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PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:58 am 
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Hi Ji- Congrats to YOU for over 5 months!!! How are you doing? Seems like well? Update please :D

Yes, I have pretty much decided on my 6 month tattoo. I'm going with a "minimalistic" butterfly, intertwined with the word "Moksha" written in Sanskrit which means "Freedom/ Liberation from suffering"
I'm designing it myself because I could not find "exactly" the butterfly I want, but I see it in my head, and I can draw, so I'm using this one and am going to "minimilize it" a bit more (not so "curly"), and it will be kind of "taking off" from the word. Getting pretty darned close on those abs too! : :wink: At the least I'll have a "flat" canvass, then I'll be motivated to keep it that way so my butterfly does not "expand" LOL!!

I mentioned I was getting myself a tattoo as a "Christmas gift" to a friend from the gym, and now there is a group of 6 of us all going together! One lady (older than me) is getting one to commemorate her daughter who died of an eating disorder...each woman has their "story"....it should be a really special time...I'm looking forward to it! They want to wait until January though, so it will be more like my "7 month" tatt :)


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:00 am 
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Here is the Sanskrit word for "Freedom / Liberation"


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:33 am 
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Hey BF, that design looks great, it should be really nice. I chose a turquoise colour for my most recent tattoo, rather than plain black, and I think it looks really good.

I quit vaping a few weeks ago, and have been eating like a piglet ever since, so I've gone backwards in the abs department. I figured I could indulge myself food-wise, if it helped me quit nicotine once and for all (and it did seem to help).

But I've started doing the P90X abs workout...game on again!

Anyhow, yes, I'm planning a 5-month update sometime this weekend. Hope you're having a great Thanksgiving holiday. :)

-- ji

ButterFLYING! wrote:
Hi Ji- Congrats to YOU for over 5 months!!! How are you doing? Seems like well? Update please :D

Yes, I have pretty much decided on my 6 month tattoo. I'm going with a "minimalistic" butterfly, intertwined with the word "Moksha" written in Sanskrit which means "Freedom/ Liberation from suffering"
I'm designing it myself because I could not find "exactly" the butterfly I want, but I see it in my head, and I can draw, so I'm using this one and am going to "minimilize it" a bit more (not so "curly"), and it will be kind of "taking off" from the word. Getting pretty darned close on those abs too! : :wink: At the least I'll have a "flat" canvass, then I'll be motivated to keep it that way so my butterfly does not "expand" LOL!!

I mentioned I was getting myself a tattoo as a "Christmas gift" to a friend from the gym, and now there is a group of 6 of us all going together! One lady (older than me) is getting one to commemorate her daughter who died of an eating disorder...each woman has their "story"....it should be a really special time...I'm looking forward to it! They want to wait until January though, so it will be more like my "7 month" tatt :)

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 25, 2014 11:08 am 
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6 MONTHS sub FREE today!
8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
Yes, that is half a YEAR!

It CAN be done, so if you are struggling today but really are ready and want to live med free, I hope I can offer some encouragement.

I am feeling great- happy, healthy, no cravings. My recovery plan includes prayer, meditation, excercise and basic " healthy living", and fostering loving, honest relationships.

Yes, it takes effort and work and some days are better than others, but I am still very happy with my choice and proud of my progress :D

Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate, and Merry Day to all those who don't :)
Peace on Earth!!
BF

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 27, 2014 8:22 am 
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Yeah BF! Way to go, and I hope you're enjoying the holidays.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 9:11 am 
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Well, I am nearing 7 months "Free" from suboxone and life is very good- not always easy, but I am tremendously grateful not to be a slave to any substance. Remember, I was not prescribed this drug so my situation was much different than those who are under a dr.'s care and using it responsibly.

I have a feeling this "may" be my last post (for awhile anyway- but I've said that before- haha)

Really the only reason I'm posting today is to remind others who are in similar situations that I was in, it is possilbe to get free. And I have given myself a lifetime reminder of how precious that freedom is for me.
The word below the butterfly is in sacred sanskrit and says "Moksha" which means "Liberation / Freedom from suffering". Part of the butterfly is part of the word, and the butterfly is taking flight.

I believe that final transition from caterpillar to butterfly will not truly come until I pass from this world into the next, but I am committed to continuing the hard work that leads to healthy "metamorphosis / growth / change."
If you are reading this and struggling, please do not give up hope! If I made it, so can you.
Peace and Serenity,
BF

PS. Ji if you read this, no six pack "yet" but I am not giving up! :D


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:07 am 
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Hi BF, glad to see that you posted...i missed my 6 month update, but might do my 7th later this month.

Totally agree with you about sobriety; not always easy for sure, but I'm so incredibly grateful to have this freedom. Life does just seem to keep getting better, while during my years of addiction, it never seemed to be going anywhere.

Uh, i've slipped backwards on the abs front -- i've been doing the P90X abs workout for over a month, and i'm sure there's a 6 pack down there somewhere. But after quitting nicotine a few months ago, and overeating my way through the Christmas holidays, I'm about 15 lbs over my target weight.

Been hitting the gym 5 days a week, and doing fitness classes on weekends, and i started indoor rock climbing a month ago -- but still can't knock off those excess pounds. This week i cut out snacks, and start doing P90X for real. Not giving up yet!

-- ji

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:09 am 
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P.S. nice tat! And you look like you keep yourself in amazingly good shape.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:37 am 
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johnny_ikon wrote:
P.S. nice tat! And you look like you keep yourself in amazingly good shape.

-- ji

Hey Ji!! Really really good to hear from you and know my jump bro-son is still sober and well! Thanks for the kind words....not too too bad for an old lady with 2 kids, right? Excercise is still really helping me stay sober and deal with stress, and the full force of "emotions" in general after escapng for so many years.

I was kind of "on the fence" about posting the "tattoo" pic, but you were brave and showed yours, so thought I'd show mine..... :wink: And although you can't see the cuts, I think mine are in there somewhere too- lol. Mostly I decided to post because I thought it would kind of "round out" this turbulent but rewarding journey I've been going through getting clean. The tattoo was / is extremely meaningful to me, and everytime I see it, a reminder of the struggle, and how precious "freedom" is to me.

I've heard of the that program (P90X)- good for you! And CONGRATS for quitting cigs!! Wow!!-
I might try that workout program this summer; I still have some months before I'm 50, and a six pack would be a rewarding accomplishment I think. That, and I'm planning on doing 50 anonymous good deeds in 50 hours, which I believe will be infinitely more rewarding.
Hang tough!
BF

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2015 7:06 am 
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8 MONTHS 'free' from subs

I just wanted to post a quick note to encourage people that if you want to get off subs it can be done- I don't have any cravings, feel great, just 'living life' and my taper and withdrawl are a distant memory- just a 'blip' in my history. SO if you are 'ready' and want to jump off, it CAN be done- it is not 'fun' but really not that bad- the fear is way worse.

Now, I understand 8 months clean after an 8 year habit is really not that long, but I'm proud of my sobriety non the less. Still working on it, one day at a time!
Peace!
BF

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 1:20 pm 
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9 Months sub FREE

Feeling really well and loving life! At times I still kinda beat myself up for waiting 8 years to finally taper and quit (well I did try, but for some reason it 'finally' worked. Guess you really do just have to be completely 'ready'). Anyway, although I've thought before that I was 'totally' through the process, I believe I'm still feeling subtle improvements in clarity, sleep, and just overall 'well-being'.

I'm posting today in the hopes that anyone who is struggling at tapering and quitting and thinks it can't be done (like I did for awhile..I truly had almost given up hope), well, it can be done, and it is really not that hard once you make the choice.

Good luck!!
Peace- BF

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 25, 2015 9:44 am 
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10 Months FREE!

Wow- double digits!

Still sober- still feeling really really well!! SO SO SO grateful I finally managed to taper and quit.

Hang in there and don't give up- this could be 'you' posting about your own freedom from drugs before you know it- don't be scared! It is not as bad as you think- just take it a day, or an hour or a minute at a time, and your body (and mind) WILL heal!

Peace,
BF

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PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2015 1:11 pm 
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11 Months FREE!

I'm continuing to post occasionally, in the hopes that maybe at least one person who is struggling and hurting (like I was) might get a little bit of inspiration.

Now that it is getting close to a year since my jump date, I find myself reflecting on my journey at this time last year....it was a struggle, that is for sure, but in retrospect it seems like the time has just 'flown' by. At the time I was trying to taper and jump, when I read others posting they'd been off subs a year or more, it just seemed like such a distant, almost impossible goal.

Sobriety is not always easy, that is for sure. I'm still getting used to feeling things full force, which is great for the 'good' things, but kinda sucks when problems arrise. But still, I would MUCH rather face life on life's terms. My life is much fuller now, my creativity has returned, my relationships are better...life is not 'easier', but it is definately 'better'.

When I was trying to quit subs, my greatest fears were:
1. I would not be able to do it- it was 'too hard' and 'no one' could be successful long term
2. I would slide into depression

Well, neither of those things turned out to be true. They were lies I told myself and believed for 8 years.
If you really want to be off all opiates (Edit by Amy), and are 'ready' to live a substance free life, don't believe the lies and justifications the 'addict' part of your brain is telling you. If I can do it, you CAN do it!!!
Peace,
BF

Amy's comments:
[BF, you know that we don't dwell on the definitions of "clean", "sobriety", etc. here. I changed your terminology to reflect what you actually are (off all opiates), rather than have another member have to wonder how they are perceived by you for not being off suboxone. As someone who is not off bupe myself, it sounds a bit condescending for you to imply that I'm not "completely sober". I realize that you are attempting to be inspirational to the people who are ready to try their own attempt at getting off bupe, but you should know by now that terminology like "completely sober" is divisive here, not helpful. All of your other comments are inspirational and helpful, so I hope you keep posting to tell us about your life post-sub. Especially your one year anniversary coming up!]

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PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2015 5:15 pm 
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Butterflying,

Thank you so much for this inspirational post, and congratulations on this great accomplishment.

Thank you,
Morphing


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PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2015 6:16 pm 
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What a wonderful post to log in and find! A BIG congratulations to you on your 11 months free :)

I have all of the same fears you did and it's so good to hear a positive outcome and experience.

Thank you for posting!!! I hope with everything in me that I am where you are a year from now.

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PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2015 8:10 pm 
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That's awesome BF!! So glad to hear how well you're doing, I followed your thread from the beginning. Great job!!


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PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 6:31 am 
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Morphing wrote:
Butterflying,

Thank you so much for this inspirational post, and congratulations on this great accomplishment.

Thank you,
Morphing


Hey there Morphing,

Thanks for the message and for the congratulations....now that I'm just kind of 'living life', I forget sometimes that getting clean was and is an accomplishment- thanks for the reminder :)

Wherever you are in your "morphing" journey, I wish you luck!
BF

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PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 6:36 am 
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ClearAqua wrote:
What a wonderful post to log in and find! A BIG congratulations to you on your 11 months free :)

I have all of the same fears you did and it's so good to hear a positive outcome and experience.

Thank you for posting!!! I hope with everything in me that I am where you are a year from now.


Hi ClearAqua-
Thank you for the message and the congrats-- I really appreciate it! :)
And I'm confident you can be where I am in a year- once that first month or so get past, it really does get so much easier and you'll feel physically better and better (as long as you do whatever it is you need to do to stay physically, mentally and spiritually strong). Try not to look at it as a whole 'year'- for me that was overwheliming...just a day, or an hour or even a minute at a time, and you'll get there!!
Best of luck!!
BF
(p.s. I will keep checking and hope to read your 1 year free post in about a year from now :) )

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PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 6:39 am 
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Quietaddict wrote:
That's awesome BF!! So glad to hear how well you're doing, I followed your thread from the beginning. Great job!!

Hi Quietaddict and thank you so much for the nice message :)
Wow, you followed my thread from the beginning? That is a lot of reading, and a lot of hearing me 'whining' - lol! But it was important and more helpful that I can say to have this outlet and the support of other who understood what I was going through.
Thanks again, and best of luck whereever you are in your journey!
BF

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 27, 2015 6:35 pm 
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ONE YEAR (and a couple of days) FREE!!!

Although I of course remember my taper and the discomfort of withdrawls, it is but a 'blip' in my history. I am so very grateful for my sobriety and clarity, and to have my whole 'self' back.

When I compare my life, ambitions, personality, relationships, 'everything' now and a year ago? Such improvements!!! Of course not every day is sunshine and roses....a dear friend passed a couple of days ago on his 49th birthday (damn cancer!!), but I was able to cry- no WEEP for the loss- I felt it (and feel it), and as much as it sucks, I welcome the pain and the ability to cry and really truly 'feel' everything again, because I know through pain we grow, and also I know I am fully feeling the joy life offers as well.

For those tapering and contemplating a jump, I can testify that is possible (even after an 8 year habit) and worth it. It takes strength, determination, and belief in yourself, but you CAN DO IT! You are stronger than you think, and you are worth it.

Peace!!
BF

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