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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 1:58 am 
Well ill start out by saying that i have used opiates for about 6 years recreationally about once a week on average, sometimes i would go a month without doing any then other times i would use 2 or 3 days a week, next week not use any. anyway u get the point, my body was never depended on them. until this past year i started doing on average one perc 30 a day which isnt a big habbit but my body was depending on them, and i felt like an idiot. About a month or so ago i realized that i really should not be depending on these things for "happiness", daily satisfaction ect. so i said fuck this shit im done depending on it. so i got 3 strips of suboxone from a friend and used them over a period of 3 weeks, i used about a milligram a day average. There were days that i didnt do any suboxone a few days where i did more than 2 mills a day again u get the piont. On the third day of not having any (ino some of you are going to probably call me a pussy comparing it to the amount that other ppl have come off) i felt like fucking ass. for the next week it felt like sum1 hit me in the back with a baseball bat, aches n pains, couldnt eat, couldnt sleep, (got literally about 10 hrs of sleep that week) wrestless legs wrestless arms, i came downstairs the one morning and i had to tell my dad i was learning a new dance move lool jk. today is about day 16 off suboxone and i feel almost completley better except for extremely minor aches and pains and my legs moving around a little bit right before i fall asleep and an hour after i wake up (from my awsome 4 hours of sleep). Once i drink some coffee and wake up in like a half hr to an hr the uncomfortable feeling completley wears off. i feel pretty normal just very run down from my sleep schedule being completley fucked. anyway bottom line lol. ive had two 30s this entire fucking time and im going out to do stuff tmrw night and i need energy ect. i also need to pass out good for a while to get some good sleep. what is going to happen to me if i do a 30 tmrw? i sure as hell do not want to start back off at "day one" but tomorrow night is a special occasion... pain killers are awsome if they are used in the right way. being dependant on them is no way to live ur life and sure as hell a waste of money. at the right place at the right time they r great, everything in moderation.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 4:03 am 
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Hi Zesty, I just wanted to let you know that I moved your thread to a more appropriate topic heading called "Still Messing Around". This has nothing to do with judgment.

Most of us are on this forum because we are addicts who can't control our opiate abuse, so moderation is not usually in the cards. I can tell you that I was where you were once, but I progressed into full-blown addiction. I hope you are one of the lucky few who never goes from recreational use to addiction, because I wouldn't wish addiction on anyone. Good luck!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 11:43 am 
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zesty wrote:
....pain killers are awsome if they are used in the right way.


I'm afraid you're talking to a group people who have only ever used them the wrong way.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 3:17 pm 
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Amy. You're right. I just used those exact words recently...that moderation is not in the cards for us anymore. Thing is...people keep fighting me over it... saying that opiates are the problem but they can moderately use other drugs and alcohol. Am I crazy or does that just sound insane? An addict is an addict. A brain disease.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 4:15 pm 
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moviemaker1 I guess it depends how you look at it, was I clean on suboxone?? Am I clean if I smoke weed?? Am I clean if I take anti depressants, addiction is NOT one size fits all. I smoke weed, and have since I was in high school, I dont feel it makes my life out of control, I dont need it every day. My life is good, I have been off subs for almost 2 years, I work every day own 2 homes and life is good. You may say I am in active addiction but I dont feel that I am.

Weed never led me to opiates, my dr did ( I never got into drinking and dont drink at all) but ya know what, weed helps me relax after a week at work, my doctor knows I smoke, he is not going to encourage it, nor do I smoke every day.. but if I said I didnt smoke at all I would be lying. Maybee I am not really an "addict" but life is good now and I cant complain. I have friends who are addicts, most cannot even smoke weed, it does lead them to other things I have just not had that expierence with weed. Thats what works for me, may not work for you but we are all different.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 4:48 pm 
yea ino its a slippery slope but idk i feel like its like anything else u either control it or it controls u, have some willpower. ino that was alot of bs that no1 really needed to read lol, but what i was really asking was what do you think is going to happen if i do a small amount of percoset while im still having extremely mild withdrawal symptoms? would it be the same thing as doing a little suboxone? would i be back at "day one" again and go thru another 2 weeks of feeling like ass? i dont have any experience with doing suboxone and other opiates on and off. like i said before its wierd im completley fine until i try to go to bed and my legs start moving around a little and i can feel a little bit of discomfort in my legs and feel a little uncomfortable for an hr after i wake up but beside that im feel fine.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:23 pm 
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Hi zesty,

You really came to the wrong forum to ask about this. Give blulight a try...

God bless you if you can recreationally take narcotics for fun but for what it's worth you sound a lot like I did a few years before I was selling my possessions for drugs. You are going thru opiate withdrawal worrying about how soon you can get back to what put you there in the first place. If you truly can moderate, why not really put some more time between yourself and your dependence on opiates? I mean, the risk is just too high at this point IMO.

zesty wrote:
About a month or so ago i realized that i really should not be depending on these things for "happiness", daily satisfaction ect.


Anybody else on the forum every said this to themselves 1 or 2 (million) times?

-glen b


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:29 pm 
yea the only reason why i wanted to do the ones that i have is bkuz theres acutally shit to do this weekend and im tired as fuck. but yea i mean i shouldnt chance it i got this far and i really dont plan on feeling like ass for another 2 weeks. and damn i would never sell my possessions for opiates thats low... and u cant get on the bluelight forum its liek impossible u cant get the conformation e-mail, tried ikt already man.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 9:32 pm 
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That's insane. Using because there is stuff to do? Sounds like your an addict to me. But what's next? Just a few more pills until tomorrow? Idk. Never say never man. I can promise that the way you're headed.... it will never be enough... and you will sell your possessions....just sayijg. Opiate addiction doesn't care who you are. But. Whateger you think mman. This is for sure not the place for these kinds of posts though. Nobodye is going to cosign this insanity here. Promise. But. Keep using 30s in moderation and see what happens. I have watched it happen before and I won't sugar coat a life and death situation. Why even take the risk of full blown addiction? I'd kill to be in your shoes. Good luck. Hope you dont have anything else to do soon....


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 10:40 pm 
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MovieMaker, I have to respectfully disagree based on my own experience. I don't smoke pot, so I can't comment about it. I do, however, sporadically have a cocktail or two, and I don't think that messes with my recovery from opiates. I have never been a big drinker. It has never messed with my life and it's very easy for me to resist if I'm going to need, for example, to drive myself home. I usually prefer a Diet Coke, to be honest.

I'm trying to remember the last time I had a cocktail. I only drink if I'm in a safe social situation. And seriously, I go months at a time without any alcohol at all, which is probably why I can't remember the last time I had a mixed drink. When I was abusing opiates, I drank even more rarely, because I knew I was ingesting large amounts of acetaminophen with the opiates. I knew that acetaminophen plus alcohol is bad for the liver.

I don't need to be in recovery from alcohol because I'm not addicted to alcohol. I know there are people who trade one addiction for another, but I don't have that problem in relation to alcohol.

I know that you don't like it when anti-sub folks try to paint everyone with the same broad brush. It feels like you're doing the same thing with your idea that sober means no alcohol, no pot. If that's true for you, if it works for you then great! But please understand that recovery is different for all of us. I appreciate your opinion on this, and I hope that you can appreciate mine.

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:34 am 
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Hey zesty, I think along with the others that what you're doing is very risky. No one every intends to become a drug addict. No one ever intends on having to sell their possessions for drugs, but it is inevitable when dealing with opiates. The reality is that doing these drugs is playing with fire. I am not sure exactly what you're planning but it sounds somewhat like procrastination. If you ever want to be clean then you're going to have to stop at some point or another. The withdrawals are hell, sounds like you already know, which makes it so damn controlling. If they weren't controlling then you wouldn't need to take any now, or ever for that matter, and you'd be done. So unless you are a part of the <1% of people that can manage you won't have a problem, but that is something you'd be better off not finding out. The risk outweighs the reward by far. I wish i could turn back and never have gone down this path but what is done is done and the only thing i can do is try to help people avoid making the same awful decisions I did.

Good luck.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 5:07 pm 
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I do agree Amy. I just don't see how that has to do with this thread? You can't use opiates recreationally. Sorry. And this guy doesn't want to be clean at all. So. That's where my post here came from.


But. To answer back Amy... how many sick addicts have you heard say... I just have this opiate problem not with anything else......and then relapse or something bad happens because they pick up eventually. Idk. That's where my thoughts on the subject came from... and personal experience.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:48 pm 
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MovieMaker1 wrote:
Amy. You're right. I just used those exact words recently...that moderation is not in the cards for us anymore. Thing is...people keep fighting me over it... saying that opiates are the problem but they can moderately use other drugs and alcohol. Am I crazy or does that just sound insane? An addict is an addict. A brain disease.


MM, I was specifically responding to this post. I'm an opiate addict and I cannot use opiates in a responsible or correct manner. Apparently, for me, I can use alcohol in an appropriate manner.

Apart from responding to that particular comment, I just wanted to gently nudge you into writing about your experience instead of assuming that what is true for you is true for others. That's all. :)

Amy

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 7:46 pm 
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I guess so. What's the point of encouraging someone to use opiates in moderation? This forum is open to a lot of things... except using opiates. So. I can't tell someone it's possible for them. It's my experience that I've never seen it work. But. This isn't the place to tell someone it's okay to use opiates if they can handle it. See what I'm saying? I get the alcohol thing. I can drink on occasion with no issue, but I just choose not to. This is totally different. Opiates. Aubergine he can... but we his isn't the place to look for justfications from me.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2013 10:30 pm 
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I think if you are withdrawing from "recreational" use, you are on the way to becoming an addict. ESPECIALLY if you are already trying to justify using a 30 while you can still feel symptoms.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 12:56 pm 
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[quote="zesty"] "what is going to happen to me if i do a 30 tmrw? i sure as hell do not want to start back off at "day one" but tomorrow night is a special occasion... "

I think YOU know the answer to this. You were dependent once. The only way NOT to become dependent is NOT to do them again.
Please could you refrain from saying things like "people will think you're a ****for not through as severe withdrawal/ having as strong / dependency to ****. It is offensive as this is a recovery forum not a place where people poke fun at others addictions / withdrawals etc. you may find that in other places but NOT here.

It is your life. I suggest you read more about addiction n ask
Yourself why you feel the need to come onto a n addiction recovery site to ask RECOVERING ADDICTS if you should use or not.

Take care,
Evey x

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 2:30 pm 
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zesty wrote:
pain killers are awesome if they are used in the right way.


This may be an old post but it sure is a good one to see myself years ago.

My reaction to his quote is, the right way is to take one for pain just like your doctor prescribed. Any other way is abuse.

Evey, you sure are good at picking out some "oldies but goodies". I am glad you are reading so many from the archives. It shows you care about your recovery.

rule

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 5:20 pm 
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I didn't know they were oldies. Someone else said that too. How old is this one?

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:08 pm 
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Evey,

The original post was from about 6 months ago, but there were responses as recently as June on it.

I know you have sight problems, but if you can see the text of the body of the message the font of the date and subject aren't much smaller. Just look to the top right hand corner of the message and you will see a line that says "Posted" it is in bold type. Next to that is the date of each individual message. Can you see the spot that says "Post Subject" in bold? It is just to the right of that.

No worries. It's entertaining to read some of these old ones again.
:D

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 5:01 am 
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Ok thank you.
Is there somewhere where I can click to view recent posts?

Evey x

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