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 Post subject: First Time Posting
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:37 pm 
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This is the very first time I will be speaking about my addiction to anyone but my husband...and I have no idea where to even begin.
The only reason I do this now is because I.have tried unsuccessfully, too many times, to quit, just.to end up right back where I started. This time it is not just going to be me who pays the price if I dont succeed,
My only child is well into her 20s with children of her own and at 41 I am having another baby. It was a shock to both my husband and I and given my circumstances, it was not a good surprise. Besides the fact that I am an addict, I am also diabetic with uncontrolled levels at conception.
About 10months ago I moved from snorting to IV admin...so now, even after a month of no needle, I am still healing and have scar tissue where normally blood would be drawn. Am terrified to.go to.the doctor..but have to. Just not sure what the consequences will be. As I stated, NO ONE knows about my addiction...and the thought of telling a doctor that knows NOTHING about me, sends me into a panic attack.
I am currently on suboxone, but once they see the marks the judging will begin.
My husband and I have lost 2 babies before this due to my diabetes. I was on no drugs then...went to the doc right away, spent over $1000 each time, just to miscarry by the 16th week. I assumed that would happen again. So, at first we did nothing. I no longer had health coverage like I did with the other pregnancies and no job.
After about 6 weeks I went to the ER to see if it was still alive, and found out I was 14 wks (way further than by my last period) and baby looked normal.
Since then I have been trying to get clean and get on medicaid... I just got approved on Thurs and I am now 23 wks and baby is moving constantly. I have an appt on Friday, but can only be seen at the health dept and am so scared and not sure what to tell them and what to keep to myself...


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 Post subject: Re: First Time Posting
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:47 pm 
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Forgot to mention, I am now on suboxone


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 Post subject: Re: First Time Posting
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 12:49 pm 
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Hi angellou,

I'm so sorry that you're in this position but hope that you can find some happiness in your pregnancy, regardless of the circumstances. Getting on suboxone was the smartest thing you could have done, and the first good decision you've made for your child. Please take comfort in that. I can relate to your fears about the doctors visits and having blood drawn. I haven't used a needle since 2006, but the scars are still pretty obvious, especially to a phlebotomist hunting a good vein. My only real good working vein is blocked by so much crunchy scar tissue that I cringe at the thought of having blood drawn from that line, so I don't say anything when I go in. Luckily, my nurse found a small vein off to the side that she was able to get with a special needle (I don't know what it's called.) I know she saw my scars but I didn't feel judged, I know that it can happen though.

I think because of the fact that you are on suboxone, you should be honest about that. They will probably see it in your urine anyway. My advice is to stay off street drugs and work your suboxone program as best you can. Being open with your doctors could help alleviate some of your stress and fear. It's beter overall for your recovery as well.

Wishing you strength during this time.


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 Post subject: Re: First Time Posting
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:04 pm 
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Hi angellou,

Welcome to the forum!!

I don't have any advice further than what Tiny said, but I did want to let you know that I was almost the same age as you when I got on Suboxone. Better late than never, right?

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: Re: First Time Posting
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 1:09 pm 
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Thank you for the kind words. Unfortunately I bought just enough subs to get through the w/ds and no money to see a sub doc for my own script. Cant even think about that part yet, its taking all I have to keep convincing myself to go to this OB appt. I have to get on an insulin regiment asap. I am hoping that being held accountable by this baby and bi weekly blood tests will keep me in line. If it turns out I need more, I will have to figure something out.. but, if we arent spending money on drugs...then maybe I can afford the doc eventually... lol...


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 Post subject: Re: First Time Posting
PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 9:53 pm 
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Angelloou

Judgement Sucks! I got those "looks" not for scars, but for getting crazy amounts of opiates every month & now when i pick up my suboxone. I say to hell with those people! Don't dare judge me until they have walked in my shoes. It stinks but it won't kill you where as not controlling your diabetes while pregnant is a big health risk for both of you.

Your situation is a bit different. My suggestion is to be honest with the Dr. Don't dread the appointment, you are not throwing your "baby" out, you will be trying to get things set so you can have a healthy baby & going on suboxone is a positive thing, at least it has been for me. I am a grandmother (a young one LOL) & i have a few friends my age that had baby's at your age. It must have been a shock but you do have options...there is always adoption. I have a friend of almost 30 years who was adopted & she had a wonderful life. Last year after a kidney issue she wrote to the guy on TV - troy the locator or something like that & he found her birth parents. She needed medical info & not only did she get that but she got a bunch of siblings LOL

There are many good people here & if you want to ask a question or talk to someone privately you can send them a PM.

Hang in there & try not to focus so much on the looks you May get & the only person you really have to tell is the doctor, they may not know alot about suboxone but then again they may. The nurse doesn't need to know & if she is a good nurse she won't give you a look or say anything. If she asks anything tell her you would rather speak to the doctor directly so he/she gets accurate information.

I hope you keep posting! There are a couple of pregnant people on the forum - you can get info & support from all of us but those who are pregnant may be able to give you more than us old grandma's :wink:


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