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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 8:57 am 
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Hi everyone, I'm new here but I've been reading off this forum for awhile.. I finally made an appt to see a doctor for suboxone tomorrow.. I'm alittle nervous, scared, relieved, excited all at the same time.. I don't want to be labeled as a junkie because I'm not.. I'm a stay at home mom with 2 kids who never planned life to take me here.. I started out taking 5mg percs for alittle energy here and there but it wasn't a problem.. I started working in a restaurant about two years ago and the pills became readily available.. Slowly but surely I became addicted.. I'm up to 5 30mg pills a day and I can't live like this anymore.. I'm spending all our bill money on pills and making excuses to where the money is going.. I hate myself more and more everyday because of what I have turned into.. This is not me at all.. Does anyone have any advice on going to the first suboxone appt? Also a friend gave me half a strip last night so I wouldn't be so sick today but is it a good idea to take it? Will it show up when I go tomorow? Will that matter with gettin my own script? Thank you for reading my post


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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 9:24 am 
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First of all welcome to the forum! There are tons of wonderful people here who are very helpful and supportive.

Second, I totally understand your situation. I was in the same boat. I was a stay at home mom two kids and I came across opiates from a friend and started out just taking one here an there. It's funny how addiction creeps up on us when we aren't paying attention! It took me a while to realize that I was addicted and could no longer control my drug use. Getting on suboxone was one of the best decisions I've ever made and I think you will feel the same way. It is so nice to not have to worry about waking up and having to find pills. You won't ever have to worry about being sick while trying to get up and take care of your kids. And you can save all that money for something more important!

There is nothing to be nervous about as long as you are in withdrawal when you go to your appt tomorrow everything will go smoothly. As far as taking that half strip I wouldnt do it. It is best to do your induction in the doctors office so they can determine what dose is right for you. You will be drug tested so the doc will see that you have it in your system and I'm not sure how they feel about that but why risk it? I know it sucks to have to go through the withdrawal before your appointment but trust me it is so worth it! Just keep telling yourself it will be all over soon. Just relax and know that you've taken a step in the right direction in order to get a handle on your addiction.

Congrats!

Squeaky

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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 10:52 am 
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Thank you for responding.. It really is crazy how it creeps up.. I can't pin point a time when I actually became addicted because it was such a gradual thing.. I am looking forward to feeling normal again tho.. I want to enjoy my life again like I used to before I let this horrible drug take over my life.. I'm hoping for the best at my appt tomorrow.. I just hope the doctor doesn't make me feel bad about myself or anything..


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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 3:14 pm 
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Hey One Lost Soul,

Welcome to the forum!!

I think most all of us were at least a little scared before we had our first Suboxone appointment. I know I was!! I didn't know if Suboxone would work, I knew my life was a mess and something had to change and I was SO hoping Suboxone would work.....and it did!!

I wouldn't worry about your doctor making you feel bad or anything like that. They've seen all kinds of people, from every walk of life, need to get on Suboxone. Addiction is a non-discriminatory disorder and they know this.

I'm going to try to be careful with this next part, because everyone is different. Seeing as you're at 150mg of Oxycodone (I'm assuming the 30's were Roxie's?), you probably won't need an extremely high dose of Suboxone. A lot of Suboxone doctors start their patients out on very high doses and keep them there, which only serves to raise your tolerance to opiates. Once you get on Suboxone and take a few days to stabilize, it's usually wise to start decreasing your dose to a point where you're taking just the right amount to get rid of cravings and feel normal. Of course, talk to your doctor before you adjust your dose.

Good Luck and I hope Suboxone works as well for you as it did for so many of us!!

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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 4:08 pm 
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Thank u so much for ur advice! I will definately see how it goes and hopefully not have to take a high dose.. I've read a lot of stories about people and their addictions and realize that I'm not as bad as I could be.. That's why I decided to get help now before it's to late.. I never want to be the one putting needles in my arm or anything up my nose.. That's definately not for me at all.. I guess I'm mainly worried about how the doctor will see me since he doesn't know me but I'm glad you said addiction affects all kinds of people because that is sooooo true! My daddy always taught me that no matter what I do in life it should be something I can be proud of.. This is why this addiction is killing me inside because if my father was still alive he would be so disappointed in who I've become.. And we all know how much it hurts more to disappoint then to piss off your parents..


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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 4:51 pm 
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I would recommend reading the docs blog after starting.

Just make sure your in wd and honest with your doctor. You'll be fine.

Go into this positively and it'll pay off times ten. Imo.


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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 10:50 pm 
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If your father was still alive and he understood addiction, I'm pretty darn sure he'd be very proud of you for getting on Suboxone to help you manage your addiction.

Addiction is not a moral failing, it's a disorder of the brain....some even believe it's a disease. I hope during your time on Suboxone that you decide to work with an addiction counselor, he/she should be able to help shed some light on this disorder that you suffer from and hopefully you'll learn to give yourself a break and forgive yourself.

I hope your induction goes well tomorrow!!

PS---if your doctor gives you any grief about being an addict, you let me know and I'll punch him in the nose for ya!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Tue May 14, 2013 11:57 pm 
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You are not alone!! All of your feelings and emotions are completely normal! My doctor had me withdraw for 48 hours before induction. It may have been a little long, but the awesome thing is that I went into his office the morning of induction feeling totally terrible, and by the time I left I felt wonderfully normal!

I understand waking up one day and recognizing that your outside behaviors aren't reflective of your inner self. My breaking point came when I was in withdrawal, having run out of my prescription early, I had talked to a dealer about buying some oxycodone off him (which was a line I said I wouldn't cross), and I was thinking about the kind of mother I was being to my 13 year old son. Thank God I felt desperate enough to reach out and call a friend!

Back in high school, no one would have ever believed that I would end up addicted to opiates! I was "the good girl" who never even tried pot (at least until college)! But after my mom died and my son went through (unrelated) depression, I felt like I deserved to feel good! If there was a pill to fix me, by heck, I was going to take it!

If you're anything like me, the biggest change for you will be that the obsession over pills is going to go away as of tomorrow! You will be able to plan normal activities because you won't have to think about your next high or your next score. I wish you all the luck in the world!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 2:35 pm 
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Thank you all for your words of encouragement.. It really helped me get thru the past day.. I just got home from my appt and it went really well.. It went way better then I expected.. I didn't feel like I was judged at all and everyone was really nice to me.. He prescribed me 7 film strips and told me to come back in a week.. He was so understanding and explained everything very well to me.. I'm very hopeful for the future now


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PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 2:58 pm 
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Yay for One Lost Soul!!

Have you induced yet? How do you feel?

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PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 3:44 pm 
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Good luck with your induction. I remember feeling the same way. I was so sure that it would NOT work. I was sooo wrong. Not only did it keep me from withdrawing, but it got rid of my cravings to "want more". I was so surprised and happy to finally not have to worry anymore about where I was going to get more pills. And its legal.

It was definitely a game changer. So happy you are doing this for yourself.


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PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 10:16 pm 
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I took my first strip this evening around 6.. It's 10 now and I feel amazing! I've been in such an Awsum mood all evening. I was feeling pretty crappy earlier until about 20 minutes after I took the suboxone then I started feeling normal.. This stuff is a miracle.. I think I will hug my doctor when I see him next week lol.. I'm super excited about the future and getting back to being the mother I know I am and enjoying life again.. Only thing I can't seem to get over is this horrible feeling of shame.. I'm really ashamed of how far I let my addiction take me and I keep thinking about how much time and money I've wasted on those stupid pills.. Has anyone else ever felt like this? It's like I already feel like a better person (even though it's only day 1) but the past is already haunting me..


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PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2013 10:35 pm 
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Did you take an 8mg strip? Just curious.

It's nice to feel normal again, ain't it!!!!

One Lost Soul said, "I'm really ashamed of how far I let my addiction take me....", I really hope you decide to work with an addiction counselor. Suboxone does a good job of killing the opiate cravings (because it's an opiate, albeit a partial agonist) and it gives you distance from your active addiction, but it really doesn't help with why you became an addict and Suboxone alone may not get you to a place where you learn to forgive yourself.

Think of this for a second. When someone "crosses" you in your life, do you usually forgive them fairly quickly? If so, don't you think you deserve the same level of forgiveness for yourself?

I'm usually a pretty forgiving person, but when it came to forgiving myself for my mistakes, especially related to my addiction, I tended to beat the snot outta myself before I forgave myself for my mistakes and that just makes the recovery process that much harder and longer.

Remember, Be Kind To Yourself and our character defects do NOT define who we are!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2013 12:07 pm 
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My first appointment I was so sick and sweating like mad, I was under the impression that I would have to sit there for hours so I took my laptop and some movies in the office. I figured I would set there and watch a movie or something while I waited. I didn't realize how it would go that day. Where I had taken it before off the streets, they figured that I didn't have to induce and sit there to see how it reacted to me. So I got my script and was on my way. My second doctor since I was already on it, didn't make me induce there either. This stuff is a miracle medication, and the price seems to be going down on it as well.
I remember I took my first dose before I went to eat with my mother and while I was sitting there, where I had to take two at once, I got tunnel vision. It was kinda funny lol. I wasn't used to that high of a dose even when I was buying them off the street. Its so wonderful now to not worry about trying to find pills or make up excuses to people for why you are asking for pills, because you should have your own like me. ENJOY this time, it is wonderful.


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PostPosted: Fri May 17, 2013 10:44 pm 
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I just wanted to show you these videos,,,, they really helped me, understand more about suboxone...

and I'm really happy to hear everything went well.....

How are you doing now???

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ls1F6vNhYw[/youtube]


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VE0FLHpru8U[/youtube]


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF9cITLbRyo[/youtube]

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PostPosted: Sat May 18, 2013 4:38 am 
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I am glad youu got through your first appt anxiety. I felt the same way you did. I stayed up all night researching suboxone on the web. I was so nervous. The actual appt was nothing like the terrible scene pictured in my mind the night before. Lol. Congrats keep posting.


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