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PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 6:18 pm 
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Wow, I have been wishing there was a place like this I am so glad I found you all! I guess I should tell you a little about myself. I am a 29 year old mother of 2 and have found myself in active addiction for 6 years now, the last 3 being the worst. I began taking vics 5s and perc 5s 7 years ago for different reasons and by the end was taking 200mgs of oxys daily. I have lost many friends, family, cars and homes due to my addiction and now am finding i very difficult to try to pick up the pieces. I went to the Dr.'s 2 1/2 months ago and began my suboxone treatment. I started off really strong and positive at 2 8mgs daily one in the a.m and 1 at around 5 p.m. I felt great for about the first three weeks. Then I began barely making it through the day, my dr. uped me to 1 in the a.m one at 5 and 1/2 and 10. Well that made me very tired and my heart racey. So back down I went to 3/4 in the a.m and 3/4 at 5 and 1/2 at bed{which i very rarely take that 1/2}. Well I began feeling better and I still do, but my biggest challange is the cravings or urges not really sure what they are but I am trying very hard to stay away, but lately I am very close to the edge.

I really don't have much support i've tried some meetings and not sure how I feel yet, I wasn't that comfortable. Also I will be starting counciling next week, hoping that will be succesfull!! But I don't know anyone who takes suboxone and am really just looking forward to talking with others about there treatment and getting there input about mine. Sorry this has been so long!!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 6:32 pm 
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Hi hancal and welcome! We're glad you found us, too. I'm confident you'll find as much support and empathy here as I have. I'm happy to hear that you're out of active addiction and stabilizing - slowly but surely - on your suboxone.
I, too, go to therapy/counseling and it's helped me immensely in learning to live without taking a pill, new coping skills, etc. I've been stable now on suboxone since Dec. 2008 and will probably be on it for the long haul (I also take it for pain).

Again welcome!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 10:46 pm 
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Hi, Hancal. I don't feel "qualified" to welcome you to the site because I just hop on occasionally myself. But, can say "hi!"

Like you, I'm a mother (of three) who battles cravings, urges, whatever the hell you want to call them. Actually, I get both... more urges lately than cravings, until early this afternoon that is. That one was a full-blown, before recovery kind of craving. But, it only lasted a couple of minutes. Within seconds, though, I was yawning -- one after another, you know? So, I checked and, sure enough, my pupils were dilated. I'm down to 4mg and I was late on my dose. Some days, I will have w/d symptoms even though I know that it's simply not possible for me to be having any w/d symptoms (even when I was on 20mg/day and not skipping doses). The peculiar symptoms usually would resolve themselves. I can't explain why that kind of thing happens. I just know that it does for me.

I go to meetings because I'm scared to death that I'll not do something and end up relapsing. I still find myself wanting to use. I have a thread on here about fantasizing about using. I don't want to want to use, but I find that I do. Maybe that means that I need to reconsider increasing my Sub dose. I'm okay'd to take as much as 1.5/day. But, I keep wanting to "get better, to do better." While at the same time, I just want to get high one more time. But, if I were to do that, the obsession to use one more time AGAIN would start. My head promises me that one time will be enough to satisfy and quiet my head, to bring that relief that I keep feeling that I need. But, it won't be. It never is.

What kind of counseling are you starting? 1 on 1 or a group IOP? IOP can be a great place to meet others on Suboxone. Have you asked your doctor about that? Attending IOP requires a lot of time commitment though. Do you have childcare?


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:08 pm 
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Thank you for the replies its nice to have someone out there!

Christen{i am sure i don't have the right spelling} I have to say i toatally agree with your post, i've been on subs for almost 3 months and this past friday left work stopped and bought 100.00 worth of pills and came home. I sat there all night and all weekend staring at them and thinking do i really want to do this?

well i didn't {yet},i still haven't gotten rid of them, everyday i don't i feel i'm that much stronger. I know i'm probably setting myself up for a big failure but can't find it in myself to part with them. Hopefully i will soon!

as far as the therapy i think it can lead into both, i'm not that sure i wish i asked more questions. I did go to a NA meeting tonight i felt a little more comfortable this time{i haven't in the past} but i know i'm close and willing to try anything. I didn't really talk much and don't think its wise to mention the subs? any thoughts about that?

thank you all again, i hope all is going well for you!!!!!!!!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:17 pm 
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I think you'll find many different takes on telling about your sub treatment at NA/AA. I don't personally go to 12-step meetings, but I've heard it's not uncommon for them to say people on sub aren't "clean". I've read of people who continue to go to the meetings though, but keep their sub use to themselves. That said, I have also heard about some meetings/groups that fully accept people on sub without judgment. So I think it depends on many things - like the particular group you go to.

I'm sorry you're still having problems with cravings, etc., but please, please, PLEASE, get rid of those pills. You'll stabilize soon and really - is a relapse worth it? Is it worth going back to the life of active addiction? Doing anything and everything to get the drugs? Suboxone gives us the opportunity to enter 'addiction remission' and end all the craziness of active addiction. Please don't get me wrong - I'm not berating you - I just don't want to see you relapse.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject: Welcome to the Site....
PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 7:41 am 
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Hi hancal106,
Welcome... Glad to have you on the road to Recovery.. There is plenty of room for you here .... BUT, There is NO room for those pills that you "Stopped & Bought"!!!! Get rid of the pills AND get rid of that persons # in your phone.... You don't need
Him / Her anymore.... Doesn't that sound great.... You don't need the # that you have called so many times in the past hoping they would answer, Hoping they had enough "product", Hoping they would be around to TAKE your hard earned $$$$ and piss it away!! Please don't think I am lecturing you Im NOT. We have very similar stories. My progression was just like yours But, I progressed to 300 - 350 Mg's. daily!!!!!So I know from where you came....LOL! I have been on Suboxone since 2-2-2009 (16 mgs./Day) and can honestly say that i haven't a bad time with cravings and thing are going Great... As you know it is still a lot of work. I go to counseling every week and I participate out here on this Forum!! This place has been a huge part of my Recovery SO - Far. Well I hope you coming and continue to post. We look forward to hearing from you..... Take Care!

God Bless
TW

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:43 am 
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Welcome Hancal106 , I too have been on suboxone a for a couple of months. I found initially that it was a big boost to my mental state being off opiates. It in itself was a real high to feel again. After a few weeks that leveled out and my addictive mind started in on me. So at this point I have no other option than complete honesty with myself. Why do I crave the pills? What is it that would draw me back to a point where using would EVER be an option again? If I am completely honest with myself I find that the reality of my situation makes the thrill of using again diminish quickly. I think quickly about the wreckage but do not dwell and try to focus on the positive changes that being on suboxone has produced. I need to constantly tap that positive energy to keep me moving in the right direction. I am starting to feel stronger but some days I just plain would like to have a couple Opana pills to snort and just sink into the furniture. That isn't an option for me if I intend to live much longer. So I do whatever I need to quash those thoughts and return to the reality that I lost the choice to take opiates ever again. Find your sources of positive energy and tap those as mch as you need. Stay on the right course and things will begin to get easier. Congradulations on making the best choice to save your life. Be proud that you love yourself enough that you made a tough decision to get well.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 10:13 am 
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First off I'm really happy you us and let me say that we're all grateful to have another suboxforum community member such as yourself :) I hope you can always feel comfortable sharing what's going on here. It was so wonderful when I first came across this site I really felt a sense of "belonging" and I hope you find that here as well.

Anywho I'm sorry to hear you've been having some bumps in the road lately but from my own personal experience I can say that what I have now as a result of staying clean through those rough patches was/still is soooo worth those bumps in the road. I'll also say that in the past when I relapsed I just remember finally giving in and then getting high but all I could think about the whole time was that the high wasn't what I wanted, thought, or remembered it would be. I'm not going to try and tell you to get rid of the pills because you're the one that will have to decide that but I will say that based on my own experiences relapse was just so damn dissapointing in every sense of the word.

Finally a couple things that have helped me deal with the times when I still want to use occassionally: 1. The main reason for me has always been while on Suboxone that using would be a total waste of money. 2. I try and stay busy with work/school/ a hobby, relationships, etc. Having something to do has really done alot in the way of keeping me focused on the outside rather than checking in with myself every 2 seconds to see if I'm "feeling" good or happy etc. and finally 3. I began taking my Suboxone once a day rather than multiple times.

Hang in there :) Be sure to drop us a few here soon

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:37 pm 
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Thank you all for your posts it is so nice to no that other people are going through and have gone through the same things i am, because i feel so alone.

Today was ok, but after the NA meeting last night and many posts i have read I decided to reduce my dose a little today. So I have a few questions. I am supossed to take 1 8mg in the am and 1 8 mg at 5 and 1 4 mg at 10, but i have only been taking 3/4 of a 8mg in the am and 3/4 at 5. So I decided to take 1/2 in the am and 1/2 at 5. so here are my questions:

1. Do you think that is to much of a reduction?
2. I have been having some diarea since around 4, Do you think it could be from the reduction? {sorry if thats to personal}
3. How long should I start feeling to effects of the reduction? {with the half life thing, I don't understand that all that much}
4. I have been seeing things about online meeting Does anyone no anything about them?

I'm not really sure about the reduction thing or even why, I think its way to early exspecialy with all my problems I am having. I just keep hearing less is more. Well sorry for all the questions, I just don't have anyone to ask, until I found this site! THANK YOU ALL, YOU ARE ALL SO GREAT!!!!!!!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:48 pm 
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Hi! welcome! We have a couple major things in common. Im also 29 and a mother. I have 3 beautiful children who mean the world to me. Are you talking about the meetings we have here on the forum? they are wonderful and run by Hatmaker (she kicks ass) and TWINPLY (he kicks ass too! ) and they are great meetings and have helped me so much. They are Monday at 9 pm Eastern time and Thurs at 2pm eastern time. Hope to see you Monday night! BTW< you are doing great! Keep it up !

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Of course there's such a thing as angels. Only sometimes they don't have wings... and we call them mothers. -Unknown


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2010 8:50 pm 
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Many people DO believe less is more, however, it's probably best if you stabilize on a dose first. You'll have lots of time to get to the lowest dose possible later. I fear that if you keep changing your dose you may have more symptoms - but I could be way off. It's just that from what I've read, the people that seem to have the most trouble stabilizing are the ones who don't take the same dose at the same times regularly. Are you also taking sub for pain control? Other than that exception most people dose only once per day. (I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm beating a dead horse about the dosing issue.)

The average half-life of suboxone is about 37 hours. So when one drops their dose, no effects are usually felt for around 3 days - maybe more or even a bit less.

Yes, we have online meetings. Twinply and I usually run them. They take place in the meeting room of the chat feature (bottom of the main index page) on Mondays at 9 pm eastern time and Thursdays at 2 pm eastern time. Reminders are usually posted in the "Meeting announcements" category, along with the topic. We try to post reminders around 24 hours before the meeting, but sometimes the day of. We only started the meetings about 3 weeks ago, so if you decide to come, please bear with us as we may still be working out the kinks. We would love to have you join us.

Finally I just want to stress that I'm not a doctor or medical professional, just an addict, albeit and informed one. We're really glad to have you as part of our community!

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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