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 Post subject: Feeling like dosing????
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 6:33 am 
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I've been on suboxone for 3 weeks now, and aside from them being stolen from me, by my neighbor, and a few minor side effects the first few days... they have been a huge asset to my recovery.

While the suboxone completely takes away my craving for any pain killers, I still find myself feeling the urge to take more suboxone than I should. I don't take more than prescribed, and I never will. I just notice that throughout the day, I get this overwhelming feeling that I should be "dosing" myself.

When this feeling hits me, I have no withdrawal symptoms what-so-ever. So the medication isn't wearing off. I know this. And it isn't a craving to get high. Just an urgency to take some pills! (shaking my head)

When I am completely honest with myself, I come to the conclusion that this must come from years of taking handfulls of pills at multiple times throughout the day. This is merely a habit and behavior that I HAVE to change. There is no gray area on this. I broke down and cried today when this overwhelming feeling of needing to take a dose of anything, for the third time, hit me.

I have never abused any otc drugs like tylenol, advil, immodium, benadryl, or even cough syrup!!! Suboxone doesn't feel any different than any of those medications to me so why I still feel this way, has to be because it's the way I've behaved for so long!!!!!

I don't know if this has been such a big deal to anyone else or not while on suboxone, methadone, or even a 12 step program. I don't care what you're means of recovery are. When you're cravings are gone, and I mean completely gone, did anyone still feel like dosing out of habit and not necessity?

I am amember of another forum that seems to have gotten really petty... they argue with each other and always try to one-up each other and don't seem to care at all. That's why I was so releived to find this forum! Please help me with this. They didn't seem to care. An argument actually started between two members and the moderators just deleted their posts, but i still go tno answers!!! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I just want to get clean and do everything I can to help myself. I want to take care of my son, not watch grown adults argue when I'm struggling with this and need help. Hopefully one day, I will be able to help other people out on here too!

Thank you! :cry:


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 9:18 am 
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Goinstrong - What you're experiencing, wanting to take more doses throughout the day, is completely normal. And KUDOS to you for not taking more! You are absolutely correct that it's a behavior left over from active addiction. We used to take pills throughout the day whenever we wanted to. So of course that behavior won't extinguish itself. We have to work on that.

When that happens, try distracting yourself until it passes. Take a walk, write in a journal, post here on the forum, or find other ways that suit you better.

Some people see addiction counselors to help with better coping skills. You may notice that these behaviors hit when you have difficulties during your life. Stressors and such will happen and old coping skills kick in - "take a pill, I'll feel better". Well, we learned that that's just a dead end road and we're changing that. So we need to change our coping skills as well. If you can't afford counseling, there are addiction workbooks out there that are personalized to YOUR needs and can help you with triggers, cravings, etc.

I hope this helps. I think you're doing great. You identified the problem and you're not falling into the trap of taking too much sub. That's awesome!! Keep up the great work!!

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 Post subject: Perfectly Normal
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:22 pm 
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I too had the same cravings. Mostly in the early evening when I'd get home from work and begin the ritual of getting high. The only way to break a habit is to not do it for a length of time until your brain adjusts to a new way of doing things.

This is true of most addicts and alcoholics. We get addicted to the ritual along with the drug. I remember seeing other addicts shoot water in their veins when they were out of drugs just to do the ritual. It's like being obsessive compulsive. One gets anxious when they don't do what they normally do everyday. It will go away, just give it some time. With me it took about a month. The urges get less and less every day until you realize one day that you didn't think about it.

You are right on course in your recovery. Stick with it and you'll do fine.

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 Post subject: A NOTE FROM SLIPPER
PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:41 pm 
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Oh Goingstrong...I can identify with you!!! I felt the same way you do and thought about it all the time. It is great you have not taken exta Sub...unfortunately...I did take extra for a few times...just that urge to take a pill...because , like you, I had taken pills all day long for so many years.. It took me a while to get over that.

I had no cravings for drugs, the sub works great for me...but even still I sometimes think I need a pill during the day
because of old behavior...I am still working on this...I do not overtake my sub any more...and I am trying to get rid of
all my old addict behavior...but I was on drugs for 29 years...and it is hard to break that habit...

That is why I am still on sub...I have been on it 2 years now...because I am just not ready to face the world drug
free yet. I still have a lot of work to do...but what the others told you is right on...it will get better and you will eventually have a day go by and not even think about it.
I am proud of you . You are doing great. We are glad to have you here....lots of great people here who really care about
each other..
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing...we are here for you!!

Slipper

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 7:50 am 
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i too struggled with the pill=reward effect! you are not alone. its a huge accomplishment to identify it and now you know to work on it. i have been on subs since the end of february and its one of the major things i work on. do not fall into the more will be better it will only lead you to be out early then more guilt. i found this out early.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 6:43 am 
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Thank you so much everyone for all of your responses. It's nice to know that I am not alone. But I'm also sorry if anyone has these feelings. Because they are awful. Is this what cravings are on suboxone? Because I don't feel like I want to get high. I just feel like taking a "dose". I must say, it is easier than dealing with feeling like using. That feeling is sooo overwhelming, as we all know. I have a couple of other questions about suboxone and dosing, and side effects. Other questions in general. Do I start a new topic for that or Should I just ask. I don't want to break any rules or have something in the wrong section. I guess I'll put the general one in one topic and the side effects in the "side effects section". Duh. LOL! Hope everyone has a great day today!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2012 10:37 am 
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Feel free to ask more questions here OR you can start a new thread. It's completely up to you.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:16 am 
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I feel like I am going to explode if I don't get this out to someone. Sorry if this isn't the right place but I need help dealing with this.

I lost custody of my two beautiful daughters in the peak of my addiction. My parents took the dad to court and got grandparents visitation. Basically because he is a dick and wouldn't even let them see my family. We are a thousand miles away from them and it kills me. I have not sen them in 4 years. He won't allow it. /the court order says it's all up to him when I can and can't see them. So, anyway my parents are on vacation this week with them. I was ok with it and really excited too. I spent $500 on clothes for them and sent it with them. These girls are so brainwashed by this asshole. They have no idea how much I love and miss them every single day. I'm not ok today. I'm crying and anxious, and I knew this was something that I would have to deal with clean, i just didn't know when. I see my therapist again Friday. But til then I don't know who to talk to. The person I talk to the most is with them. (my sister). The whole reason my parents went to court was to keep that link between me and the girls so that when they are 18, they know where to go to find me. I just want my shit together so that when they come looking, they find a healthy, clean mother who is ready to deal with it all. They must be so confused as to where the fuck I am! I was there every single day for 10 years, and then BAM, wheres mommy? What the hel have i done to those poor little girls????? please help me.... i cant stop crying and shaking...

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 9:20 am 
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Kelly - if you're online right now, meet me in the chat room - I'll wait for you there.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:15 pm 
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Oh my goodness Kelly,

You are going through an awful thing right now. I don't have anything to say that can make it better. I often think about the "what if's" of what might have happened to me and my family. If my husband hadn't decided to help me through my addiction and had instead decided to divorce me and take my children I would be in exactly the same situation. I'm sure there are alot of us here who will say that but for the grace of God we would be just where you are. I guess, what I am trying to say is please don't let your guilt hold you back. I know it's there...I guess it has to be to some extent. But you have done nothing that all of us here haven't done. You have made the decision to get past the addiction and be a better mother for your children and a better woman for yourself. It doesn't matter whether they are with you now or not. You still have to work on yourself so that you can be there for them when they need you. Your guilt will not help you get better, it will only keep you down.

You are a strong woman...that is guaranteed, look at what you have already done! I'm sure that your daughters will one day understand that you had to get better for them before you could be with them. Don't dwell on what is past, look to what you can do to make things better for your future.

Chin up sweetie...

Jen


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 1:32 pm 
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Thank you so much horsegal! I think I dealt with some of the guilt a long time ago. What I never did was grieve the loss. Hatmaker showed me that. It's going to take time and I am surely going to break down like that again. It's inevitable. But I did feel a whole lot better after "chatting" with her and just letting it out. I cried for a half an hour before I even posted, then I just felt so overwhelmed that I knew if I didnt' get on here and post it out, I was going to lose it. I didn't want to relapse or abuse the subs (which have no high for me anyway) but who knows what I woulda done, had she not talked to me right then and there. I am deleting my membership to another forum I belong to because this place is so much more supportive. There are two or three people on that other board that for some reason, told me that I'm paying the consequences now and to stop playing the victim when I went there for support. I was fucking fuming!!!!

And you are lucky that your significant others stand by you. Mine took notes, and video of me, and all kinds of crap. Built a case, and got a lawyer. He never once called my parents, or tried to talk to me. At that pont in my life, I didn't even know I was an addict. I really didn't. I didnt' live a sheltered life by any means, but I'd never been exposed to addiction or any drug of any kind. I guess I was lucky. Then one day, I have a kidney removed and Ta-DAAAAAA...... I had my addiction.

So, i guess no matter how you got started, what kind of childhood you had, or anything else that separates us, the drugs don't discriminate. They don't care who you are or where you came from.

Thank you so much for your kind words horsegal. I teared up again reading your response because you truly hit the nail on the head. And that's what I love about this forum. You get me. You and everyone else.... thank you for that. Have a great day

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