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PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2016 11:54 pm 
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Hola everyone :D My story is a long one but ill try to put it in a nutshell explanation per to say.

I'll start by saying that my childhood memories are not the best - my mother (RIP - she passed in 2011) would go a little overboard with punishments and expectations when my brother and I were younger. She was very sick - diabetic, strokes, heart attacks - anyways my parents divorced when I was 5 due to my mother wanting another man. (Which she always told me it was my dad's fault until I got old enough to decipher the truth. My mom kept me and my brother went with my dad. As I grew older my mom always paid more attention to other men and her going out and working at the bar late at night. I loved it! At 14 years old I could come home whenever I pleased or not come home at all. I was dating a 21 year old and she never said a word. Her boyfriend would hit me for coming home stoned and would hit me and she would tell me to leave instead of him.

That's when it all began to down spiral quickly. My 15th birthday - a friend of mine crushed up an oxy 80 and I truly thought I was in heaven - I remember saying an hour later that this was going to be a problem! So oxys it was for a year or so until it went dry and of course H came along! Wasn't long before I was injecting. At 16 my dad put me in counseling and I manipulated my way through it. I hid it very well. My brother was doing this all along with me also. At 17 I was in an adolescent rehab twice with no success and Gateway rehab. Right after my 18th bday I injected a friend of mine and she overdosed. I called and they did bring her back with Narcan but she told them that I pressured her into doing it. I went to jail for awhile as did my brother. I was ordered to rehab again and to a halfway house for 6 months. I completed and stayed clean until my best friend committed suicide. I relapsed for about a month until I decided I didn't want to live anymore. I loaded up 3 syringes with highly concentrated H - I said a prayer before injecting them ( I was sitting on a mattress in my sponsors basement) - My prayers was for God to take me if I have to live the rest of my life like this or I want to live and have no cravings anymore. To my surprise I woke up the next afternoon alive and I felt great. Believe it if you want but I seriously did not have cravings for H anymore for the time being. I got my own place, got a good job, ended up having my daughter in the mix who is my saving angel.

Anyways for about 2 years I was doing great until my back got so painful that I had to take something - so I started tramadol and was on it for 4 years. I didn't really abuse it until the 3rd year but I was managing it. I ended up pregnant to my husband and I had grand mal seizures my first trimester. They made me quit tramadol and I was off and on different opiates during my pregnancy but I never abused them during pregnancy. As soon as I had my son I started to abuse the percocet I was prescribed. I was getting 120 a month and they would be gone within 5-7 days. I started a new job (I'm a nurse) and I was doing ok managing my addiction for awhile. Then one day I had this wild that I would try a dose of the roxanol that we had for our hospice patients. I was in charge of destroying these meds so they were easily available. Worst idea of my life - before long I was injecting high doses of roxanol daily - to finish my story quickly - I lost my job because they drug tested me and I failed - they never got me on taking anything and they never reported my license thank God! It really hit me that I was right back where I was 10 years ago and I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop. So I just started sub in december - I am on 8mg strips 3x daily and I feel a lot better. My depression is not as bad and I actually want to get up and live life.

There's obviously a lot left out but that's the main parts.... a lot happened in between. I really hope I can do this. I have 3 children (my stepdaughter that I have custody of and my 2 children) and I promised I would never put them through anything like that. I haven't had any cravings and I believe this is going to work! Thanks for reading - hope to make some friends here!!!

-Peace-Love-Pens :D


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:36 am 
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Hey there and welcome.

This is a really great forum for getting advice and support.
I have been on Sub for 4 months now.

Do you have any family and/or friends who now about your suboxone treatment? Are you involved in NA or have a counsellor or psych to discuss your life and situation with? I have found sub helps me not crave my DOC but its a really big help to seek outside support networks who will help you learn to live life without being under the influence. I get that big time from NA, my AOD counsellor and my psych.
As none of my friends (well only 2) or family and know im on the program I find it a great place to come for advice and general support. Im actually planning on telling my partner in the next 2 weeks as im sick of hiding it like I was when in active addiction. Also because she was planning a surprise holiday for us and im glad it fell through because I can only get 5 take away's per week and that would have caused a big problem.

As im very new here too, all I can say is that its great you have reached out and joined this forum. You should find it extremely helpful.

It was nice to meet you and hear part of your story. Like so many of us addicts, it sounds lie you have had a bad start in life.
I look forward to chatting again and im sure you will have plenty of other responses soon. There is a great part of this forum that has professional info all about suboxone so have a look around.

Mel


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 12:05 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 7:15 pm
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Hello LovePeacePens (did I get that half-way right?)

Welcome to the forum!

I think you'll be extremely happy that u started sub treatment. It completely took my cravings away and I've not looked bk since. It gave me a second chance at life again that I thought was lost forever. You'll start seeing the old u appear and trust me, ur family will notice the change. Keep posting and if u have any questions just ask :)

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Jennifer


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 12:29 pm 
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It is so comforting to know that I am not the only nurse out there with this disease. To make a long story short I had to quit home health nursing because it was just too tempting to do an admission and have to fill Pt med planners with narcotics.....my self esteem is so incredibly low. We are nurses.?.we are supposed to know better right? I have been on subtext for 2 years and I am doing much better. I am currently working as a psychiatric nurse....go figure..?thank you for posting☺p.s. I am leaving so much out of course


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 2:45 pm 
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Thank you for the replies. It is so nice to talk to others on sub because I do not know anyone who is on it, for the right reasons anyways. I am set up to meet with an addiction therapist to work on other issues as well. My husband knows I am taking it but he doesn't really know that I slipped back into injecting again. (I hid it very well) Again, it was 10 years since I had injected anything and within days my tolerance was soooo high! It is deff TRUE that you pick up where you left off. I have to mention also that this all happened within a matter of maybe 2 months until it took my job from me and slapped me in the face. Luckily I have the knowledge and knew I had to get help STAT! So I have to say I'm lucky because my kids have not been put through any hell with my addiction and I'm happy I caught myself before it effected them. My husband thinks I'm pretty much on it for pain, that my dr recommended it because of my past addiction.

As for being a nurse, it's sad how bad people look down on nurses in addiction, as with any medical worker. They always say we should know better or why would we use drugs knowing what we do. Nursing is very stressful, the expectations are sometimes that which Batman couldn't handle, but we push through and comfort our patients and do whatever we have to do to take care of them. I'm lucky they didn't turn me in, so I can go get another job.

I am so upset with myself that after 10 years I went back! I never thought in a million years I would. Goes to show how powerful our disease is.

LPP


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