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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 3:30 am 
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After all these years, I’m finally here. I have danced along the rim of so many cliffs in my pursuit of getting high or wallowing in pain, it is hard to believe I have been this lucky and that I am still alive.
After wading through all of the trash on the internet regarding Suboxone as a recovery tool (or a ploy of the Government to ensnare us), I came across an article written by Dr. Jeff about all of the misinformation on the internet (and I want to thank him for his story, that he created this forum—and that he was kind enough to help me get connected and started on this new path.)
I’ve had a problem with pain pills, on and off, for decades. Recently I shattered my leg paragliding, and was given some very large bottles of Oxycontin to help with the pain. It turns out the pain of my leg was nothing compared to the pain I was about to go through.
I had been taking small amounts of Suboxone (1 mg. per day—purchased from folks who had just a few too many) for the last 5 years to keep me on the straight and narrow…until the accident 3 months ago. And due to all of the B.S. I have read about the evils of Suboxone online, I decided to try Ibogaine as a cure to my addiction.
F**king nightmare.
The dose was not large enough to clean out the receptors, but the African drug was the most overwhelming thing I have ever experienced. LSD x 10.
I was crushed.
So there I am, going into full withdrawals—while billowing herds of illuminated beasts trampled through my head in what turned out to be a 2-day nightmarish trip through hell.
Now, I am beat to hell, and still addicted (but I did meet God).

It was after 24-hours of thrashing, my nurse/sitter contacted a Ibogaine clinic in Tijuana to ask what could be done regarding a failed cleansing (Ibogaine is not legal in the U.S.). On all of the Iboga websites it is emphasized to NOT take pain pills while detoxing on Ibogaine. That’s How People Get Dead!
The nurse was kind enough to gather all of my info, and relay to my friend that I should take 30 mgs. of Oxycodone to pull me out of withdrawals (luckily I had given her the last of my pills before we started…or I’d still be there…) Within an hour the thrashing ceased and I began to have hope that I might possibly survive this. Now…I just had another day or so of hallucinations to wrap-up. And this is where I died—and was ground underfoot—like so much compost. Dante’s visions made real in a nightmare that Did-Not-End.
But in all of this was the introspection on my life—how I got here, and where it is I want to go. Where it is I want to go?
Anywhere but here.
I could see my wife wandering above ground, unaware that I was just beneath her feet. And that is what I focused on. It is what I am focusing on…if I can just get back to her, and to the world.
I saw God’s intention: the path he’d laid out for me, and I saw very clearly where it is I strayed. All of the wrong turns I’d taken that put me here.

It’s been a long week and I’m still reeling. Still seeing visions and feeling dizzy, but I have opened up to my wife of 25 years like I never have before (thank God she is willing to stand by me and give me the love and support I need to get back on my feet). Thank God there is a place I can go that does not include multiple days thrashing on a bed and being sick. I will do whatever it takes to live in line with God’s intentions from here on out. For me, my loved ones, and especially for my wife and daughter.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 5:55 pm 
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Is it the vision of God that is supposed to cure addiction? You get such a clear perspective that using no longer holds any appeal?

If that's how it is supposed to work, what do you think happened in your case? (you mentioned that you are still addicted)....


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 7:40 pm 
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Hey BH,

The title implies you're on bup, your intro sort of does but then no mention of actually starting it. Envious you still have your wife and daughter by your side. Wishing you my best, P

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Did well on Suboxone. Stopped May 2011.
Stopping went well -- its the staying stopped -- where the real work begins.
Coming here 'keeps recovery green'.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 2:43 am 
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Yes, I am blessed that i still have my family, my life and my relative health...
I am still taking the last of the Oxy's that were prescribed by an over-generous doctor, trying to get on the path back to sobriety through Suboxone (from a doctor this time, not pills I scored on the street corner). And again, thank you to Dr. Jeff for educating me as to the reality of Suboxone and addiction.
I have an appointment coming up with a CODA clinic next month. And now that I am sure this is the best road for me, I will be very happy to turn over control to a specialist to oversee my dosage and use (I winged it for the last five years, taking - 1 mg. per day seemed to keep me out of trouble, but what the hell did I know?)
As far as the Ibogaine cure goes, the notion is that at the right "flood" dose, the drug burns the opiates out of your receptors, and you are left, withdrawal-free, to move forward, and hopefully into a support system. I guess I just didn't take enough (I don't think I would have survived a "proper dose". And I certainly wasn't prepared to be tripping on overdrive at the same time withdrawals were kicking in. It was absolute hell. That's why I am telling my story here. I hope I can save at least one person from the mistakes I made.
Do not try Ibogaine outside the confines of a certified clinic (which means outside the U.S.) Don't not try Ibogaine unless you really want to witness the worst parts of yourself, the worst things you have done and all the shit you thought you got away with (you didn't get away with s**t--you just haven't paid for it yet!) For me, I was given a chance to start over, with myself and my wife, to rebuild--and it was a very good thing--but it is at a very high price (I finally drove again today and went back to work--six days later). The visions and visual stutters are still present.
I have a new take on life, myself and my role in life. It is making me a better man, father and husband--but I really felt at one point that I would not survive it all. Crashing from 2000' on my paraglider was nothing compared to crashing on Ibogaine and Percocets.
So now I am stuck waiting for 30 days (with 5 days of drugs to make it through?) till I can see the addiction doctor (is there anything else I can do? An "express" lane?)
When I told my doctor 5 years ago I was addicted he told me I wasn't taking enough to be addicted. That he could only prescribe 30 people Suboxone at a time, and that he needed to treat the people with "real" addictions (that's when I started self-medicating, once I found a supply of Suboxone. He also called me a liar, that - 1 mg. wasn't enough to do anything...)
Please clue me in if there are any other resources out there I haven't come across. I have found that this addiction thing puts the average person at a disadvantage. This problem comes loaded with stigma and shame--"please use the back door next time..."
Thanks for listening, and thanks for the support.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 10:53 am 
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Hey Badhobbit welcome.

I have to say that I understand ur second post better than ur first post. I hope u share ur ibogain experience to warn others what a risk they'd be taking if they ever considered it outside of the US. I've just always thought of ibogain in a negative way....u know how some words are just negative to u every time u hear it? That's how i feel about ibogain.

So u have 30 days before u see ur suboxone dr and only have 5 days of medicine, is that right? Unfortunately there's waiting lists with suboxone treatment, I think I waited almost a month when I started. What I did was just my usual awful routine of getting my pills off the street until that appointment came. That last pill I bought off the street was absolutely the last since. Just try to deal with it for 30 more days, u can do it. Good luck!!

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 2:54 pm 
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I have been on the phone for 3 days now, looking for a physician who treats with Suboxone, I have an appointment with CODA that is 4 weeks out--and everyone else is not taking new patients. Does anyone know of a doctor in the Portland Oregon area taking new patients?


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2016 4:05 pm 
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Hey there.
I am in Portland. Google Gilbert Simas MD. He is my doc and I am pretty sure he is taking new patients..


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