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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:44 pm 
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Hey there folks! I have been an addict for about 26 years. It started, as I believe many addiction stories do, with alcohol. It wasn't that I was an alcoholic, but having a LARGE extended family, I watched many cousins, aunts, uncles and also my parents from a VERY young age. What I saw was All of them having the time of their lives, and almost ALWAYS, they were intoxicated on alcohol, if not something more illicit. My parents, aunts and uncles generally stuck to alcohol, while most of my cousins (there are 24 first cousins on my moms side, and I'm the baby) were into much heavier things. I can remember around age 7 spying on older cousins sniffing big white lines of SOMETHING into their noses. Had no idea what it was, but I could see how they reacted to it. And maybe more importantly, how they reacted to each other FOR doing it. High fives, pats on the back, and a "hell yeah cuz...there ya go!!!" PLEASE UNDERSTAND, I AM NOT blaming my problems of addiction on anyone. At the same time, I think its important for me to realize where my addictive behavior MAY have been rooted. Perhaps I just "had the gene" as ive heard in the past. I may struggle with THAT question for the rest of my life.

I started smoking weed around age 14, and had already been drinking alcohol for a few years. I quickly added hallucinogens like acid and mushrooms, though they were much less frequent than the daily weed and couple times a week alcohol consumption. Around age 19, I added cocaine and amphetamines to the mix, continuing with weed a few times a day as prescribed by "Dr. Me" and alcohol 3-4 times a week. I went on this way for about 4 years. Then I discovered opiates. I had done pain pills before, but not to the extent I used them with now. DEAR LORD!!! This was what I had been searching for. What a GREAT FEELING! I was not prescribed them for any reason and have had no medical reason in my life to need them, but MAN, did I NEED THEM! From 5-10 MG hydros and percs, I quickly stepped up to 60 and 80 mg morphines and oxys. Then, to a nearly free supply of 100- 200 MG morphines, easily doing 2 pills a day. Suddenly and without notice, my supply was cut off, for reasons ill keep to myself, as I don't feel I am ready to deal with them yet. Now, I guess a "normal" person would seek treatment at this point. However, as I'm learning, that's just not the way an addict does things, right? (I really hope I'm right) So... the next step, since pills were so expensive? Most of you know, the answer is heroin. I had snorted it a few times and knew I loved it in the past, so that was the next "logical" step. NEVER have I injected it, but how I didn't, I'll never know. Anyways... blah blah fast forward a few years of straight hell, and I have been in treatment for 6 weeks, But only clean for the last 20 days. I was started on only 6mg or 3/4 of a strip of suboxone, then bumped up to one 8mg strip per day. Half in the morning, Half in the evening. I had done suboxone on the street prior to getting in to a clinic, and thought the dose I started on was low, but tried for the first 2 weeks. At that point I was bumped to the 8mg a day dose which I am still having problems with. My Dr. seems to think I shouldn't need even that much so I'm trying to abide by his decisions. I'm going to meetings, both group and individual, and trying to attend extra ones when I can.

So that's my story. Where I came from, how I got here and where I'm going. I guess the most important part of that is the "where I'm going" part. But I know for me, at least I'm moving in the right direction. Thanks for this forum, and thanks for listening!


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 2:44 pm 
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Welcome rathuss :)

This is definitely a wonderful forum full of the most supportive ppl you'll ever find.

I can totally see how u seeing all ur cousins and other family members doing drugs when u were younger, having an impression on ur outlook on drugs. If u saw someone doing drugs and afterwards they felt great and happy, I'm sure u thought that was just something ppl do. I also think genetics has a lot to do with it too. I know that's debatable with a lot of ppl, but I'm a firm believer in that.

I have done a lot of different stuff in my time and I drank here and there socially, but I never had an issue with addiction until I found the mighty opiate. That's what sucked me in and wouldn't let go.

Again, welcome to the forum and I'm so glad u found us.

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 6:13 pm 
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thanks jen!! glad to hear from someone!!! I've read a few of your other posts on here, too! Anyways, thanks for the support. As I stated before, this forum is GREAT !!! >:)


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 7:27 pm 
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Hello Rathuss,
Welcome to a great forum. Glad you found us and Sub treatment. Its a lifesaver thats for sure! If you haven't already you should check out Dr Junig's Talkzone blog here. A wealth of information there as well. I was on Suboxone for a full year before I found this place and Dr J's blog. Didn't know what I didnt know till I started reading his blog posts and many of the members here who knew the truth. So much mis an disinformation about Buprenorphine. .Anyway, Im a fellow North Central W Va sub patient. Quite possible we go to one of the two large clinics in the area. Oir clinic has a Sub support group on mondays, sound familiar? Maybe not..

Lately ive noticed newer patients are being RX lower doses to start treatment. This is what I hear in group. Hope your 8mgs are holding your cravings at bay. That is a good stable dose. Hang in there Rath, and keep reading and posting.

If you have questions just ask, plenty of good people here to help...


Razor..


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 8:19 pm 
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Hey razor!!!! yes yes sounds familiar! I go to the home of the mountaineers on Mondays. I think the group u may b talking about is ran by John? I haven't been able to sit in for one yet but met him last Monday and he seems great! I definitely plan on taking advantage of his info and making his groups, when I can. thanks for the support raz!!!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 11:21 am 
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Hey everyone, Rathuss here again!! Just wanted to check in and see how everyone's doing these days? Real good, I hope! I'll settle for just plain good, also lol!!! I myself am doing ok I guess. I've got 38 days clean, but it has been a struggle FOR SURE. I expected by this point in treatment to not STILL be having cravings, but I think that was really stupid of me to think that way. I'm only on 8mg of suboxone per day, and feel like that's not enough. I guess it could just be in my head, but either way, I'm still craving opiates/heroin and weed. I wish I could at least smoke some pot!!! But, of course, Doc says it's a no-no. I'm gonna ask him if he will increase my dose on Monday. Sill going to some meetings and not liking it, but keeping an open mind (and usually a closed mouth). However, I LOVE my group therapy in Morgantown, WV. Our therapist is great, and so are the people I have met there! I can't say enough good things about those folks. We're lucky in the fact that we've got some people new to recovery like myself, and some that have been sober for YEARS. Anyways, like I said, just checkin in to say "hey" and "how's it goin". Take care, Yall ~~

shout out to my buddy Razor~

Rathuss...


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:03 pm 
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Thanks for checking in!! BTW, there are a few states with mountains. Are you in CO like me?

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 2:39 pm 
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Hi Rathuss,

Welcome to the forum. Glad you are gonna talk to your sub doctor about your dose. I remember I inducted at 1-1/2 and even that was not enough the first few months. I remenber running out almost every month for the first 4-5 months of inductions. I just didn't know how to stop dosing. I kept thinking i "needed" more. But it was mainly in my head . Over time it got better . I visited with an addiction counselor and that helped alot. and as time went on , I was able to decrease by dose slowly on my terms over the next few years.

It is just hard to go from dosing several times a day on opiates to just 1 to 2 times a day. More than likely it is mental cravings and that is so normal. Going to meetings will help and talking with ur sub doctor about your cravings is a good thing too.

Good luck with everything!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 3:01 pm 
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Hey Rathus and welcome to the forum,

Usually the new members complain about having their doctor give them too much Suboxone, not too little like in your case.

You should not be having any cravings at all if you are on the right dose. Tell your doctor and hopefully you'll get bumped up to 16 mgs. That is the most common dose for new patients. It's a bit too much for those who only took Hydrocodone or lower dose Oxycodone. But you were taking the big H and of course your tolerance is much higher than pain pill users. So yes, I am in agreement with you about your dosage. You may do well with a 4 mg bump and not the full 8. You'll know it when you have it. In my first week I was given way too much and I craved nothing. I could have quit any bad habit due to the large amount of Suboxone in me. All you need is enough to get rid of the cravings. Keep trying and I wish you success.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 8:51 pm 
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Hello there and welcome! If you have read any of my posts you would know I was on subs for years and recently quit. But I am still an advocate of them, they helped me get my life in order in a way I couldn't if I was using any other kind of opiate. I actually think its great your dr started you at a lower dose that you can always increase. Because my doc had me on 16 mgs for years and never even mentioned lowering my dose. I know someone else who was on 32 mg a day for years! Crazy! Their ins co came up w a new policy that would only cover 90 tabs a month, and the dr actually got the paperwork to ok prescribing 120! So start low and only go as high as you need to. You seem to have a dr that cares about your well being more than your business as a patient!

Good luck with your appt and hopefully your dr can address the cravings you are still having. Again welcome! You will find some of the most supportive people ever here!


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 04, 2015 9:24 pm 
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Hello Rath,
Good to see you posting on again. See, you will get support here on many levels.
I know we talked of your plite a few days ago but Icdo hope that this Monday you can have that chat with Dr W.

It is unfortunate that some docs here are keeping induction doses at a minimum. If you are not feeling stable on 8mgs maybe he will raise it a bit for you. But you do need to speak up for yourself Rath. Do not be afraid, I understand the fear of being told no but ya gota ask first.. He is a good guy but young and new to this somewhat. ..It ll work out.

Pm if needed... big game tomarrow, i know you ll be watchin too. Lol!!!!


Razor R.....


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:39 pm 
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Thanks razor and to everyone else for replying too! I talked with the dr Monday. I asked him if we could talk about increasing my dose and he replied "NO". Then he said that after this many weeks I shouldn't be having WITHDRAWLS and I said I'm not having WD at all, Im having cravings. He said maybe well talk about it next week. He also stated I should try to fill all my time and not sit idle. That makes a lot of sense, so I am trying to fill it best I can. Maybe I'll take up knitting rofl!

have a good one yall


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:31 pm 
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Hi Rathuss and welcome! I started on suboxone a year ago in august. I was prescribed 24 mgs. I knew that I wanted to take the least amount possible. I dropped to 16 by Christmas, 12 by Easter and now 8 at the start of the summer. I would like to go lower but have not made an attempt yet. I do feel that sub helps with my osteoarthritis pain and depression that came along with menopause. I feel really good most of the time. I do have mornings that I wake up feeling blah. I get a drink of water, pop in my 4mg strip and go back to bed for half an hour. I then feel great and ready for the day. I don't think its all psychological! Anyway, I share all of this as I do have a point. I have never had cravings. I have a bottle of my drug of choice, tramadol, in my medicine cabinet. I have never once, in 13 months, thought about touching it. I want no part of that Rollercoaster ride again. I think my situation maybe a little different as I over did the trams to escape the depression I was having as a result of the menopause. When I tried to stop the trams, the depression and feeling of doom is what I could not handle! Sorry, I hope this is not TMI but its all part of the story. My feeling is that the subs should take the cravings away and if not, you need more! Otherwise you are going to go looking for relief. I hope your next meeting with your Dr. finds him listening to what his patient is telling him! Please let us know!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:46 pm 
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Seriously, Rathuss! Are you in CO especially in the Denver area? My doctor is awesome and I'd be happy to give you his info!

Amy

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