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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:47 pm 
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I try to keep my smart ass responses within proportion to the level of the joke shot at me. My previous post is all y'all deserved. HA!!

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:34 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
I try to keep my smart ass responses within proportion to the level of the joke shot at me. My previous post is all y'all deserved. HA!!

That one merely qualifies as a "dumb ass" response. DOUBLE HA!! (HA)

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:41 pm 
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It's true, I did miss crossing paths with you on your thread today. But you already said you would be cutting back, so I promise I won't keep pestering you for updates, though the forum won't seem the same without seeing new stuff on your thread each day.

-- ji

ButterFLYING! wrote:
johnny_ikon wrote:
Paging BF, come in BF. What's going on today, woman?

-- ji

LOL Ji- thanks for missing me :wink:

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 7:57 am 
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Hey JI- not pestering at all! It really did warm my heart that you had been "checking" on me. Thank you!

Hey Romeo - what gives, dumb ass? (hahaha) Keep up dude! lol

DAY 30- Thirty - THREE OH - sub FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Celebration time!!!! I have been looking towards "Day 30" as a major milestone (it is a nice round number, right?). I remember when Trainer reached this day and it seemed "so far off" for me, and now "wow"- here it is!!! The clock does not stop people!

I limited my caffeine yesterday (it was hard as I have increased it lately to try and substitute for the lack of "sub' energy - can anyone say "addict behavior" please? lol) and slept much better. Less 'fitful', less waking up during the night, and did not wake up for the day until 5am today. So, now that I am more well rested it should be easier to forgo that afternoon caffeine.

I have some errands today (fun ones, hair, nails, gym), plus just getting the house in order and packed up for our trip tomorrow so should be a very busy DAY 30!!!

I am SO SO SO glad I jumped when I did so I am in a fairly strong place now. If I had stuck to my last "plan" I'd be in some rather harsh wdls right now, and I can't imagine traveling with kids across the country during that!! I have to beleive that it was 'God's timing' not my own. God has way better timing. :D

Wishing everyone strength and peace as you either continue "flying towards" or "have arrived" at FREEDOM!!!!!

Peace and Love,
BF

PS. I am finished 'counting days'. I may go back and "count" to see where I am now and then, but the "daily navel gazing" ha ha ha, has come to an end. I will try to post here and there and help others if I think I can. My plan is to keep up this thread like Trainer has kept up hers, just trying to show that "life goes on" after subs. We don't need them and are better off without.
And of course, if I find myself in a conundrum, I hope my "forum friends and family" will continue to "be here" for me as well. Thank you all for truly helping me to turn my life around. FREEDOM feels amazing!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:26 am 
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Hey BF, congrats on reaching three-oh.

Glad to hear you're in a really good place today. Me too, but you'll have to read my thread for details, I ain't giving this sh*t away, lol.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:45 am 
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Congratulations on the big T H I R T Y!!!!!! You need to treat yourself to something nice for all the hard work you just put in the last month. You had a goal in mind, dug down deep and reached it. Thats a huge thing to be proud of. :)

Enjoy that much deserved vacation!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 12:40 pm 
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T
H
I
R
T
Y

D
A
Y
S
!

Image

Congrats, BF!!

~


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:53 am 
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johnny_ikon wrote:
Hey BF, congrats on reaching three-oh.

Glad to hear you're in a really good place today. Me too, but you'll have to read my thread for details, I ain't giving this sh*t away, lol.

-- ji

Hey JI! ^^^^^^You are so funny! I always do enjoy the details of your thread!
Thanks so much for this post :D
BF

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:55 am 
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trainer14 wrote:
Congratulations on the big T H I R T Y!!!!!! You need to treat yourself to something nice for all the hard work you just put in the last month. You had a goal in mind, dug down deep and reached it. Thats a huge thing to be proud of. :)

Enjoy that much deserved vacation!

Thanks Trainer!! Yes, we "BOTH" DID IT!!! LOL! (and continue to DO IT!!)
We are fellow "WARRIORS". I will never forget your inspiration and help along the way!!!!
:D BF

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:58 am 
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no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:

Image

Congrats, BF!!


Thank you so so much no boop shoo be doop! I just LOVE my "flying butterfly"! How did you do that you clever boy??
Wish my avatar could "flap" her wings!!
:D BF

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 6:09 am 
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Good morning forum friends and family!

Just "flying through" this morning to wish you a peaceful day and encourage everyone not to give up on their goal, whereever in the process you happen to be today. And I believe it is a "never ending" "process" as sobriety must be a priority each day, one day at a time.

I'm resisting the temptation to glance down at my navel (ha ha). A quick peek tells me that I am in a good, strong, overall "healthy" place today and fairly confident that my vacation up North will be a happy and restful one.

I am continuing that 4th step prayer- it is proving a true key to my freedom. After almost a "lifetime" of abuse or tragedy (interspersed with some peace and sobriety), I am ready to release resentment and refuse to be a "victim" any longer.

Note to self: Focus on your blessings. They far out way the "shit" in your life. The blessings will increase as you stay focused on the Creator and your fellow humans. Now leave that belly button alone for awhile would ya?!! lol

Enjoy the weekend!!!!
Peace,
BF

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 7:08 am 
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Peace right back at you BF.

Tomorrow you start month 2, or maybe it's today, I never could figure out whether 1 generic month is 30 or 31 days ( or how about 28 days for Feb, except of course in leap years. Confusing, yes?)

Then again, a 12 step 'one month' chip is 30 days. So guess what. You officially started month two today. Congrats!

-- ji

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 3:04 pm 
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ButterFLYING! wrote:
no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:

Image

Congrats, BF!!


Thank you so so much no boop shoo be doop! I just LOVE my "flying butterfly"! How did you do that you clever boy??
Wish my avatar could "flap" her wings!!
:D BF


Oh, it didn't take much clevering, to do that, I just searched on google images for "animated blue butterfly" and it came up in results. I just checked the specs on it, and it seems to be within the limits allowed for an avatar here, including both size (the animated butterfly is 8.82 KiB, and max for an avatar here is 256 KiB) and dimensions (the butterfly is 100pix x 80pix, and avatar limit is 105pix x 105pix) , so you should be able to use it as an avatar, as is. I've never used a tablet, so not sure how to go about saving it to a tablet, then uploading it from tablet, but on a windows computer, you would just hold mouse cursor over it, right click, choose "save", than, upload it from where you saved it, into the avatar section of your profile in your control panel.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 7:50 am 
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Hey boop- I could save the image of the nice flapping butterfly, but when I downloaded it to my avatar it stopped flapping :( . I need some more "clevering" lol.

Hey everyone! Yesterday my wings flew me way up North to "God's Country" as they say here in Wisconsin. And I do remember why. It is so beautiful here and the weather is perfect! We landed on time then had the big family photo together, a nice dinner with everyone- we took up 2 long tables, then when we got back to my parents house at 9ish pm the sun was just starting to go down and there were a bunch of fireflies in the yard. It was so nice to relax in the "comfortable" (not humid or buggy) outdoors and watch my kids and husband chasing fireflies!

I slept like a rock last night for 7 hours straight. Wow. This morning I feel "happy", confident, with perhaps a small undercurrent of anxiety but I have not yet prayed my 4th step mainstay prayer yet, and I believe that will clear out any fear based emotions for now.
All my family is being kind and upbeat- we do have lots to be happy about with my niece's new baby just arrived and my Nephew's due in Sept. Everyone is healthy at the moment (including me!!!! long time since I could say that!!!). My other nephew and his partner are coming for lunch with us today before they head back to Orlando. Turns out my nephew's partner is en executive in a publishing company that supplies books to many schools including mine, so we had some things we could relate to there. Super nice (and cute) young couple.

For today I am going to work out and just "enjoy" the weather and whatever the day brings!
Peace,
BF

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 10:51 am 
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Post subject: Re: Coming off suboxone 5 days in
h0pe wrote:
Good for you dude. Wow 24 days is Huge. I never go to meetings, or na so i'm not sure what they say. But, i will tell you that sobriety is a full time job with amazing benefits. It takes work, and some balls, with a great attitude, but the payoff?? Dude, you'll get it sooner than later..

Hey h0pe, I'm really glad to see you posting more and more lately- IMO that is a good sign that you are feeling pretty well and solid in your recovery at this point.
Because I care, I do have a question/ concern. You don't have to answer this, I just think it might be healthy for you to think about. I understand "meetings" are not for everyone (I am one of those), however they certainly do help an enormous number of addicts get and stay sober, and find true peace, sobriety, and for many "Faith" as well (even stubborn people like me- ha ha ha). If you don't want to go to meetings, but would like to learn "what they say", you can read their literature and just see for yourself if anything speaks to you. IMO there is a ton of wisdom in any "12" step program that could benefit ANY human being because we ALL have some type of issue that needs healing, and it is truly a solid methodical way to help "heal"---not the ONLY way, but a very good way for many.
Just a suggestion, on your continuing quest for lasting peace, serenity and "perhaps" even "faith", why don't you start reading some of the literature. Since JI is more ensconced in the program right now perhaps he, or someone else could give you a suggestion of where to start. Even if everything you read does not sit well with you, I would keep reading and start using what does work, and leave what doesn't work for you. It can't hurt anyway, right? Knowledge is POWER!
If you don't decide to go this route, I hope you have or will find another research based and/ or time tested method to help support your sobriety. And I believe everyone is happier and more fulfilled when they are part of a community of like minded, sober, healthy people. The lifestyle is contagious and will hold one accountable.
I know of very few people who have been maintain their sobriety for the long hall with out some type of recovery system in place that they can turn to daily, and especially when things get tough. And working the steps make life feel "less tough" in general IMO.
So, food for thought. I am curious though h0pe if you don't mind sharing what your recovery plan/ program is? If I didn't have my faith and a plan I don't believe I'd have a very good shot at maintaining my hard fought freedom...maybe I could "white knuckle" it and be a "dry addict", but that would not be freedom at all now would it.
Have a great day!
BF


Ty bf. Your a good person. The more i read through everyones story, i can see a similarity with all of us. This is a great place to get some real advice. I have been putting off the meetings, because naturaly, i dont trust people. I've been facing my fears Alot since i jumped in january, and i can say that im learning things i never would have if i werent faced with this addiction. I will go to meetings. Thank you for the advice. I need to keep pushing myself. This is the first vacation ive had in years, with no cravings. Needless to say, im thankful, and find it hard to believe this is the new me. I have been seeing alot of signs lately, regarding faith. My next goal, in recovery, is to learn how to let my guard down. Since i started using, i started pushing away friendships, and relationships. Maybe its called the beaten path, because it can be beaten. I love that commercial :o

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:15 pm 
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Hi BF, Wisconsin sounds like heaven. Have a great time.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 8:19 am 
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Hey h0pe, You are so very welcome. What you wrote warmed my heart today and I'm really proud that you are facing your fears- not easy at all. Much respect!
I totally understand about not trusting people...it is truly a "leap of faith" just to start trusting again when you have experienced how shitty people can be...but the vast majority are good hearted and kind, and will respond well to honesty, humility and most of all love. Even shitty people respond well to love (ha ha ha).
If you don't mind, I'd love to hear when you went to a meeting and how it went. If you don't have a great experience at one, try another until you find one that "speaks" to you with people you can relate to.

Hi JI- Wisconsin = Heaven? Perhaps close to it. The weather anyway is heavenly!! Especially compared to the tropical sauna we just left!

SO, feeling good, sleeping well! Went to CHURCH yesterday with my FATHER (biological not heavenly- ha ha) because he invited me and was going to go alone and I decided to be a loving daughter.
It was actually a really nice experience (I kind of recited my own "apostles creed", etc. as I just cannot follow the sheep believing as I do), but the SERMON was SPOT ON. She (the minister- go strong women!!) spoke of all the violence in the world, but that God is still present and can be seen through the kindness and love of our fellow humans, especially our children.
This spoke directly to my heart, because as an educator I am starting a local movement to educate children (ALL children) on non-violent conflict resolution- IMO the only path to peace in the future. I am just planting seeds in my community right now, but we are using the "White Flag" with "peace" written on it as our symbol (not fear based,i.e. "surrender we give up- come and get us terrorists" but rather love based, i.e. "compromise and share- stop fighting!", and it is starting to take off on fb. People even want to buy and fly the flags!! SO, off subject, but that is one of the many things I am able to do "sub free" that I could not have managed while "muted" for so many years.

We went for a long bike ride by the river yesterday evening; there is an amazing bike trail that goes through the woods and by the water - and it stays light until 9pmish! Then another round of firefly catching! Then I fell asleep comfortably and feeling peaceful. Hmmm...maybe this is what heave is like!
:D
Peace!
BF

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 10:24 am 
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Hi BF, I slept right through the night last night, first time in ages. I think it was physical tiredness from playing softball on Saturday, but whatever it was, i'll take it!

Maybe you'll get to see the Northern Lights from Wisconsin.

Have a great day.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:31 pm 
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johnny_ikon wrote:
Hi BF, I slept right through the night last night, first time in ages. I think it was physical tiredness from playing softball on Saturday, but whatever it was, i'll take it!

Maybe you'll get to see the Northern Lights from Wisconsin.

Have a great day.

-- ji

Yay!! SO happy you slept through the night! You must feel fantastic! Can you see the Northern Lights? I think we are too far south, or it is the wrong time of year or something?? I have seen them though, from the ocean off the coast of Scandinavia- beautiful!

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 30, 2014 6:52 am 
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Still "sub free" and enjoying life! A bit of sneezing here and there is the only "reminder" of wdls but few and far between. I am sleeping but not quite as much as I think I need to really feel my "best"...but it is coming along.
Happily, I still have quite a bit of vacation ahead, but am also gearing up for "the real world" and "back to work soon". I am really optimistic now...so so much more than I have been for years (I would probably say "8 years"??) My relationships with friends and family are just "blossoming" again...truly what life is all about. IMO we need "others' and the isolation part of addiction is just so sad and dangeous to the soul...well, can't turn back the clock but I can certainly keep moving forward! :D

Life is just way better sub free...and as far as those "resentments"? The "big ones' seem to have "magically" dissipated. But I understand where that "magic" came from and have to remember to continue to tap that source daily lest I slide right back to that place of anger where I lived for way too long.
I am working now on trying to identify the "smaller" resentments as they pop up and "release" them as soon as I can while they are babies (through 4th step) so they don't grow into monsters.
Have a great day everyone! If you are fighting through wdls today- be warriors!! You can win the fight and it is SO worth it!!
Peace,
BF

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