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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:46 pm 
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Hey guys! I first have to say this forum has quickly changed my life, and my thinking. Before Friday I was sure that I was stuck on subs and that it would never change. Anyway, I won't reiterate my entire story, but a quick up to date...On Friday I planned to take my normal 2mgs of subs, and spoke with my dr. He said to take 2mgs Fri, 1mg Sat and 2mgs today then see him Monday. However I decided to take the 1mg on Friday, I take them at around 5 or 6 but didn't realize the time and it was almost 10 before I took my dose on friday so I figured what the hell I'll cut it in half and take the 1mg. So instead of the program I did 1mg friday and .5 yesteray and plan to take 1mg tonight. So far I'm fine, but I'm quite sure the half life, has not hit me at all. I am experiencing anxiety, but at this point in my life I can handle that. I just keep telling myself it's temporary and so far I'm outwitting my mind. I know when the RLS hits and the bubble gut, I'm in for a not so fun ride, but I figured that it's just time for me to do this. I mean I look at my beautiful babies and see that crystal clear look in there eyes, and it just gives me all the more gumption to be a better me. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm a bad person on subs, this is all just something that has eaten away at me since I went from the tramadol to the subs. I always felt guilty that I was just replacing one drug for another. However, I am and will always be thankful for the subs. Contradiction, hell yeah. But at this point, not taking tramadol like a pez dispenser, is more then I could ask for. My only concern, aside from the withdrawels, and that doesn't scare me as much as wanting to take a "pill" does. That is mainly what I worry about. Finally being sub free and then have a craving. Because for the last year and plus months I have not had one ounce of a desire to have one, and I honestly do not ever want one again, and I keep praying with all that I have that I will never want one or any other pain pill again.
So with that said, I'll keep you all posted ofcourse on how it goes. But I am pretty reserved at the fact that I'm going to be playing hard ball on this one. I've been on 2mgs for a long enough time now that it's time to make that decision and stick to it. No more iffy stuff. I'm in day 3, and feel good, and hope that it stays that way. My plan is that once I get to .5, to get to half of that and then jump. My dr said to me once, that it's not all going to be a bed of roses, you have to make the sacrifice sometimes and just deal with it. I hated that statement, but for now it's my motto I guess. I'm also keeping a daily journal, and am hoping to get my mind off of the symptoms and keep focused elsewhere. I go back to working 12 hr shifts for the next 4 days, so I know this is a good time to try the .5mgs
Thanks for listening guys...You are all an inspiration to me, and I can not even say it enough that this place is a god send. Genuinely awesome people, and I can not tell you how rare that is!! The internet is full of bs, and this is one of those rare gems that is filled with honest people just like me and I couldn't be happier!
Hang tough guys, we'll all be where we want to be someday!! Just got to take it one day at a time! One minute if we have to right? :D Big giant hugs to everyone!

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


Last edited by RainRainGoAway on Sun Apr 03, 2011 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 7:57 pm 
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That is awesome! Good Luck and let us know how you are feeling please :)


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 8:42 pm 
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Hi Rainbow (aka RainRainGoAway),

I was wondering, have you worked with any kind of counselor? I worked with an addiction counselor for a couple of years before I quit Suboxone and that helped me quite a bit, especially once I quit sub.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing while going from 2mg to 1mg.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:02 pm 
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Hi rain! (bow) :)

Glad to see you here tonight...I hope you do well!
My half-life hit me yesterday and today....big ugh LOL but I'm hangin'! Going to stay here at 6 mgs for a little while...the jump from 8 mgs to 6 mgs really did a number on me...feeling better tonight and for that I am thankful.

Let's hope for the best and hope that your receptors stay happy! If not, please come and post, post, post. We'll listen and you can rant all you want ((((Big GRIN))) and we'll help you through it. Let us know how it goes either way...there is no way to predict as we're all different but I'm saying a prayer for you tonight that all goes well.

I feel like you...I look at my children and my husband and I just want to be me again....without taking a pill or two or three everyday. I'm sure I'll have enough of that when I get old :)

And yes, this forum is a blessing....great people...sincere people...I feel like I've got my own cheerleading section!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:46 am 
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Good Job Rain!!! Listen to your body and hang tough ................stepping down and hanging with it always feels so good and I love reading stories of encouragement

thanks!!!


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 Post subject: Monday-Doing good!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:44 pm 
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Hey guys!! Thank you so much for your support! I keep saying it, but man I am sooo happy I found you all!! Big fat slobbery kisses to all of you!
Ok so for the question first, yes I have an addiction support system, it is actually within my church. It's actually AA, but I have found the most wonderful support there, and they have been sooooo good to me, and I must say it really helps. Plus I find with myself the more I keep it out there and talk about it rather then hide inside myself and keep it all in, the better I do. If I start feeling like I don't want to tell someone something or I keep quiet at the meetings, or with my doctor, and I also see a therapist for my anxiety, she's been detrimental to my mental health since I was a teenager, I start to get all wrapped up in the anxiety and the emotions of things rather then just deal with my actual symptoms. Does that make sense? I don't know if it does or not, but I hope it does. Anyway, so I did the 1mg friday, .5 sat and 1mg last night and will do .5 again tonight. I feel alittle icky today, but not enough to stop. I saw my Dr. this morning and he wants me to take the clonidine twice a day while I'm doing this. So I'll start that tomorrow. So I'll actually be taking the .1 clonodine in the am and again at bedtime. I have to say that although I'd love to take the 2mgs today, and just not feel yucky at all, I'm really siked about this. I'm excited and I really feel ready. I was thinking this morning that for those of you who are having a hard time with things, I really really think the key is to take it slower then. I would not have been ready to do this a month ago, and you know what, the first thing I noticed as an improvement? I woke up feeling fresh and wonderful this morning. I was not really groggy and tired like I have been since being on 6mgs even down to the 2mgs. I would wake up sooo tired. But today I woke up and it felt like those mornings wayyyy back when I was a girl who didn't want any type of pill!
Anyway, I best get my behind back to work! LOL I've already cut time out for my doc appt. I'll see you guys tomorrow and letyou know how I do for the rest of the day!
Hang in there those of you who are tapering, it's going to get better for all of us, I just feel it in my heart!! Hugs! R
ps. (Rainbow is super cute, so thanks for that name! LOL)

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:51 pm 
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ClearAqua wrote:
Hi rain! (bow) :)

Glad to see you here tonight...I hope you do well!
My half-life hit me yesterday and today....big ugh LOL but I'm hangin'! Going to stay here at 6 mgs for a little while...the jump from 8 mgs to 6 mgs really did a number on me...feeling better tonight and for that I am thankful.

Let's hope for the best and hope that your receptors stay happy! If not, please come and post, post, post. We'll listen and you can rant all you want ((((Big GRIN))) and we'll help you through it. Let us know how it goes either way...there is no way to predict as we're all different but I'm saying a prayer for you tonight that all goes well.

I feel like you...I look at my children and my husband and I just want to be me again....without taking a pill or two or three everyday. I'm sure I'll have enough of that when I get old :)

And yes, this forum is a blessing....great people...sincere people...I feel like I've got my own cheerleading section!


You made me cry! LOL But in a good way! I loved that you agreed with me about my kiddos and hubs. You're going to get there girl. I promise you that yucky feeling is not going to last. Hang in there for sure. I didn't have any bad symptoms when I decreased to the 4mgs from the 6mgs, but I know that it can cause anxiety. That is actually when I started the .1mg of clonodine. Are you one that as well? I know it gets mentioned alot in here, but for me it was key. I had no bad symptoms from adding it, in fact I don't know if it would have been as easy to get to the 2mgs. I had very little if any symptoms once I took it. The funniest thing I have had and don't laugh b/c I'm telling you this is weird, but I get smells that make me sick. I don't even know where they are coming from but out of nowhere I will get this smell in my nose and can almost like taste it! OMG It's grooooossss!!!!! I got it today in the drs offc and wanted to puke! BLECK! That has been the worst for me. Weird right? Sorry I totally digressed. My main point is let us just give our kids a big fat hug, and not focus on the subs all the time. We'll get there!! I'll help you if you need anything too. We can do this for ourselves and our babies!
Hugs and support your way! Thanks for yours, it's much appreciated! :)

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 1:58 pm 
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Happy tears are A-OK here :)

I feel much better today and I hope you do too....I so hope you were able to hang in there on the .5. But, if not....just taper slower and longer...it's ok...no race. The finish will be the finsh no matter when we get there.

Be sure and let us know how you're doing when that half-life hits!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 2:14 pm 
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I absolutely remember the 'smells' thing happening to me when I quit sub. I remember one day in particular, I was sure I had something stuck in my nose because I couldn't get that smell out of my nose!! I did everything short of putting bleach in my nose to try to get rid of the smell. The 'smells' thing only lasted a few days if I remember correctly.

BTW, I'm glad to hear you have a support group and that you attend AA, that makes me feel better.

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 Post subject: Still Going Strong
PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:15 pm 
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Hey All! Just got home from work, did a 430 to 530 today to cover my drs appt. That stunk! LOL I've had some issues with anxiety all day today on and off, but for the most part I feel good. I am up for my .5 dose right now, but don't feel like I need it yet, so I'm going to do my run, then will probably take it when I get home. I almost thought of just skipping it all together today, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. I have a few 12 hr shifts to do so I don't want to wake up sick, or risk lack of sleep. (I'm a sleep whore too mg heehee) But I'm excited that I feel good. I expected the half life to hit me today for some reason, not sure why. I'm almost bracing myself for that one. Anyway, the "smells" are starting to get to me. I just can't get rid of it today, and it's almost making me feel puky. I'm hoping the run and the fresh air will help. It started when I was at the drs today and hasn't left me yet, it's actually worse. I have been spraying air freshner all day, my co-workers were getting so irritated with me today! UGH It's really, really gross! And I sort of feel like a freak! Like who has a bad smell they can't get rid of?
Anyway I'm headed out for a run, it's 51 degrees out, and for NY that's a heat wave lately so I'm going to take my time and enjoy it, especially while I still have the nanny here! YAY! I hope all of you had a good afternoon, and I'll check in tonight before bed!! Big hugs to you all!!!!

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
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The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:24 pm 
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Your wonderful attitude really amazes me. I know what you mean by the weird nose thing. It is SO odd. Okay, so just so you can understand how terribly odd I personally am, let me tell you what I do about the smell thing. I bought Ivory soap, and I rub some on my nose, so I'm always kinda smelling it. :lol: Whatever works, right?

laddertipper

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 7:08 pm 
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OMG, you two crack me up. I got to see the words "sleep whore" again and I got the image of someone walking around with ivory soap in their nose in my head too, yeah, I'd say my day is now complete!!

Rainbow, you do have a great attitude, keep it up!

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 Post subject: Read for sleep!
PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2011 9:56 pm 
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Well I did my run, and wasn't feeling quite "right" during it so I cut it short and did 3 1/2 miles. My legs felt crampy, and my chest hurt alittle, but it wasn't like I was going to drop dead or anything, I'm assuming it's the w/d and half life creeping up on me. So I got home, and we were eating dinner, and thats when the pukes hit me. I barely made it to the bathroom. I pretty much emptied my entire self, and it was awful. But I have to say when I was done I didn't feel that bad. It didn't linger. Part of me wanted to just take my 2mgs and say screw it, but I really can't give up this quickly....So I got settled after the kids went to bed, and all the dishes were washed and took my .5mgs and within a half an hour felt totally great. I still have the smell thing, and alittle anxiety, but it's better then it was earlier in the day. So I think that I'll be able to get through this...I know after all I just said that sounds kind of cliche' but I feel like because I did feel so much better and more regulated after the .5 that I don't really need the 2mgs anymore. Granted I am not doing the .5 daily, and am not ready for that just yet. I think the every other day alternating between .5 and 1mg is a good start. Right? Or should I just got for the gusto with .5? I'm not sure...I'm kind of torn....I want to stick with the every other, especially while I get through my 12 hr shifts this week.
Then the smell thing...Well if that isn't the most irritating thing. Plus, here's wierd for you, I'm total OCD with germs, smells, ickies you name it. Makes being a nurse using 16 guage needles daily real fun! LMAO I have antibacterial soaps in every pocket and purse and wherever! LMAO! Anyway, I didn't have any ivory soap, but am going to get some b/c I love that smell..So intstead I found (Romeo you may get a kick out of this one) cherry chapstick! Worked pretty good! I slathered that stuff all around the nostrils!! LMAO!!! And so far I like it. Feels kind of annoying, but I'll take cherry smell over icky smell any day of the week! UGH If this is the worst symptom I get, then I think I got this! KWIM?! Oh man I'm rambling! I better get my butt to bed. 4am will be here before I know it...Thanks for listening, and being with me on this. I know for sure I'd not be able to do this without you guys. Plus you making me laugh in between at myself and your comments at times makes it alot easier too...
I keep coming up with these little paraphrases in my head to keep me going. Like after I puked I thought "well atleast that eggroll I ate for lunch won't go to my hips now" SOOOO Forward on I go! Catch you guys tomorrow! Sleep well, and peacefully!! Hugs!!

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 10:07 am 
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Hey girl, I am an regular excerciser and some days I have to do less.. or spread it out more ( I lift weights and run so when I am feeling weak I break it up or just do less) listen to your body if you have to do less then usual DO LESS AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF, DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT.....

Are you remembering to eat? I realized the other day when I felt very weak in the gym that I was eating less so now I am making a conscious effort to get the calories and nourishment I need for the workouts I do ( which are pretty extremem for an old 48 yr old broad lol)

I would go with the every other day dosing 1 then .5 I wouldnt "go for the gusto I would go slow, I wait till I feel stable on the dose I am at before changing it but we are all different. for me its been two - three week intervals but thats just me.

Anyway thanks for sharing and being so positive.... .. you are an inspiration ...


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 12:12 pm 
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Hi All! Well I woke up at 330 this morning, and again felt really good. Felt better waking up without that sluggish feeling. I am having more w/d symptoms today though, my legs are very shaky, as well as my hands. I took alot of fruit with me to work today and am eating it as much as I can. I don't have that great of an appetite so I think cold peaches will be my staple for a little while, until I get stronger. Last night was a .5 dose, so tonights will be 1mg. I'm going to stick with that until my body regulates. I was thinking of going straight to .5 but I see that my body is not ready yet for that. Anyway, the smell is gone so far today, and man oh man am I happy about that! That was by far the worst thus far. I really think it is what made me vomit last night after my run. The weather is horrible here today so I am not sure if I can run tonight, I'm still waiting for my treadclimber to get fixed, so it may be zumba tonight for me. Which is usually a blast especially b/c my 6 y/o daughter joins me and we laugh hysterically which is always a pick me up. I'm not too worried about tonight and tomorow b/c I will be dosing the 1mg. So all in all I'm not feeling great, but it's nothing I can't handle so far. I'm just going to keep on keepin' on and take it as it comes.
Thanks for being there and supporting me guys, I'd be so much worse off without you all! I'm rooting for you all along the way too!
Big giant hugs!! R

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
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The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 2:47 pm 
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BLAH!!!! OMG So I'm at work today, am almost due to go home thankfully. I was feeling really good today, for the most part. But my appetite has been off. So I took some fruit with me today hoping it would help. Cold Peaches have always helped to settle my stomach. I made some toast for lunch with cinammon, another helpful thing for me. So I had an emergency at work about 20 mins after I ate, one of our patients crashed. (she's ok now thankfully) and so I was obviously in work mode, and just doing what I had to do...About 10 minutes maybe less after we got her stabilized the nauseousness hit me like a brick and there I run to the loo vomiting again. I'm NOT liking this symptom. I had to stay in the loo for a few minutes after b/c I couldn't stop crying. It literally hit me like a train wreck. It seems that when my adrenaline is high, and then I come down from that, (I vomited a little while after my run last night too) I totally crash and burn. I am feeling scared right now, and down, and if I had brought subs with me to work, which I didn't for obvious reasons, I think I would have taken one. This is where it gets tricky for me because when I got down to the 2 mgs of subs I always dosed once a day and that has worked so well for me. I'm a creature of habit, and I love my routines. So anyway, I'm just bummed, it was a downer for the afternoon. I do feel "ok" right now, but am looking forward to going home, which is also not like me. I have maybe watched the clock 2 times since I've been back to work last year. So I'm feeling sorry for myself right now. I keep trying to say this too shall pass, but I'm having a rough time believing myself. UGH

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We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
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The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2011 5:01 pm 
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Hang in there! Breathe and try to calm yourself down. You're having a bit of day, these things happen, ok. Use your tools and work through it.

((((BIG HUGS)))) for you Rainbow.....BTW, I know you're name is RainRainGoAway, I just like Rainbow so much better!! :D

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2011 12:32 am 
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Rain, I am so sorry you had a rough day The nausea thing is so odd. I get it like that too. I'll be fine and then I am very suddenly extremely sick, but it goes away. It goes away without me taking more Sub too. I actually have gotten the nausea in the middle of the night and it wakes me up and I start gagging, but that's also when I've had anxiety wake me up, so the two things do seem to go together. The trick truly is deep breathing. It settles everything down. If you start barfing, it can get very bad...kinda like morning sickness.

OMG, the cherry chapstick. That's a great idea! I do love Ivory soap though, for some reason. When I was pregnant, it was all I could do to stop myself from eating it, lol.

Hang in there. I'm hanging in with you. It is rough, but today I am feeling a bit better. Man oh man, I'm scared to say it, but maybe I've turned a corner. I can't tell yet for certain, but if I can adjust to this 1 mg dose, then everything is suddenly possible and I KNOW if we just hang in long enough, it will all settle down.

laddertipper

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 Post subject: One week down!
PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:45 am 
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Hello! Haven't posted in a couple of days, so couldn't wait to get on and see how everyone was doing today. Well my update is, that today is a week since I've started my "jump taper" LOL That's what I'm calling it. I have had some rough moments, with puking mostly. But it always passes. On the days that I take my 1mg of sub I feel fine, no w/d's no problems what so ever. When I am on the .5mg every other day I feel the problems. But not enough to make me quit the taper process. I have also started shaking. My hands mostly, and it sort of feels like an internal shake at times too. I don't like it, especially when I need to have very steady hands at work. I've been trying to deep breath and keep running daily. That helps tremendously. The smells finally went away, but do come back sometimes on the .5 days. I am using some tricks that ladder told me for that.
Anyway, I am on a roll and I feel good about it. I'm confident that this is going to work for me, and I'm going to keep pushing myself. I do not have any date that I want to be off of the subs, I've decided that if I need to continue on this path with the 1mg/.5mg every other day for a long time that is OK. I feel good at this level, bright, focused, and content. I know when my body gets used to it, and all the symptoms go away I will concentrate on the next step, but I am not thinking further then that. It will happen when it happens. I'm just happy that I'm able to be me again, and that I'm not popping pills.
I will keep posting, I just adore you guys!! You've become my fast friends, and I will always be here for all of you as well!
I hope you all have a wonderful day!!
Rainbow (Romeo I like that name too, so I'm keepin it! LOL My actual name is Rene, so that is how I got the name Rain. Most people do not know how to pronounce it...It's pronounced reenee, but most people call me Rainy. LOL LOL)

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The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2011 10:25 am 
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Hey Sunshiny Rainbow,

So, so glad to hear you are doing better!

Ugh, the shakes....ANNOYING!! I had them for quite a while. Clonidine helps calm that symptom GREATLY. It's the nervous system trying figure out what in the heck is going on. Technically, I believe it's the Sympathetic Nervous System. Anyway, I remember shaking like a leaf while trying to eat my cereal in the morning, it took both hands at times to get the cereal to my mouth without shaking it all over the table top. If it gets real bad, try some Clonidine.....after talking to a doctor first of course. BTW, I eat Rice Krispies, I know you were just dying to know that!! :lol:

I love your plan. It'll happen when it happens....well spoken.

OK, is your name pronounced ree knee? Growing up amongst French folks, I'm used to pronouncing it ra nay.....not that you can actually hear me when I say your name! :lol:

Again, very glad to hear you are doing well.

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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

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