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 Post subject: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 3:50 pm 
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So today - day 37 off subs - I had my first big argument with my hubby. It was over some stupid miscommunication, but he was really upset. On subs, I used to go from the immediate stress-induced physiological "fight or flight" adrenaline feeling during the fight straight to numb and I would have forgotten about it within a couple hours. But now I went from fight or flight to pain, so much raw pain. I haven't cried like that in a long time, feeling just like your heart has been broken into a million pieces. It sucks and I miss being able to so easily compartmentalize an argument. Without the subs as a buffer, everything he said cut deep into me. For the first time in I don't know how long I thought about how much I would love an oxy. Then I was horrified at the thought, reminding myself that is not the answer. It just sucks to have to feel this pain.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 3:57 pm 
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well I don't think arguments are ever easy for anyone, someone always gets hurt. Just realize you are still recovering and your moods will be changing for months as your body normalizes. hope all is well and fine now.... DB


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 4:30 pm 
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Anger, guilt, love, jealousy. . I'm with you!! I hate arguments. It sucks you feel hurt. Take some deeep breaths, feel your heart rate sloww down and try to reflect a little. This is what i do, and its working so far. Mind over matter mama! Yeah thats a corny comment, but theres alot of wisdom behind that statement. Live, laugh and love


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 7:56 pm 
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Interesting article.

Quote:
ANN ARBOR, Mich.—Physical pain and intense feelings of social rejection "hurt" in the same way, a new study shows.The study demonstrates that the same regions of the brain that become active in response to painful sensory experiences are activated during intense experiences of social rejection.

"These results give new meaning to the idea that social rejection 'hurts'," said University of Michigan social psychologist Ethan Kross, lead author of the article published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "On the surface, spilling a hot cup of coffee on yourself and thinking about how rejected you feel when you look at the picture of a person that you recently experienced an unwanted break-up with may seem to elicit very different types of pain.

"But this research shows that they may be even more similar than initially thought."

More on the above topic, source @ http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/8332-s ... -rejection



The study focuses primarily on social rejection and serious heartache break-ups, but I think it can safely be extended to other forms of emotional hurt, especially when we are feeling extra sensitive following an opiod detox. Stubbing a toe can feel like somebody smashed it with a hammer might be a good analogy, when extra sensitive. A normally dull back pain from a knotted up muscle (caused by work related stress and tension, perhaps (or one of those weird ones from just bending over the wrong way, to pick something up), might feel like being stuck with a dagger. Likewise, in light of the study, what might normally feel like a resolvable conflict with even a close friend might hurt more than usual, or an unreturned phone call to a friend's voicemail, or an email with no reply, might get the better of one's imagination and feel like rejection. Then there is the territory of an intense argument with a spouse or significant other, which is never fun. I could go on, but I've probably made my point.

Those who become drawn to using opiates in the first place, might be more emotionally sensitive than the average Joe and Josephine, thus more predisposed to becoming addicted.

I haven't read this book yet:

Quote:
The Highly Sensitive Person:
How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You
by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.

[excerpt from from link below]



According to Dr. Aron's definition, the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment. Additionally, she says, the success of The Highly Sensitive Person is cause for celebration: "We've done it ourselves. And not surprisingly, since we are 15 to 20 percent of the population - that's fifty million in the United States. Highly sensitive people are real, we exist, and we've proven it. That alone is something to celebrate."

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm



A statistical study of those who fit the criteria of an "HSP", cross referenced with incidence of opiate addiction, could be interesting. Maybe a PhD psych student could use sources like UofM's recent brain imaging research, Dr. Aron's research and findings, and addiction medicine reference material, to come up with a thesis? *shrugs*

I have always been wary of "pop psychology" bestsellers for some reason, like, I thought the "Men are From Mars, Woman are from Venus" title was over-simplified drivel (sorry, don't mean to offend anybody who might have liked that book), yet a lot of people gobbled it up, in search for answers. Personally, I say, "Humans are from Earth!" (but as far as Dr. Arons title? It stood out, yet, maybe deep down, I didn't want to find out whether or not I was an "HSP", because, what if it rang true, and I was? Yet another damn label slapped on me: a 'bed-wetting', "HSP"!). Yet, since the title came out in the 90s, not only is the title still around, she's published some additional books on the subject matter, and her "HSP" as a trait research, has apparently been accepted into mainstream psychology, with her findings published in peer reviewed journals.

Sooo.. for whatever reason, when confronted with the title way back in the glorious '90s, perhaps I fell into a thinking trap that is summed up by a quote in the AA Big Book: "There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." - Herbert Spencer
Have recently been thinking of picking up a copy, as, at the very least, it might have some tips and tools that are good for recovery; "take what you can use, leave the rest".


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 9:47 pm 
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Good for you for not taking an oxy and good for you for knowing that an oxy isn't the answer!!

The rawness and extreme sensitivity to your emotions will get better in time, newmomsf. As you continue living without that buffer between you and reality, your brain will continue to adapt and "toughen" up a bit (for lack of a better word). This is a difficult stage of recovery you're in, but it's a stage many, many have survived WITHOUT turning to drugs.

Stay strong, keep your eye on the prize and never, ever give up!!

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 9:57 pm 
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I'm at that point in recovery. @Rom. Very scary how much that made sense


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 4:54 am 
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I love the 'recovery' discussions and advice. IMO the "stopping" subs (as difficult as it has been) is the 'easy' part. Just set a goal, make a plan, work towards it, and accomplish it! Very clear cut if you think about it. NOW the "real" work begins...STAYING sober- facing life on life's terms...scary shit! Thanks Newmom for continuing to post, "being real" , and sharing your struggles...it helps us all as we all need to re- learn "healthy" coping mechanisms....because "life" will never cease to present challenges....right? Time to keep growing.....IMO those "challenges" will not seem quite so challenging once we have more 'practice' using healthy coping skills. Keep it up! :D

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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 1:03 pm 
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Hi NM, not feeling 'numb' is exactly why I think most of decided to get off Subs. This will allow us to experience happiness and joy that drugs snuffed out, but there are unpleasant emotions that are part of the deal. You're living real life now, and aren't just hiding from challenging situations.

I think anyone who's been on long term opiates (not sure if this is you) has some grieving to do. No matter what triggers it, try to not ignore, it's part of the healing process. Did you figure out where the feeling of pain is coming from?

How have you been doing in terms of getting plugged in to a local support system (counseling, therapy, meetings, etc)? Remember, we don't need to try to do this on our own.

-- ji

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"Past and future veil God from our sight; burn both of them with fire."
-- Rumi, Sufi poet and teacher


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling Things
PostPosted: Mon Jul 14, 2014 3:48 pm 
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Thanks everyone for your responses. Yeah it's quite a wild ride feeling both the good and bad feelings again. That being said, the way the whole thing finally resolved on Saturday was pretty good. I think now that I am off the subs I am more empathetic and able to listen to my husband's concerns without immediately dismissing them (which the opiate numbing made me great at). So that is one very good thing.

I am keeping up my support network - I have appointments with my therapist every other week and am making about 2-3 meetings a week.


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