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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 11:10 am 
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SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS!!! :lol:

I'm so glad you pushed on. Many of us have hit that wall that you hit and if we push on, something in us changes and things seem to "go to the next level" and get better.

Did you click on that link and watch that little video? A couple of my favorite things from that short video are when he says, "Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, an hour or even a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever." and "at the end of pain is SUCCESS. I dare you to take a little pain!!"

A while back, one of our members (I think it was the guy who originally posted the link to Pain is Temporary) mentioned how you have to have a warrior attitude to get through this. Sounds to me like you're getting your warrior attitude on!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 11:29 am 
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Romeo wrote:
SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS!!! :lol:

I'm so glad you pushed on. Many of us have hit that wall that you hit and if we push on, something in us changes and things seem to "go to the next level" and get better.

Did you click on that link and watch that little video? A couple of my favorite things from that short video are when he says, "Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, an hour or even a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever." and "at the end of pain is SUCCESS. I dare you to take a little pain!!"

A while back, one of our members (I think it was the guy who originally posted the link to Pain is Temporary) mentioned how you have to have a warrior attitude to get through this. Sounds to me like you're getting your warrior attitude on!! :wink:




Romeo, you rock! Thanks for the encouragement. I got a txt from my wife this morning that actually helped me feel better. I smiled actually. "Do you think you can hold out for another week?" She asked. I replied, "Do you think YOU can hold out, that's the question..."

Long story short, I will NOT fail myself. I will NOT go back to it. PAIN IS TEMPORARY..

Thanks Romeo.

Twostepj~ Jason


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 12:18 pm 
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That was an awesome reply to your wife! And I love what you said after. This is for YOU!! If you quit for her, who's to say you won't go back later. But if you quit for YOU, chances are your recovery will last a lifetime!

If you can get up, DO IT! It'll make you feel so good to get out of the house. Not only that but when you come home, that clock will be a couple of hours past!


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:07 pm 
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Thanks Mama!

So far today, I have showered, without dreading standing up that long. I shaved, combed my hair, and put on REAL clothes instead of sweats!! Dammit, I feel accomplished!

This IS for me. In the past, I have lived my life solely for others. I am a people pleaser, to say the least. If I am completely honest, I was almost convinced that going back to the Dr was the only option. But when I woke up this morning, I felt COMPLETELY different than I did yesterday. Better..

I am not saying that I feel 100%, but I do feel like I can do something today. That's good considering that I have to go back to work in the morning. I have had a conversation with my boss and explained what I was doing. I have always been forthcoming about my addiction, and recovery with him. I told him that it was going to suck for me, and that I may need a couple days to recoup. He obliged, albeit he had no idea what I was really in for.

Today I am going to take my mom's dog for a walk. (She lives next door to me.) I may even go walk on the beach. It's been a long time since I have seen the ocean, even though I only live a block away from it. It amazes me how many people come here for vacation, just to see the beach and ocean. Here we sit, (residents) taking it all for granted. Kind of like I have taken my recovery for granted. I thought while I was on Subs that I was "clean". I get that people are different, and some never want to come off. I had that attitude for a long time. I can't say exactly what changed, other than I am in a different place in my life now. I am happy.

I didn't know how bad I was going to withdrawal, but I knew I was going to. I think yesterday was the threshold I have been waiting for. I have no doubt that I CAN get through this. I am blown away by how differently I feel today. It is partially because of the people right here on this forum. Y'all don't know me, I don't know y'all, but you are here. Faithfully here. I know where I can find solace when I need it, advice when I want it, and unrelenting support, whether I want it or not.


Thank you all so very much. I am going out today, no matter what. I will stay out for as long as I can, and do things I have put off.

Outtie like a bellybutton!!


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 2:37 pm 
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It's great to see the latest update! Glad you're feeling better today and have a different outlook on what's going on. Don't be surprised if you have a few more "blah" days to follow, the good days will start to even out and become more regular. I found my whole experience to be a bit of 'two steps forward, one step back.' So don't be alarmed if that happens to you. I'm also glad to see you posting in others threads and offering support to others, that will certainly be beneficial to you as well. Helping others helps with your own healing process!


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 3:19 pm 
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tinydancer wrote:
It's great to see the latest update! Glad you're feeling better today and have a different outlook on what's going on. Don't be surprised if you have a few more "blah" days to follow, the good days will start to even out and become more regular. I found my whole experience to be a bit of 'two steps forward, one step back.' So don't be alarmed if that happens to you. I'm also glad to see you posting in others threads and offering support to others, that will certainly be beneficial to you as well. Helping others helps with your own healing process!


I actually feel liberated TinyDancer! I feel better today than I thought possible for the last 5days. I still have some ringing in my ears, a touch of anxiety, and a little fatigued. However, the annoying skin crawling sensation is all but gone. I think THAT may have been the worst part. My Dr.'s visit yesterday was not for the flu, but because I needed something to help, something to change. I took some new meds yesterday, and again this morning, and honestly am not sure if they are why I feel better, or if Sub is FINALLY wearing out. I would prefer to believe the latter. :D

I may not be the best at advise for some people, but I do indeed have a shit-ton of experience with Suboxone. If I can help, or show the support that y'all have, then I will try. I can only give opinions fueled by experience. But sometimes that's all we need.

Thanks again for YOUR support!


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:02 pm 
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Twostepj said, "So far today, I have showered, without dreading standing up that long. I shaved, combed my hair, and put on REAL clothes instead of sweats!! Dammit, I feel accomplished!" Damn dude, you're on fire today!! :wink:

BTW, I'm not sure if the new meds are helping or not. For people who jump off a dose about what you did, 5 days seems to be about the peak. If you feel good over the next few days, I'd start weaning off any comfort meds you're using.

Did you get out and about today? Don't things look wonderfully new and exciting again?

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 5:25 pm 
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Did you get out and about today? Don't things look wonderfully new and exciting again?



Romeo,

I did get out. I walked my mom's dog down to the beach. Looked at the ocean as if I have never seen it before! I felt great. I am tired again, but because we walked for over an hour. The beach was beautiful, and the fresh air was therapeutic. Just what the doctor ordered.

I will continue this path as long as I need to. I do believe the worst is "in the rear view". Yesterday's steaming pile of shit feeling is gone. I feel much different now. Amazing how much one day can make.

Thanks again.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:32 pm 
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"dont you surrender, sometimes salvation is in the eye of the storm"

This single lyric helped me immensely right around day 6. I'm almost 2 weeks off and I can't believe how liberated I feel. I feel better and better everyday!! I don't think there's anything wrong with long term or lifelong sub use but if you want off, stick with it. There is the most mind blowing rainbow after this storm buddy!!

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:36 am 
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^ Did I post that lyric for you? I can't remember.. It's one of my favorite songs.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 11:47 am 
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Hey J,

Now that the worst of your wd seems to be past, I wanted to ask if you have any plans on staying clean? Getting off drugs and staying off drugs usually requires different skill sets. I think I read on another thread that you have 20 years of addiction, that's pretty close to where I was. When I got off Suboxone, it took a while for cravings to hit, but they did hit and I was woefully unprepared for them. I ended up, over a period of several months, slipping many times. For me, I had to do some recovery work to stay on the straight and narrow.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 2:20 pm 
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tinydancer wrote:
^ Did I post that lyric for you? I can't remember.. It's one of my favorite songs.




Not sure Tiny! I don't know what song it is from. This week has been a blur, as well. Whether you did or didn't, you have been a great support. I think it was one of your posts that encouraged me to join and start spouting. Thank you so much!


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 Post subject: Day 6, and back to work.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 2:33 pm 
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Thank God that it has been a slow day in the Business Class Broadband service world. Holy shit am I tired! Not from DT's or WD's, but because I have been working. It's lunch time now, so I have a minute to post.

Have any of y'all just felt weird throughout this process?? Weird as in, like your body is not yours. You are controlling it, but it just doesn't feel quite right? That's how i feel today. I feel kinda gooey. My vision is a bit blurry today as well. I feel like you did when you woke up with a pill hangover. I am not going to take my "comfort" meds tonight and see if that makes any difference tomorrow. It is, for lack of better description, weird.

I am so grateful for you all supporting what I am doing. I don't think I would have made it this far without this forum. I sincerely believe at day 4, without y'all, I would have caved. I would have called the Dr. and probably begged to come back. But I didn't. I have all of y'all to thank for that.

So here is a big ol' THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR STANDING BEHIND ME!!!!!

I will soldier on through the rest of my day. 5 o'clock shouldn't take all that long to get here! Feeling a little fuzzy, but the majority of the symptoms have subsided. (Still running to the bathroom though)


Thank you all again.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 2:40 pm 
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Way to soldier through!

Can I ask what comfort meds you're taking? Sorry if I missed it somewhere.. just wondering if those are having an effect on how you're feeling today. I felt similar to the way you describe some of the time, but I know it was from the short term benzo I used.

Thank you for the update!

(I merged your original thread, and new thread, with this one so we can all follow along on your progress. You can change the title of the thread, or a moderator can, if you'd prefer it to say something else? This is a good thread to keep updating on as it has a cohesive story to follow along with.
I'm going to leave the "calling it a good day" thread alone, because the timing of the posts would interfere with the flow of this one..)


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 13, 2013 2:56 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Hey J,

Now that the worst of your wd seems to be past, I wanted to ask if you have any plans on staying clean? Getting off drugs and staying off drugs usually requires different skill sets. I think I read on another thread that you have 20 years of addiction, that's pretty close to where I was. When I got off Suboxone, it took a while for cravings to hit, but they did hit and I was woefully unprepared for them. I ended up, over a period of several months, slipping many times. For me, I had to do some recovery work to stay on the straight and narrow.



That is a great question, and a valid concern, too. I have never been in such a great place, in my life, as I am now. My wife is amazing, my kids are great kids, (spoiled and entitled, but none the less great!). I am ready to conquer the world. I know that this disease that we have is a reoccurring nightmare. I know that relapse is all but inevitable for the majority of us. Opiates fucked us up. It's what they do. However, I do have a super support system here at home, and as well right here. I feel as if I have a "family" within the confines of this forum.

So short answer is yes. I have a plan. But you never know when it might hit you (the urge). Just knowing that I can reach out to any of y'all is comforting in it's own.

Thanks for hanging out with me Rom. I needed it.


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 Post subject: Re: First day off....
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 1:42 am 
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So. I think it's awesome that you have hit the point where you feel as though you aren't dying and are coming out of the withdrawal. Seriously. That's quite an accomplishment in itself.

I also feel like you should sit down and discuss your "plan" with someone that has experience with STAYING clean for a significant amount of time. I think having a strong family and support is very helpful and a wonderful asset, but recovery from opiate addiction is an everyday practice once off suboxone. It's just a totally different animal. I know in my experience with getting off that I had ideas, behaviors, attitudes, and plans for when I got off of suboxone, but had no idea that I would feel so much differently mentally and emotionally once off suboxone for awhile. All I'm saying is this... The deck is stacked against us from the get go. Opiate addicts very rarely change and rarely get clean from all drugs and stay clean for more than a year. There are few... Very very very few... That can attain remission suddenly and permanently. But we can't just think we are that one in a million special addict ya know? That being said.... I can't stress the idea of recovery being an every day thing. You have to actively think about your behaviors and actions and practice new behaviors. It's hard. Much much much different than on Suboxone. I'm NOT saying that this is impossible by any stretch of the word. You just have to go into it the right way. I often reccomend frequently attending NA or SMART recovery meetings because... Well... That's all we really have. NOT BECAUSE I SWEAR BY NA! I have been helped a lot by NA attendance, but being on sub is just a struggle and causes problems if we get in too deep lol.

Long story short (finally)... I would seriously discuss your long term recovery plan with someone that has significant amount of clean time without using ANY drugs. You need more than just a great family. Just the reality of this situation. You can always choose to do whatever you believe to be best in the end (obviously), but without some real work every day on your behaviors, attitudes, ideas, emotions, and spiritual health... You'll struggle down the road. I've just watched it happen time and time again... Myself included.

Again. I am not posting to be mean... In fact... The opposite... To be helpful.... This stuff is serious. So I can't just tell you that having a great supportive family, staying busy with work or hobbies, willpower, ect will keep you clean for more than a year. So I'm sorry if I said anything the wrong way or anything. I just felt it needed said.


Good luck to you! You're doing great man!


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 Post subject: Re: First day off....
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:27 am 
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Hello everyone you have the Power to quit taking anything you want. I have to say I believe it has alot to do with the mind. I was taking alot of dope, pills, herion, Subs, everything. The easiest detox I ever had was in jail and then sadly prison. I barley felt any withdraw because my mind was more worried about going to prison and not getting killed by someone that i barley noticed I was withdrawing. Plus I knew I had no access to these drugs at all so I kninda just forgot about it. I guess on the street you just sit there and think about it all freaking day and that makes it worst. So occupy you mind mow the lawn do labor work out even if it is from morning to night and before you know it your fine. I have to say that being sober for years in prison I acually felt great at the time it was awsome. When your addicted you are in prison. Trust me when i got readdicted I felt just like I was back in prison sitting in my room. So stop free yourself be strong minded. Love yall good luck........


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 Post subject: Re: First day off....
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 2:50 pm 
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Yea. Just stop taking opiates guys. Best plan of all. It's simple and easy. I like it.

Or maybe just go to jail/prison for a few years until you "forget" about using opiates.

LONG TERM... IN EVERYDAY LIVING STYLES... YOU CANT HAVE NO REAL PLAN AND EXPECT TO STAY BETTER!


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 Post subject: Re: First day off....
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 3:06 pm 
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Thanks MovieMaker and QuitIT. I appreciate all the words of wisdom. MM, nothing you said was taken in a negative way. No worries!

I do have more than a family structure, however. I will continue to go to the group sessions that I have been attending over the years with my Sub Doc. He required them twice a month while on Subs, so it is really already ingrained. Also, there are plenty of Churches here in the South! Plenty of Friday night Celebrate Recovery if I need more accountability. I really do appreciate the care and support that y'all put out here as well.

Now, that being said, I have reached day 7 successfully. NO SHIT!!! A WHOLE EFF'N WEEK!!! Didn't know if I would there for a bit. My skin is kinda crawling today, more than yesterday even..

Now, this is addressed to y'all with more non-Sub time under your belt.. When will this God awful fatigue and insomnia subside?? I swear, I feel more shitty because I can only get a couple to a few hours of sleep a night. Last night for example... Went to bed, was exhausted by 8:30-9:00. Woke up at 1:00AM only to stare at the ceiling, wall, ceiling, other wall... Literally until my alarm went off at 5:55AM. NO ADDERALL since I last spoke of it on day 4 or 5.. (Not sure which.)

I am exhausted. I do NOT want to keep taking a pill for every symptom I have. I am SO tired of taking pills. I want to just be "normal". Whatever the hell that is. I want it.

Thanks y'all for being here, and supporting me through this journey of my recovery.


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 Post subject: Re: First day off....
PostPosted: Thu Nov 14, 2013 4:26 pm 
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The fatigue and insomnia can get quite annoying. For insomnia, I take Unisom (the one with Doxylamine Succinate), it's said to be just as strong as prescription sleep meds, but it doesn't act on the GABA receptors. Doxylamine Succinate is basically an antihistamine. Try it and see if it doesn't help you. It's available at any drug store or Walmart.

Once your sleep improves, the fatigue will start to improve.

Unfortunately, sleep is usually one of the last things to return to normal for people wd'ing from opiates.

Congratulations on 7 days!!!

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