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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 8:47 am 
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Hey there I have been struggling with opiate addiction since I was 16. First I was using HydromorphContin and was using rougly 270 6mg capsules per month. I had moved away from the city I was in, and was clean for nine months. But alas, when I returned I fell back into this. I had never significantly learned as to why abusing opiates is a negative thing for me.

Since about April '12, I had gone to a 7 day detox program to get off heroin, I had unintentionally tapered myself down low enough to avoid all withdrawals except some minor sleep issues and aches and pains at the end of the day. My mood was better than it had been in years. I started hanging out with some older friends, and handled it well at the beginning, but then I met this great girl who was in the exact spot as me. We ended up seeing each other and I loved her, for real. For some reason we let drugs come into play, except this time it was heroin + cocaine (mixed together and IV'd). This shattered.

We both knew we had to fix ourselves, we ended up breaking up in July, but still spoke with each other everyday multiple times a day. There was a chance of us reuniting.. Anyways she left town to sort her stuff out, I stayed, eventually moved outta town. Things were going well, but had no finances and was forced to move back into town. Relapsed, and this is where I've been the last couple months.

I had pretty much conquered all heroin withdrawals and mental cravings, but a new friend who came into play broke me down and I used again (don't get me wrong, I do not blame anyone but myself for where I've gotten myself into). I wanted so bad to have a nice birthday so I started methadone. Was on from 20mg at the lowest to 45mg at the highest. No dose would work for me, the side effects were worse than withdrawal.

My last dose of methadone was at 8:30am, January 22nd. I had been using heroin to escape the methadone withdrawals. The last time I used heroin was last Wednesday (4 1/2 days ago) and took my first 2mg sub at 11:00am yesterday (Friday morning), and another 2mg sub an hour later.

I felt the 2mg sub helped immensely, I mentioned to the doctor I felt dandy, slight back cramps but otherwise nothing. My mood was pleasurable and I had energy. He gave me 2mg more even so and I felt that may have been a too much too close together.

Basically this was in introduction, but would it be possible to get some advice on dosage timings, specific dosages that worked for people? From what I felt today, I feel taking 2mg in the morning and 2mg at night would be much more effective than 4mg all at once (basically). I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow so that shouldn't be a problem.

My intentions is short term. I am planning to move to a relatives hobby farm in July for reconnecting with some family and learning to live again. But right now I feel Suboxone is my best chance at having any form of stability in the now and near future.

Cheers.

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Getting clean is not a competition. Once you've reached your goal no one person is better than you in regards to finally getting clean and sober.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 10:58 am 
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hi,,,, glad you found the site, I hope you can get as MUCH
support and knowledge as I have :wink:


Im going to post a couple of videos,,,,
if you have any more questions after that, just ask!!!!!

the "general rule" is to take enough suboxone to curb cravings, but not so much that your over-medicated,,,
and it REALLY IS different for every SINGLE one of us.

I am, REALLY glad to hear your transition from methadone to suboxone has gone well, so far.
Mine was pretty rough, but I was on around 150mg/methadone for about two years, so that's probably WHY... :oops:

anyways, you sound like your doing really great!!!!!!
congrats on changing everything..... it's not easy, but I promise it's worth it :wink:



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ls1F6vNhYw&list=PL046CE0F5A5ED96EB&index=6[/youtube]



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wqn5qDdpzfk[/youtube]



[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrqjJGoSQgc[/youtube]

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 11:10 am 
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one more thing..... LOL

it's TOTALLY normal to feel scared.... I had to change EVERYTHING, when I went on suboxone, I was sooo
desperate for it to work ,,, it was my "last chance" for sure,
and you know, I had been selling at least five people's perscriptions,,,, so getting rid of my phone number
was a HUGE STEP.
anyways, it was VERY SCARY
I was still having w/d symptoms even ON the suboxone, and so the anxiety and EVERYTHING else,,,
wow, it was just TOUGH

but Im here to tell ya, IT CAN BE DONE, , , and it's totally worth it.
you'd be REALLY shocked how quickly things can be great, again, with alot of hard work, and effort.

so keep your head up, and concentrate on recovery,,,

stay away from triggers, or anything that could cause an extra urge, IF at all possible....

and,
one final thought,
have you looked into any counseling or anything like that???

It took me about six months to FINALLY "come around" to the idea,
and went to an addiction specialist,,,
completed some relapse prevention stuff, and honestly it REALLY helped me..... I was skeptical to say
the LEAST in the start, but it's the best thing I ever did.

any questions or anything else, don't hesitate to ask, k?

good luck
and good job!!!

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 7:59 pm 
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Hey thanks for all the positivity and great information! Unlike the methadone I feel motivation to clean my room, make my desk tidy, and it feels real.. not like the other stuff. If things keep going the way they do I see myself fully living up to my potential. This site is great, I will continue to post every day or so to keep people updated and just as a self sorta journal.

Opiate withdrawal is a reality like none other, my desire for freedom WILL conquer this. :) Thank you amber4.14.11 .

I really only want to be on this for a month at the most. Obviously things never go exactly as planned but that's my goal. He started with 2mg, and within 30-40 minutes my back pain was gone, had my appetite back, and was cheerful. He gave me another 2mg an hour later in case it didn't last the day. I felt 4mg at once was too much, so hopefully tomorrow he will let me take them home and I can take one in the AM and then the PM.

How are they with suboxone when people pee dirty? My problem substances were cocaine and heroin, but I do benzos now and then for the fun of it (Definitely don't enjoy them enough for them to ever be a problem as well as lack of availability, I can't stand the feeling and the memory loss hits me like a tonne of bricks, but it makes me completely open and social, I've made so many good friends with the help of benzos and I've never had that aspect of my life EVER be so free.. I could always hold my cool and chill with the big boys, but I had my own sort of quirky aspect that people seemed to gravitate too, but I'd just be so introspective most people would just assume I'm a social retard. Benzos really help with that, and while I'm fixing my brain from opiate abuse, I plan to do what it takes to solve the problems that make me feel that way in the process.

Like I said my biggest issue was viewing this as a competition. My ex and I broke up at the same time in the midst of the hellish phase when everything begins to fall apart (no money, no friends to give you money, withdrawal was starting). She ended up moving outta town in July. It worked for her, I actually went to visit her for what was just supposed to be the weekend, but I was offered a job and took it immediately. It was like a golden egg fell into my lap. Away from dealers, triggers, bad friends etc. (At this point we were both sober enough to realize we loved each other again but both of us were extremely hesitant to pursue anything). She said some things and I guess I wasn't cool and collected enough to respond in the appropriate matter and well that's that. I remember the exact instance I stopped loving her.

Anyways, sparing you the boring details (for the most part), things did not work out between us, I moved back to my home city, and the first thing I did when I got off the bus was call my dealer.. This city is tainted as when I spent a month in Toronto, there were no triggers, someone could put it in front of me and I could easily, simply refuse. Sorry for all this ranting, this is the first time I've told anyone about how I really feel about all this, completely truthfully that is.. Anyways it's getting later 6:45am so I figure I'll post this and see how it goes tomorrow. I'll definitely edit it so it flows a little better. Oh I should also mention I have gender dysphoria and am taking hormone medications (Cyproterone Acetate + Estrace). Was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation as I have.

Cheers.

My last question is this, suboxone can be less intense, but much longer. I have been off and on abusing opiates since 16 years of age, and cocaine I was 20. I'm completely clean except the sub and benzos. Is it really possible to do a completely painless taper if I went down an 2/16ths of a 2mg pill every month?


P.S. Starting your dish-washing job in a cramped ass, unhygienic dirty moldy, tremendously unorganized Sushi Kitchen with two chefs who know 3 and a half words of english, 6 days a week 12-14 hours a day, during your first day of withdrawal was not fun in the least. But I did it for her and it made it easy. Not fun, but easy.

P.P.S. Apologies for gaps, mistakes and repetitions. It's early in the AM where I am.

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Getting clean is not a competition. Once you've reached your goal no one person is better than you in regards to finally getting clean and sober.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 8:06 am 
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Apologies for the double post, can't edit after 120 minutes. >< ALSO sorry for the rambling about unrelated suboxone stuff. I've never been to any meetings or the like and the positivity here makes it easy to just let things out.

Anyways, I had an alright nights sleep, still woke up at around 5am. I see my sub doctor today so I will discuss this with him. I will give an update tonight to tell you how my appointment and day 3 went (should be getting ones to take home if I can find a lockbox O_O).

Cheers.

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Getting clean is not a competition. Once you've reached your goal no one person is better than you in regards to finally getting clean and sober.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 3:34 pm 
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Hi Cassidy,

Welcome! Feel free to open up here about whatever is on your mind. I think it's therapeutic to express yourself regardless of who is listening and it helps to have a place where you can remain anonymous and truly open up whenever you feel the need. We all do it and it has helped me as well.

As for waking up at 5am, the transition to suboxone is often a little bumpy. How were you feeling when you woke up? Were you sick or just awake? If you were just awake, I would still consider that a success.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 7:31 am 
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Hey tinydancer. When I wake up (again happened today) I don't feel OMG withdrawal sick, but I don't feel good. I don't have an appetite and I'm basically just counting the minutes until I can go to the pharmacy for my sub.

Like I mentioned before, he started me with 2mg and I felt fine with that. He gave me 2mg more so I'd last the day, and that was too much, as once night came, I had aches and pains and slept pretty poorly.

So he upped me to 8mg at once, saying it will last you through out the day. Well, all this did was make me even more tired and noddy, and by dinner time, I was feeling shitty again. I really want a split dose of 2mg in the morning and 2mg at night. That's half the dose he's prescribing me, but he wants to wait at least a couple weeks before that. Hell I'm even willing to go to the pharmacy twice if that's what it takes. I guess this is the frustrating part, the beginning. I really hope things smooth out soon as I am starting to get the feeling of wishing I just stuck through the heroin withdrawal. Ugh.

Well they will be giving me another 8mg tab today. I will try to break half in my mouth and save it for later tonight. I can't wait two weeks for my doctor to believe me that I need a split dose.

Thanks for listening all. This site is a Flying Spaghetti Monster-send.

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Getting clean is not a competition. Once you've reached your goal no one person is better than you in regards to finally getting clean and sober.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:06 am 
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I think it's kind of normal to not feel totally great in the morning so long as you aren't sick. It was par for the course, at least in my experience. Even at high doses (16- 24), I can remember feeling less than good in the mornings. I feel you on the split dose. Sub is strong and a larger dose all at once can often make you feel even worse. I needed split doses on both methadone & sub.Trust yourself and hopefully your medical professionals will hear you out. Keep us posted.

hugs


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