It is currently Sat Aug 19, 2017 6:06 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Glen Bee's Story
PostPosted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 8:52 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 3:46 pm
Posts: 461
Location: South Florida
Hi everyone, I love suboxforum!! So grateful you are here... My story

I was a serious daily drinker for 12 years and about 4 years into it I got arrested for a blackout related incident and soon after with the encouragement of every single person in my life that cared about me, decided that I wouldn't drink anymore. I knew that I loved opiates from when I got my wisdom teeth out and after a hernia surgery, I would finish the pain prescription very fast and adored the place it brought me to. So after a month or two of smoking weed constantly and drinking o'douls I began to buy 10 vicodin or percoset and found that I didn't need to drink as long as I could take a bunch of these and smoke pot and drink o'douls, oh also I always had klonopin or valium or xanax in the mix as well. A few times I got oxycodone and did it up the nose and nodded off, it was bad but I found out that was a cool way to get high. When my girlfriend noticed that I was taking these pills all the time she made me stop and I cold turkeyed the opiates first and then the benzos. It was the worst few weeks of my life up until then. I somehow kicked these 2 things however and didn't take them for a few months. It was now a total of 9 months of no alcohol.

I became very restless without anything but weed and o'douls and soon drank again. I became a daily drinker from day 1 and didn't miss a single day for the next 7 years, often having morning drinks continuing all day. From about 2004-2009 I started self medicating daily with valium or klonopin and I believe this helped me get through work and other events where I could not drink and came into play with getting off of alcohol for a few brief periods of 1-2 months each. During this time I became obsessed with dilaudid and putting it up my nose to have a good time. I would say 1 or 2 days max and I won't get addicted (haha) well i'm sure you know that didn't happen. I spent 2004-2009 doing this but often could not afford the dilaudid and was sick all the time. It was a living hell. All the while I would always drink A TON during the opiate use and always would drink even though I would be throwing it up and had diarrhea constantly cold sweats and all that good stuff. I would never eat etc..

It became evident to me that I was physically addicted to opiates, benzos and alcohol. I heard about suboxone somewhere and found out my drug dealer sold it. You wont believe what they charged for an 8mg pill- $40!! But I bought one and took it and was fine. I got more, took it for a few weeks and was amazed. I didn't know anything about it and was doing it on my own and would try a few weeks and a very short "taper" and always after 3 or 4 days off subs i would be doing dilaudid again, they were tempting to me and it didn't help that I hung out with people that did them. I did this a few times in a pattern. Eventually I took the subs for a while but during it I would be on the benzos, booze and basically anything that came in front of me coke, speed, ecstasy but always constant was the alcohol and benzos. A day after a crazy binge on vodka, dexedrine, benzos, weed and a lot of suboxone I noticed my feet were swollen like balloons and I got so scared, I called a friend who is a general practice doctor and told him what was going on and he got me in and asked about my drinking. I told him about the binge but not the truth about my daily drinking but said I drink a "6 pack a day" which is like half of breakfast at that point. Didn't mention the benzos and lied about the opiates by saying I had gotten off them with suboxone but was done with it. I do not know why I lied about this, probably shame. He tested my liver and kidney function and my liver was in terrible condition. He said the feet were my body's way off telling me "whatever you're doing, STOP IT".

He said not to have more than 1-2 drinks per day for the liver to heal and we'll do another test later. I said cool and thanks and tried to slow down my drinking which was impossible but I did just drink regular beer, no more 12% beers and steel reserve or the higher alcohol content beers that I was drinking normally and no hard stuff. After a few weeks of that I made a plan to wean down the booze and counter it with A TON of benzos all while taking suboxone, like 2mg a day but usually more depending on how much I could afford at that ridiculous price. I raised enough money somehow to make a huge purchase of pills (you got a discount when you spent a lot on one purchase from this dealer) tons of valium and subs to get by for a while. I was successful after a few false starts in eliminating the alcohol from my diet and made it over a month. I went for another test and the liver was healed to almost normal conditions. I had a drink immediately after my blood was taken and slid back to my normal routine of drinking. I finally got off subs for a few weeks by weaning but was making up for it with tons of benzos AND tons of booze for a few months and decided that I needed to get off the benzos. I called my friend the doc and confessed that I was hooked on these things but didn't mention that I was drinking out of control. He sympathized and got me weaning on a valium script (my 1st ever legitimate prescription!) over like 6 months and I did it. Followed his directions and it wasn't even that bad. By the way, life without benzos is amazing, they are anti-anxiety but for me, they became the source of anxiety.

At that point I am just drinking and cool with it. UNTIL... I want to get high on dilaudid just once! So I slid back into it and what do you know I'm doing it every day for months. I run out of money, get sick and instead of getting more, I sold some possessions and got suboxone and took it on my own for a couple months. It was very expensive so around september 2009 I got up the courage finally to go to a sub doctor I found on the online locator, I now had heath insurance from the time I did the valium wean. I was pretty honest about my drug use but down-played the drinking. They call it denial. The doc is an amazing guy, an addiction specialist who seems to genuinely care about my recovery, I still have not touched another opiate besides sub to this day). He got me on Suboxone officially and suggested I go to AA rather than NA (I know now why he did that) or get a drug counselor. It took me a while before I did it. He also did blood work on me and a physical and it came back that, big surprise my liver is in BAD SHAPE. He still played dumb about my drinking because I wasn't being honest and was telling him I drank only once and a while. He says I probably have hep c and I was scared but somehow got myself off alcohol by white knuckling it for 6 weeks and took the follow up test and the liver is a lot better and I did not have hep c. I now think I can handle having "2 drinks" now and again which happened about 3 times and that was so hard for me. After a week long drunk I woke up from a blackout and realized I need help. I can not "not drink".

I called my friend who I hadn't talked to in years who is an AA and asked if he knew of any meetings near me. He said to meet him for a coffee to catch up and then took me to my first meeting. I found that AA is so different than I ever imagined (my Dad is a 24 year sober AA) and went every day and that was the last time I had anything to drink or weed or anything except my suboxone prescription. I finally realized not only that I am an alcoholic but what an alcoholic really is. I now try to work the program and the steps like I worked to get drunk and my life is finally something that I care about and want to live. I hadn't been able to picture life without alcohol/drugs but life with it either, I found out that I was at the place the Big Book of AA calls "the jumping off place". I am now at 99 days sober (the sub doesn't count as a high in my book but I mostly keep it to myself in AA) and I have a sponsor with double digit sobriety who thinks as long as I am following the doctors orders, I am doing the right thing.

Although I am at the point where I'm ready to taper off, Suboxone is a miracle in my life. It made it possible for me to find enough clarity to see how I was killing myself with booze (drugs too) and where I was headed which was jails, institutions or death. It made it possible to find and understand a simple program of recovery and I am so grateful for it. I would have never believed anyone who told me a sober life could be great but it is and there IS a way out of active alcoholism and drug addiction and it's beautiful. I know this was long but I hope it helps someone somewhere because I have yet to find anyone with a story "just like mine" but I feel we are all in this together.

:)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 8:14 am 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 4933
Location: Leesburg, FL
Thanks so much for sharing your story - and what a story it is!! I really enjoyed reading it. I have so much respect for you, you went through so much and look at where you are now. It's amazing and I'm so happy to hear you're doing so well and that AA is helping you so much. Although no one has the exact same story, when it boils down we're all so much alike; different experiences, same basic struggles. I do think your story will help others to see that they can make it, just like you did. You said you're about ready to taper off Suboxone - do you have a plan for that? I wish you all the best. Thanks again for sharing your story.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 1:33 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2009 2:11 am
Posts: 427
Location: Fishers, Indiana
Hey Glen thanks so much for telling us your story :)
I'm so happy you found us I still remember how relieved I was to find Suboxforum and to finally have the chance to talk with other people just like me! It really is a great feeling isn't it? I'm continually amazed at how much the wonderful people have helped me here. I'm very hopeful you find all that I have here and if there's anything I can do for you or if you have any questions please don't hesitate to private message me :)
Hope everyone is having a great Saturday
Take care all :wink:

_________________
"If you're going through hell, ....keep going!"
-Winston Churchill


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 2:47 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat May 01, 2010 3:46 pm
Posts: 461
Location: South Florida
thanks so much for the replies guys!

Although I have only been completely sober for 100 days, I've been on suboxone and not abused opiates for nearly a year. I think however that I might be jumping the gun on tapering off, maybe i need to find a lower dose that works- next dr. appt I hope to find a plan with him. Don't want to do anything to jeopardize my sobriety. I have been having a hard time with sweating. I posted about it in side effects. Constipation is a big one too. But I have been eating fiber and taking dolculax(sp?) and it helps with that so it's the sweating that's killing me. I sweat so bad and in meetings it gets in my head and drives me crazy. I sweat bullets from my head when no one else is even a little sweaty & I feel like people are looking at me like I'm on something you know? Dr Junig mentioned some meds that may help and I am planning on asking my dr. if he thinks it would be good for me. I know I have a long way to go and learning how to live without getting drunk or high is a big deal. My plan for that is the program of AA. I love it and have commitments and go almost every day and don't plan on stopping. Working the steps, etc.. Living it

I also just recently found out that I have a cholesteatoma which is a growth in the middle ear and will need 2 surgeries and i am so freaked out about subs & surgery and the prospect of having to take pain meds at all really. So I guess that is another reason why I want to get off subs but I now see that it could be a bad choice for me.

Kire30, I totally identify with you. Listening to Joe & Charlie's Big book study really helped me out with understanding my powerlessness and many other aspects of the steps. There is another speaker called Mickey B that really helped me like, a lot with this exact issue, I would give it a listen 1st. This website has a lot of speaker tapes: xa-speakers.org

joe and charlie: http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=150 -big download in zip file, you can also download the files individually here: http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?act ... gory&id=13

mickey b: 2 parts (he is over the top but very funny and I got so much out of it)
http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=3001
http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=3003

Thanks!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group