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PostPosted: Sat Nov 14, 2015 11:26 pm 
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Hey I am a thief, liar, con artist, convicted law breaker, junkie, loser, fck up and most of all a very bad mother so I thought I would share with you all that I have figured out our problem.

Remember that day when we all signed up for diseases???? Well maybe we should have chose a different disease!??! Plus addiction is the only disease that takes away all your morals and integrity. I just keep thinking back to that day thinking "if only I would have picked a different disease". But I guess its too late now. FML

People also keep telling me to get a job. So I am just gonna strap on a job helmet! Squeeze myself into a job cannon and fire off into jobland where jobs grow on jobbies.

Also when you all are shaking and hurting all over while you are shitting all over yourself maybe if you would quit thinking about getting high during that moment....it would all stop and you would feel good again.


Just here to help...have a great day!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:28 am 
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Doesn't sound like you're in the mood for a discussion...

Opioid dependence is a disease. But as with many diseases, we now have treatments that actually work. I realize that some people live in areas where treatment is not available. But in my part of the country most people with no income qualify for medicaid, which covers the entire cost of methadone treatment. There are also a few networks with docs who accept medicaid for buprenorphine treatment. Finding help requires time and effort-- just as recovering from cancer often requires hours and hours of radiation, chemo, and surgery. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to treat your disease.

I am often frustrated by my patients who don't work. I have some patients who are ALWAYS working, often more than one job. I have patients who are single moms, who drop the kids off at daycare, work all day, and care for the kids at night. Then I have other patients who are healthy young men who go years without a formal job, always saying 'nothing's out there.' I'll tell them about the 4 or 5 companies I know of in the area that are looking for laborers, or the training programs that lead to certificates in welding or other trades... but for whatever reason, they never go after those opportunities.

Again, maybe your neck of the woods doesn't have jobs. Northern and Central Wisconsin don't have much in the way of industry either. So maybe you'll need to pick up and move to wherever the jobs are. That's what people have done for thousands of years... and it is probably easier to do now than ever before. No long voyages across the ocean... no covered wagon rides over mountain ranges!

People here tend to be supportive-- and it is always difficult to decide when to provide sympathy, and when to tell someone to let go of self-pity. For YOUR sake, I'm telling you to get up and find a way out. I'm sorry, but nobody can help you until you are willing to at least try to carry your own load. There is a better life out there-- but it takes hard work to get there.


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:07 am 
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Hi This, I hope you are finding some peace today! If someone has called you all of those things and really does feel that we can just put down our addiction and pick up a job, they have no clue! I would suggest you stay far away from them! Getting clean and staying there is hard work! Add to that needing employment and feeling financially drained and you have a recipe for disaster. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who will support your recovery! Good luck!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 12:00 pm 
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Hey this_is_not_ok,

Well I get the anger, we've all been there at some point. There's definitely times that I felt stuck and completely sorry for myself. Before I started suboxone was the worst time for me. I felt like I was in a circle of hell that I couldn't find my way out of and nobody understood why I wasn't moving forward. Gosh I'm glad that period is over now. Once I got out of that active addiction circle, things improved little by little. I guess what I'm trying to say is that nobody can change it but u. I waited for some miracle to come along and "cure" me, I tried to help myself of course, but I eventually gave up and just tried to survive.

Good things can happen, u just gotta get through it all and push urself to find the answer...force it. Try everything u can think of regardless if it's a long shot or not. Put applications in everywhere, find a hundred doctors til someone says yes. I know it's hard, trust me I do...we all do and I'm so sorry ur feeling this way right now. But remember, this is a temporary place in ur life and u have plenty of time to change it. Good luck!!!!

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 1:44 pm 
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I appreciate sarcasm and I read your post as a funny satire on the state of being an opiate addict.

That's how you meant your post to be taken, yes?

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 3:02 pm 
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Amy I think I love you lol

I have been an opiate of addiction

ok lmao ^^^ look at what I just said

I have been addicted to opiates for 25 years. I also had severe ADHD. I was diagnosed at 5 years old but never treated for it. I became an opiate addict because from the age of 13 until 19 I had over 10 surgeries over a serious issue and was on prescription narcotics the whole time. This was during the late 80's and early 90's when there wasnt much education or risk warnings about the potential of this doing this to my life. I know very well the systems thru which you can get help for addiction. I have been to every re-hab within a 100 mile radius of where I live. But Suboxone has been the only treatment that has given me any hope. But now I really believe a dr's office has used my addiction to lure me in and get me on 4 medicines that you can't just stop taking. For the first time in my life I was able to function on all levels and I really was begining to feel hope. Now they have dropped a bomb on me and now are wanting money that I don't have and can't get. I called them 20 x's everyday trying to get a hold of them cause they never answer. After a week I finally got someone on the phone. I asked what am I suppose to do now. I was told "well you never had a problem getting the money for it when you were on the streets" WTF?!?!? Those are the exact behaviors I am trying to avoid. My medicine is running out so in desperation I tried calling them again. Finally got a hold of someone and I asked to speak to the office manager. I was put on hold for like 10 seconds then someone picked up the phone and hung up on me. I have now been to every site online looking for answers. I am scared too death. The only responses I get is someone trying to turn this on me as my fault some how or basically that I just need to accept a flawed system. Some also try to tell me that this isn't a disease (which I know better) and that I need to depend on my faith in God to heal me. Well I know God can do that He can do anything He wants anytime He wants to. I have seen where He just comes into a situation and heals someone with a disease. But that doesnt happen for everybody. I feel actually that it's unethical to tell someone with a disease to just trust in their faith alone to heal them. Actually God has lead me to that conclusion. No I don't go to church every sunday. I should because it's good fellowship and it's great to gather together as one in praise to God. But thats not what gets you into heaven. That comes thru salvation. My soul is ok here and I am going to heaven. Jesus's death on that cross paid our penalty for sin. If we accept that...His grace is sufficient. I have had the Holy Spirit within me thru this whole process. But in desperation while looking for help I have seen so much stigma that it disgusts me. I just watched a man die on a surveillance cam in jail while detoxing from methadone. I have tried the methadone route so believe me...the withrawals can and will kill you. This man lost 50lbs in 16 days. The only reason we are seeing this video is because it was snuck to the public. At the end he lays there for 4 days with not one person coming in to check on him. He is butt ass naked laying on the concrete floor going in and out of seizures while you can visually see his chest cavity going in and out really deep figthing for his last breathes as he goes into to cardiac arrest and dies. A CONVICTED CHILD MURDERER ON DEATH ROW GETS TO DIE MORE HUMANELY THAN THAT. But 90% of the 347 comments after really hurt my heart so bad. Even after watching that most people were able to come to the assumption that because he was a junkie his life was of no value anyway so this was ok!!! Stigma is what has conformed the minds of society with addiction. Your perception comes from your knowledge. When people don't educate their knowledge but yet continue to push their perception this creates stigma. To me this is true ignorance. To me the people that can watch a human suffer such a inhumane death as that and come to the conclusion most are coming too are the ones in need of help wayyyyyyy more than me. I am tired of being constantly put on trial by society. I am tired of being criminalized and considered "morally flawed" I have took the blame long enough. My disease has made me very aware and humble. I have like 4 days left of medicine. I am facing a nightmare of hell. But I have seen during my efforts to seek help that no ones going to and there isnt anything I can do about it. By the time I found this site I had given in to delirious sarcasm so I am sorry. But Amy gets it. I can tell lol


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 3:32 pm 
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Well you got me! I thought it might be a case of sarcasm but die to the fact that we do get trolls, I responded professionally! I am truly sorry that you have had such negative experiences but it does sound like you know that you are not worthy of that kind of treatment! Thank God for that!


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 4:12 pm 
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I understood it was sarcasm too lol but I also know that behind sarcasm is hurt and anger, and trust me I totally get it and agree with everything u just said. There's so much stigma today that it makes me sick! If I think about all the hypocritical ppl out there with this better than attitude, I'll explode. So I try pretty hard to not think about it, however ur in a situation right now where ur being forced to see it through ur treatment and the ppl treating u.

There's places for suboxone treatment that have zero sympathy for their patients. The office staff treat addicts like they are beneath them, even the nurses. Not all places of course, all the doctors on this forum are wonderful and we'd all be incredibly lucky to be a patient of theirs. I really hope u get some type of miracle so u can continue ur sub treatment. I too went to every detox in my area plus rehab but nothing worked except suboxone. I pay cash because I have no insurance and it's not ideal and I understand ur issue with it. Not everyone can afford it and I give up a lot just to continue doing it. If not for help I couldn't do it alone, no way. But I do wish u the absolute best of luck and I really hope u get to continue ur treatment, my prayers are with u!!

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PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2015 5:15 pm 
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Wow!! I wish I had found you guys earlier lol. It feels so good to finally feel like someone relates and gets what I am saying!!! I can feel the humbleness from you all. You all gave me true sincere responses with great intentions!!! This is what addicts need to get better!!! Not the stigma and stereotyping!! Now I just wanna hug you guys lol. Will you all please read my thread in the Bup for Life thread? I would lov to know how you all feel about it. I am gonna pray for you all specifically. I mean that!!!


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