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PostPosted: Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:42 pm 
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The first time I ever tried an opiate was in september of 2003, and it was a 40mg oxycontin. I crushed it, snorted it, and floated away into oblivion. My story will start here and focus mainly around my experiences with suboxone and relapse.

So, I basically started off as a weekend warrior (like most do), and worked my way up to being a daily abuser of oxycontin. Eventually, oxys got more and more expensive and harder to come by, so I figured that it would be better for me to use heroin instead.

Fast forward to summer of 2004 -- I have been snorting heroin ever since, when I learn about a new drug called Suboxone from heroinhelper.com (a great website btw). I found a local doc and got fixed up. I lasted a few months on the subs, and it was like a godsend at first -- until October when I decided I should taper off.

My taper sucked -- I was out of pills, out of the program, and sick as hell. So of course -- went right back on the oxys, and eventually, heroin again.

Fast forward to March of 2005 -- got arrested by the feds for conspiracy to sell heroin and cocaine. My life got turned upside down at this point...went to rehab, got out, relapsed. Went to ANOTHER rehab (this is 2006 now) and when I got out I decided that I didn't want to go back to jail ever again, and decided to get back on Suboxone...

Fast foward 2 1/2 years...With the help of Suboxone, I was able to stay clean and go back to school, graduate with an associates degree, and get a job. October 2008 came along and I was finally released from all legal troubles...

I celebrated by injecting my first dose of H ever in my life. I had been on 12mg of Suboxone daily for 2 1/2 years and went right to slamming dope. I noticed that I had to do extremely large doses (6-7 bags per shot) to get past the blocking effect of the Suboxone...I ran out of money around December 2008 and tried to switch back to Suboxone..except something was different. It wasn't working. It wasn't taking away my withdrawal symptoms like it used to. It was like a nightmare..

Maybe it was because my tolerance was so high?
Has anyone else had this experience -- where no amount of Suboxone is enough to take your withdrawal symptoms away?

When I was just snorting 8-10 bags per day, one 8mg Sub would fix me right up, but now I am unable to get stable..

Well, it's now April...I have been able to get 2 weeks clean at most but I always seem to go back to shooting dope whenever I get some money in my pocket. My last shot was on friday and I did 40 bags...I took 2 subs on saturday and three on sunday but they didn't seem to help that much...I am through the worst of it though, I seem to be feeling better today.

Anyways -- my goal this time is to just get back on the suboxone and stabalize myself and not go back to shooting dope when I get paid again this friday. I did it for almost 3 god damn years, so I hope I can just bite the bullet and get back on the sub for a long period of time again.

It has been my experience, as stated in my story, that once I started using the needle, and doing more and more dope, the Suboxone became less effective. It no longer "holds" me, and no longer does anything for my cravings. I suspect this is due to tolerance, and due to the fact that bupe is only a partial agonist.

Do other IV users feel this way too?

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 21, 2009 7:15 pm 
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I've watched 2 people I went through treatment with use Suboxone not as a means of treatment but rather just something to avoid being dope sick with......needless to say they are in really bad shape now haven't talked to one of them in over a year :( I have to say though I appreciate you sharing your experiences, hearing stories like that helps me realize no matter how much I think I wanna use (which isn't too often anymore) but still happens, it's just not worth it. I sincerely hope you find a way to stay clean more longterm the really sad part about our disease is that it tells us we can "control" our using which is never the case in any real drug addict using. The thing that helped me the most when I got clean and started Suboxone was spending alot of time making friends who no longer use or who have never used and getting involved in ways to help other addicts. Opening meetings doing a few months as GSR etc. etc. If I were you I'd really consider going to see a Dr. in person to figure out what the next best step would be. Good luck, it honestly breaks my heart to think about how many of us are still suffering out there :(


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 23, 2009 9:33 am 
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Thanks for the kind words...but I think you're misunderstanding me.
I never meant to use suboxone that way...After all, I was able to stay "clean" for almost 3 years...

I know what you are referring to though, the kind of people that just switch on and off -- the thing is, that was never my intention. Relapse just sort of happened, it was like I had no control over it -- I didn't "plan" it so to speak. I didn't say in my head "well I'll be fine cause I have all this sub left over I'll just get back on it when my money runs out." -- although that's what I ended up trying to do at least..

Anyways! 5 days clean here, last shot was last week friday..and tomorrow is the dreaded payday. To be honest, I am already thinking about using. I am already contemplating calling my dealer and making sure that he will have two bundles of dope and an 8ball of coke waiting for me tomorrow morning...

But then, where I am at right now is -- I don't think it's a good idea. I hate getting high at work -- I've done it so many times these past few months and now everyone basically thinks I'm a junkie. I have nodded out in meetings and started snoring (how embarassing!), I have fallen asleep with things in my hand time and time again and have spilled countless drinks all over myself. God it's embarassing being a junkie, lol.

One time, a co-worker said she tried to wake me up for over two minutes and was considering calling 911...and then, out of the blue, I just snapped out of it, and said "hey what's up?" -- insanity.

I hate the fact that I have to use so much dope to get high. I hate the fact that I have to do like 5 shots in one day just to make it last. It only lasts like an hour, it's a freakin mindfuck - - I suspect this is because of the blocking action of the bupe.

I think the safest thing to do now is just cut up my ATM card and give my ID and checks to a family member so I just won't be able to get money out of the bank...drastic times call for drastic measures. I do not want to be sick again this weekend -- god I've been sick every weekend for the past 5 months.

Sorry for the ramble..just really aprehensive about tomorrow :(

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 Post subject: your story??
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 10:17 pm 
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Surge, i went onto that site you mentioned "heroinhelper" and did not find any list of doctors or anything? How did that site help you get on suboxone? confused??


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 Post subject: Re: your story??
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 12:25 pm 
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Suboxone55 wrote:
Surge, i went onto that site you mentioned "heroinhelper" and did not find any list of doctors or anything? How did that site help you get on suboxone? confused??


Well, back then, Suboxone was JUST hitting the market...and people didn't know about it.
I sure as hell didn't...

On heroinhelper, if you click the "sick" link on the left hand side, then the first choice on the next page is "Buprenorphine Detox" click that and it wll take you to a page with a physician locator, a patient bulletin board, patient information from reckitt bekinsar, and bupe info from the FDA -- all things you can find on this website as well -- I'm sure -- but back then they were one of the first places on the web to tell people about bupe...if it wasn't for them, I would have never heard of it.

And the coolest thing was, I didn't have to be put on a waiting list.
I printed out the physician locator, and went over it with my mom..
She herself is a dental hygienist and knows alot of different doctors, and my aunt is a PA.

Turns out one of the doctors on the list used to work at the same hospital my aunt used to work at!
Not only that, but they were actually friends and collegues as well...

So, my mom called my aunt, aunt called the doc, and he got me in THE NEXT DAY!
I was so grateful, because he straight up told me, if you would have been anyone else you would have had to wait 3 months for a slot to open up. Back then, docs were only allowed 30 patients at one time.
Needless to say, he did not put me on the public slot listing (he could have got in alot of trouble for that!)
I think nowadays they up'd the number to 90 or 100...thank god, 30 is just not enough.

ANYWAYS -- update on my "cleanliness" -- beenclean for 2 weeks now (Which is pretty much the longest I've been able to go the past 5 months or so) -- coincidince that I get paid bi-weekly? :P

Welp, I get paid tomorrow, and I think I'm going to use...I need to get some bills paid first but I really want to get high.
No doubt I'll probably have to shoot 20 or 30 bags, but oh well..damn suboxone :|

As long as I don't do it two days in a row I won't get sick..so I think being a chipper is alright at this point.
I make enough at my job to cover bills and one day every two weeks of using.

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 Post subject: your story
PostPosted: Sat May 23, 2009 12:28 am 
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Surge, can I ask how can you be on suboxone and use heroin? I thought the suboxone blockes the brain receptures or something like that so you can not get high? I am sure your well aware of this but using the both can send you into such a downward spiral, I was told using both ofthose can even cause death! Please be careful, and if the suboxone is NOT working for you " because your still using" Why not come clean with your doc and tell him! Maybe they can adjust your suboxone level that you take daily? Please dont buy that heroin and use, I am just trying to reach out and show some love.
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PostPosted: Wed May 27, 2009 5:06 pm 
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The mental aspect of not using is the very hardest part. You remember what being high feels like and you miss it. You have to get past that dude. Don't just think about getting high, run the tape all the way to the end and see how messed up the dope made your life. You don't want to lose your job, not in times like these. I have feelings of wanting to shoot up, and I have given in more times than one. But ultimately it comes down to a choice. Live clean or risk jail and death.


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PostPosted: Sun May 31, 2009 3:49 pm 
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I'm sorry Surge I really wasn't trying to imply you intended to start using again I was just saying I've seen it happen to a couple others I knew pretty well. I really don't think anyone plans their relapse I know before I started Sub I never planned mine I just felt like I had no control. Again not trying to drive this into the ground but the biggest thing that helped me was making new friends who don't use and staying busy. Boredom has always been the hardest thing for me to deal with since I've been clean. I picked up some extra hours working, found some new hobbies, and got back into some of the things I enjoyed before I started using like golf, exercise, gaming(pc), oh and even bought a couple seasons of one of my favorite shows. Exercise has really done alot for me I really feel great when I get done with workouts. Anyways I really hope your doing well please let us know how you're doing from time to time.
Matt

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