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 Post subject: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 8:45 am 
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I just wrote a whole thing and it didn't post so I'm gonna try again. Now that I've been on subs for 1.5 months I'm feeling normal. I'm wondering how you guys deal with that? Without having your DOC as an escape we have to deal with things head on and since I'm feeling so sober I can see things more clearly and feel things and have to deal with life. Its a little scary. I used to wake up early in withdrawal, have to get to a place I could shoot up, and the rest of my day was focused around getting more H. Now I wake up to an alarm, feel great, and go throughout my day not thinking of getting high. This is great but it also makes me nervous that I have to live in the world with everyone and deal with things without my doping, I mean coping mechanism. How have you guys new or old to suboxone dealt with being able to feel and being able to live before you got used to it? Thanks


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 9:13 am 
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What you are noticing is important to point out. I see many people stir up trouble, almost as if they can't live without a bit of chaos in their lives.

The twelve step folks pay a lot of attention to this issue-- and call it 'serenity', which implies that it is a good thing. But I think more people are like you-- and find it uncomfortable, at least at first.

I stress with my patients that for most things that trouble them, their primary goal is to TOLERATE emotions. Too often we think we need to react, or solve something... when usually the better choice is to let things pass. So early on, I'd encourage people to think of themselves as observers of their own emotions. Observe them, learn from them, and tolerate them. Over time, you'll start to enjoy connecting real emotions with real events-- connections with family or friends for example.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 9:29 am 
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Good morning Quiet, You bring up a very good point, one that I am deep in thought about. Food is my first thought. It has always been my "go to" drug of choice. It helps numb me when I need to be numbed and provides comfort when I need comforting. Of course,after years of therapy and gastric bypass surgery, it really does not "work" in the way that it did in the past. I do find myself having feelings of depression but in a much different way. Maybe depression is not the right word. More like a blah feeling. It is the feeling I would most likely have before popping some pills. Now, I kind of just go with it. I will read something inspirational or pray the serenity prayer and it usually passes. I do know what you mean though. Thanks for opening up this discussion! It is worth it to ask yourself the question. Have a wonderful day!


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:19 am 
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Hey QA,
Glad your doing well and are stable. .
Great question. So Im thinking back to my early experiences with this. Dr J is dead on in his post.
It isnt easy to "tolerate "myself and feelings even today. They call that living on lifes terms . I fight it daily even now with close to 5 years in treatment.
Jumping out of bed in the morning is a positive thats for sure.
The first few weeks I was in a treatment IOP group. A real intro to traditional recovery followed by 12 step meetings. Meeting new people, clean people, helpful people. What I learned overall was I had to find things to do I enjoyed.
It sounds simple but It can be a hard if your all alone in this.
I turned to vegetable and flower gardening. Sold my party boat. Left many people behind. They were replaced by other things.
I have my everyday fears though. Im trying to clean up the messes ive made in the past. I focus on the good things today.
As Dr JJ said, over time tolerance to feelings become more bearable or even welcomed.
Ive stayed in the recovery world not only here but locally in the clinics. Seeing newcomers start out and to help them get a good footing in sub treatment.

Great Question QA..I hope more pop up with their experiences. ...


Razor


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:51 am 
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Hey Quiet :)

I remember exactly what ur describing like it was yesterday. I too would wake up in a panic and withdrawal first thing in the morning and not breathe a sigh of relief until I had my first dose for the day. Then suboxone takes that completely away, and thank goodness for that. But there is some sense of something missing in the beginning. Ur just "normal" now. No panic on figuring out how we're going to get our fix, no staying on the phone all day trying to find our dealer, no chase no nothing....just calm. It takes some getting used to, but u will.

I know this sounds horrible but I was so used to not being able to play with my son until I got my pills and feeling better, that when I started sub I could just focus on him 24/7 with no worries of sickness...it took a lot of reminding myself that this was actually happening. It truly is the most amazing feeling ever when u finally realize that this is real. Try to find something to fill up ur time like a hobby u enjoy. Mine besides my kids, was shopping lol. I'd went so long spending every dime on pills, I needed new clothes and that's exactly what I got. I love spending time with my boyfriend, whom actually got me to go to my suboxone clinic in the first place because he's not an addict. There's tons of things that will help u adjust, u just gotta think about it a little bit.

Basically what ur feeling is perfectly normal and a lot of ppl go through this, ur not the first to ask this question so ur definitely not alone. Think positive and enjoy this feeling, before long you'll get into a whole new routine again. So awesome that ur doing well!!! :)

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Jennifer


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 4:03 pm 
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Hi, I think Dr J and I are on the same page just explaining it a little differently. Twelve steppers feel that this is where serenity is important. To feel that you have the courage to make the changes that you can and the serenity to know and accept what you can't. And yes, wisdom to accept that you need to examine the situation and know the difference. It is a pivotal place to be and one that can make all the difference!


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2015 8:35 pm 
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Normal life can seem frightening at first. I'd encourage you to maintain a sense of gratitude. It really helps me. ie when you wake up, be grateful you haven't woken up in withdrawal for smack, be grateful you have a bed and a roof and aren't homeless, a fridge full of food, friends to call on the phone, a computer. Your finances are okay, your car has petrol, your family is by your side.

None of those things are with you after a fair whack in active addiction.

This stuff helps me with the instinct to run away from my feelings.


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 Post subject: Re: Feeling normal
PostPosted: Wed Sep 30, 2015 6:52 am 
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Hi

Im on about day 20. I o to AA and NA 5 times a week and would o more but I work full tie and uni part time. I find that vey helpful. Recovering addicts helping other recovering addicts is the best.
After 20 yrs of being off my face its hard to know who I am so at the moment im taking it slow and learning who a really am and what I like to do. I wouldn't know what my interests are due to addiction but now I have the chance to do anything thanks to sub.
Go slow, be gentle to yourself as your doing a massively awesome thing by giving sub a try.
What your feeling is what I am still feeling but I have hope. Now I have $$ I have just bought an amp and guitar for example as I have always wanted to learn.
Think of things that will please you and fill in time.
If you havnt been to NA, I highly recommend it. Maybe just don't mention your on sub as many old school NA members look down on it. It has saved my life so I just don't mention it as its no one elses business.
Oh and also I have an AOD counsellor which helps immensely too.
Good luck and keep up the good work. Heaps of support on here :)


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