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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 12:46 pm 
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Well, since I have another milestone coming up tomorrow, thought I'd post, but just on my own thread today. I have been reading others and truly send the best most positive energy and thoughts out to those who have currently just jumped, are tapering, and also those who are using subs for a maintenance lifestyle choice.

I am on day "40 something" sub free! Aug. 26 will be 2 months. I am not thinking about subs at all, just living life! I don't think I have my "full" energy back, but am doing very very well. Last night (actually very early this morning) we got back home from vacation and I had a little sneezing fit which was surprising...guess that means I "still" am going through some wdls? IDK??

I did NOT touch the percs or cough medicine with codeine at my parents house, so feel pretty happy about that...it really wasn't a temptation, its just that I "knew" it was there and so "possible" to easily relapse. But I'm honestly so happy to have my brain clear again I don't wanna risk losing what I have by taking opiates again now. Feeling very very grateful for my freedom!!

Speaking of "freedom" here is my milestone. I go back to work tomorrow, for the first time in 8 years drug free. Wow. That is big for me. My colleagues started Friday, so I will have some catching up to do (especially because I am in charge of my team now), but I have been using email and fb to keep current as possible and to communicate. I am also mentoring others and teaching some new initiatives to EVERYONE I work with, so it is going to be a big week....then of course the best part of all- meeting my students at open house on Friday! I am already feeling joyful thinking of how much better I will be able to serve them now. Although I understand I have been a "highly functioning" addict, and on subs it is really not that easy for others to tell you are on them, I knew I was not at my "best". Now I am just feeling so much more confident, enthused and optimistic!!!

But it is still a bit scarey to face all these challenges with out the "buffer" of the subs- I know I have to be prepared to really "feel" those negative emotions as well...like dissapointent, sadness, etc, etc. without dwelling on them, and WITHOUT drugging myself.
Wish me luck please! :D
BF

PS to Trainer and JI- in case you miss it, there is a message for you in the previous post on the previous page :D

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:01 pm 
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ButterFLYING! wrote:
Hey Ji....well, what are you WAITNG for? Huh? Did Trainer's pic scare you away? lol-
here, maybe you can understand this a little bit better:"Baaaaawk, Bawk, Bawk, Baaaaawk!". Guess those chicken arms are for real! :lol:


Alright, if I have to do this, my bicep pic is below. I actually have a 6 pack coming up, I can see it in the gym mirror when I wear a form fitting 'Dry Fit' workout shirt my sister gave me (a size smaller than I would have got for myself). I think the shirt's tightness removes those last few per cent of body fat needed to make a 6 pack show. Don't know if I'm motivated enough to actually lose that last little bit of weight.

Congrats on going back to work Subs free, BF, and for getting through your vacation without cravings. I haven't thought of Subs hardly at all since my jump, there's nothing on earth that would make me want to go back on them.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:19 pm 
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I am far from a six pack, so lets do this! Lets see where we can be in the 6 pack department in like 2 or 3 months! I have a definate layer of body fat I need to shed. I hate cardio so its gonna be a challenge forme, iits so boring!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 2:39 pm 
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Nice JI!! Now get that Canadian bod out in the sun for a bit! (ha ha ha- I don't feel bad saying that because you said I have abnormally long toes! lol)
Also, good for you that you're already seeing the 6 pack! Probably helps you are not a 40 something woman- ha ha ha. I am forming this pic of you in my mind- One buff white arm, one chicken arm, and some hairy legs! lol

SO, Trainer! It's on!! I'm scared of what you can do, so that should give me a bit more motivation- ha ha ha- thanks!! My stomach has always been the toughest area for me, but I have friends my age who have had kids and still bounced back and have 'ripped" stomachs, so I know it can be done!!! Warrior attitude!

Maybe a bit "off topic" of "stopping subs"?? but since all three of us fairly recently quit, it might be motivating to others to read that we are feeling well and trying to get even healthier still! Maybe?

OMG...what have I gotten myself into now! :lol: I guess I'll start with 1000 extra sit ups tonight!

Anybody else wanna join in the challenge?? (perhaps Romeo my dear one?? Or since you are such a bad ass, you probably are already rockin a 6 pack, right? :wink: )

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 5:29 pm 
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I think its great that the three of us are showing that life does go on after subs and in fact it goes pretty well! Romeo shows it can be maintained for 4 years!

What greater gift than for us to keep posting and helping encourage others to keep at it! It always made me wonder what happened to folks who posted that they jumped and then disappeared. Some do come back months later to update but some never do and I cant help wonder what happened, Iif they relapsed, or went back on, etc.

I want people to be encouraged to know it can be done, you can get through it, and life can be great drug free!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 6:24 pm 
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Life after suboxone.. Or any type of drug takes some real thick skin, and heart. I think you all prove that its possible to live without drugs. The next challenge you'll face is learning how to get through difficult times without giving up(using). I'm a very positive person and usually see the positive in most situations, but im also realistic. Please dont think i'm attacking anyone, because im not. We're all human, and have alot more to learn. Many of us are new to being sober, so we should all understand that we still have alot to work on.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:05 pm 
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BF - no worries on the abs, I have a looong way to go. The gym I go to has an ab room and they have that little wheel that you roll out in front of you while kneeling and roll back in. I tried it today and rolled out and kept going till I was laying flat on my face! Lmao. They do have a cool machne I like that you kneel on and bring your knees to your chest and you can add weight to it. Its fun to use! Burns your abs after a few reps. The first time I used it I was so sorethe next day.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:10 pm 
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Hi h0pe how Ru? You in on this contest too? I think I have a head start on you all, except 2 or 3 times a week I go to a men's shelter, and usually get in line for the evening snack - another couple weeks of so many sandwiches & donuts and I'll be going backwards in the abs dept.

-- ji

trainer14 wrote:
BF - no worries on the abs, I have a looong way to go. The gym I go to has an ab room and they have that little wheel that you roll out in front of you while kneeling and roll back in. I tried it today and rolled out and kept going till I was laying flat on my face! Lmao. They do have a cool machne I like that you kneel on and bring your knees to your chest and you can add weight to it. Its fun to use! Burns your abs after a few reps. The first time I used it I was so sorethe next day.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:42 pm 
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Johny. If you want a contest, come down to crystal beach this fri . Me and a few girls are going on vaca and will be there. You might get some sun :shock: haha. Seriously tho. Your in toronto right? Would be cool to get johny a gf this weekend haha

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:49 pm 
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trainer14 wrote:
The gym I go to has an ab room and they have that little wheel that you roll out in front of you while kneeling and roll back in. I tried it today and rolled out and kept going till I was laying flat on my face! Lmao.


^^^one of the best laughs I've had since joining this forum Trainer, and I've had some good ones! I know the wheel- it is super hard! But I have no doubt you will master it if that is what you want! There are some pretty intense ab exercises using the big "yoga ball" that you can do with or without weights..we'll have to decide what the "prize" is (if any) or "punishment" for the loser before I decide to share any more secrets (ha ha ha- oh lets face it, if I really had the "secrets" I'd already have the 6 pack!!- probably the "secret" is mostly diet....long term zero carbs and tons of cardio...or just youth and genetics.

I think you have to be pretty careful adding weight to machines when working your abs; be sure to tighten and pull your belly button in or you could build muscles bulging "out" instead of a flat, ripped tummy.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:51 pm 
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Awesome! Just what I need, a buddha belly! Lmao


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 7:59 pm 
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h0pe wrote:
Life after suboxone.. Or any type of drug takes some real thick skin, and heart. I think you all prove that its possible to live without drugs. The next challenge you'll face is learning how to get through difficult times without giving up(using). I'm a very positive person and usually see the positive in most situations, but im also realistic. Please dont think i'm attacking anyone, because im not. We're all human, and have alot more to learn. Many of us are new to being sober, so we should all understand that we still have alot to work on.

Hey h0pe, thanks for the post. I know "for me" even though I'm having some fun on this forum, the fact that I am an addict (or have been "self medicating" for PTSD) is never far from my mind. My sobriety is vital right now, and I know it will not always be "easy and fun" being sober. I hope I can count on you, and my other friends here, as well as professional help when I go through those inevitable tough times again. I am determined not to use again h0pe. I am too old and don't feel like I have any more chances to live my life authentically and fulfill my actual calling. And IMO it takes more than just thick skin and heart. For me it was surrender to the "God" of my understanding, re-focusing on the tools and skills I learned in prior recovery, and daily meditation and prayer. This has worked for me today, and I trust that if I keep working and using these tools I have learned, it will work for me tomorrow as well. And during times of stress. Thanks for the reminder though :)

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 8:28 pm 
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Hey, have a great 1st day back tomorrow!!!!!!! Can't wait to hear how great it went when you get home tomorrow and post about it!


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 5:52 pm 
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Ok Trainer, you asked for it you got it. Thanks for being so sweet to me btw. I think I'm falling in love with you - ha ha ha!!! (totally JK btw!! I mean, I do "love" you in a sisterly kinda way :wink: )

Today was AWESOME! I worked hard, but it felt super good. I am kinda "exhausted" now, but it is because I accomplished a lot, and that is a good kind of exhausted.

I DID think of subs today though...after lunch which at work was my "regular' dosing time (for eight f-ing years no less!!); as a matter of "habit" I thought about going into my purse for my "after lunch sub". I sat there for a bit and thought about it, and was and am just so so grateful I did not need or want it. FREEDOM!!!

My daughter is at a water park with a friend, and my son is being the little sweetheart that he is. My husband is also being way more understanding again..it is a process, but I believe we will make it. I'm getting my husband and I some counseling though, because he has not been consistent, and I'm sure I have my faults too (although I can't think of what they possibly could be - HAHAHA!!) I told my kids, that is what "smart people do" when they have problems. They get help to learn how to better solve them. I don't want them to ever feel ashamed of getting help with their problems.

SO, great day "sub FREE"!
Peace,
:D BF

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 5:58 pm 
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Freedom rocks, BF.

Cool how we start to fix things -- like getting counseling-- once we are clean. Good luck.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 7:52 pm 
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Haha. No response.
I think that reaching out to god, is considered having heart. Its more than love, its faith. Also, i never said that it only takes thick skin and heart grr :o

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 7:59 pm 
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h0pe wrote:
Haha. No response.
I think that reaching out to god, is considered having heart. Its more than love, its faith. Also, i never said that it only takes thick skin and heart grr :o

Sorry if I misunderstood you h0pe- that happens sometimes when we all we have is written words and without all the rest that goes into human communication (like eye contact, inflection, expression, body language, etc.)
How are you doing? :)

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 8:14 pm 
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Just got back from the gym.. Listening to music, focusing on the future. Ya know?? . . BTW did you see that Robin Williams killed himself??? Wtf??

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 8:38 pm 
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h0pe wrote:
Just got back from the gym.. Listening to music, focusing on the future. Ya know?? . . BTW did you see that Robin Williams killed himself??? Wtf??

I know--sad sad sad! He must not have had any hope at all. Such a surprise from someone who seemed like such a joyful person! Makes you wonder, right?

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 7:53 pm 
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Today was another day I'm grateful to be alive and sub free.
Feeling reflective and astonished that someone who has given so much joy could feel so sad and hopeless. At least more light has been shed on the seriousness of depression and perhaps more people will get help...There was a time I too almost lost hope....so so grateful to have emerged from that pit...and praying that anyone else who feels the pull downwards will reach out and get help.
As long as there is life there is hope!
Peace,
BF


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