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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 11:11 am 
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GOOD MORNING,

I HAD PREVIOUSLY POSTED MY STORY OF ADDICTION AND STARTED SUBUTEX LAST MONDAY. I HAVE BEEN SO AMAZED AT WHAT THIS DRUG HAS DONE FOR ME AND FOR MANY OF YOU AS WELL.

THE REASON FOR THE SUBJECT TITLE FROM LEXAPRO TO SUBUTEX, VYVANSE AND XANAX IS THAT I WAS ONLY ON LEXAPRO AS OF LAST MONDAY AND THEN LATER THAT DAY OF COURSE ADDED SUBUTEX FOR TREATMENT. THE DOCTOR ALSO WANTED TO SWITCH ME CAREFULLY OVER TO CYMBALTA FROM LEXAPRO BECAUSE HE SAID THAT IT WORKED MUCH BETTER WITH THE SUBUTEX. I TAKE LEXAPRO FOR ANXIETY AND HAVE BEEN PLEASED SO I AM GOING TO LOOK INTO THE CYMBALTA.

MONDAY THROUGH WEDNESDAY, ON THE SUBUTEX I HAD WHAT I & MY DOCTOR CONSIDERED NORMAL REACTIONS. ONE BEING ANXIETY THAT I WOULD WAKE UP DURING THE NIGHT IN PAIN FROM WITHDRAWALS BASED ON PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES AND RESEARCHING OTHERS THAT HAD THIS COMPLAINT WHEN STARTING SUBUTEX. SO HE TOLD ME TO TAKE 1MG OF XANAX BEFORE BEDTIME. I AM NOT CONCERNED ABOUT ABUSE OF XANAX SINCE IT HAS BEEN PRESCRIBED TO ME FOR 5 YEARS AND I HAVE PROBABLY ONLY TAKEN ABOUT 10 PILLS EVER.

OTHER REACTIONS WERE MOSTLY FEELING AWKWARD THAT I WAS NOW GOING THROUGH MY DAYS WITHOUT MY OPIATE HIGHS DOING MOST EVERYTHING I HAD FOR 2 YEARS ON THEM , RETRAINING MY BRAIN & BODY, MODERATE CRAVINGS FOR THAT "HIGH", THE ANXIETY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO ANTICIPATE HOW I WAS GOING TO FEEL DAY TO DAY FOR A FEW DAYS, ETC. THE THING I ENJOYED MOST ABOUT THE OPIATES (HIGH AMOUNTS) IS THAT 90% OF THE TIME I HAD LOTS OF ENERGY AND RELAYED THIS TO MY DOCTOR.

THIS PAST THURSDAY I WENT BACK TO THE DOCTOR FOR A QUICK FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT (DAY 4) AND I WAS RESPONDING TO SOME QUESTIONS HE WAS ASKING ME AND I REALIZED THAT HE WAS TRYING TO DETERMINE IF I HAD ADD OR ADHD. HE SAID THAT A LOT OF TIMES THIS AND ADDICTION GO HAND IN HAND. HE SAID I DID NOT HAVE ADD OR ADHD, BUT HE WANTED ME TO START VYVANSE TO HELP ME WITH THE CRAVINGS, GET BACK SOME OF MY ENERGY THAT WOULD BE LOST COMING OFF THE OPIATES AND KEEP UP MY FOCUS ON THE JOB, ETC. HIS NURSE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS PRETTY MUCH ON THE SAME MEDS AS I (MINUS SUBUTEX) AND THAT THE VYVANSE REALLY HELPS.

SO AS YOU CAN SEE I AM NOW CURRENTLY ON LEXAPRO 40MG, SUBUTEX 20MG, VYVANSE 30MG AND OCCASIONAL BEDTIME XANAX 1MG.

HERE IS THE CRAZY PART.........
I FILLED THE VYVANSE ON FRIDAY AROUND 9:30 AM AND TOOK MY ONE A DAY 30 MG AM ONLY DOSE. SO AROUND 24 HOURS LATER I AM STILL WIDE AWAKE. CRAZY! I CALL MY DOCTORS CELL PHONE AND HE SAID THIS CAN HAPPEN AND CALLED A FEW MORE TIMES YESTERDAY TO CHECK ON ME. SO I KNEW I WAS GOING TO CRASH AT SOME POINT AFTER BEING UP THAT LONG. SO I WENT AHEAD AROUND 10:15 AM YESTERDAY AND TOOK MY MORNING MEDS INCLUDING MY ONCE A DAY VYVANSE.

FRIENDS IT IS 10:15 AM ON SUNDAY AND I HAVEN'T BEEN TO BED IN OVER 48 HOURS!!!!!! NO YAWNING, NO DROOPY EYELIDS, NOTHING IS MAKING ME SETTLED TO SLEEP. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE AND YES BECAUSE OF MY ANXIETY I DON'T DRINK CAFFEINE, EAT CHOCOLATE ETC.

CALLED THE PHARMACY AND THE SAID THAT IT IS A RARE SIDE EFFECT OF VYVANSE AND WILL FOR SURE FADE TODAY. NOT MUCH FAITH RIGHT NOW. FRIDAY AT WORK, I HAD ONE OF THE MOST PRODUCTIVE WORK DAYS IN YEARS ON VYVANSE. I HATE TO STOP TAKING IT, BUT LORDY I HAVE GOT TO SLEEP.

SO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING I KNOW..........I AM SO WORRIED THAT I WONT FALL ASLEEP TONIGHT FOR WORK. OH DEAR, BEEN RESEARCHING IT ALL DAY/NIGHT AND KNOW HALLUCINATIONS START UP, ETC.

ANY ADVICE, OPINIONS, THOUGHTS???????? HELP!

THANKS FOR READING THIS!!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 1:02 pm 
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I think you need to see your doctor, stat. That is crazy! I've taken adderall before (doctor prescribed) and had a hard time sleeping, but your situation is surely excessive.

From my days as a waitress, when I sometimes indulged in speed, I had to find ways to get to sleep. Sex, hot bath, exercise...sometimes these things can do it. At the very least you should try to lay down and meditate (just lay still with your eyes shut and focus on your breath. If your mind wanders, that's ok, just bring your attention back to your breath. That way your brain can have some down-time and process stuff. Otherwise you're going to be so spun-out.

I hope you get to sleep soon.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 2:30 pm 
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I second that!

Maybe your dose is too high or something, or perhaps you don't even need the stimulant.

I'm not for sure, but maybe try some Benadryl (2 tabs, 50mg) or the xanax to see if you can get a little sleep. Call your doctor and tell him about what has happened as well.

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:13 pm 
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Thanks so much to both of you responding. I really value all opinions shared on this site. Do either of you know anything or have any experience with either Cymbalta or Vyvanse? It has been now 56 hours awake and I have been taking the xanax 1mg later in the evening, but its all just crazy. Will work with the doc on it tomorrow.

My husband wants to go here soon to eat Pizza and then to the movies. Whew... If he only knew!!!!! Knows nothing about abuse, current medications, staying up at night. I have been just acting like a feel asleep both nights on the couch watching TV and he goes on to bed. Then I try for a while to sleep, but no luck past two nights so I get up and play on the computer all night to be quiet and pass the time till he wakes up. Since he always gets up before me, it has been weird for him to see me awake before him. I just say couldn't sleep anymore.

I HATE IT.....my abuse. I honestly couldn't help getting addicted from all of my medical issues and that led to me filling in the gaps in MAJOR ways on the streets. That is the huge secret #2 is that I have accumulated around $75,000 in debt because of my abuse over 2 years. My husband thinks we are about 95% debt free. The feelings I have about this debt....why I have this debt...didn't care at all when I was taking out loans when I did it. Whatever would help me get that next set of pills so I could fill my void and over power my anxiety to be Wonder Woman for my husband, my family, my job, my friends. This debt will take forever to pay off haunts me 24/7. Then every other week the explosive guilt and naseaua I have when making payments to all these lenders monthly and my husband never notices because I pay the bills...oh if I could just rewind time!

I can't tell my husband now. I have got to be strong for myself right now and continue to focus on my sobriety. If he knew now, I wouldn't make it through this crucial time frame for me. I know some way some how my 2 secrets are going to surface. I have been so focused for 2 years on making sure he never knew a thing.

The fear of loosing him over really a bad decision(s), not dealing with my psychological issues and never dropping below his invisible "who I need to be" line he has for me, which is why I cant vocalize my true physical & psychological pains to him. I tell him everything else as does he, but he doesn't understand and has never supported me with my anxiety issues and when I can't help it and drop below his character line because my appendix is about to rupture, thought I was dying for 4 days honestly to learn it was my first anxiety attack, wake up with my hand paralyzed, huge ovarian cysts rupturing, just one of those bad days at work and on and on. In most cases, I drive myself to the hospital or he will drop me off. Rare if he will stay and when he does he is so mad that this "event" has interfered with his day/night all I do is make myself worse because I am so worried that he is mad at me and then in recovery from both physical and emotional events that is when his frustrations come out from it happening in the first place. I have to depend on myself and lean on my mom for emotional support. He sometimes will take care of me, but I know not to much complaining. It is a huge NO NO to him and a weakness and if I am sick or having anxiety issues he just says some really crude things to me and I am always most of the time on my own.

I know when reading about my husband its going to make him in ways look bad and maybe even worse with all of us because we all have a common thread that we share in life. Other than me dropping below his character line on these certain things honest to God he is my soul mate and best friend. We all have flaws, but I am on baby step #1 dealing with mine and I don't know if he will ever see this side of him, but someway somehow will sure try to help him.

Didn't intend for all of this to come out, but its what is going on in my head all the time and I know there are no 100% solutions to life's battles (other than my God), but let me know how you see all of this and then how would you deal with it? I would love to return the favor!!!! SO I AM THINKING WE NEED A DEBT/FINANCIAL SUPPORT FORUM AND A HOW TO TELL A LOVED ONE ABOUT YOUR ABUSE? :oops:


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:26 pm 
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I have a few thoughts, and I'm not sure where to start. The insomnia is likely because of the combination of cymbalta and vyvanse. Vyvanse is a long-acting stimulant; it is by far my favorite ADD medication to prescribe, as it has a very low risk of addiction compared to other stimulants. At the same time, your psychiatrist made some very aggressive medication changes in a very short period of time. I'm not going to pass judgment on a person I don't know, but in general you might want to change only one medication at a time, giving your extreme response to the Yyvanse. Cymbalta blocks reuptake of norepinephrine, which is very activating transmitter in the brain, and amphetamine (the active ingredient in Vyvanse) causes extra release of norepinephrine. Even so, it is hard to imagine how a dose of 30 mg of Vyvanse would last this long...

It is important that you get sleep eventually, so if you are doing ANYTHING to keep yourself awake-- abusing the Vyvanse, drinking caffeine, taking some herbal supplements-- you must stop immediately. After a few days without REM sleep, a person will often become psychotic.

If you are not doing any of the things to stay awake, you might have triggered a manic episode with the medications. Cymbalta, opiates, and stimulants are all capable of precipitating mania, and the combination would be especially potent in a person with bipolar disorder. This could even be your first episode. So be sure to let your psychiatrist know, and if he/she doesn't mention it, you mention it-- ask if you could have bipolar mania. That would keep a person up for weeks, and is about the only thing that will do so.

As for your finances, don't be too hard on yourself. I got involved in some risky investments a couple years ago that cost me most of my finances, and I will be digging out of the hole for years. But we all have our demons. I'm sure that if you left me long enough with your husband I would find his demons as well. I am writing a blog post about how addicts tend to split our personalities into the public 'perfect' part and the hidden 'shameful' part-- check it out, as it addresses this topic. Every person is made up of both good and bad; all we can do is our best, as we try to get through life.

I will put this particular post at my blog at hcplive.com-- be sure to check it out. It will come out at the end of the week.

Best wishes,
Jeff J


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:49 am 
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Wow, I can't imagine how that must feel to go without sleep for so long. With your addiction history it sounds like you probably would not need vyvanse since it is a stimulant. This will probably only increase your daily anxiety even more. I took Cymbalta at one time and it made me anxious so I switched to lexapro-which helped for quite a while then started making me too tired. I am weaning off of Wellbutrin now that I am on Suboxone for opiate addiction. I feel better when not taking the Wellbutrin, the suboxone alone is enough to relax me thru the day. I also got energy from opiates to help me get thru the day, but it also caused sleep disturbances. My problem was that I felt tired all the time and would take meds,caffeine,herbal stimulants for energy and then would get too anxious. I could not get a balance in well-being and it was a daily struggle. Now that I am only taking Suboxone I feel relaxed and like myself again.

I can definately identify with your financial struggles. I had a job making great money but along with my opiate addiction came a shopping addiction. I ran my credit card bills up significantly then ended up losing my job and unable to pay the bills. I understand what you mean about how your husband would look down on you. My husband is aware of my addiction and our debts. He has been supportive of my recovery and of our marriage but I feel he holds a resentment towards me for ruining us financially. He tends to hold people to very high standards/morals. Any negative comments he makes about our finances in turn causes resentful feelings in me towards him in that he is not more supportive in realizing it was a result of my addiction and I never wanted this to happen. The guilt has been overwhelming at times. We have two children. I have always been the primary breadwinner, making 3 times as much money as him a year. Because of my addiction I won't be able to work in my profession until next year when my license is reinstated. I hope you can find a way to tell your husband about your addiction and debt and that he will be supportive. The longer you go without telling him the worse the outcome may be. I will be thinking of you.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 10:22 am 
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Hi FashionSun,

I read your post and I can relate. Our stories are SO similiar. You have no idea! As I was reading it ..I kept thinking..this is me. For some time now I have questioned myself as to why I didn't tell my husband. The only difference in our situations is that my husband is very caring & I know 1000 % he would be nothing but supportive. For me, I am so ashamed and I feel that maybe I don't know him as well as I thought - and He may decide to leave a LOSER like myself - and I can't risk losing the only person in my entire life that has been there for me. SO, I choose not to tell him out of fear.

I am on subutex & vyvanse & I am doing well. I do miss how the roxycodone made me feel. I also took it because it gave me energy and I was easier to be around. I am happy-go-lucky. But as I'm learning in recovery we aren't meant to have boundless energy and be happy ALL the time. This has been hard for me to accept. I just think, "wow if i can feel that amazing on the roxy's why can't someone make something safer that i can take to get that feeling. I do everything 100 % better. I am awesome on roxy's." :)

I am 32 years old and I NEVER even touched any kind of drug until I was 30. My husband got a huge promotion at work and I was bored so one day my girlfriend offered me cocaine...and for the first time in my life..I did it...& a week later I did it again...and again..and so forth. I never became a coke junkie - thank goodness... One day I called my dealer for coke but he was out so he suggested "some blues." I had no idea what that was, but he said it would make me feel good ..so I said "yes!" ( Needless to say, I have a very addictive personality.) And YES once I tried those roxy's ..the Booger Candy was long gone! I fell in love with the NEW me. I felt so much better. I was more confident, happy, easy to get along with, i worked better..so forth.. you know. And then it just took over life. Big Time.

I honestly don't know how my husband didn't find out. I would act so strange once I ran out of pills. I was constantly taking cash out of the atm ..something I NEVER really did the previous 5 years we had been together. But I truly don't think he'd EVER think I was doing drugs.

Long story short - like you- after just about two years I was done w/ the roxy's. I wanted them out of my life forever. I was starting to feel that my body was different..in a bad way. Prior to the drug use I was addicted to bikram yoga and eating healthy! I was also sick and tired of wasting all of OUR hard earned $$ on this stupid habit. I was also DONE with counting my pills over and over again to see how much longer I had until I had to figure out my next buy. I was done w meeting my dealer and always having such heart attacks that this could be the day i get caught and that is going to change my life forever. this is serious stuff! I just woke up and said NO MORE. My friend told me about subutex and a recovery center. I had tried to go cold turkey and my husband thought I was home w/ the flu for the week. WOrst week of my life - ended up callign the dealer for more blues to make me "Not sick anymore"

Now, I've been clean for 2 months. I attend the recovery center three times a week for Proud Recovery, Life Strategies, Relapse Prevention classes and i take my subutex and vyvanse. I am working more to erase my debt and I am making huge strides. I still carry a lot of shame, guilt , and low self esteem for my actions during the past two years, but I am starting to be proud of myself for taking that first step and deciding this "chasing the roxys life" isn't me. And everyday I build more on that. I m also proud that I practically did this alone except for the help of my dr and the recovery center and websites such as this. I enjoy coming to this site to read other people's stories and advice and to know I am not alone in this and other people have experienced this as well.

Anyway, this is my first post here and i did it in reply to fashion sun b/c my heart goes out to you b/c i can understand where you are coming from. I wish you the best of luck. You wrote back in July and its SEpt so i hope things are going well for you ! Let me know. Thanks for sharing your story. :wink:


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 2:56 am 
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I am 20 years old. I use lexapro for two months i must say great anxiety and depression are gone. I found Lexapro online on google i must say great medicine also for young people.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 12, 2010 2:56 am 
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I take lexapro for 2 years really help me.


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