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 Post subject: Feeling guilty..
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 5:07 pm 
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I have been feeling alot of GUILT lately.. Every time I start feeling a little bad it's like I have no patience for my children.. I snap and than instantly feel horribly guilty! How I feel is.. I did this to myself why am I making them pay with my no patience? I know I'm only human but it's been eating at me... My kids probably think that I am a total B lately and as much as I try it's like as soon as I start feeling bad BOOM! Bitch Switch! God grant me the serenity to except the things I cannot change! I never ever want them to be in the place or places that I have been and that's why I continue to fight.. I just wish they didn't have to see me struggle.. I love them with everything inside of me and I'm just praying that when this is all said and done they don't hate my guts..


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:16 pm 
Hi hun, I understand you completely. I do not have children, but since i have been detoxing from bupe, i have no patience either. I usually yell at my dogs for little reasons. If they pee or poo in the house I yell at them and loose my cool much much faster than i usually would.... and then after i feel guilty. Maybe its just that, things frustrate me faster now being that i am in a delicate situation or I feel i get a sense of power or control by being authoritative. ?? Who knows.... but that is why i think i do it. How long have you been off suboxone SeekingFreedom?

Thanks



Love yourself because you know who you truly are deep inside :)


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:25 pm 
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Hi SeekingFreedom,

I understand exactly how you feel. A few weeks after I quit Suboxone, I noticed that my temper had gone completely off the charts and I would "go off" on my daughter or my wife fairly regularly. I would go from mildly upset to rage in an instant. There was no in between for me, it was like a Jekyll and Hyde thing.

Thank goodness I told my daughter and wife before I quit Suboxone that I would more than likely be exhibiting some strange behaviors.

Also, after I went off on them, about 5 or 10 minutes would pass and I would become overwhelmed with guilt and I would always apologize to them for being such an asshole. This behavior went on for weeks and weeks, but it eventually subsided (Thank God!!). I'm pretty sure that over-reacting emotionally is part of wd, we're learning how to deal with these raw emotions again and sometimes they just overwhelm us. Be patient with yourself, it will eventually get better.

If I were you, I'd let your family know what's going on so they can at least try to understand why you're acting the way you are.

Good Luck with your continued taper.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:32 am 
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Thanks so much for the replies! I am still currently on 2.8 mgs a day of sub so I haven't jumped just yet but it's still hard. I can't stand the "Bitchy ness" ! Sometimes I'm yelling and I'm thinking "WILL YOU SHUT UP YOUR BEING AWFUL" but I still continue to have the no patience and it's hard. My fiance knows that I am doing the taper and has been supportive and my kids are still little so it's hard to explain much more to them other than "Mommy isn't 'feeling all that well right now" It's nice to know that I'm not alone but I just think as soon as I bump more how worse am I going to be? One day I feel very comforatble at this dose and than others I'm like.. I don't think it's enough. My sleep schedule sucks and I'm depressed.. I know this is all normal signs of WD... I'm just ready to be me again and of course the patience thing is no help when your ready to be better... One day at a time I guess. Again thank you both so much for replying! Time to get ready for work. Have a great day!


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 6:52 pm 
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Yeah, patience isn't exactly an addicts strongest virtue, but if you keep up your taper, you will learn patience and it will help you immensely with your recovery.

BTW, one day at a time is absolutely correct!!

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