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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:04 am 
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SNEAK ATTACK!!

K, 2:50am my time.; Obviously "Sleep" has stepped out on me tonight..(Damn little W#$@*!!) "Sleep" if you are listening I would gladly take you back! Please come home!!
So...here I sit....alone.....in the dark.....in the quiet.....alone....alone.....alone.........sigh. I am lonely.

oh, that's right we are all "connected"....hmmmm.....not real comforting at the moment, KWIM?

No sooner did I hit "submit" on my "yea Me- Day 2" post, than "it" began. The drug is definitely leaving my system, wdls "restless, jaggy feeling" started up through the top of my shoulders and runs down the top of my arms, making getting comfy pretty difficult. My legS are ok (so far) I did manage like an hour I think before Sleep snuck out the door (I hope she is making some of you feel wonderful at least!!!) My F---ing phone keeps buzzing and I do not now why and feel like throwing it against the wall (but finally just shut if off). I did take another hot bath (second tonight) , and have taken I think 2? Clonidine? That is bad I lost track...I took a whole one at about 11pm, then another 2 halves I think?? Better measure it out for tomorrow...can one OD on Clonidine?? I would imagine so...

I am still a WARRIOR! These symptoms are "peanuts"- SO WEAK! pftt, this is nothing I can't handle.
I am a strong, smart, confident, loving human being. I got this!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 3:27 am 
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ButterFLYING! wrote:
SNEAK ATTACK!!

K, 2:50am my time.; Obviously "Sleep" has stepped out on me tonight..(Damn little W#$@*!!) "Sleep" if you are listening I would gladly take you back! Please come home!!
So...here I sit....alone.....in the dark.....in the quiet.....alone....alone.....alone.........sigh. I am lonely.

oh, that's right we are all "connected"....hmmmm.....not real comforting at the moment, KWIM?

No sooner did I hit "submit" on my "yea Me- Day 2" post, than "it" began. The drug is definitely leaving my system, wdls "restless, jaggy feeling" started up through the top of my shoulders and runs down the top of my arms, making getting comfy pretty difficult. My legS are ok (so far) I did manage like an hour I think before Sleep snuck out the door (I hope she is making some of you feel wonderful at least!!!) My F---ing phone keeps buzzing and I do not now why and feel like throwing it against the wall (but finally just shut if off). I did take another hot bath (second tonight) , and have taken I think 2? Clonidine? That is bad I lost track...I took a whole one at about 11pm, then another 2 halves I think?? Better measure it out for tomorrow...can one OD on Clonidine?? I would imagine so...

I am still a WARRIOR! These symptoms are "peanuts"- SO WEAK! pftt, this is nothing I can't handle.
I am a strong, smart, confident, loving human being. I got this!!


One can OD on it probably, but you seem pretty wound up, so your blood pressure is probably overly high. Plus you probably built up some tolerance to it from using it to help while tapering, so might need more now than one usually does when one starts out on it, especially now that you've jumped, so I wouldn't worry about it. When you are through with jumping withdrawals, you'll likely need to taper off the clonodine to avoid high BP rebound, but from pretty much everything I've heard, clonodine tapering is very much painless. But I wouldn't worry about that at all now, just take what you need to feel better in the wake of your sub jump. If you don't feel some relief in 1/2 hour to an hour, try a little more, and keep doing so until you do feel better. Get a blood pressure gadget from pharmacy tho if you can, to get it just right and put your mind at ease.

Yeah being up late at night and alone sucks, I go through it fairly regularly, so know you're not alone in feeling alone at least.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 4:10 am 
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no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:

One can OD on it probably, but you seem pretty wound up, so your blood pressure is probably overly high. Plus you probably built up some tolerance to it from using it to help while tapering, so might need more now than one usually does when one starts out on it, especially now that you've jumped, so I wouldn't worry about it. When you are through with jumping withdrawals, you'll likely need to taper off the clonodine to avoid high BP rebound, but from pretty much everything I've heard, clonodine tapering is very much painless. But I wouldn't worry about that at all now, just take what you need to feel better in the wake of your sub jump. If you don't feel some relief in 1/2 hour to an hour, try a little more, and keep doing so until you do feel better. Get a blood pressure gadget from pharmacy tho if you can, to get it just right and put your mind at ease.

Yeah being up late at night and alone sucks, I go through it fairly regularly, so know you're not alone in feeling alone at least.


Hey Boop, thanks, I don't feel quite so all alone now....I am blessed with a loving family...circumstances just have me on my own tonight...so sorry you experience this regularly. It does suck!!! Thanks for the advice re: clonidine, I just took another half as I still feel pretty wound up as you say. Just took my 3rd hot bath ,(4am now!!) and do get relief in the tub....wish I could sleep in there, but a boat load of clonidine and falling asleep in the tub sounds too "Whitney-esk"- (Get me? or are my references too "out there" tonight?)

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 6:01 am 
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Night is the time we all feel most vulnerable..no question about that! But that's one night less for you to worry about..hope you did get some sleep come dawn ;)

Stay good


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:22 am 
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(Hey fuser, thanks)

DAY 2: SUBOXONE FREE!!

Last night went like this:
Uncomfortable body, Clonidine, Hot bath, fitful sleep for an hour, repeat 3-4 times.

It is now about 7am and I have "survived" my first night. I have .125mgs in my purse as a "safety" but since I got through last night without taking it, am contemplating "flushing" it like JI did his, however I am not sure if the "peace of mind' in just "knowing it is there" " just in case" is helping me to be strong?? OR is it "tempting me" to be weak?? I haven't figured that one out...what do you guys think? Flush it or save it? That is ALL I have, and I am putting safeties into place so I cannot get more later.

This is easier in the light of day when I am not trying to lay down, get comfy and sleep. That was just plain FRUSTRATING!! Now I am a little sleepy, but I did actually get "some" sleep, so I will be just fine. Sometimes WARRIORS have to fight battles all day and night before they rest.

I am trying to give an honest inventory of my experience so hopefully others will know what they "might" expect if they do a taper plan similar to mine (remember we are all different, but I have found hope and comfort in other "success" stories, and really want mine to be one of those as well!!)

So, I am NOT focussing on 'every little sneeze", but want to 'report" that yes, in addition to a little creepy crawly skin, I have had the occasional sneezing fit (3-4). I am choosing to see these as positive signs that the enemy is LEAVING my body (retreat enemy, retreat!!!).
I do NOT have some of the other 'classic' symptoms I have read about (yet), most notably 'sweating'. I am just "normal' in that department just now.

I am functioning just fine, enjoying my coffee and tunes, plan to start my day with a work out...it will be interesting to see how my stamina is and how I feel afterwards. Then I have a few errands to do, and then I have a little more "me" time before I am rejoined with my family.

My husband BTW has made a complete turn around...he is being loving and supportive and told me he will do "whatever it takes' to keep me, and help me, and make me happy. Wow, I am quite certain that if I had stayed at 12mgs of suboxone we would not have gotten to this point, as I would not have challenged the 'status quo'. I know people don't "change" overnight, and we have some work ahead of us , but it is comforting to know that he really does value me, and is willing to try. He has promised me a back rub tonight, and just "whatever" I need to help make me more comfortable, and most importantly, to hold our family together...I have tears of "happiness" right now...I am an emotional mess, but at least I have something to look forward to, KWIM?

Thank you God. I asked, and you are delivering. Thank you, thank you thank you. Please be with me today, and all the WARRIORS on this forum as we fight the good fight for your glory so we can honor your creation in us.
BF / RCA

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Last edited by ButterFLYING! on Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:38 am 
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no_boop_shoo_be_doop wrote:
As an aside, I neglected to mention, in regards to your new avatar (on RCA thread), that blue is my fave color (closely followed by green). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdeEezR_9Do

Nice...blue is "healing" ...I like it!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:56 am 
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Good morning! Glad to see you're hanging in there. For me, not having anything in the house to bring relief, like a sub, made me stronger because then I knew I had no choice but to get through it on my own. If I had some left, I would of caved in. No doubt! Its like a battle that goes on in your mind.. reasoning on one shoulder, temptation on the other. The one that wins is the one you feed.......


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:01 am 
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Hey bf, glad to hear that you're getting thru day 2. Now you're one up on me, lol.

I don't know if this would work for everyone, but for me, flushing all my Subs has actually given me some peace of mind. I've made my decision, and I can't go back (my doc would kill me if I went back to her for another script, and she's gone for the weekend anyways in 1 hour). No way to go but forward.

But no shame if you keep some backup.

Keep it up!

-- JI

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:26 am 
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K, thanks Trainer and JI, that's two for flushing it...

So, went to "work out". Stamina, WAAAAY down....but I did get some cardio and did some stretching. I could feel the oxygen going to my brain and kinda "waking it up" a bit more. My charger for my tunes is not working properly (uggg!!!) so I'm sure not having music right now is also affecting my mood and workout. I am slightly irritable too!! GRRR!! I feel like I have to be rather "gentle" with myself right now. I also went for a little walk, and went into a store for something, and I felt like I did when I used to travel a lot to foreign countries...it was just taking me a bit to get my bearings, I found myself really having to concentrate on what I needed to say to the clerk..but these are just "observances" on how today is different from a "Suboxone" day for me.

This is absolutely nothing I can't handle, and I'm heading towards mid-day two. Very mild symptoms- nothing to fear at all guys!!
BF (RCA)

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:32 am 
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Isn't it strange how those "automatic" responses and behaviors we had seem to go out the window in wd? I remember taking a shower during wd and almost forgetting how to shower. I had to think about how to soap up. Then when it came time to dry off, same thing.

Congratulations on day 2!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:17 am 
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Hey Romeo, thanks as always for your input...sorry no response to your earlier post.."smart ass" me is on a little vacation....hopefully she will make a triumphant return soon!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:43 am 
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If it's any comfort, the whole process is nothing to fear. The days might have their ups and downs, but are completely manageable. Your lucky in that you have some time off work while you go through it. I found it tough dragging through the work day and my days off were so much better. Wish I had taken 2or 3 solid weeks off but it wasn't possible for me financially. Probably better for me anyways, after 3 weeks off I probably would of never gone back. Hahaha.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 6:34 pm 
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Day 2- Early evening update!

Well, putting one foot in front of the other. Not feeling too badly, nothing I can't handle but will be happy to feel "normal" again!

Something that "amused" me today was that my purse felt extremely "heavy" ! I thought that was funny because I pretty consistently weight train, and I KNOW my purse should not feel "heavy". Also found myself needing to just "sit down" a lot today...I guess this is the ultra (un) fashionable "lead suit" that is (not) all the rave! Guess I may be dragging it around for a bit, but I know from other threads that it does not last, so I'm ok for today thinking my little purse is "heavy".

Something that "scared" me today was that I was driving on the freeway doing 80 mph and had a sneezing attack- 5 or 6 in a row. So I would strongly advise anyone in the early wdl stages not to drive on the freeway! Or maybe not to drive at all! I just could NOT stop those sneezes, and was relieved to have kept the car on the road and not swerved or something into another vehicle!

Something that "amazed" me today is the loving treatment I received and am receiving from my husband. My "crawls" originate in my neck then radiate down my shoulders, and he has been massaging me, and he is really good at finding the problem giving a little "adjustment" which I love (and he is also just taking 100 % good "care" of me in other ways - lol) and that just makes everything a bit easier. I still have to walk forward on my own, but the loving support is wonderful.

I am feeling really sleepy right now- I think the lack of sleep last night and clonidine (and bath and massage) have really helped to relax me..gonna try to catch Sleep!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:06 pm 
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Hey! Congrats on reaching day 2!!!! I, too, have the sneezing fits from time to time. In regard to the clonidine, I have found that if I take 1 1/2 before bedtime, it will put me out for at least 3 hours. I know it's typically prescribed 1 tab 2x daily, but I rarely use it during the day; only if the sweats start getting really bad, then I'll take 1/2. I also wanted to say to do mild exercise as well. I know that feeling all too well of muscles feeling weak and stamina is out the window after a sleepless night coupled with clonidine. Do lots of stretching and stick with walks, bikes, etc., if you're feeling weak.

Glad to hear everything at home is getting better for you! That is one less piece of stress during this process, right? As far as that tiny sliver...that's completely up to you! (I know you wanted solid feedback, sorry!) I know some people have to get rid of it all before they can go through with it. However, I do want to say that after my first attempted jump, and taking those little bits while out on vacation one day, it felt like the w/d's were worse once I had to go back to, well, feeling like shit again! It was kind of a mind f**k!

You know you got this! Ya, it sucks, but it is chump change compared to the living hell of kicking other opiates! It could always be worse! I know that if I were kicking H again I would be in no mood to even post my feelings, and communicate with anyone on here. Or anyone in the world, for that matter! Keep doing what you're doing. Next thing you know day 3 goes by, then day 4, and so on. Hang tough!


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:26 pm 
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oh yeah! Forgot to post- sliver is history!!! No turning back! BTW, did not sleep...still getting "royal treatment'- leg massage now! Lucky me! wish my skin wasn't quite so creepy crawly so I could enjoy it more, but I think it is helping me relax for sure! :wink:

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:15 pm 
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Check this- my husband just whipped out a blood pressure cuff to check and monitor my clonodine use! I didn't even know he had it...he is just taking such good care of me, I am a bit in shock! It is like having my own private nurse with benefits! lol Pressure was still a bit high, btw, so took another 1/2 clon and will "get checked " again later!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:43 pm 
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HEY, tell your husband my legs are sore too, I may need a massage.....my back kinda hurts too, maybe he can massage that, as well? :lol:

Glad to hear you're doing good and it's good to hear you're being taken care of.

Oh Yeah, congrats on dumping the sliver! Onward and upward, dude!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:31 pm 
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Lol, me three, hope his arms don't get tired easily.

-- ji

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:36 pm 
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lol Romeo and JI.! If it makes you feel any better I had to put up with a lot of shit and seriously threatened to leave him before getting to this point. Anyway, the timing of his "groveling" ha ha ha could not be better for me, because, yes it is really nice to be taken care of right now...I also think my HP has something to do with it all, KWIM?

well, nearing midnight here. I did sleep for like 1 hour, but up again with same symptoms. Not worse or better...so WARRIOR mode continues....I may or may not get more sleep, but just did the "clonidine, hot bath, routine" again....hoping sleep snuggles up to me again soon......hope I don't post again till morning!!!

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 5:35 am 
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DAY 3 SUBOXONE FREE!!

Wow, I almost can't believe I just typed those words!!! I also cant believe how WELL I am feeling this morning!! OMG OMG OMG!! I am "cautiously optimistic" that I have turned a corner. Well at least I am POSITIVE that RIGHT NOW I feel WAY WAY better!! I am thinking that since I dropped the day before I quit, my DAY 2 was a bit more like a DAY 3?? Anyway, yeah, yesterday I was really dragging and admit even posting was a chore, but I woke up today at 4:30 which is pretty good for me lately and most symptoms "gone" or very much "reduced". I got about 4-5 hours sleep and I can feel it! That might not sound like "a lot" of sleep, but it is all perception, right? I had accepted that I would get little to no sleep this first week, so 4-5 hours is HUGE for me!! Sleep! You were such a good good girl last night!! I have to get you a nice gift today!! lol

As you maybe can tell, I am feeling almost "myself" again! Here is an 'honest' inventory:
Lead suit= gone (perhaps my stamina is still low but I will report on this after work out today)
Sneezing = gone (since I woke up anyway)
Body "Crawls" = About 80-90% gone (still feel it a bit but much reduced!!)
Mental "clarity" = probably about as good as it gets for me (ha ha)

Since those were my "only" symptoms, that ends my "inventory".
My BIGGEST fear, depression, has not come knocking yet, and if it does, I am gonna fight like hell (WARRIOR NOT WUSS) not to open that door!!! I have felt and continue to feel SIKED and HOPEFUL! The "hopelessness" is the feeing that gets me the most, and I cannot say enough how GRATEFUL I am to have found this forum and the 'HOPE' I have found here! In July I am going to Wisconsin to see family (yes, I am originally a 'Cheese Head' lol) and feel like visiting Dr. Junig and kissing him for starting this site!

Today I plan on just trying to have a 'normal' day with my family. I am not letting my guard down, and if anymore "sneak attacks" come, I am prepared!

Wishing you all PEACE, LOVE, and FREEDOM!!

BF (rca)

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