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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:07 pm 
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It's day 22 for me, and the sun is starting shine again, if only occasionally.

I took sub for near 4 months, and just couldn't stand the emotional and physical flat tire it
Caused me. Everyone is different, but I will say this, the separation, while uncomfortable, was way
Easier than stopping oxy. For those who don't know me, I had a five year oxy habit, 180 mg daily, that spun
Out of control a year ago and landed me in legal trouble over a forge script.
I took avg 12 mg sub for the last four months to kick the oxy.

Now, I am not suggesting life is perfect by any means, but I can think, do basic physical
Demands, and actually feel laughter and sadness again, something that bupe blocked out
Altogether with a slight energy boost.

I have researched every thread by webmd to steadyhealth and all info on this sight, and must
Reinforce that for me, I could never have reorganized my life on the drug. I was in a suspended
Animation state of living with no senses. I equate or liken my sub time as locking life down, almost like
The valley of oxy detox right when life stops hurting but doesn't feel good either. I had no self esteem, no
Vision, no priority schedule. It was worse for me on the memory issue than full agonist, and no vigor whatsoever.

Actually, sometimes, no many times, an hour or so after dosing with sub I would get confused , depressed, and
Socially withdrawn. I believe (just my opinion), this drug is more penal to the body than full opioid agonist. I never
Felt 'good' on sub.

Physically I never had diahrea, or GI troubles at all. My worst symptom was no motivation, motor skill (accident prone) issues,
And lackluster appetite, occasional headaches.

Now, to sum it up, at day 22, I don't have the slightest sub craving. I do still carry craving for oxy, but only that initial rush and energy,
Not the daily mental and emotional jail it had me in, always feeling guilty that I couldn't breathe or do anything without a pill.

Partial agonist is something I'll stay away from. I once had a dealer in Vegas tell me 'if I'm gonna do drugs, I'm gonna do GOOD drugs.
Well put.

Now if I can just give up cigarettes ...... One step at a time.

_________________
'If you can't trade a cry for a good laugh, then opiates will rule your life forever'. -me
This is the reason I am ready to walk uphill for a finite infinity, in search of myself at the end of the marathon.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 2:42 pm 
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Donechasing wrote:
It's day 22 for me, and the sun is starting shine again, if only occasionally.

I took sub for near 4 months, and just couldn't stand the emotional and physical flat tire it
Caused me. Everyone is different, but I will say this, the separation, while uncomfortable, was way
Easier than stopping oxy. For those who don't know me, I had a five year oxy habit, 180 mg daily, that spun
Out of control a year ago and landed me in legal trouble over a forge script.
I took avg 12 mg sub for the last four months to kick the oxy.

Now, I am not suggesting life is perfect by any means, but I can think, do basic physical
Demands, and actually feel laughter and sadness again, something that bupe blocked out
Altogether with a slight energy boost.

I have researched every thread by webmd to steadyhealth and all info on this sight, and must
Reinforce that for me, I could never have reorganized my life on the drug. I was in a suspended
Animation state of living with no senses. I equate or liken my sub time as locking life down, almost like
The valley of oxy detox right when life stops hurting but doesn't feel good either. I had no self esteem, no
Vision, no priority schedule. It was worse for me on the memory issue than full agonist, and no vigor whatsoever.

Actually, sometimes, no many times, an hour or so after dosing with sub I would get confused , depressed, and
Socially withdrawn. I believe (just my opinion), this drug is more penal to the body than full opioid agonist. I never
Felt 'good' on sub.

Physically I never had diahrea, or GI troubles at all. My worst symptom was no motivation, motor skill (accident prone) issues,
And lackluster appetite, occasional headaches.

Now, to sum it up, at day 22, I don't have the slightest sub craving. I do still carry craving for oxy, but only that initial rush and energy,
Not the daily mental and emotional jail it had me in, always feeling guilty that I couldn't breathe or do anything without a pill.

Partial agonist is something I'll stay away from. I once had a dealer in Vegas tell me 'if I'm gonna do drugs, I'm gonna do GOOD drugs.
Well put.

Now if I can just give up cigarettes ...... One step at a time.


Hi donechasing,

Day 23 today! Good job... How are you doing today? I'm on 2 months now and I'm SO very happy to hear you're right along with me. Fricken heck of a roller coaster ride. Crazy train! Now also, I'd like to chime in, that I too wish I could quit smoking cigs! But, I've quit everything, and at this current moment if someone took my cigs, there would be some trouble. Or, some choice words! Hey, all in time right?

I'm glad you're doing research. Shed some light on what we have exactly taken, seeing how there are a lot of unanswered questions. I believe we will be the answers. So educate now I suppose!

I just wanted to congratulate you because I personally know it is not an easy task. So congrats, and I wish you a healthy and speedy recovery!

-Jen

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"It's much easier to take someone else's advice than it is to take our own."


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 5:37 pm 
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Suboxone is not for everyone. Thats why medications have side effects because they do not react the same way with all people.

Have you gave any thought to what you are going to do to help yourself on the mental craving for opiates. Meetings? Therapy?

Just wondering. Glad you are feeling better than before. Keep posting your progress.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:29 pm 
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I appreciate those who send well wishes, and share my stance with sub. For those who know my full story, my addictionologist was the one who Manufactured reasons
For me not to taper or quit. He wants me in an intensive outpatient program while on sub therapy, a fork in our road for certain. It turns out that most reputable iop program
In my local requires total abstinence anyway. Personally, I know I'd not get what I should out of it anyway if I stayed with sub.

So today was not as good as yesterday. But I know the road has turns.

I also have some reservation with twelve steps. I feel, similar to church, that one
Doesn't necessarily have to meet, tithe, and participate with a group of spiritually
Similar folks to profess their unique faith. Many meetings of NA I attended thus far
Left me feeling worse afterward, perhaps I have not found that right group yet.

I watched actor Tom Sizemore confess a triad of addiction twenty years long to meth, coke,
And heroin concurrently on the view today. He professes four clean years and looks pretty
Damned good for what he's been through. I can't even imagine.......

Today was hard, but I managed. One NA concept I do buy into is 'just for today'.
Maybe it wasn't a huge success, but it was another clean day.

Even celebrity rehab loses high profile members. I don't need more than my own memories
Of a life that revolved around pills to keep me clean......

Just sayin!

Good night all.

_________________
'If you can't trade a cry for a good laugh, then opiates will rule your life forever'. -me
This is the reason I am ready to walk uphill for a finite infinity, in search of myself at the end of the marathon.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:42 pm 
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God delayed spring in Detroit , gotta mean something.

_________________
'If you can't trade a cry for a good laugh, then opiates will rule your life forever'. -me
This is the reason I am ready to walk uphill for a finite infinity, in search of myself at the end of the marathon.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:55 pm 
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Hi again chasing,

I too, believe everyone's not meant for suboxone. I'm right with you on that... Everyone and their recovery process (sub, or no sub) is different and very personal.

I am however glad you're able to say you're off of it. So for that I applaud you. Have you had to take any comfort meds thus far?

Again, congrats. I'm on 2 months.

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"It's much easier to take someone else's advice than it is to take our own."


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 Post subject: Congrats
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:23 pm 
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Hey DC,

It's really good to see you back and posting again. 22 days is awesome! I'm glad you didn't suffer too bad of w/d. Once again, everyone is different with taking and or stopping Suboxone. (you know, I'm actually getting tired of that saying)

I totally understand your problem with the 12 step program. Maybe a little searching for something else? All I know is that when it comes to quitting drugs or alcohol, having people to depend on really helps. Even if it's only one. Being alone in recovery is not good company. The sick part of the brain has a way of sabotaging your recovery when you think too much. That's why meetings seem to help others stay clean and sober. It keeps them from the stinkin' thinkin' per say if they are sitting in a meeting or out with other meeting members doing something.

Thanks for posting your progress so far and I hope you will continue to do so daily. We all like a success story.

Stay strong and clean,

Rule

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 Post subject: Comfort meds.
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:13 pm 
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Thanks rule, raudy and jennicole!

As to comfort meds, I think I already said in earlier post that I took klonopin (a benzo),
To sleep first two weeks away. I quit that three days ago but today had irregular heartbeats
Anxiety and some depression, and last night only scored two hours sleep.

So tonight I took another klonopin to assure rest.

I have a mitral valve prolapse. And before I got on the oxy
I took a beta blocker to control panic attacks caused by this.
The klonopin will surely cease soon as I only have two tabs left,
And my personal doc who prescribes them is in the midst of a federal
Drug traffic and insurance fraud charge so I doubt he could refill it
For me now.

Things are really heating up in Detroit area. Busts daily.

_________________
'If you can't trade a cry for a good laugh, then opiates will rule your life forever'. -me
This is the reason I am ready to walk uphill for a finite infinity, in search of myself at the end of the marathon.


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 Post subject: Other sub issues...
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:29 pm 
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I'll say again in all my detours off
Oxy I only occasionally fought the kicks or RLS,
But while taking sub, my ice cream and sweet tooth
Cravings were crazy. On oxy I'd snack at night but
While on sub, I'd eat Half gallon of ice cream some
Nights. Glad that is backing down, cause I'm certain now
I'd start getting blimpy.

_________________
'If you can't trade a cry for a good laugh, then opiates will rule your life forever'. -me
This is the reason I am ready to walk uphill for a finite infinity, in search of myself at the end of the marathon.


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 Post subject: Re: Other sub issues...
PostPosted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:40 pm 
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Donechasing wrote:
I'll say again in all my detours off
Oxy I only occasionally fought the kicks or RLS,
But while taking sub, my ice cream and sweet tooth
Cravings were crazy. On oxy I'd snack at night but
While on sub, I'd eat Half gallon of ice cream some
Nights. Glad that is backing down, cause I'm certain now
I'd start getting blimpy.


Oh I know you didn't just say that about a sweet tooth.... OmGosh I know what yer talking about! I went through countless amounts of ice cream, like bricks by the dozen!!! (Kinda cool now in spring, but I was in 34" of snow during it..) mayhem! Mayhem, pure carnage, lol.

And bacon! Omg bacon, everywhere, sangwich, yup, (sorry, my accident) lunch, yup, anything, yup! Somehow, your body is craving salt. Again, we are made of 80% water, more than that. I give out IV'S by the handful at my job. I wish I could pump it into me! Gatorade, powerade, whatever....

Hang in there, it's going to get better everyday now.

_________________
"It's much easier to take someone else's advice than it is to take our own."


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PostPosted: Fri May 31, 2013 12:06 am 
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Donechasing wrote:
It's day 22 for me, and the sun is starting shine again, if only occasionally.

I took sub for near 4 months, and just couldn't stand the emotional and physical flat tire it
Caused me. Everyone is different, but I will say this, the separation, while uncomfortable, was way
Easier than stopping oxy. For those who don't know me, I had a five year oxy habit, 180 mg daily, that spun
Out of control a year ago and landed me in legal trouble over a forge script.
I took avg 12 mg sub for the last four months to kick the oxy.

Now, I am not suggesting life is perfect by any means, but I can think, do basic physical
Demands, and actually feel laughter and sadness again, something that bupe blocked out
Altogether with a slight energy boost.

I have researched every thread by webmd to steadyhealth and all info on this sight, and must
Reinforce that for me, I could never have reorganized my life on the drug. I was in a suspended
Animation state of living with no senses. I equate or liken my sub time as locking life down, almost like
The valley of oxy detox right when life stops hurting but doesn't feel good either. I had no self esteem, no
Vision, no priority schedule. It was worse for me on the memory issue than full agonist, and no vigor whatsoever.

Actually, sometimes, no many times, an hour or so after dosing with sub I would get confused , depressed, and
Socially withdrawn. I believe (just my opinion), this drug is more penal to the body than full opioid agonist. I never
Felt 'good' on sub.

Physically I never had diahrea, or GI troubles at all. My worst symptom was no motivation, motor skill (accident prone) issues,
And lackluster appetite, occasional headaches.

Now, to sum it up, at day 22, I don't have the slightest sub craving. I do still carry craving for oxy, but only that initial rush and energy,
Not the daily mental and emotional jail it had me in, always feeling guilty that I couldn't breathe or do anything without a pill.

Partial agonist is something I'll stay away from. I once had a dealer in Vegas tell me 'if I'm gonna do drugs, I'm gonna do GOOD drugs.
Well put.

Now if I can just give up cigarettes ...... One step at a time.


Donechasing: I can relate to every precise side-effect you listed. I had all of those things (lethargy/social anxiety/memory loss/foggy head/clumsiness). Also had severe unrecognizable depression that came about a year in to my 2 year stint on suboxone. For sure, everyone reacts differently to this medication, but it is reassuring to find common ground with lots of people on here about what they went through. I didn't read this forum or research the side effects until a few weeks ago, and spent 2 years slowly going crazy. Always questioning if it was the medication or just my broken head. Am now 8 days off these meds and feeling so much better for it.


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