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 Post subject: FALSE HOPE ?
PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 6:19 pm 
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Hey everyone,
I'm still here. I still have my appointment on the 18th. I was HORRIBLE with my check this month. I spent all but $200 dollars of it on painkillers. I haven't paid rent or bills in 4 months. I had my last $100 to buy food for the month, or buy some percs. Guess what I did ? So hungry.. :)
I hope I'm not putting to much faith in these Suboxone. I keep thinking when I get them, I'll be fine again. I won't want to buy any drugs off the street, I'll feel better, etc. I've gained a BUNCH of weight since I stopped, and I'm using the excuse of not having my drugs. I keep telling myself, "Self, I'll lose it when I start the Suboxone."
But there's a part of me that is afraid that it won't work. I'm spending every minute looking forward to the treatment so I can get on with my life, but what if I don't feel anything ?
I've suffered with migraine headaches since I was 18. EVERY month I'd hear about the latest "miracle drug" that would eliminate my headaches. I'd get excited, plan my "new life", and then they'd never work. This was a vicious cycle for a few years until finally I gave up hope and said, "Yeah, right" when the doc told me there was something new that would help me.
I'm just hoping that the Suboxone is not going to be the same disappointment that I've been through so many times. Hope you're all doing good.
-Blue


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:48 pm 
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Hi blue! I'm really glad that you're still here, and that you are keeping your appointment!

I think that you will adapt well to the treatment. Suboxone is, by no means, a 'miracle', but it is a really, really powerful and useful tool in regaining control over your life, and it has helped many of us out of active addiction, and kept us away from it.
That being said, your treatment will go the way that you direct it. If you truly want to be sober, and you do the work necessary to attain that goal, then your treatment will go very well:) But you can't just pop a Suboxone in and then have everything magically be all better; there is a lot of work that goes along with being free from addiction. I think you can do it:) For me, it has been fantastic. I have had very little cravings, and haven't given into the ones that I have experienced, and I've been on Suboxone for three months. I feel totally sober (which is pretty boring at first, not gonna lie), clean, and, well, normal. It's been a wonderful thing for me, and for many others.

The first few days of your treatment will be an adjustment period. Don't expect the rest of your treatment to be anything like the first week. Once you stabilize on Suboxone, you will feel completely normal. The first few days aren't a breeze, but they aren't unbearable either. I think that if you can get through that, then you will be fine. You might even get a bit of a buzz at first, but that will go away soon after you start taking it, so don't be deterred from treatment if you feel a little 'high' at first. It won't last long.

Anyway, don't worry too much, but also don't put all of your hope into Suboxone. You need to do a lot of things for yourself to make this work out; Suboxone can't do everything for you, though I am sure that you are aware of that. There's no harm in trying it out, so keep your appointment and just give it a shot:) I bet that you WILL feel better, and you won't be totally consumed by thoughts of using street drugs, once you adapt to the medication, anyway. Can you really feel any worse than you do right now, anyway? I know that when I made the decision to start Suboxone that I couldn't have. I made the drugs over food choice myself many, many times. I don't have to do that anymore.

Don't expect it to be a total miracle, but keep in mind that you are doing a really, really good thing for yourself. The right thing, and that if you stick with it, and do what you need to do to stay sober, then everything in your life is going to improve greatly. You can do this, trust me. Many of us weren't even ready to start treatment, and we are still doing well. I didn't want to stop using drugs. I was still in denial about being an addict, somewhat, and I wanted to keep using, and enjoying my drugs, but I had no other choice than this. I am glad that I did this. It's not a 'miracle', but it's a huge improvement. Enormous.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:44 am 
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I'm glad you are still determined to start the treatment. I completely understand your skepticism. I was cautiously hopeful when I started suboxone. I had heard of other people trying it and still relapsing all the time and still being in/out of detox. I was afraid it would work very well and that even if it got rid of the physical withdrawal it wouldn't manage the depression and the cravings, fatigue, and anxiety.

I agree that the first few days were rough. Not because I felt bad because I didn't. I actually left my appt., went back to work, and was about as productive as could be. It took a few days to stabilize but I was really happy. No withdrawal. No depression. Zero cravings. The only problem I had was psychological cravings. Every time I had a feeling I would think "oh here goes. I am going to start feeling withdrawal". I had no trust for the medication. I took too much of it in attempt to ensure I prevented that withdrawal. After a couple months I trusted it enough to take it as prescribed. Running out once was all I needed to show myself I couldn't just do that.

Later I came to this site and learned more about the properties of suboxone. I learned I could actually skip a day and feel fine. I heard a lot of things that helped me to stop psyching myself out with the sub. I would intentionally skip a day to see what would happen and......I would be fine. I wouldn't give in to those whim's where I felt like I needed just a little more. Low and behold....I would be just fine. I realized taking more made no difference except that before, when I took a little more, psychologically I would be reassured resulting in my body and mind relaxing (which would make me feel like the extra sub worked) but once I learned it was all psychological anyways, I was much better.

These days I am likely to have a little extra at the end of the month. I take it as presribed and only as "needed" (I have pain that I take it for so I do have some discretion to take extra on those days).

I really think you will be pleasantly surprised. Let us know how it goes. Hang in there.

Cherie

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Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:52 am 
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I, too, am glad you're still here, blue. Some of us were worried about you the way your last thread ended. But here you are and still determined! YAY YOU. I understand your skepticism about sub not working, especially after relating your experience with migraine meds. But please keep this in mind - I've never heard of anyone taking suboxone and it NOT working. It fills your opiate receptors so your brain has zero need to crave drugs. (That's the simple way of looking at it.) Yes, what remains might be the old habit of reaching for a pill when things go bad, but with that determination and time those subside as well.
Hang in there and keep sharing your updates with us.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 10:18 am 
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Dear Blue,

I too have suffered from migraines since puberty, which is how my opiate dependence began. Worse yet, several years ago I began to be plagued with episodes of unrelieve-able nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain. I was hospitalized with this almost monthly, over 25 times and for 7-10 days each time. It was a nightmare. I lost my job after using up all of my FML. All the tests they did were negative. No one was able to figure out what was wrong, and the doctors around here got sick of trying. I was branded as a nut-job, and was treated as such. Finally one of the neurologists at the Cleveland Clinic figured out was was wrong with me. It turns out that this is a neurological disorder with the same etiology as migraines. I was told to treat the episodes with high doses of Imitrex. Amazingly, it worked to the extent that I was able to stay out of the hospital.

The point of my telling you all of this? I've been on Suboxone for about a year and a half, and since that time I have only had about 10 or 12 severe episodes, which have been easily treated with the Imitrex. I seldom get a migraine anymore! Opiates themselves often cause headaches, especially when taken in unstable doses. It is my hope that once you are able to get on the Sub, and become stable, perhaps the same thing will happen for you and that your migraines will decrease in frequency as well. Please keep hangin' on - your appointment is right around the corner.

Rossma


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 07, 2010 1:23 pm 
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Hey Blue:

I don't want to overhype suboxone, but let me tell you something....my drug (ab)use was so bad that at one point in my life I committed very serious violent crimes to get and use more drugs. I ended up in prison for most of the 80's and 90's. That's right, I spent the majority of two decades in prison locked up for crimes I committed to get and (ab)use opiates.

And do you know what I did within 6 months of getting out of prison? I found a way to buy painkillers online and I started buying them from "pharmacies" all over the place, until finally I got hooked up with a person who was getting 120 30MG Oxycontin tablets every month (but only using about half of those) and I started buying them from her, regularly. I was crunching up dozens of these things every day, and for extra "fun" I also had connections for fenanyl patches, which I would cut up into little strips and suck on for hours at a time, until I was pretty much drooling on myself.

It was absolutely insane and completely out of control and I really thought that the end was near for me. I was sure that I was going to end up back on heroin and then not long after that I'd be back in prison.

Then I found out about suboxone. I, too, was very skeptical. But I was also desperate. So I gave it a try. I would have to describe it as something like flipping a switch in my brain. When I took my first dose, it was from a friend who was in the same substance abuse group that I attended. I was just coming off another nasty binge with pills, in my 3rd or 4th day of withdrawal and feeling really bad and he gave me three 8mg tablets and suggested I take one and save the other two. Well, I took one and about 45 minutes later, for the first time in YEARS, I felt.....normal. I wasn't high, I wasn't in withdrawal, I was just......normal. It was, in a word: Amazing.

So, look, here's what I think you should do: First, hang in there. Then, give it a try. It's not a miracle cure, but it can do amazing things for people like us and I suspect that you are going to be quite pleasantly surprised at just how effective suboxone is.


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