after at least 5-10 minutes (the suboxone is orange, so the spittle will be orange, and the suboxone still works even if you spit it out, but of course you have to swish it around for 10 minutes or so). If you have confirmation that he is taking his sub everyday, you don't have to worry about other opiates, the sub will render them ineffective (although I don't know about the crack). If he doesn't agree to a plan, then he's not serious, and he's playing you. I would say stick to the "plan" for at least a year, after that, I guess you could negotiate, although I don't see any reason for negotiation if he's really serious about stopping. If at any point he wants to deviate from the plan or if he guilts you for "doing this to him," you have to go back to shunning him or at least threatening to shun untill he backs down - don't let the "inmates run the asylum" - YOU are the non-addict. If things get violent or just generally sketchy, don't be afraid to call the police.

EDIT: I just noticed you said he wants to get off the suboxone. You have to encourage him to stay ON suboxone. you have to "buy into" the whole suboxone program and tell him you think it's a GOOD THING. suboxone works, period. suboxone isn't that expensive any more, if he has money for other drugs/booze, he has money for subs - it's life or death, a couple hundred dollars a month is not an issue. split the cost with him 50/50(that would be some GREAT leverage, by the way - hint, hint), but only if he sticks to the "plan."


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 Post subject: Intervention
PostPosted: Sat Apr 25, 2009 12:26 am 
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See about scheduling an intervention with a professional if at all possible.


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 Post subject: re: drugs
PostPosted: Wed May 06, 2009 1:23 am 
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Some states allow involuntary hospitalization of a substance dependent person. He sounds like he would need to be detoxed from many substances, not just opiates. Alcohol and nerve pills need to be weaned off in a hospital setting.


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PostPosted: Tue May 12, 2009 3:16 pm 
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Well said leba...
I agree with every word!~!


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