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 Post subject: Final day of Suboxone
PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:18 pm 
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I tried to post this once & my computer glitched, so I will type this again. Grrr.
Ok, first I have posted to Suboxone & Pregnancy but most are remaining on Suboxone through out their pregnancies. I am not, I am jumping after today. A little back story, I am 34, married for 15 years with 4 kids, and I am 16 weeks pregnant with #5. We recently moved from Florida where I had began this roller coaster of addiction. I was on Methadone, Roxy's, Oxy's, Hydros, Fetanyl, etc. I had quit suboxone once before & though it sucked it was far better than other wd's. After several months I had extreme dental procedures, thanks to Methadone, and after 2 weeks on pain killers I thought it was in my best interest to go back on Suboxone. 3 years later, here I am ready to Jump again. I was able to lower it to 2mgs, which isn't as low as I'd prefer to go but it is what it is. I have a small piece of a 1/4th of my sub strip 8mgs left, I am holding that back until tonight. I had planned on quitting when we moved, before becoming pregnant. I have a filled script of Clonidine in my safe ready to go. I also have 10 suboxone strips atthe pharmacy as back up in the event I become too ill & it become unsafe for this pregnancy. But it will stay at the pharmacy I pray. I do not want to be on this anymore, the pregnancy was the only thing keeping me on it the past few weeks. I have read it is not safe to jump in the 1st or 3rd trimester. Now that I am in my 2nd trimester, it is now or never during this pregnancy. I fear the wd process, I especially fear caring for my kids, house & pets for the next week or so. We have 4 dogs, 2 of which are puppies that are not house trained yet. I imagine my house is going to smell like puppy poo for the next week. Yuck. My husband is not home 30 days at a time, he's an otr truck driver. So the house is my responsibility, and my kids fully take advantage of when I am sick. I could use any type of encouragement, experiences or anything really. I will update as I go through this journey. I couldn't find very many pregnant moms who jumped during pregnancy so if my journey resonates with even 1 mom looking at this, then it will be worth it. Oh boy. Ready or not, here I go.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:25 pm 
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Do you have a friend or anyone that will come and stay with you for a few days and help you out? I know you are freaking out right now but don't let your mental state get the best of you is all I can say.
Hang in there
Happy


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2015 1:31 pm 
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Nope, nobody. I am in Alabama away from everyone I know. Which in most ways is the best for me. All I will have through this is my husband via phone calls & this board to help me push through. The weather right now & predicted for this week isn't gonna help either. I hate gloomy weather & that is the next week's forecast. Maybe that's another reason to stay in bed? But I know that trying to relax only made things worse last time. I was really hoping for nice, sunny weather. But nope, not gonna happen.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 12:32 am 
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Hi there

Im new to the forum and suboxone itself. Only been on it for nearly 2 weeks. I don't have kids.
I just wanted to say I think your being very brave and selfless trying to jump, for your unborn babies sake.
Im sure more mothers will read this thread soon and you will have a lot of good and helpful advice. Support is always here whether its from other mums or members.
Are your other 4 kids old enough to understand tat mom will be sick and need extra support over the next 2 weeks or so?
Do you have a local community centre that does outreach work who can pop in and see how things are going for you? Even an AOD service hotline number to call when things get really rough?

Best of luck to you x


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:10 am 
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Thanks. I am the type that doesn't want to see anyone while sick, even a flu, I isolate myself until I feel partly human. My kids vary in age and I have told them I felt like I was getting sick, which we have a stomach bug going around our house so they believe that's the reason.
I will say that yesterday right before I took my last piece this weird sense of calm came over me. The past week of knowing the Jump was coming was full of anxiety, anxiety I haven't felt in years. The fear was crippling. Yet the overwhelming calmness and general feeling of YES,I can do this took over. I know these coming days will be mentally difficult topped with physical difficulty. I am going to push through this, as safely as possible. A week or two usually flies by. I know these next two weeks will feel like eternity but it's not. I will feel so free in 2 weeks, I will be able to receive prenatal care and know I made the right decision for me and my family. Today is the first day without subs, this will be the easiest I know. But each day I go without it is an achievement.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 8:41 am 
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Hi Wittlesniper, I too am here for you! I have never been pregnant and I have never jumped. But, that does not mean that I can't offer you all the support that I have to give! I am a social worker and have worked with pregnant women who were in active addiction and dealing with the guilt. You are so brave! You are already doing everything you can to support this baby. You are in good physical health, eating right, and exercising, all will help you and the baby get through. How old are the four children that you have? I am sure, if old enough, they will be a support even if only to keep you distracted! Good luck! We are here for you!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 9:23 am 
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Hey wittlesniper,

Yes you are indeed very brave! Congrats on your decision to jump. My knowledge of subs and pregnancy is limited, but from what I understand it is perfectly ok to take during pregnancy. But from what I understand your pregnancy is not the only reason for your jump, you are also just ready to be done. That is really good, because you have to want it and be ready in order to be successful.

I jumped myself about 11 weeks ago from 16 mg, and I also jumped once before from nearly nothing. The reason I mention this is your concern from jumping from 2 mg. I found both my jumps nearly equally unpleasant. So don't fool your brain into thinking you will suffer anymore than jumping from a lower dose. I'm not a professional mind you, just my opinion and experience.

I have two children, 10 and 13 yrs, that I had to deal with during my w/ds. Wow you have 4! I couldn't imagine that even not being sick! Well my 13 yo has some major behavioral issues that really multiplied around 4 to 5 weeks after my jump. I was able to handle it. In fact I may have even been more effective in handling it then than before because she is finally getting the help she needs.

I mostly had to deal with my 10 yo during those early weeks because the older one was in detention. I told her I was going to be stopping one of my meds, and that I was going to be sick for awhile. I asked her to be really good. I have to give it to her, she tried and was able to as much as any ten yo. I did get kind of angry and short with her a few times, I tried to apologize to her after. I told her I was sorry, I just really didn't feel well and was under a lot of stress.

The only worry I have for you is the fact you are not under the care of a physician. Like I said, I really don't know the effect of stopping subs while pregnant. But like Michelle said, we are here to support you and encourage you however we can!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 12:24 pm 
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Thank you Michelle and Qom. Support is important so I truly thank you all. As for my kids ages they are 18, 13, 10 & 7. My daughter is 18 and not helpful at all, we are really butting heads lately. She just turned 18 and thinks she is an adult now and can make her own decisions. To that I said not under my roof! Ugh teenagers. My 13 yr old and 7 year old daughters are really sweet and good kids. Then there is our 10 year old son, oh dear! My husbands family has a strong history of bipolar disorder, my sister in law self medicated for that until she died from an overdose 3 years ago, on Sept. 29th. Anyway my son is a nightmare the majority of the time but the medications for his issues are so dangerous at his age. He's the one I worry about caring for during this next week or so. He pushes my limits on a good day. As for the physician care, I don't have insurance yet, I am working on it. Since we moved I can qualify for insurance out of the time frame thingy, I have began the process with the affordable Care act people. Since I planned on stopping before that darn pregnancy test, I don't mean that bad it was just a shock, I did not want to find a suboxone doctor here in Alabama. I like to prevent my exuses for staying on. I don't want the easy way out of discomfort. I am in a new town, new people, new house, and New Baby. I promised my husband if I get to the point where I feel I am bordering on danger for the baby then I will by all means remain on suboxone, I have 10 at the pharmacy in the event this proves too risky. I figure I have had 4 birtns, 2 completely natural, and 1 miscarriage many years ago. I know what my body can handle and what pregnancy can handle. If I remember correctly the diarrhea, rls and crawling skin is the worst of suboxone withdrawal. But I also remember while going through it we feel like it's terrible but after 10 days or so I remember looking back at it being extremely annoying more than anything. But a flu is annoying and terrible right? And there's no way of knowing when the flu will hit, so I at least have some control over this sickness. I also know about Paws, I am already on Zoloft though I lowered my dose the past few weeks because of pregnancy. My last baby was born with a minor sacral dimple linked to my Lexapro. Antidepressants aren't for everyone but unfortunately I have to remain on antidepressants for my life. I struggled half of my life without them, they are just like water to me, its a necessity of my life and that is okay. I will up my dose to 150 for the next week and if I need I can go back up to my full dose of 200mgs daily now that the majority of the baby's body is formed. I am rambling. But sincerely thank you to everyone who will help talk me through this. My husband just got promoted so he won't be home until another 6 weeks, he's already been gone for almost 3. I am happy for his promotion but I also could use my husband to just be here for me. Oh well. It does mean more money which we will need. I really hope he'll get a trip in the coming weeks to at least swing by home even if it is for an hour or two.
Edit added: I took about a 15 minute cat nap, feel lethargic and heavy legs. My kids came home and as usual my damn son starts in with his bs. Lord help me to not lose my mind with that boy. It hasn't been 10 minutes since he walked in the door. This is every day for us but I really wish he cared one iota about anyone other than himself. I guess that since I don't have any energy to get up and after him that is the only way I can handle this child. But if he slams on more freaking door I may lose it. Is it bedtime yet?


Last edited by wittlesniper on Tue Sep 22, 2015 4:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 3:26 pm 
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I am 2 hours away from my last dose. Though I think it was smart to take the small piece I did yesterday I can't help but feel like if I had just thrown it away I would be on day 2. I keep reminding myself it's not me I have to worry about. My legs feel heavy so I know that last dose is wearing off. Yes I know about the half life, but so far so good. I wish I could knock myself out during this but I know all I can do is try to remain calm and as comfortable as possible. I am only writing so often so I can look back on this time and for others to read, though everyone's detox is different we all want to feel like we aren't alone. I am going to try to lay down until my kiddos come barging in.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 5:19 pm 
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Hey Wit, I am here for you! I really don't know how you are going to do this but I will be by your side as will others here I am sure! Do you think your son is bipolar? That is a very big diagnosis for a ten year old! Does he go to regular school and classes? Just trying to understand your life a little more. And the youngest? Are they in school? Will you have alone time? So important if you get really sick! I hope you are right and it will not be too bad! Actually, for me, the depression or worse that feeling of dread, is what I can not take. I can handle the physical stuff. Please let us know how your evening is going! You are in my thoughts!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 5:31 pm 
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Yes they believe that to be the problem, but the medications are so risky for a kid his age. My husband is add but out of his parents 3 kids, he was the only one without bipolar. My sister in-law is dead now and my brother in law is an alcoholic who is in and out of prison. They were both started on meds young and my mother in-law said if she could do it over she would have waited for them to be on medication. My husband and I joke, but are serious too, that we can't handle another Hunter, son's name. My 7 year old is in school so during the day I can be alone, thank god! I had planned on quitting subs and going back to school or work since I have been a stay at home mom for 16 years but then came the pregnancy. This pregnancy has kicked my butt, lol. I lost 14 pounds so far, I am normally around 140lbs but since I have lost the weight I feel like crap and weak. Between my hormones and son I may very well lose my sanity in the next week.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 7:14 pm 
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Hi Wit, Just wondering if you have tried any of the natural stuff with Hunter? Do you think he has add too? If so, maybe just 3 or 4 oz of caffeine in the am? That really helped my nephew at that age. As far as the mood swings, if it really is unmanagable and interrupting his life, maybe a small amount of lithium? I dont know at what age they would prescribe. I did work with a person who had started it at age 12. It is sodium based so I dont know if that would make you feel better. And please, I am no expert, just trying to help as my heart breaks for your son to have such a big diagnosis. And for you and your husband to know that his sister took her life and his brother is an alcholic, neither is a positive way to deal with bipolar issues. You really have your hands full! All of this and two teenagers! How do you do it? Hope you are doing ok tonight! Keep in touch!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 9:19 pm 
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We haven't tried any natural stuff besides Melatonin to help him fall asleep. this child would stay awake until 2am and be up at 6am ready to go.
After talking to my husband, well really crying to him about the stress I was feeling topped with starting to descend into hell we agreed that I call in 2 of the 8mg strips. Since I was only down to 2mgs for week & then besides the 1/4 of a 1/4, which I think is about 1/2mg. Right? If I fold a 2mg piece in half that's 1mg so a half of that would be 1/2mg? My brain isn't working, sorry. After telling him how terrible I already felt, we talked in depth about it and he's more worried because of my already previous depression issues, him & I agreed that I should take another week at 1mgs or lower if I can & then try to quit. If that's still too hard then continue for another week at 1/2mg until I somewhat stabilize. We agreed that the idea ISN"T for me to feel Good during the next week or 2 but to feel CAPABLE & manageable. Which the thought of dragging this out is not what I want to do, but my husband is right that the last time I jumped, 4mgs, I didn't have the issues I have today. I didn't have a child who is a legal adult who tells me to f* off, my family was around to help with the kids & the most important thing is my husband was there for whatever arose. It is so hard to take care of 2 of my 4 kids when I am feeling great but man once I am ill they become monsters, they have zero consideration at times. I took a small piece equal to yesterdays dose & I am able to lift my legs again. But there was the part of me that was so incredibly pissed at myself, then I read through other people's successful journeys where they went back & reduced it some more and had success. So that makes me feel better. I am trying to not let my conscience tell me I am a chicken $hit, which I am not. If I didn't have a growing baby I would just suck it up but I would never forgive myself if I caused a miscarriage because I am inpatient, which I am a get it done kinda woman. I will get this done. I fully trust my husband & myself, together we can get me off this wonderful drug. It IS a lifesaver. I have never regretted Suboxone, even in the throws of withdrawal. Like others have said, if we could have came off our drug of choice we would have, the only way I got off the pills was Suboxone. The withdrawals from it are far from the suffering from everything else I have done. It has been the reason for success, it is my stepping stone. Wish me luck during the next week or so & I will be jumping within 2 weeks again. Try until I succeed.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:18 pm 
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Hey wit,

Yeah that sounds like a plan. You will know when you are ready. I was able to take the first ten days off work, and really didn't leave my bedroom for the first seven! Then I decided I had to get out so we went to go see a movie. It was over 90 degrees, I was wearing pants and a hoodie, and I sat through the entire movie either sweating or freezing! You really don't have the option here to take any time off, I understand that. I am glad you are working on getting your health insurance so you can see a doctor. I think thaat would be your best bet in the best way to move forward with this all, by getting a professional opinion. But were still here for you, keep posting and let us know how you are doing.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:42 am 
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Hey whittle :)

I think u should do exactly what u think ur mind and body is telling u to do. If u need longer, absolutely take it as slow as u need to. It doesn't have anything to do with willpower imo. U have a lot on u right now. If it were me, I'd try to get as low as possible before I stopped. I've had 3 children and my youngest is 9, and he's a huge spoiled handful. Luckily, I didn't start using til after I had all my children, so I don't know what ur going through on that part of all this. I do know that the withdrawal part would be hard while having to take care of my youngest son. Honestly, I'd be a wreck, so I have a lot of admiration for u regardless. But I do think that u waiting just a bit longer is a great idea. Just getting down as low as u can before u stop sounds great.

I wish u all the best and this forum is so wonderful for support. Oh and congrats on the pregnancy too!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 8:09 am 
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Hey Whit, You have to do what you think is best for both you and the baby. You should not be so hard on yourself! Remember, the trauma that your body goes through when in withdrawl will not be good for the baby. So, if taking a small amount of sub stops that, than you are doing what is best! Do not beat yourself up! You do not deserve it! You are a good wife and a wonderful mother! Talk to you later


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:39 pm 
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Thank you everyone, I can't express my gratitude for you all. Today I took 3/4 of 1mg to try to stabilize myself. I do not feel like I need the 2mgs that I had to have last week. I feel alot less anxiety about my upcoming jump, last week was so difficult mentally. I am going to look at this upcoming jump in a different way, as much as good detox stories are to read just reading one horror story sets my emotions into overdrive. I am thinking that I should not read anymore stories of people's jumps because it's hard to tell how they end until I read all of it and realize their detox went horrible. Does that make sense? I think I was unintentionally doing emotional damage by reading some of the stories. I am already super hormonal because of this pregnancy, I will tear up over dumb things that never bothered me before. I cried happy tears watching a blind guy sing on the voice last night, I even laughed at myself. Normally I would just be like awe, that's awesome but with these darn hormones I was like awe, he's awesome and strong and I am not nearly that brave, boo hoo sobbing. Then I thought now wait a minute I have been super strong before, I delivered 2 humans without any pain meds, why am I such a basket case? Lol. Anyway, I fully intend to continue this week at under 1mg, then I will either try dropping the dose to a miniscule piece as needed for another week if absolutely necessary. I really need to keep my emotions in check since my husband won't be home for a looong time. I think avoiding negative stories is better for me during the taper week. I don't want to drag the taper out longer than necessary, my body has always adjusted rather quickly to a lower dose when I am not pregnant. I also think a benefit of this pregnancy is my body is producing 30-40% more blood now so I like to think it could help with lowering my dose. Right? That's my theory anyways. Like my body is diluting the dose as well as my dose being actually lowered. Am I crazy to think that?


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 4:36 pm 
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Hey Wit, I don't know if you are crazy to think that but I do know I would think the same way! I really admire your dedication to your unborn child. You are really doing everything you can for that little miracle! I pray it all goes as easily as possible for you! I never had kids, I was there when my niece was born 21 years ago and I told the Doc after witnessing that I would not be back for my annual visit! lol In all honesty, If I had met my jusband when we were younger, we probably would have had at least one. Although, we don't agree on how to discipline our kitten! lol Have a relaxing evening!


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:05 pm 
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Hey wit,

Yeah, the horror stories are the pits! I was reading them too, early on after my jump, and most were not very encouraging! Then when I got to like 15 days or so, I would google the day number and no suboxone! Lol. But you have quit before right? You know what to expect, as did I. Its uncomfortable but nowhere nearly as intense as w/ds from dope or pills. It lasts a bit longer, but it is manageable. I managed to keep my home and job in order all by myself while going through it, and you will be able to do it too! I'm here for you for whatever I can possibly do to help you. I know its not like I can come over and babysit lol, but we're all here to help you through. You will be ok no matter what you decide to do. A lot of it is mental, and I know what you mean by reading those stories can cause more anxiety. It def can.


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