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 Post subject: I found morphine...
PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:49 pm 
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Last night my husband dropped a knife between the edge of the kitchen counter and the stove. When he reached back there and was feeling around, he found a morphine pill. Must have fallen back there quite a while ago! Obviously we don't pull the stove out from the wall to clean too often :lol:

Anyway. He's all, "Look what I just found."

And I'm like, meh.

That's right, I didn't care. I guess he didn't either because it's still sitting there on the coffee table this morning. Huh.

That NEVER would have happened around here a couple of years ago. I would have dive-tackled him for dibs on that pill, and I don't even really LIKE morphine pills. They're pretty weak, in my opinion, and I only ever did them if we just couldn't get/afford anything better. But I still would have fought him for it.

So that feels like a victory. He'll probably hold onto it because his ankle gives him a lot of pain now and then. He could probably make it last for 4 doses, so that's good.

I'm on .3mgs of Suboxone, and I guess my cravings are still in check. I'm sure I'd feel the pill if I took it, and it's not like I feel so great and wonderful that there would be no reason for me to want that pill. In fact, my fibro pain is pretty bad right now because I carried boxes up and down stairs for the past 2 days at work. I had to take a nap yesterday for the first time in a while. I just don't want to take that pill.

This is not to say that I think I'm cured. I just think it means that my hard work is paying off. I've made a habit of dealing with my issues in other ways for the past two years, and maybe those habits will stick. I guess we'll see how tough I am when he finds an oxy or a dilaudid somewhere in the house!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:30 pm 
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That's so great to hear Diary and I'm glad that while you may not be doing the best physically your mind still definately seems to be in the right place. I know it's alot easier for me to say this since I'm not tapering but your pain will eventually pass or ease up at least. Just think about all the people here that are rooting for you :) You've certainly been an inspiration to me and I've actually tried some meditation after I heard you suggest it in one of your other posts. It actually helped quite a bit! I've been in kind of a rough spot lately I recently found out my dad has cirhossis (is that how it's spelled?) and his doctor didn't make his future look too bright apparently it's pretty bad, crazy part is he's never had a single drink...ever which combined with the fact that my grandpa is currently in the I.C.U., has suffered some major dementia and no longer even recognizes any of us. He's likely to die in the very near future and all of this bad news kind of hit me all at once and really did feel overwhelming. The meditation did seem to put things in a little better perspective and alleviate some of my fear, depression, and heart-ache. So just wanted to basically say thank you and how much I've appreciated your contribution to the forum:)
Hang in there and I think it's wonderful your not overwhelmed by cravings I think it's definately a sign your doing something right. :wink:

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 8:26 am 
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Good for you, it feels great to not obsess, right?

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 2:27 pm 
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Hi Matt, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad & your grandpa. When it rains, it pours, huh? You've been such a supportive presence on the forum, I really hope that you won't hesitate to reach out and ask for help if you need it.

Meditation is a great tool because it allows us to feel our emotions without getting too identified or wrapped up in them. One of my favorite meditation techniques is to just imagine that every feeling or thought that comes into my mind is a cloud in the sky, and I watch it drift on by.

What's important to know is that meditation is a practice. So many of my friends have tried it and give up because they can't sit there with a blank mind. Having a blank mind is not the point. The point is seeing what comes up, acknowledging it and letting it go. You have to do this over and over and over again. A wandering mind doesn't mean you're doing a "bad job". It takes people a lifetime to get to the point where they have that whole blank-mind-one-with-the-universe feeling on a sustained basis. In the begining, you just get it for a moment or two if you're lucky. But that doesn't mean it's not working.

Thank you for your support Matt, and let me know if there's anything I can do. Life throws a lot at us, but like it says in my signature quote, you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 8:19 pm 
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:)

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 6:47 pm 
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Your scenerio reminds of me and my boyfriend. We have actually rolled around fighting over pills before. I'm glad to hear that your doing so well. It gives me hope for the future. I don't have any cravings but I haven't started weaning. If I have anything to with it I won't ever, but I am subjected to pills on an almost daily basis. It just remends me how much I don't want to do them anymore.

You have also helped me, like so many others, so much. I'm so happy for your victory.

Also Matt, I'm sorry to hear of the sickness in your family. It doean't make life any easier does it? I hope things look up for your dad. And I completely understand what your going through with your grandpa. I have worked with dementia patients in the past. I know how hard it is on you. I wish I had some comforting words for you cause you, Diary and so many others on here have got me through the rough spots in my life recently. I wish I could do the same for you.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 9:02 pm 
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Good for you diary!! test- passed. keep it up


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