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PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 8:20 pm 
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I just finished reading this article from The Stranger about how Fentanyl is going around town lately (this is Seattle). It's a pretty good article & even includes a Suboxone success story so I thought I'd share. Reading this made me so glad that I'm not in the party scene any more:

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/f-is ... id=7081932

Here's a quote to get you started:

Quote:
"I've always experimented with stuff over the years." Sam says he's used marijuana, psychedelics, the occasional Vicodin or Percocet, and it never seemed to do him any harm. At a small party about three years ago, one of his friends brought out some white powder and explained it was a strong opiate called fentanyl. "People are not aware of what fentanyl is, and that may be the reason they are willing to try it," he says. "If someone put heroin in front of you and asked if you wanted some, 99 percent of people would say, 'No way.'"

He sniffed a line or two, liked it, tried it a few more times, really liked it, and then the city's fentanyl supply—or at least his connections to it—seemed to dry up.

Then, in the summer of 2009, he started hanging around with a girlfriend who liked opiates. He'd heard that fentanyl was back in the city, so he went back to it. "I was kind of doing it recreationally for a while, but your tolerance builds almost immediately, after just a week," he says. (The half-life of fentanyl is only about two hours, experts say. The half-life of heroin is around six.) "I would start to go into withdrawals on a daily basis."

Within a couple of weeks, Sam was in deep. He managed to hold down his corporate job, but he needed a steady supply of fentanyl to keep him going. "At the height, I was using in the morning, at lunchtime, and in the evening just to stay normal." Sam had set some rules for himself—how often he'd use, how much money he'd spend—and was horrified by how quickly he broke them all. Withdrawals set in quickly and sharply whenever he couldn't make his connection: insomnia, hot flashes, cold chills, full-body aches, his guts seeming to liquefy into vomit and diarrhea.

"I ended up blowing through all of my savings, and everything hit the fan," he remembers. "It broke up my relationship with my girlfriend. And then fentanyl dried up in the city—all at the same time. In retrospect, it kind of worked out for me in a way. If it were still around, I probably still would have used it."

Sam has health insurance through his job, so he sought help from an addiction specialist and started taking Suboxone, a narcotic replacement-therapy drug. (Suboxone has advantages over methadone but is considerably more expensive.) Suboxone staved off the most acute withdrawals, and Sam pulled his life back into shape. He started saving money and even got a promotion at work. Soon he'll be taking a long business trip to a faraway country he's never visited before, and he's very excited. "It worked out," he says. "It's almost storybook."

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 Post subject: Holy Crap!!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 11, 2011 10:41 pm 
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You know a drug is powerful when the military expresses interest in weaponizing it!!

This quote from the article surprised the heck out of me too, "If you're on Fentanyl and you smoke Heroin, it just doesn't work." This quote was in response to a question asking what the person would do if he ran out of Fentanyl.

I know I was fortunate growing up to never have been introduced to Heroin or pain meds. I tried every other drug known to man, but luckily enough I didn't discover pain meds until I was 29.

An article like this shakes me to my core, it's just devastating what our children may have to face while growing up. Every parent in the world should read this article and maybe, just maybe they won't say "my child would never do that."


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 9:44 am 
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Before I got on suboxone, one of my suppliers used to get Fentanyl patches and I would, from time to time, acquire a few of them. I would chop them up into pieces and chew on them for hours on end, and I'd get ridiculously high from them, and then I'd always notice that it would seem like it would take a few days for oxy's to really "hit" me the way they did before doing the fentanyl patches......I guess now I know why.

This is just another reminder of how sick I really was :?


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 10:58 am 
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Fentanyl is VERY scary. Prior to my getting addicted to fentanyl as an anesthesia provider, I was doing one 30mg codeine a day...I had been on codeine and midrin for migraines...and found I liked myself so much better with a little codeine on board.
It didn't take much for me then. One 30mg tablet a day gave me a nice little euphoria. I might, on occasion, take 2 pills but rarely did I need it. Wow...I wish for those days when my tolerance was like a baby.

One day, after being in very emotional place, lonely and angry about a situation, I "forgot" I had 2cc's of fentanyl waste in my pocket. As an anethesia provider we'd just hold up a syringe from across the room and say "Hey, wasting 2cc's" and pretend I'd push it into the garbage...so no one really monitored that closely....back then. Not for us in the OR anyway.

I remember exactly the moment I first tried fentanyl. I remember what I was wearing, what I was doing, thinking, feeling and where I was. It was 1992 and I was in my second year of residency. I remember putting the tourniquet on my arm and thinking, "NO do not do this...you will ruin your life" but as I was doing it I knew I wouldn't stop. I was too emotionally upset to stop and nothing could relieve those feelings I was having and I did it...I shot up just 25mcg at that time and it was like pure heaven. WHAT A Fing LIE. IT was evil but i didn't realize it at that point. I had no idea what I had just done to myself. I went from one codeine pill to shooting fenanyl with nothing in between. Amazing.

The half life of IV fentanyl is minutes. NOT 2 hours as the article said. Intra nasal fentanyl half life is about 8 minutes.
Later on in my addiction I found i was having to inject fentanyl every 15 - 30 minutes. This became tricky when I was doing 8 hour cases...I actually even shot up in the OR during a case a few times. Believe me, we can really be resourceful and devious. I think about how full of shit I was..how fentanyl turned me into the worst kind of person. But it saved me from suicide because before it i couldn't ever get comfortable in my own skin. I was a sick girl...and I had a lot of work to do...and thankfully this many years later I am here and better -but still need work. It's amazing. How far I've come...but how much more work I still need. Wow, sometimes I think for a smart woman I'm pretty stupid.

Initially I injected fetanyl, my new best friend, every maybe 4 hours....and it quickly became necessary for more and more and more. At the end of my addiction I was shooting up 35-50cc's / day which is a shit load of fentanyl. My tolerance went through the roof. My only side effect was vomitting. hard to explain that away in the operating room. "I'm pregnant?" yeah...that didn't work unless I'd eat a gallon of ice cream a day in order to look pg. It was pathetic.

Fentanyl is the devil. Opiates, for me, are evil. Fentanyl when used the way it is supposed to be used is a wonderful medication. But for addicts its the end. Sickly, I got addicted to the process of shooting up. that was part of my ritual and i am not sure what it was about it except the fantasy of the expectation of getting high....so having to shoot up a lot meant having no veins left. I could have put in a hep lock, a one time port so I'd save my veins, but I never did. Weird. Like I said, the ritual was almost as fun and I can't believe I am even saying that out loud.

So, to get out of the fantasizing here....fentanyl ruined my life. It ruined my career. no, wait, I ruined my career. I allowed fentanyl to be my god. and really, it did save me for a while...just like drinking did when I was growing up. I was so uncomfortable but when I found alcohol I found a way to be able to feel normal and to get through my childhood abuses. My addiction was so slow....and it took my falling into a deep abyss with fentanyl to make a change in my life. THAT is what I needed in order to wake up. I'm just lucky I was able to stay alive. There were 2 times I remember vividly thinking 'this is it...I'm dying' as the blackness enveloped me...but some how I was spared. For some reason I have been given many chances to recover and I have no idea why. Sometimes I wished I'd died. Sometimes I'd pray that God just let me die in my sleep...what was i doing in this life? Nothing. I thought I was being a productive member of society because I was working. But I wasn't. I was an addict. Taking...not giving...

It's kind of funny in a sick way that in my residency the only education we received about addiction was this one sentence. "Drugs? Don't try them". THAT was it. In a field where 1:10 are using currently...that was pretty pathetic. Let me just say that nothing is worth trying fentanyl. As the guy in the article said, w/d started in a week. I remember I had just started dabbling in fentanyl and then I went to Italy for 10 days. The night I got to Italy I couldn't sleep. I was so uncomfortable, had restless legs, got up at 2am to take a hot shower and pissed everyone off in the cute little hotel I was at. Trying to be helpful my boyfriend who was with me thought I wanted sex! it's funny now that I think about it....but I had no idea what was wrong with me and luckily I hadn't been taking much fentanyl or for very long or my entire trip would have been ruined. But I realized what I was feeling and it scared me. I returned and went to work the following day and the first thing I did was....you guessed it....slammed more fentanyl. And that was the end for me. I was hooked in and couldn't get off. Every single weekend I'd have w/d and try to maintain some normalcy being around my boyfriend....Monday morning I couldn't get to work fast enough to get some fentanyl to stop the w/d.

After a year of this i went to an NA meeting. I drove my bmw up thinking I was better than everyone else and i didn't really need to be there altho I had track marks and had been drinking that day because it was Sunday and I ran out of fentanyl. I sat in that meeting, after ramming my car into the side of the building (well, not ramming it but close enough) and thought I don't belong here. I'm not them. Then I heard the sentence that would change everything for me....they were reading out of the NA book and someone said, "One's too many a thousand never enough" and I knew I was home.

It still took me getting intervened to stop using. Fentanyl is so powerful, it takes such a hold. It was impossible for me to stop using it with just meetings. NO way. I met a physician who was in recovery at that meeting a few weeks after my first meeting who took me aside and told me I'd have to go to treatment, that there was no way I could get off of it myself. I didn't want to believe her. I didn't want to go to treatment. I just wanted to stop using. But there was so much more that I had to do in order to be able to live in this life comfortably.

Today, after many relapses and a fight for my life against opiates I am doing so much better. Taking sub has taken away my cravings which really never went away for me...even after five years of clean time and even being on methadone maintenance....I always had cravings. I DO NOT have cravings on Sub. I love that about Sub. But I, personally, needed a whole lot more than just a short treatment, a few meetings. That first treatment was 5 months total. 30 days inpt and then 4 months residential where my work sent all their medical employees who were intervened.

I thought I was the only anesthesia provider to do what I did. I hated myself so much. I couldn't even look in the mirror. I had no idea I had a disease. I thought I was just a piece of shit. Then another anesthesia provider came into treatment...and another....and I wasn't alone. Finally, a very compassionate dr.said to me, "You are not bad, you are sick" and from that point I was able to get well because the shame started to go away.

As we all know....this is a challenging disease to get through. If we are lucky enough to recover. I don't believe I have another recovery in me and I still have no idea why I've been given so many chances. I don't deserve it. I've done nothing to deserve this. But for some reason I''m still here and for me I need to do everything in my power to stay clean and get healthy...and for me that means meetings, sometimes more therapy depending on what is going on, sub and honesty. Sadly, I might have to go off Sub because of money...and I'm really really scared. I may have to jump in just 10 days....I'm working like mad to get more work, money whatever...but I have to say, so far God has not let me down...I may not be where I think I should be, but I've always been given what I need. so....I'll continue to have faith and do the work I need to do.

If you've made it through another diatribe all I really want to say is FENTANYL is BAD BAD BAD. I believe any of us who have used it and have come out alive are incredibly lucky.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 10:59 am 
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Fentanyl is VERY scary. Prior to my getting addicted to fentanyl as an anesthesia provider, I was doing one 30mg codeine a day...I had been on codeine and midrin for migraines...and found I liked myself so much better with a little codeine on board.
It didn't take much for me then. One 30mg tablet a day gave me a nice little euphoria. I might, on occasion, take 2 pills but rarely did I need it. Wow...I wish for those days when my tolerance was like a baby.

One day, after being in very emotional place, lonely and angry about a situation, I "forgot" I had 2cc's of fentanyl waste in my pocket. As an anethesia provider we'd just hold up a syringe from across the room and say "Hey, wasting 2cc's" and pretend I'd push it into the garbage...so no one really monitored that closely....back then. Not for us in the OR anyway.

I remember exactly the moment I first tried fentanyl. I remember what I was wearing, what I was doing, thinking, feeling and where I was. It was 1992 and I was in my second year of residency. I remember putting the tourniquet on my arm and thinking, "NO do not do this...you will ruin your life" but as I was doing it I knew I wouldn't stop. I was too emotionally upset to stop and nothing could relieve those feelings I was having and I did it...I shot up just 25mcg at that time and it was like pure heaven. WHAT A Fing LIE. IT was evil but i didn't realize it at that point. I had no idea what I had just done to myself. I went from one codeine pill to shooting fenanyl with nothing in between. Amazing.

The half life of IV fentanyl is minutes. NOT 2 hours as the article said. Intra nasal fentanyl half life is about 8 minutes.
Later on in my addiction I found i was having to inject fentanyl every 15 - 30 minutes. This became tricky when I was doing 8 hour cases...I actually even shot up in the OR during a case a few times. Believe me, we can really be resourceful and devious. I think about how full of shit I was..how fentanyl turned me into the worst kind of person. But it saved me from suicide because before it i couldn't ever get comfortable in my own skin. I was a sick girl...and I had a lot of work to do...and thankfully this many years later I am here and better -but still need work. It's amazing. How far I've come...but how much more work I still need. Wow, sometimes I think for a smart woman I'm pretty stupid.

Initially I injected fetanyl, my new best friend, every maybe 4 hours....and it quickly became necessary for more and more and more. At the end of my addiction I was shooting up 35-50cc's / day which is a shit load of fentanyl. My tolerance went through the roof. My only side effect was vomitting. hard to explain that away in the operating room. "I'm pregnant?" yeah...that didn't work unless I'd eat a gallon of ice cream a day in order to look pg. It was pathetic.

Fentanyl is the devil. Opiates, for me, are evil. Fentanyl when used the way it is supposed to be used is a wonderful medication. But for addicts its the end. Sickly, I got addicted to the process of shooting up. that was part of my ritual and i am not sure what it was about it except the fantasy of the expectation of getting high....so having to shoot up a lot meant having no veins left. I could have put in a hep lock, a one time port so I'd save my veins, but I never did. Weird. Like I said, the ritual was almost as fun and I can't believe I am even saying that out loud.

So, to get out of the fantasizing here....fentanyl ruined my life. It ruined my career. no, wait, I ruined my career. I allowed fentanyl to be my god. and really, it did save me for a while...just like drinking did when I was growing up. I was so uncomfortable but when I found alcohol I found a way to be able to feel normal and to get through my childhood abuses. My addiction was so slow....and it took my falling into a deep abyss with fentanyl to make a change in my life. THAT is what I needed in order to wake up. I'm just lucky I was able to stay alive. There were 2 times I remember vividly thinking 'this is it...I'm dying' as the blackness enveloped me...but some how I was spared. For some reason I have been given many chances to recover and I have no idea why. Sometimes I wished I'd died. Sometimes I'd pray that God just let me die in my sleep...what was i doing in this life? Nothing. I thought I was being a productive member of society because I was working. But I wasn't. I was an addict. Taking...not giving...

It's kind of funny in a sick way that in my residency the only education we received about addiction was this one sentence. "Drugs? Don't try them". THAT was it. In a field where 1:10 are using currently...that was pretty pathetic. Let me just say that nothing is worth trying fentanyl. As the guy in the article said, w/d started in a week. I remember I had just started dabbling in fentanyl and then I went to Italy for 10 days. The night I got to Italy I couldn't sleep. I was so uncomfortable, had restless legs, got up at 2am to take a hot shower and pissed everyone off in the cute little hotel I was at. Trying to be helpful my boyfriend who was with me thought I wanted sex! it's funny now that I think about it....but I had no idea what was wrong with me and luckily I hadn't been taking much fentanyl or for very long or my entire trip would have been ruined. But I realized what I was feeling and it scared me. I returned and went to work the following day and the first thing I did was....you guessed it....slammed more fentanyl. And that was the end for me. I was hooked in and couldn't get off. Every single weekend I'd have w/d and try to maintain some normalcy being around my boyfriend....Monday morning I couldn't get to work fast enough to get some fentanyl to stop the w/d.

After a year of this i went to an NA meeting. I drove my bmw up thinking I was better than everyone else and i didn't really need to be there altho I had track marks and had been drinking that day because it was Sunday and I ran out of fentanyl. I sat in that meeting, after ramming my car into the side of the building (well, not ramming it but close enough) and thought I don't belong here. I'm not them. Then I heard the sentence that would change everything for me....they were reading out of the NA book and someone said, "One's too many a thousand never enough" and I knew I was home.

It still took me getting intervened to stop using. Fentanyl is so powerful, it takes such a hold. It was impossible for me to stop using it with just meetings. NO way. I met a physician who was in recovery at that meeting a few weeks after my first meeting who took me aside and told me I'd have to go to treatment, that there was no way I could get off of it myself. I didn't want to believe her. I didn't want to go to treatment. I just wanted to stop using. But there was so much more that I had to do in order to be able to live in this life comfortably.

Today, after many relapses and a fight for my life against opiates I am doing so much better. Taking sub has taken away my cravings which really never went away for me...even after five years of clean time and even being on methadone maintenance....I always had cravings. I DO NOT have cravings on Sub. I love that about Sub. But I, personally, needed a whole lot more than just a short treatment, a few meetings. That first treatment was 5 months total. 30 days inpt and then 4 months residential where my work sent all their medical employees who were intervened.

I thought I was the only anesthesia provider to do what I did. I hated myself so much. I couldn't even look in the mirror. I had no idea I had a disease. I thought I was just a piece of shit. Then another anesthesia provider came into treatment...and another....and I wasn't alone. Finally, a very compassionate dr.said to me, "You are not bad, you are sick" and from that point I was able to get well because the shame started to go away.

As we all know....this is a challenging disease to get through. If we are lucky enough to recover. I don't believe I have another recovery in me and I still have no idea why I've been given so many chances. I don't deserve it. I've done nothing to deserve this. But for some reason I''m still here and for me I need to do everything in my power to stay clean and get healthy...and for me that means meetings, sometimes more therapy depending on what is going on, sub and honesty. Sadly, I might have to go off Sub because of money...and I'm really really scared. I may have to jump in just 10 days....I'm working like mad to get more work, money whatever...but I have to say, so far God has not let me down...I may not be where I think I should be, but I've always been given what I need. so....I'll continue to have faith and do the work I need to do.

If you've made it through another diatribe all I really want to say is FENTANYL is BAD BAD BAD. I believe any of us who have used it and have come out alive are incredibly lucky.


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