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 Post subject: Thank you
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 5:09 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 09, 2012 12:31 am
Posts: 10
Tearj3rker:

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I appreciate hearing that you've never heard of someone being denied care because they weren't enough of a stereotypical addict. I know I need help, that quiet voice inside is persistence to the point where I have no doubt in my mind that this must be my primary focus before I can do anything else of significance. I cannot deny that my closet has been eroding at a more rapid pace lately. I'm both terrified and obsessed with the idea of coming clean.

Fortunately, once I tap into it, I know that I have a good support system around me. None of my close friends (that I know of) are wrapped up in the world of opiates, so I won't have to distance myself from many people. I plan on telling only my sister and boyfriend in the near future. In addition, I have let the boyfriend know that I want to see a therapist. I didn't say why, I just thanked him for allowing me the ability to feel secure enough in our relationship to actually work on myself for once. (In ALL of my past relationships I had been so consumed with trying to make them happy and make it work that I didn't put much care into myself for great stretches of time.) He replied that as long as I would continue to bring things to him that we/he needs to work on he was happy to support me in my decision. Fair enough.

Tonight I am going to my first ever NA meeting. It's at a church in my small town; one that I've never been to before. It's a gathering for women only so I hope that it will be more comfortable. I've read the rules of NA, but I don't really know what to expect. A member of this site gave me the advice to try it out...so I am. I'm a bit nervous, but it's not anything that will prevent me from going. I am finding that resolve is one of the best tools of recovery...so far. :)

Finally, I agree that my quest for perfectionism has gotten me into trouble before, I think I'm ready to find a balance that is rooted in patience, self-love, and the healthy stretching of my comfort zone. More than anything, I need to regain my curiosity and desire to learn and grow.

For me, pills = complacency and slow death of spirit.

Thanks again for the support.


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 Post subject: Couldn't commit... :(
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:13 pm 
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I drove to the Church with the intention of parking my car, walking inside, and attending my first ever NA meeting...I arrived on time, but I found that I couldn't park. I circled the block four times, each time trying to talk myself into parking and going inside but I just couldn't. I feel really disappointed in myself.

I wanted to attend, I was just too afraid that I would be recognized by people in my very small community. I know I need to get over this fear...I just know what the broken promise of anonymity looks like. I grew up in a town where people treated gossip like an Olympic sport and where secrets were hardly ever kept for more than a day or two. I think the place I live now is probably much better, but still, I am a fairly well known person in my community with a professional job to think about...

I've looked into the ones scheduled tomorrow, but tonight's was just for women and appealed to me as a more comfortable first time experience...

Can anyone share their first time experience with AA/NA? How seriously do people take the "anonymous" part? I need a push.

Thank you.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:42 pm 
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Location: oregon coast
I too, live in a VERY small comunity.
More of a 'tourist trap' really.

much to my amazement, there are A LOT of NA and AA meetings in my county.

First, I tried NA. I saw some of my 'ol buddies, "hookin up" in the parking lot. I left, of course. The next week, I tried an AA meeting. well, I should say there were probably FIVE times, I couldnt get outt the car, but sat parked in the parking lot to see whol came and went.
sad I know.
BUT, it did give me the confidence, to go in. So I say, whatever works for you.

Now, in MY area, the AA group seems to be more "supportive" of the suboxone program. theres actually about 5 of us that are on Sub maintenance, that attend this one "young person's meeting" on Saturday nights.

All I can tell you is, its KINDA like dating,
You may have to go to a few groups, meetings, that you dont really 'vibe' with before you find one you like.

Or, you may find out its not for you at all.
You can do Online meetings, at 'intherooms (dot) com'
they have live chat 24/7 and video meetings ALL the time

You WILL find something YOU like. I go to the saturday night meeting every week. I like the young peoples mtg just becuase we're all pretty informal and pretty much act like jackasses. but we have fun, and we share, and hold hands in a circle and all that crap.
It does help to see others face to face, for SOME people.
It was hard for me at first.
But now, I kinda look forward to it.

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Apr 16, 2012 11:45 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1346
Location: oregon coast
P.S.
I had to download "firefox" web browser, and use that instead of Internet explorer for in the rooms, becuase when you use interent explorer, the chat window is all jumbled up and you cant read any damn thing!!!

so Im sure you can search, firefox mozilla web browser
it was REALLY easy to download, then it becomes an icon, like internet explorer.
That info Helped me SOOOOOOOO much. very frustrating trying to read a chat log, that is written over the top of each other!!!!

oh, and people take the "anonymoty" part pretty seriously in my comunity. At least at the meeting I like. I do see MANY of the folks from my group around town, (tends to happen with two grocery stores in the county)
and we may smile at each other, and nod, but thats about it.

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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